New Idea, I really have no idea why I made it in first person, seeing as this might be mostly told in third person if I do decide to expand on it...which I probably will. The Pairing is pretty straight forward in this chapter. OT3, no more, no less.

WARNINGS: Gore, violence, mentions of sex, sex themes, suggestive themes, language(lots of it). Most Harry Potter characters are in it, as well as OCs. There is no magic in the sense that we recognize it. I will expand upon that on a spin-off of this thing which will really be a dictionary at best. It will be sci-fi, fantasy, crime, probably intergalactic space travel later on, hi-tech world(sort of, I mean, they won't be using blasters or lasers, but computers, phones, vehicles will be hi-tech, many mre ideas to come) No like? No read. It's that simple.

Badass!Spy!Harry

Ages:

Harry-23

Hermione-24

Daphne-23

Disclaimer: I do not own HP!

Enjoy!

La Vie En Noire

Ever since I started this profession, the stress has been getting to me with every year I age. Usually, I use my cancerous sticks, American ones, to relieve my stress, and listen to my old records, or I go to my favorite place in the world, my bed, in my specially reserved room, in my favorite motel, with my two favorite women in the whole world. However, lately, I've not had much choice, nor freedom as to how I want to do things. Not because I don't have the choice to….ok, yeah, that's bullshit, I really have no choice. Then again, I have been stuck tied to this chair for a while now. Only companions I get are the rats or any guard that comes in and tries to interrogate me. I simply spit on those.

I sigh and lean back lazily as I look up at the moonlight, wondering, how the fuck did I get into this life again? All the gun fights, chases, espionage, sabotage, politics. Man, I really was a stupid kid. I should've chosen that second choice way back when instead of the first one. Seriously, wha the fuck was I thinking? Oh well…dear ol' dad wasn't that hard on me I suppose. It's thanks to him that I get paid very well by my bosses. Heh. Wonder what that old bastard's up to at the moment. Probably fucking his favorite brothels in Amsterdam while I'm rotting away here in Singapore going on a lead to one of my agency's cases of trafficking. Fucking old man, hate him at times. Nah, I really don't, I mean, he did give me my first present ever, and Sasha is still with me to this day, though we are separated at the moment.

I wonder when these fuckers will realize that I speak their language? Hopefully they aren't that smart. Then again, they are using shitty 1920s American mobster torture and interrogation techniques. I've been through worse during my training with daddy. Fucker is the reason why I got most of the scars on my body in the first fucking place. Oh boy I cannot wait til the next batch comes in…maybe I could use a fucking hostage till I get Sasha back.

Now, what was I whining about? Oh yeah, stress. Shit I wish Ivy was here. That bitch is perhaps the greatest partner I've ever had. Great head too. I sigh wistfully and begin to think back to my sexual experiences…until I hear a voice in my head, one that makes my eyes twitch profusely. A voice that is coated in a thick Russian accent.

"Dat's my boi!"

Fuck you dad. When I get out of here, I'm heading straight to Amsterdam, and I'm blowing a fucking hole in your head, maybe I'll get promoted by Snape. The greasy bastard hates you enough as is, hates me too, cuz of you. Fucking Dumbledore lets him get away with it, saying it's his way of bonding. My ass.

Maybe if I present that bastard the head of the fucker whose balls he's been wanting to suck for a long time he'll finally leave me the fuck alone during work hours. He's a fucking pain on field missions when I gotta partner with him. Bastard uses seniority cards left and right. I've had to pull his ass out of the fire quite a few times cuz of that.

Yeah, Christmas is coming up, maybe I'll be nice to him this year and get him his "arch nemesis'" head wrapped up for Christmas.

I soon hear footsteps approaching, and I can't help but grin, my arms behind the chair that I was tied to are finally loose. I grin ferally at the fuckers that are about to come in and begin to focus on my MAGIC in order to bullet proof my ass, and enhance my fucking senses some. I'll be needing that shit soon. Hearing the door creak open like a crappy under budgeted horror movie brings a smile to my face. And I can't help but grin a shit eating grin, showing my sharpened canines and I utter in Russian.

"Pust' nachnutsya igry, ublyudki."

Des yeux qui font baisser les miens

Throughout my life, I had always known what I was going to be when I grew up. Though my life was indeed filled with challenges to begin with, I never gave up, in fact, I persevered and I achieved what not many would ever hope to. As a child, I never got to know my mum or dad, but who cares? At the very least I had managed to stay with family…or at least, that's what they would be labeled as on paper. They were anything but family towards me. The only one related to me by blood was none other than my aunt, and perhaps the main source of verbal abuse I've ever had to endure in my life. Why am I saying this? Because it's true. She hated my mother—her sister, everything about her. Having my mother's eyes didn't help relieve the hate much at all.

However, there's always a silver lining in everything. Mine? Well, it began at the time I was five or six years old. What happened? My uncle's firm at a drill company called Grunning's had struck a major profit, my uncle had even become one of the top partners within the firm. However, as everything in life, politics was involved. Bah! Politics, how I hate that field so much, yet I somehow got sucked into it all, but more of that later. You see, after the party, my uncle and his family had come back home, the house was spotless just as they had ordered me to do at the time. That was perhaps the first time I ever received a compliment from the man.

I believe the words were; Boy! It better stay this spotless!

How's that a compliment? Well, he called me "boy" rather than "freak" like they had become accustomed to doing so. Right, the life changing moment I had. Well, it actually started a week after my uncle had been made Vice president and partner at Grunning's. Someone from within the workplace clearly did not like the power my uncle was gaining, so what do they do? Hire a contract killer, what else? Not just anyone however, they hired Dmitri Ivanov.

It had bee a long and excruciating day at school. My cousin and his gang of friends had decided to play a little bit of "Freak Hunting." When he heard, my uncle was very proud, and he showed it by boisterously applauding my fat arse cousin while driving us home. Stopping by my aunt's work place, we picked her up and then my uncle went back on the road. It was then that I had noticed something from the side view mirror on my aunt's side. It was a motorcycle, black, and the person riding it was wearing all black as well. I had looked outside and it was already dark. We lived in the suburbs; therefore there wasn't much traffic on the road. It was halfway through the way that I noticed out of the corner of my eye the motorbike rider take out something from a holster—a gun, quickly I ducked as inconspicuously as I could, not wanting to attract attention to my person.

Soon, I felt it, the back tires were popped, and my uncle's yell of surprise as well as my aunt's howl and cousin's cry were the least of my worries. I kept myself ducked, wanting to survive. Needing to survive. My uncle lost control of the car and it flipped off the road once, landing on its wheels, before hitting a tree. My cousin, who had insisted on NOT wearing a seatbelt had flown out the window and was now plastered on the tree in front of us. My aunt's hysterical screaming and howling could be heard throughout the area. My uncle himself was grunting in pain and trying to comfort his distraught wife.

Soon, I heard a skid, I knew who it was, what it was. I closed my eyes tightly, however I soon opened them once I heard thunder boom. Soon, the rain was heard as well as the footsteps that had quieted my uncle and aunts yelling. I looked over at my uncle's side and there was the man, pointing the barrel of a gun directly at my uncle's forehead. The man had taken off his helmet, and I saw his face. Chiseled cheek bones, smooth, tanned skin, blonde hair, and golden eyes—eyes of a hawk. The man uttered something in Russian, before he grabbed the scruff on my uncle's shirt and dragged him outside of the car, my aunt was screaming yet again, and she'd have ran away had the man not shot her directly through her calves the moment she left the car.

Here I was, a six year old child, who was clearly going to die along with my most hated people in the world. I sighed and accepted it as I looked at the man make my uncle crumble on his knees, before lifting his head with his gloved hand grabbing a fistful of his hair and making my walrus of an uncle look directly into his eye as he pulled the trigger with the barrel right on my uncle's forehead. He then moved onto my aunt and dragged her crying form by her hair and repeated the process on her. By the time he'd finished however, I was already outside, looking up at him blankly. He seemed a bit startled at my expression it seemed.

"Vhy are you not sad that I haff killed yer family?" his thick Russian accent washed over me as I kept my emerald orbs on his own golden ones.

"I hated them to begin with, and they hated me."

The rain was pouring down hard by now, making puddles that soon became tinted with the reddish tint of blood, I had kept my gaze on his eyes, before I lost my nerve and soon tore my gaze away and looked at the puddles forming.

Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche

Voila le portrait, sans retouche, de l'homme auquel j'appartiens

He laughed. I heard it, and I looked up startled. He had his eyes covered by his hand but I saw the smile of his. He then ran a hand through his wet hair and looked down at me. I did not know what he was thinking nor did I want to know…at least I thought so. The man then began to drag all three bodies away, deeper into the woods, and I merely looked on, interested, but I did not do anything, the man hadn't told me if I could or not.

He beckoned me over to him, and I did as ordered. The man had a gun after all. Once I was directly in front of him, the man squatted down and looked at me directly in my eyes, his gaze a calculative one. His eyes flashed in surprise for a quick moment, before his lips twitched a bit, before they soon became a shit eating grin. He reared his head back and gave a loud boisterous laugh that was heard through the sound of the pouring rain and the booming thunder.

I soon felt something on my head, and looking up with my eyes, I saw that it was his hand. He ruffled my hair, looking into my eyes while grinning at me and I couldn't help but give into my childish instinct that overtook my survival need by a long shot and I slapped his arm away and huffed childishly. It was only after that, that I realized what I had done and I froze in place, before slowly meeting his gaze yet again, and he was looking at me with a quivering smile on his face. I glowered at him, my face heating up, and that apparently caused the man to laugh even harder.

"It's not that bloody funny!"

Quand il me prend dans ses bras

I huffed in annoyance and turned away from him. The next thing I know, I'm slowly rising to the air. I yelped in surprise when my face meets something hard. The man's chest. I look up cautiously and inquiringly as well. The man's eyes glint in amusement at me and he grins, before he opened his mouth and begins to speak yet again in that thick Russian accent.

"I like ya kid. You are…interesting. Tell you vhat…come viz me and I vill make it vorth yer vhile."

I tilted my head and looked at the man yet again; he was an expert at hiding his emotions, that much was clear. I usually could tell someone's intentions, yet with this man I could read nothing at all. His smile seemed genuine, as did his eyes in general. Still, I narrowed my eyes, and scrunched my nose, holding the man under my scrutinizing gaze, before a thought as to how I could test him came to mind. I then opened my mouth and in a very sarcastic drawl retorted.

"Not like I've much of a bloody choice, eh?"

He looked at me confusedly, tilting his head like a child! Before a spark of comprehension came onto his face. The man grinned at me, showing surprisingly sharp canines, before he ruffled my hair and set me down on the ground before his person, squatting down in before me, his hands on my shoulders, engulfing them.

"Nyet my little friend, you haff choice. Either come vith me, or I kill you as vell, I cannot leave loose ends after all. Not good for business."

Not much of a choice now Harry. Really, I either go with him, or I die. I shrug, already knowing what I have to choose. After all, I may be six, but I'm not stupid.

"Alright, I go with you then."

Il me parle tout bas

The man grins and lifts me up again, taking me with him to his motorcycle. Strapping me on the seat in front of him, he turns it on and begins to drive off. During the drive, I begin to hear the man utter soft words in Russian, from the sound of it, then again, with his English accent it wouldn't surprise me if it was in Russian. He even ruffles my hair a bit while speaking.

"Ne bespokoytesʹ malysh, so mnoy vokrug, ty sobirayeshʹsya poyti daleko."

My eyes slowly begin to close during the long ride to wherever the fuck god knows.

"Vedʹ chto ty yego rebenkom, i so mnoy uchitʹ vas? Nikto ne budet shansa."

Je vois la vie en Noire

And my world fades to black.

The door is opened from the other side, and in comes one of the most burly and tallest fuckers these guys have. Now, I have no idea what his name is as I can't really understand their language that well, just what they were arguing about earlier on about MAGIC drugs and whatnot. I decided to call him "Tiny." Why? Why the fuck not? The dude's all brawn, probably on a fucking roid rage and shit. He also seems like a stereotypical "Tiny." Y'know, those from mafia movies and shit that are the muscle and look all mad? Then again, if my dick was smaller than a fucking American penny, I'd be pretty fucking pissed off at the world as well…actually, I'd probably have killed myself long ago.

Tiny comes up to me along with the others, this time they bring injections, with my now enhanced eyesight, I managed to look at the labels clearly. Veritaserum. Shit. I cannot let them inject that shit in my system. Cautiously I fiddle around with my tongue against my upper right back molar, looking for something. Finding it, I wait for Tiny to come closer. You see, what I got in my mouth isn't a suicide pill, but rather an acidic compound within a capsule, it's keyed in to my MAGIC therefore it ain't gonna do shit to me, however to Tiny? It's gonna fuck him up.

As he gets closer to me, I look at his waist, and my eyes narrow in cold fury. There upon his hip is a holster, not just any holster, MY holster. The fucker has Sasha! Oh Tiny, oh Tiny, Tiny, Tiny. I was going to go easy on you, but now I'm going to fucking kill you, motherfucker. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, touches Sasha besides me and lives to tell about it…except my old fucker of a dad, but he doesn't count since he gave me her. Tiny steps closer to me, and already I see the scenario playing in my mind. The moment he leans down to pick me up, I am obscured from view by the other fuckers in the room. I immediately crack the capsule in my mouth and spit it at Tiny's eyes, before I bring my arms up with the rope in them and tie the damn thing around the man's neck and flip over him, strangling him.

The moment they hear the man's screams of pain, they drop whatever they were holding and their hands go for their holster. Seeing this, I immediately turn my body around, making Tiny my shield the moment they start firing, my hand moves towards the holster at Tiny's hip and Sasha comes flying at me. The moment I hear the shots stop I release tiny, turn around and shoot straight through the fuckers' heads with extreme precision, blowing their fucking brains out, literally, I see bits of their brains and gore. Sometimes I fascinate myself. Quickly, I run up to them and search them, finding what I needed; an ID, a badge, and I steal their guns and holsters, might as well use their shit guns and save my Sasha for last.

I take off one of the man's clothes, he seemed about my size. Putting on his shirt and pants, I also steal his shoes and I take a lab coat from one of the dead "scientists" in order to hide my weapons on me, finally I shoot off the thumb off one of the fuckers and take it with me. As another precaution I take one of their eyes as well. I know, it's sick, but it's what I gotta do at the moment with low-tech equipments…i.e.: my fucking hands. I then begin to make my leave, looking around I see a fucking camera at the end of the corridor.

I press myself against the wall and once it turns my way, I jump right underneath it, and if my luck wasn't just fucking horrible enough, right there at that passage, there were five other fuckers playing poker. All looked up at me, and I looked at them.

Before they could do anything they were already dead. I discarded the guns and took the ones from their bodies and began running again. If the fucking bookworm back at HQ was correct about the fucking schematics of this place, and the bitch usually was, the files should be on the third floor corridor. Problem was of course, not even she could predict how many guards that fucking Wong Gao had in his fucking villa. I moved about quietly as I could, and so far, I had not attracted attention to myself, not had I seen any cameras or guards.

Finding an elevator, I went for it, dove right in. My luck must be really shitty today, there was another Tiny in the fucking thing. Immediately his hand went for his holster, but I kicked at it, he blocked. I raised an eyebrow at that, and threw a punch, he parried and kicked me in my chest, slamming me against the wall. Fuck that hurt! I grit my teeth and in what little space I managed to make for myself, I jump wrap my arms around the fuckers head and chop the base of his neck, paralyzing him. I then set him down and take his radio and clips as well, I may need ammo later on after all, can't keep changing guns on the fly. I set him down with his neck in between the doors and elevator, and I then open the elevator's roof and jump out of it. I begin blimcing up on the wires, and halfway up, I still manage to see the fucker's face, I shoot at the wires, cutting them and the elevator goes down fast, Tiny II's head is probably all that's left on that floor.

I finally see the label for the third floor. I grab onto the ledge and pull myself up, immediately I dive and roll towards the side, before pressing myself up against the wall and I take out my extremely polished, well refined, and silenced Beretta 92fs inox, Sasha, and use her as a mirror in order to see around the corner. There're two fuckers there. I grit my teeth in annoyance and take the silencer off Sasha and use MAGIC in order to shrink the particles of the silencer to fit one of the standard and shitty 9mm pocket pistols these fuckers had.

I then rolled over to the other side in order to get a clearer shot. While kneeling down, I took aim with my right eye at the two fuckers. I just needed them to keep walking. Just keep walking…..and there! Pulling the trigger, the shot was silenced, and the two fuckers were dead with one MAGICally charged bullet. Looking down at the pistol I find it practically destroyed. I grunt and take the silencer off it and throw the shit away before walking silently towards the door that was guarded.

I muttered to myself while getting closer, "You'd think these dumbasses would have more guards in an important place like this."

Facing the door, I find that I was right in my assumption a few moments back in the interrogation room. Taking the eye from my coat's pocket I show it to the scanner before doing the same with the thumb scanner. However, what happens next, I was not prepared for.

[VOICE REGONITION PLEASE!]

"…well, fuck."

[VOICE NOT RECOGNIZED! NOT RECOGNIZED! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! INTRUDER AT LAB 3-23A!]

"Shit!" I shot the alarm and I shot the scanner system, causing sparks to fly, before I pressed my palm against the door and began to concentrate on the fucking molecular system of my body, regardless of that annoying ass alarm sound. Soon I felt my hand begin to vibrate through the door, and soon after that, I was in. Immediately, I set off through the room, and began using MAGIC in order to lift tables and chairs against the door, barricading myself in. That should give me a good twenty minutes or so.

I grabbed the radio from my pocket that I'd stolen earlier and began to take it apart bit by bit and hacked onto the frequency I needed. Before I finished a though popped into my mind. Snape was gonna bitch at me more for hacking into our agency's frequency…and the bookworm will be right there besides him bitching and whining, as well as interrogating the shit out of me as to how I did it. Shit. I rubbed my scruffy stubble and then rubbed my sweaty and grime covered face before I began speaking.

"This is WIZARD-125 requesting bookworm bitch's assistance! I repeat, this is WIZAR—"

[Yes! Yes! I heard you the first bloody time! What is it you need 125?]

"I'm in the lab, just like the schematics said. I need you to tell me what the fuck I gotta do again!"

[Must you swear every time?]

"Are we really going to do this now? Do you not hear the fucking alarm on my end? I only got about 10 minutes or less…and counting before those fuckers tear through my shitty ass barricade!"

[How much MAGIC do you have stored up?]

"My reserves are low. I only have enough to enhance passive abilities, and maybe one jump, not much else."

[Copy that. I'm already tracing this call, a chopper will be waiting you at th—]

"It better be Ivy flying that damn thing," I muttered to myself, unfortunately, she heard it.

[Honestly! Men! Yes, Ivy will be piloting it, now as I was saying, she'll be waiting for you at the southern most part of the villa, she had an assignment in Malaysia, same as yours, different target. Now, look for the main monitor. Have you found it?]

"Yeah, what now?"

[Alright, the drive should be on the rightmost middle port, take it out and destroy everything else, set everything on fire. According to my schematics, there should be a window on the right side of the room, once you're done, jump through it, then apparate once you get Daphne's signature.]

"Got it! 125 out." I smashed the radio, and did as was told, however, I inserted my own drive in and began copying all filed that Wong might have about his earliest escapade and affairs during his time as governor. I then heard the door begin to crack, looking back I cursed, the fuckers were almost through. I grabbed the drive and began shooting at everything in the room, I grabbed wires that were sparking and threw them at papers. I began short circuiting everything else and once I saw it begin to go aflame I ran at the wall and took three steps before grabbing onto the ledge of the window and began pulling myself up out of it.

The door slammed open and Wong's people came in shooting at everything. The fuckers actually got me good, I grunted in pain but I refused to let go, I pulled myself up mustering all the strength I could. The fuckers had actually pierced my fucking lung. I needed to apparate to Ivy, and fucking quick. Once halfway out the window, I allowed myself to drop onto the ground and rolled in order to not get too hurt. I stood up and began to focus, however, I soon heard rustlings and footsteps, looking over to both sides, I see guards with rifles, guns, any type of firearm really, I grit my teeth and took off running into the woods.

I shot back at the fuckers, managing to kill a few of them, before having to switch guns rapidly after I finished firing them. I noticed one of the more equipped bastards had a shrapnel grenade, I took out Sasha and aimed at it when he made to throw it, pulling the trigger the bullet hit the grenade and with that I killed or injured a good five or ten of those fuckers. Finally I managed to respite for a while, still feeling people closing in on me. However, before I became too surrounded I finally got a hold of Ivy's signature and jumped to her.

Appearing from the ripple in the air before Ivy, I collapsed on her waiting arms, "What took you so long, Kaiser?"

I grunted in pain and wheezed out, "Fuck you! I got complications with my shit, the fuckers actually knew it was me. They caught me somehow."

"You think it was Riddle?"

I grit my teeth, blood coming out of the corners of my mouth, I turned my head and spat to the side, "It wouldn't fucking surprise me, however I doubt it. I bet it was Malfoy, we gotta go, I'm feeling a good fifty MAGICally charged fuckers heading our way, I say you put the chopper on auto pilot and jump our asses to Germany, you got enough reserves for a big international jump, plus what little I manage to let you borrow. Fuckers got my lung, bullet's moving closer to the heart as we speak."

"Shit! Fuck, alright Kaiser!" She set me down gently before doing as instructed and then she grabbed me again, I slumped into her arms, and my hands decided to get frisky and squeeze her tight, plump, perky ass.

I grinned as she gasped, and couldn't help but comment, "Miss me?"

Her nipples were already erect from what I was feeling, and her breathing was hard as well as warm, and it brushed against my neck and ears, before she whispered, "More than you fucking know. Now hang the fuck on."

I grinned cheekily at that and squeezed her arse tighter, causing her to moan, "Like that?"

"Yeah. Like that."

With that, we were gone in a loud whooshing sound. Next thing I know, we're in Berlin HQ. I'm already being fussed about by the healers, but I simply waved them away, until Ivy detained me and allowed them to take me away on a stretcher. I rolled my eyes in annoyance at her triumphant smirk at me, and I simply wiggled my fingers and smirked back at her. My smirk widened when I saw her face redden. My job was done…for now. I bet Snape will chew my ass out later…actually, never mind I already see him coming straight at me.

The greasy bat creature of the night! The terrifying flightless mammal! Severus Tobias Snape! My fucking boss…or one of them. I sighed in annoyance as he opened his mouth. However, a miracle happened, before any sound could come out, my own personal healer came in, Madam Pomphrey, the head healer within the Order. She shooed him away, extremely annoyed and mad at him for even thinking of berating me, however. I always loved seeing Snape turn that red from embarrassment. I grinned to myself, however it soon fell off my face once I saw her ire turn on to me.

"Honestly Master Kaiser! Always the same thing, dearie, always! I should just clone and army of myself in order to keep you from dying!"

And she was off. I curse my horrid luck at times. She began charging her MAGIC onto her palms, causing the bullet to shoot out of my body through the entry wound, causing me to moan in pain a little. However, she then used her MAGIC to heal my regenerative factor as well as heal up any other grazes and bruises I had managed to get while on my case. The doors swooshed open, and in came one of my least favorite people, bookworm bitch. I rolled my eyes at her as she was already there besides me. I lied, I love her. She's one of my most favorite people in the world, really. However, she's way too…bitchy. Hence the nickname, at times.

She joins Madam Pomphrey in scolding me, before she throws herself onto me bawling her eyes out. I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling, before I wrap my arms around her, pulling her tight against me, my fingers run through her hair, her bushy chocolate brown hair, "Don't worry love. I'm alright. Ivy managed to get us out in time."

Speak of the devil and she shall appear. The doors opened yet again, revealing none other than Poison Ivy, my only other partner in the world. I grinned at her, and raised an eyebrow expectantly, while opening my other arm, allowing her entrance into the group hug. She was soon huddled with us both, comforting our loving bookworm; Sophia.

Madam Pomphrey then returned and smiled at the sight gently, before she softly spoke, "You're all good to go 125."

I nodded up at her, and she left. I then turned my attention to the two most beautiful women in the world, "Heard that girls? I can get scolded by Snape now."

Sophia gave a watery smile, and Ivy smirked at me, before they helped me up, and I then began to walk, with them on either of my sides, supporting me all the way to the Council Room. Once there, I nodded at them, and they nodded back, squeezing my hands, before letting go and walking in one by one, as professional as we could. There was Snape, surrounded by panels that showed the pictures of the Order's higher ranking people, Snape himself would have been in one of those panels had he remained in England, but as my boss, he has the responsibility to get my report in person. I couldn't help but grin ferally at Snape, knowing that it'd come back and bite me in the ass later, but it was worth the man's scowl.

Surrounding the room were none other than Madeye, Flamel, Bones, Black, The Headmaster, and Ivanov…Ivanov?!

"Old man?!"

Dad laughed loudly from his TV panel at me, "Aye son, I see zat you haff taken two fine beauties for youself. Dat's my boi!"

"When I find you, I will use Sasha to blow a fucking hole through your goddamn head!"

"Sure you vill!" He laughed again, and my eye began twitching, while the two women next to me were scarlet.

"Yes, yes, as fun as this interaction is…we do have important matters to discuss," drawled Snape, rolling his eyes at our display of…love?

Black, from his panel, barked out his laughter, "My, my pup! James would've been so proud of you!"

Ivanov grinned, "Indeed he vould haff, though Lily might haff…castrated you."

I twitched at that. It wasn't long before both men and the Headmaster himself were getting lost in a conversation about how me having two bed partners would make my biological father proud and whatnot. I couldn't help but feel the need to just hide away underneath a fucking rock. I may be 23 goddamn years old…but this is still embarrassing to witness. Sneaking a peek to both of my sides, I noticed that the girls had huddled closer towards me, and their faces were now scarlet red, they were trying to hide it. I grinned at them weakly, and they reciprocated.

It wasn't long before Snape blew his gasket however, and MAGICed his voice, "Enough!"

The room was once again silent. Sometimes, I really did love having Snape as a boss.

The greasy man bat continued, "Now. The reason behind this meeting. Special Agents: WIZARDS-79: Poison Ivy—Daphne Greengrass, 112: Sophia—Hermione Granger, 125: Kaiser—Hadrian Ivanov-Potter from Team Magus, present before this council your reports."

I know that I shouldn't be posting stories just like that, but it's hard not to. I mean, I get the idea and I just wanna share it.

I will be trying to at least keep working on Snake Piper should I decide to go further into this one.

Hope you all enjoyed this small teaser-like chapter.

Oh, I know nothing about guns, therefore I apologize to you gun enthusiasts, bear with me.

ExMxR

Before I forget, Translations.

Russian: Pustʹ Nachnutsya igry , ublyudki. (Let the games begin, motherfuckers.)

Russian: Ne bespokoytesʹ malysh, so mnoy vokrug, ty sobirayeshʹsya poyti daleko. (Don't worry kid, with me around, you're gonna go far.)

Russian: Ty yego rebenok v kontse kontsov, i so mnoy uchitʹ vas? Net ublyudok budet shansov. (You're his kid after all, and with me teaching you? No fucker will stand a chance.)