She sat against the cool porcelain trying to regain her breath… Her heart was thumping loudly, blood pounding loudly in her ears. She was small and petite, but it didn't stop her. She wanted so badly to fit in with them. She knew their eyes glared at her and judged her every action.
"I'm fine. I'm fine and everything will be alright…"
I told another lie today
And I got through this day
Sydney pushed herself out of the bathroom, straightened up her hair and put on another smile. It was plastic and stiff, but it fooled everyone. She could do this. And no one would know.
No one saw through my games
Making her way towards the luncheon the queen had planned; Sydney took deep calming breaths and readied herself for the onslaught of perfection.
"Sydney! I'm so glad you could make it! Help yourself to anything," Lissa smiled. Genuine, Sydney's mind whispered.
"Oh, no thanks; I just ate."
I know the right words to say
Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"
Then someone tells me how good I look
And for a moment, for a moment I am happy
There were a few compliments passed her way. On the outside, she was beaming. But Sydney knew it wouldn't last. Nothing lasted long with the Moroi. And the luncheon ended. And Sydney was alone. Again.
But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry
Night passed. Another day had begun. Another struggle was about to start…
Sydney sat up slowly, and it hit her again. The nausea and the despair tore through her.
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
She needed Adrian. He would help. He may have been the only one who could… She struggle through the halls of the Court's housing, desperate to find Adrian's room. Her body fought her with every move. Finally the door appeared.
The silent knocks alerted Adrian instantly. With a shout, he dashed to the door and yanked it open to see Sydney's frail body pressed against the wall.
"You promised me! You said you would stop this…" The warm feeling spread through Sydney's numb limbs. Adrian wrapped his arms around her torso and lifted her. She was too light.
"I lied…"
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
Curled in his warm embrace, Sydney enjoyed what peace she would get before the storm hit.
"Syd… I love you… but," She pressed her hand to his lips. He kissed it softly. Everything seemed to be too much for her. And Adrian, the obsessive spirit user, was the only one who noticed how horrible Sydney really looked. Underneath her clothes, Sydney's ribs poked out. Her hips jutted out awkwardly and Adrian was at a loss on how to help her…
"It's okay Adrian. I'm fine. I'm fine and everything will be alright."
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day
Sitting in front of Adrian's mirror, Sydney watched herself carefully. Adrian had left which meant she'd be alone for a minimum of thirty minutes. She couldn't remember how this had even started, but the chance to look like the perfect Royals… it was too much to pass up…
I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
The Royals were talking again. Adrian's with that human nobody… Her looks won't last… She'll never look anything like us… It burned to hear them talk and Sydney wanted to forget it all.
What I do know is how I've changed my life forever
I know I should know better
"Wow Sydney, you look fantastic! What are you eating? I love your new look!"
It felt great. And Sydney knew she wouldn't stop then.
There are days when I'm OK
And for a moment, for a moment I find hope
She had found a balance. To keep her mind off of the whispers, she'd leave Court with Rose and Lissa, but those days never lasted. And when those days ended, Sydney couldn't handle it…
But there are days when I'm not OK
And I need your help
So I'm letting go
Adrian could see right through her… Sydney was slowly losing herself. What Adrian couldn't understand was why Sydney was obsessed with the looks of other Moroi girls. He loved her for who she was and how she was. He didn't want a rail thin brat on his arm; he fell for Sydney because of her charm and wit. Even then, Sydney was a good size, a bit small, but nothing that couldn't have been easily remedied.
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
Sydney had come to Adrian's door again. It was late and she was crying. Her eyes were rimmed red, her cheeks wet with salty tears. Again, Adrian was a loss.
"I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day"
Her whisper barely made it through the air. "You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but I know now
Together we'll make it through somehow"
His eyes were nothing but serious. He would not let her continue down this path. He would help her because he was the only one who could.
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day
Sydney had fought. She had cried. She tried to force herself to throw up in the few seconds she had. But Adrian was there. He held her tightly and whispered that she was fine. She was fine and everything would be alright.
Nights of endless nightmares, tossing and turning had passed. Days of misery and anger had dissipated.
Everything was alright….
"Sydney? You look absolutely gorgeous!"
Author's Note:
We should just assume that I can't write.
I've been meaning to write this and I finally have. Enjoy!
Song is Courage by Superchick
-Lolita