Spending practically twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week with someone or multiple someones will get you very intimate them.

So it was with me and the brothers. It didn't take long to become closer to them than anybody I've ever known, simply for the fact that we spent so much time together.

It didn't take long, either, to find myself in a serious relationship with Dean. Serious enough that for the first time in years, the brothers don't share a hotel room; now we have two: one for me and Dean, one for Sam.

I love Dean, and I know he loves me back. I know he trusts me. But I feel he shouldn't. Like I said, spending so much time with any two people gets you close to both of them; there are times when I can't help but feel for Sam what I do for Dean.

It's not often, but sometimes I can't take my eyes off Sam because he has a moment of irresistibility and then I end up daydreaming about him for the next two days. There are moments when we make eye contact that seems to last forever. Times when he'll pass me something and his hand will touch mine for just a second too long.

I can't tell if he feels the way I do sometimes, or if it's just delusional on my half.

But then one night, when Dean's gone visiting another hunter in a different state for a couple of days, things happen that shouldn't. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) Sam does feel that way about me, and things escalate when we're alone together in his room.

And while it's a very fun night, the guilt afterwards is crippling. When Dean gets back the next afternoon and gives me a quick peck on the lips, I have to hold back guilty tears. I can tell the guilt is eating at Sam, too. His answers to Dean are short and monosyllabic.

Dean obviously knows we're acting funny, and it doesn't take long before he's looked into it and found out everything.

The next morning, as he's getting dressed and I'm brushing my teeth, he asks a little maliciously from the other room, "Why were your panties in Sam's room?"

I choke on the toothpaste that's in my mouth. I spit it out quickly and rinse my mouth out and walk into the main room.

Dean is sitting on the edge of the bed, straightening back up after tying his shoe. He's giving me a hard look, his jaw clenched tightly.

"Um." My throat's dry and I don't know what to say.

"Did you sleep with him?" Dean asks directly.

There's no use lying. It's probably good for him to learn the truth. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

He stares at me for a long moment, and tears start to run down my cheeks. "Itrusted you," he says in a disbelieving voice, still looking at me. His eyes flick away, and he murmurs more to himself than to me, "I trusted him."

"Dean," I say, distress filling my voice. I take a few steps toward him but he stands up and walks to the door, leaving me with my arms outstretched.

He opens the door and looks back at me, his expression a mix of betrayal and fury. I let my arms drop. "I'm going out. Feel free to spend the rest of the afternoon fucking my brother. Don't worry about me."

Before I can respond, he's gone with the door closed behind him.

I wish I could tell Dean how much I love him, how much I don't want things to be over between us. That what I had with Sam was purely superficial, just for the sex, essentially no emotions.

But he's gone. I don't know if he'll ever forgive me, ever trust me, again.

I sit down on the bed, feeling numb, and let the tears come.

By ~ anonymous