Author's Note: This steaming pile of awful was requested by Casanova's Anchor over at Pesterchum. Feel free to throw stones and set her on fire. Story edited to include ridiculously odd speech patterns by my brother, the Editor Who Shall Not Be Named. I'd like to apologize for the trauma reading this story has brought to him. I wish him well in the hospital.

Kankri is in debt.

Cronus is a con man with anger issues.

... This is most likely the plot of every non-poolboy related piece of porn in existence.

We start our story with Kankri, the Seer of Unspecified Bodily Fluids, sitting alone in his apartment. Though... HE IS LATE ON RENT! (Having spent all of his munniez on, you guessed it, paying his poolboy.)

... TO CLEAN HIS POOL YOU SICKOES! God, what am I, writing a porn? Oh yeah, I am! Nevermind that, then!

As Kankri got laid on his couch (Wait, no, that happens later in the story. Nevermind.), chugging some Gamebro Sponsored Brewskis, he heard a knock on the door.

"Ah, cens9red for child viewing!" Cursed Kankri, "It's him!" Gasped our Generic (do)Gooder! (I tried being alliterative...)

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" Yelled Kankri's Landowner, Cronus, "I'wve got, like, sixty nine more people to hammer before these damn fan girls are done masturbating!" You see, Cronus is the Ruler of the Greek Titans. He took an example from one of his underlings sons, Zeus. By of which I mean, he'll fuck anything that moves. (Hell, rumor has it he fucked a snail.)

"I'm cumming- I mean, c9ming!" Replied Kankri, as he strolled to the door, opening it, "9h, hell9! Didn't see y9u there!" He chuckled awkwardly.

"Of course you didn't see me," Countered Cronus in a sarcastic tone, "I vwas hiding."

"Hiding where?" Asked Kankri nervously.

"Behind the door, fucking dumbass."

Kankri stared for a moment, "999kay then..."

"Yeah, okay then. Nowv, let's get to the point..." Said Cronus as he swagged into Kankri's apartment, sitting on his couch.

"Y'kn9w, I think if I l99k hard en9ugh, I c9uld find a sexual innuend9 in that..." Commented Kankri.

Cronus chuckled, "Haha, you said 'hard'."

"Aaaaanyways," Sighed Kankri, "I'm s9rry I c9uldn't get the munniez 9n time..."

"Yeah, about that," Smirked Cronus, "I knowv vwhat you can do..."

Kankri stared, sighing, "A-alright, fine..." He said in defeat, removing his stylish sweater.

"Vwhat are you doing?!" Yelled Cronus, "I vwas gonna ask you to get me a pickle!"

"... What d9 y9u think I'm trying t9 d9 right n9w?" Asked Kankri, as he pulled down his fabulous pants.

Cronus chuckled happily, "Vwanna knowv vwhat time it is, Kankri?"

"Uh, ar9und tw9 thirty-"

"Vwrong," Laughed Cronus, "It's sexy time." Cronus then pounced on Kankri, and- you know, I don't have any soap on hand to wash my mouth out with, so we're just gonna... skip this part...

One sexy times later, Cronus put his arm around the naked Kankri, "I hawve one thing to tell you..."

"What is it?"

"... I vwant my Munniez by Friday," Chuckled Cronus, as he stood up, putting on his wife beater, "Thanks for the sexy times!" He laughed, strolling out of the stunned Troll's (well, his until Saturday...) apartment, with a self-pleased smirk.