Quinn finally let's herself be in love with Rachel. It's the end of one battle and the start of a whole new one.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the charters or of course Glee itself, I'm no Ryan Murphy.
I don't know what had possessed me throughout high school prior to this moment, well actually yes, yes I do. Denial. Somehow I thought rude remarks and hate could cover up, what in essence is love. Have I not been through enough? Was pregnancy not enough of a punishment, is someone out there not satisfied with my level of sadness. But at the same time maybe, maybe just, this is the cure. A cure to the sadness and isolation, if only I could get past the guilt I feel every time I think about her, or that feeling like someone's made me swallow a huge weight and it's just sitting in my stomach un-digestible, every time I see her bounce her way into the room. Like sunshine or a lone star in a gloomy night's sky. Because she is a star, everyone knows it. I just wish she could be my star, lead me out of this darkness into her warm loving embrace. But then again maybe I'm just getting carried away. She could never love me, I'm a girl. So just shut up Quinn, stop teasing yourself, she'll never want you, me. But I vow from this moment on I won't hurt her again. How could I do that to her? Taking it out on her for not loving me, when really it's my fault, I'm the lesbian. Why did it have to take this long for me to see? Blaine and Kurt… Beautiful, we could be like that. I could be on the other side of the table with her, our body language mimicking theirs. She would never have to sit on a bench alone again. The way they gently touch shoulders, fingers, feet: always keeping body contact. I am so jealous.
Standing in this damn line is so frustrating, standing in the same room as her. But I can't make myself leave, can't stop myself thinking about something to do with her like how cute her relationship with Kurt is, in anything to do with music they're arch enemies but when it comes to a coffee house? Well let's just say he's making her smile way more than I'd dare even dream of being able to do, for fear of being driven insane by vain hope.
"Excuse me mam? Mam?" the boy in behind the counter broke my beautiful thoughts, making me feel stupidly bitter. I briefly wondered how long he'd been waiting before hurriedly stepping forward and ordering.
As I scanned the room for an empty table, preferably one with no view of Rachel, oh who am I kidding? Preferably with a view of Rachel, Kurt caught my attention. Signalling me to join them, also grabbing Blaine and Rachel's attention. She turned to look at me as I hesitantly started making my way over, making me have to catch my breath. Dear God how does she do that?
"Hi! Why don't you join the gang?"
Seriously Kurt is the sweetest person, unless you count Blaine. Blaine, well let's just say if I weren't a lesbian I'd be all over that, and well if he wasn't gay. Wow since when have I been stating the fact I'm a lesbian? It's so liberating! I'd be normal if I'd just fancy Blaine instead.
I gently slid in to the only available seat, the one next to Rachel, all the while trying not to relate this to my earlier inner-ramblings especially as her elbow brushed mine.
"Hi guys, fancy seeing you here." Could I not have come up with something better? Maybe even something funny that would have impressed her. I dragged myself back in to reality and tried to focus on small talk, though apparently Kurt and Rachel were already in a full blown debate over some musical or other. Now don't get me wrong I love musicals but on this occasion I'd rather sit sipping my tea watching Rachel's dramatic facial expressions. Before I let myself look to obsessed I decided I had to look away from her passionate face and words about the musical 'Cats', my gaze fell on Blaine who was actually mimicking me; the way he watched Kurt so intensely must have been how I had looked not to mention the moment he broke his gaze away and caught my eye contact. To which he mouthed the word "wow" obviously commenting on their passionate discussion, at this I had to suppress a laugh. We soon slipped back into our silent watching and before long Kurt abruptly stood up.
"Well I know how much the two of you will miss us, but me and Rachel had actually planned a sing off so we really should get going"
"Yes we've taken winning solo's into our own hands recently, we figure as long as we judge honestly we'll do a better job than Mr Schuester at picking"
I stood to let Rachel out and as she passed me her whole body length brushed against me sending a shiver up my back, and with that they were gone. I sat back down still reeling at that last contact, it must have been written all over my face because when I looked across at Blaine he had a smirk on his face.
"I may just be being presumptuous here, and I'm truly sorry if I'm wrong but you like her don't you?"
"Well of course, I mean I have to with her being in Glee and all, well I mean yes we've not always seen eye to eye but its only proper that I…"
"I'm sorry I phrased that wrongly, I meant love."
Was it that obvious? This should crush me seriously I've lost everything before I can't go through that again, but instead it was weirdly relieving…
"Yes, I guess I am. I mean I know I am. Depressing eh?"
"Not depressing, beautiful."
"But she's not a lesbian"
"How I see it is that you fall in love with the person, not the gender."
That sentence changed everything for me, my whole perspective. It gave me hope. Just a little tiny sentence did all that.
"Thank you."
After a moment of silent thought I continued with;
"So I might not a lesbian, and you're not really gay?"
"its how you feel Quinn, not what you call yourself. But no, I am most definitely gay."
"Did you help Kurt through this to? He's never seemed so sure of himself"
"I guess so… I like to think of myself as a mother, a motherly figure that is."
"What the mother of all gays?"
And with that we fell into a laughing fit. It felt so nice to be completely open with someone, so doubtless. Kurt is one lucky guy.