DISCLAIMER- I don't own anything! I am using other people's characters! I am sorry Bill Lawrence!

Right, I'm just writing something silly and light-hearted I thought of a while ago- basically what does JD think of all the things we keep doing to him? I'm not making fun of ANY Scrubs story online- I mean awful from JD's point of view, not from any literary perspective- in fact, if you recognise something of your's in here then it'll be because I enjoy them so much!

So basically: I LOVE ANGST! AND ALL ANGST WRITERS!

Sorry, just thought I'd make sure no one was accidentally offended. It's just a tribute to the wonders of what is written on here and just a sort of "what if" scenario. Hope you enjoy! (Gives me a break from my own JDA fic)

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My Author's Awful Angst

I was walking through the corridors of Sacred Heart a second ago. I was just walking along to check on Mrs Keiler, ignoring the rants of Doctor Cox when suddenly everything went black. My eyes are open. I tried to touch an eyelid, but poked myself in the eye, so they're open. It's just that everything is… black.

"Don't panic,"

It's not a voice I recognise. Suddenly I can see again, but it isn't Sacred Heart I see. A desk with a laptop computer, dimly illuminated. A bed. A fireplace. A bookcase. I'm in a… a bedroom. And sitting on front of the desk on a swivel chair, looking back at me, is a…

I'm in the bedroom of a laydeee!

Green eyes watch me sympathetically. "Sorry JD, I'm just suffering a bit of writer's block,"

I get up from the floor and walk over to her. Lady or not, this is worrying.

"How do you know my name?"

She's got an elfin sort of face with big eyes. Quite cute really, with-

"Oh, stop it! I am not prepared to write what you think of me!" she snaps.

"Okay, hold it lady, what's happening?"

She stands up, looking annoyed when she realises my height. "Okay, I always imagine you being short when I'm writing, but I think you're actually taller than Doctor Cox…"

"What's happening?"

"I told you- just writer's block. I can't think what'll happen next. I'm sure I'll come up with something eventually,"

"Wr-writer's block? What's that got to do with me vanishing from Sacred Heart?"

Then I notice something weird. I'm starting to fade. I look down at my hand, and can see through it, I can see the floor. I panic. What?

She suddenly grabs me by the shoulders and laughs. "Oh, that's just… uh, nothing! You know! Aliens must have abducted you and beamed you here!"

I stare at her. She grins back. Then stops. "Oh, alright. I have writer's block writing what's happening. So I guess when I have writer's block everything for you stops,"

I frown. "What?"

"Basically I'm, for want of a better word, your God,"

I'm too in shock to say anything. As far as I'm aware God isn't a British redhead with green eyes and an hour-glass figure. Nothing wrong with that of course, but-

"STOP thinking about how I look! Seriously. Or I'll write you as gay,"

"Wh-what?"

"Although I suppose there probably is some truth in that," she smiles whimsically. "You and Doctor Cox have a very… interesting relationship,"

"I'm straight!"

"Well, so's he apparently. People can be bisexual you know… Oh JD, I'm only teasing you. What would you prefer?"

She turns to her laptop and clatters on the keys. Suddenly the room around me dissolves suddenly and I'm back at Sacred Heart, but I'm outside. About to go in. Then I'm standing away from me- I can see me but I'm here. It's so strange. And she's standing next to me, only looking distinctly stranger. Her green eyes are luminous, her skin striped and she's fiddling idly with a tail.

"What?"

She glances down at herself. "Oh, I just thought I'd write myself as my pseudonym. Only I do look a bit like a manga character. Little Tiger, by the way,"

I'm walking into Sacred Heart. It's a normal day and I just have to get in or I'll be late. Which will either result in being lectured by Doctor Kelso or being ranted at by Doctor Cox. Or possibly patronised by Carla. So getting in on time is important.

Which is why being grabbed from behind by a drug addict is the last thing I want. I stare at his disshevled, unshaved face and try not to scream. Only then I do scream as the knife plunges deep into my side as he snatches my bag and runs away.

I lie on my side watching the spreading pool of blood…

"What?!?!"

"Look, I don't know! Do you prefer this? The number of "JD being stabbed" fics is really quite impressive! And none seem to have been copied off someone else. It makes me wonder really- I mean, do you just look like someone who'd get stabbed? Or maybe it's fun just to break down your barriers…"

"Fun?!"

"Okay, maybe fun is the wrong word. Alright, so you don't like that one. How about this…"

Her eyes close. The scene changes to inside the hospital. I see me- which is strange to see, although my hair looks amazing if I say so myself- but I'm pale and sweating. I stagger into a toilet cubicle and retch loudly into the toilet.

I choke painfully as I try to keep my lunch down and close my blurry eyes. I feel awful. Just plain awful. I try to stand up and spiral down onto the floor as everything spins. The sharp pain of my head hitting the tiled floor is only noticed for a second before I fall into black unconsciousness.

I look down at my unconscious form.

"…Why?"

"Not sure. Probably because you're a doctor. It's a bit of an irony I suppose. What is odd is that most of the ones I've read contain you having a brain tumour. Would you say you're particular tumour-prone?"

I just look at her. "Well, maybe that was an odd question. I just thought it was strange. But how does getting sick strike you as a plot-line?"

"It's horrible,"

"Most are, dear. It's JD angst,"

"Oh what else happens? I mean, how sick are you?"

"I'm not sick… I enjoy writing JD angst because it exposes the character's potential, which is hardly ever used. The emotional depth… But anyway, guessing you don't like this one. How about…" scene change again "… this?"

We're in the doctor's lounge. I can see me. I'm sitting with my head in my hands and I can smell the whisky from here.

"I don't drink whisky,"

"You do for dramatic effect,"

Everything's swimming in front of my eyes. I just can't get over what happened. Seeing that kid lying there and then that brazen, thoughtless diagnosis with no personal connection. It was just… awful.

"Newbie!"

The door slams open. I ignore him, mainly because I can't lift my head without assistance to see what he wants. Only my wrists are seized and I'm looking into the eyes of a very confused and annoyed-looking Doctor Cox.

"What were you thinking? And…" he glares at me "You're drunk!"

"Geroff me!"

"Newbie, I know the kid was diagnosed with sexual abuse, but you shouldn't get so involved,"

And now I'm breaking down. I can't stop the embarrassing hiccupping sobs.

"You shouldn't take it so personally!"

"But it IS personal!"

A look of realisation dawns on his face. He looks stunned.

"Now, that's just a bit… twisted,"

"Not really- it's not like child abuse is being glorified. You do sometimes act a bit strange, it's isn't a huge leap of imagination to think you might have been an abused child. Of course, you can always just get raped as an adult if you'd prefer,"

"I… is that supposed to be a choice?"

"Yup,"

"They're both horrible!"

"Look, you aren't liking ANY of my JD angst scenarios! You could get shot, but that's similar to getting stabbed…"

"Stop it!"

"Or I suppose you could get beaten up,"

"STOP IT!"

"How does catching HIV off an infected needle sound to you?"

I grab her by the shoulders. "No! Why does it have to be angst?"

"Because JD angst is the best kind of angst!"

"What do you have that isn't JD angst?"

"Um- how about romance?"

"That's sounding better. Let me guess- I meet some amazing cute, funny chick and she falls madly deeply in love with me. And we get married, have kids…"

"Uh… no,"

"Why not?"

"Well, for one thing when you meet an amazing, cute, funny chick you screw it up. Fact of life. Well, fact of your life. You never get the girl. Secondly, that plot-line was incredibly boring. Thirdly- just euw,"

"Then what?"

"How about…?"

The scene changes again.

"That's just Doctor Cox ranting at me,"

"Newbie, if you keep insisting on following me around the hospital constantly then puh-hu-hu-lease don't talk. Because I can't stand your girlish twitterings much longer!"

I roll my eyes. "I was just asking about Mr Old's pneumonia and that's a valid medical question-"

"Celia, I would actually take up a religion if some God or other gave me inspiration as to how to shut you up!"

"Why are you being so-"

I'm cut off by his lips on mine as he grabs my shoulders and kisses me brutally. He pulls back after a second and stares into my eyes.

"Apparently that's how,"

He leaves the room, crying out "I love you Buddha!".

I squeak desperately. "That's out of order!"

"Why? Because you enjoyed it?"

"You wrote me enjoying it! How am I supposed to not enjoy it?"

She sighs. "Oh, alright. No slash for you then, even though it's so fun…"

"Are you forgetting about Jordan?"

"She's dead,"

"No she isn't,"

"She is if I want her to be,"

At my sceptical look she sighs and lifts her hands.

"Alright, alright. Anyway, I think I've cleared my writer's block now anyway… Have fun,"

And I'm back in the corridor. I look around wildly for her, but I can't see her anywhere.

"Hey, Sandra, Mrs Keiler won't magically cure herself you know,"

Argh!

"Don't you dare kiss me!"

He looks at me in disgust. "Betty, we're not going to consummate the marriage that you daydreamed about earlier when you were supposed to be changing the IV on Mr Old,"

He stalks away. I let out a sigh of relief and then check on Mrs Keiler. I'm expecting an old woman, but lying in the bed is a gorgeous woman with black hair and vivid green eyes. A total baaaaabe.

She smiles when she sees me, her hand sliding under the cover. "I've got something for you, doctor…" she trails off suggestively.

I can't help but grin. "Thank-you," I murmer to her, wherever she is.

Mrs Keiler pulls out a gun and points it at me. "Now get me some morphine. Now!"

My hands shoot up into the air.

"Bitch!"

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Meh, I know it's stupid, but I had to write something un-angsty or I'd just go mad! Hope everyone enjoyed- and yes, I cameo'd. Is that a Mary Sue?

Little Tiger Stripes xXx