Anthology of Interest 3

Chapter 1: Bender

Fry, Leela, Bender and Amy were all sitting on the couch, watching "The Scary Door" in the employee lounge. Dr. Zoidberg was watching too, but no one wanted to sit near him, so he was on the floor.

"Good news, everyone," said Professor Farnsworth, walking into the room. "I'm selling all my old and useless things in a garage sale! Come along Dr. Zoidberg, you'll fetch a nice price."

"Wait, I'm not useless," Dr. Zoidberg said, "Remember when I saved the Earth from my species?"

Yes," the Professor said, "But that was your fault anyway. Your stupid stomach is always trying to fill itself with something. You ate a flag. You eat more than Nibbler."

"Wait," said Bender, "We can't get rid of Zoidberg."

Zoidberg smiled at Bender, knowing he was a great friend.

"If we do," Bender continued, "Who will I be able to focus my hate for living things on?"

"Hey," Fry said, "Why don't we go see what you're selling."

"Yeah, we don't have any packages to deliver," said Bender while he pushed a small box under the couch that read, "Please deliver within two hours."

The crew walked outside to where the Professor was holding the sale. They all started looking around. Most of the things were junk, invention sketches, trash, and things no one cared about, like the original U.S. Constitution.

Then there were a few actual inventions that may be worth something. Leela started to get suspicious when she saw a table labeled "Doomsday Weapons."

"Hey, Professor," Leela asked, "Are these legal?"

"You know, Leela," Professor Farnsworth, "Your organs would fetch a high price right around now."

Leela walked away without saying anything. Fry was almost finished looking through the junk when he saw something.

"Hey Professor," Fry asked, "Isn't this the What-If machine you made."

"Why, yes," the Professor said, "Why don't we try it out one last time."

"Ohhh, can I ask it something?" asked Fry. "I want to ask it what would happen if we all switched bodies. You know, like we took a walk in each other's shoes."

"No! That's a stupid idea!" shouted the Professor.

"Well, how about what would happen if we were there the night Santa went crazy?"

"That's a horrible idea," the Professor said. "Your ideas are so stupid, I bet if they were stories, none of them would ever do good!"

"Yeah, Fry," Bender said, "You need to ask a good question, like 'What if Fry was a robot and I was a human?'"

"That's a good question, let's see," said the Professor. Everyone looked at the screen of the What-If machine.

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December 31, 1999

A delivery boy in a crummy little pizza shop was showing a kid how to beat a video game. He had orange hair, wore jeans and a red jacket. His name was Philip J. Bender.

"Hey, Bender, you got a pizza to deliver. Come on!" Shouted Bender's boss, Mr. Panucci.

"Bender? That's a stupid name," said the kid Bender was teaching.

"Bite my pink, fleshy ass," said Bender.

The kid just laughed and walked away. Bender sighed and got on his bike. He had a miserable life. His girlfriend, Michelle had just dumped him. He had a crummy job. The only good thing he had was his dog, called Seymour Asses.

The pizza was to be delivered to a cryogenics lab. When Bender walked in, he called out for an "I.C. Weiner." When Bender realized he had been tricked, he sighed and sat down on a chair.

He looked out the window of the 64th floor where the lab was, and saw that the New Year was ten seconds away. He watched the countdown, and on one, he blew one of those party blowers. He suddenly started tilting backwards, and fell into a cryogenic tube. He saw it get pushed up to 1000 years, and everything went dark.

1000 Years Later

Bender opened his eyes and saw a guy standing in front of him. "WELCOME, TO THE WORLD OF TOMORROW!" he shouted.

Bender realized that he must have been frozen, and thought one thing. 'The future sucks.'

After being sent through the Probulator, which was controlled by some weird one-eyed person named Leela, he was sent to job assigning.

"Alright," said Leela, "You'll be, a delivery boy."

Bender sighed. "Alright, let's get this over with so I can just kill myself."

Bender had a chip injected into his hand, and he was sent outside. He started walking and thinking about how to kill himself. He didn't notice the robot in front of him until he walked into him.

"Ow, watch it bud," said the robot.

"Bite my pink, fleshy ass," said Bender.

"Sorry," said the robot. "I've been trying to work this phone for an hour, but I keep on getting electrocuted."

"Here, let me see," said Bender. He looked up, "Here's your problem, this isn't a phone-booth, it's a suicide-booth. Speaking of which, I might as well use it."

Bender walked past Fry. "Hey," he shouted, "I was here first." Fry stepped in just as the door was closing.

Bender put a quarter in the machine, and when it asked for mode of death, Fry said, "Yeah, I'd like to make a collect call, again."

Nothing happened.

"See, and the moment I hit it, something happens," said Fry. He hit it and got electrocuted. He accidentally hit Bender, and he was electrocuted too. Everything went black.

Fry and Bender weren't killed, but fell out of the booth, unconscious. While they were out, a certain hideous lobster discovered them. He dragged them back to his office, at Planet Express.

Dr. Zoidberg placed them on the couch and studied them. Professor Farnsworth walked in.

"Ohhh, fresh meat," said the Professor, "Good job Dr. Zoidberg. Are they dead?"

Dr. Zoidberg pulled out a stethoscope and listened to the human's chest.

"This one is dead, there's a beating sound in his chest," Zoidberg stated.

"Ohhh, my head," said Fry. "Wait, something's wrong."

Fry studied his hands, head, hair, and red jacket for a few minutes before realizing, "I'm Bender!"

"Hey cool, I'm a robot," Fry heard Bender say.

"Interesting," said the Professor, "Using high amounts of energy to alter the mind. Would you two be interested in being victims- I mean volunteers so I could study this. You'd have to stay this way, but I'd let you be part of my delivery crew."

"Sure," said Fry, already used to his new body.

"I'll need you to go find a captain, someone who isn't as dumb as you or as lazy as him," said the Professor, pointing to Bender.

"Sure, c'mon Bender," Fry said.

"Bite my shiny metal ass," Bender said. Apparently, he had adjusted too.

After a few weeks, Fry and Bender recruited Leela to be captain. Professor Farnsworth created an invention called the Mind-Machine after studying Fry and Bender. Although they were offered the chance to switch back, neither felt like it. They were both happier the way they were. It was as if in some alternate universe, Fry had been the one who was cryogenically frozen.

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"That story was awful," shouted the Professor.

"Yeah Bender," Fry said, "You need something like if Zoidberg and Zapp Brannigan switched bodies."

"No," the Professor shouted. "Does anyone else want to use the What-If machine?"