Teshima has more control over Aoyagi's day than he probably realizes. Aoyagi's consideration of 'the day' doesn't really start until he sees the other boy's dark curls, and all the excitement of a given span of time is over as soon as Aoyagi lifts his hand in silent farewell as Teshima turns off on his way home after training. Sometimes this can turn things around - Aoyagi wakes up late and verging on sick, and then Teshima's smile wipes all his discomfort from his mind and pain from his body. But it goes in the other direction, too. Today Aoyagi is doing well - he woke up on time, all his homework is done, he got enough sleep - but when he sees the strain across Teshima's face he knows something is wrong.
"Aoyagi," Teshima starts. "How are you doing?" It's a poor attempt at misdirection, and Aoyagi doesn't try to be polite about calling the other boy out on it; he stops dead, doesn't blink or nod or smile in response, lets the fear surface in his eyes so Teshima can see his concern.
He does, of course. The other boy smiles in a way that doesn't touch his eyes and looks away - Aoyagi's never seen him look away before - and when he speaks he's looking at the ground instead of at Aoyagi.
"I need to talk to you," he says. The words have all the extra weight of the phrase, the loaded meaning the individual pieces lack, and Aoyagi's throat closes off in cold fear even before a whimper of panic comes up his throat.
Teshima looks up instantly at the sound; some of the tension disappears from sight as apology overlays it. "Hey." He takes a step forward, reaches out for Aoyagi - for a moment the other boy thinks Teshima's fingers are going to close on his wrist, and he's not sure what he'll do if Teshima touches him when he has this much raw fright coursing through him, when his thoughts are saying he knows he knows he knows in a rising chant of fear. But the touch lands on his sleeve instead of his skin, and Teshima is saying, "It's not you, you haven't done anything wrong. It's just...I have to tell you something."
It's not that Aoyagi thinks Teshima is lying, exactly, but he can't imagine what else it could be other than his best friend has finally caught on to his own decidedly non-platonic feelings, that they're going to spend less time together, that maybe they should stop training together, stop seeing each other.
Teshima glances at his face. A line appears between his eyebrows, his mouth curves down into guilt, and he opens his mouth...but then he's pulling away, looking back down the street, and saying, "After school. Just a couple minutes on our way home, okay?"
Aoyagi nods, numb and cold with fear, and Teshima can't see him but the other boy nods in echoing affirmation before beginning to talk again, too loud and too bright as he tries to imitate the usual casual chatter Aoyagi usually loves. Today every one of Teshima's words is like a knife, Aoyagi wants to speak up and demand that Teshima just say it already, but his throat is tight on almost-tears and he doesn't want to break the illusion yet, even if it's shadowed and agonizing with awareness.
He can't think all day. Class goes by too slow when he thinks about what's coming after, too fast when he thinks maybe this will be the last time Teshima smiles at me. He can't draw, he can't focus; his head is a wash of white static, humming until he can barely hear Teshima, much less anyone else,but at least it almost covers the rising strain in the other boy's voice. Even training isn't enough; he is slower than he's been for months, every movement of his legs feels out-of-rhythm like he's using someone else's body. Teshima could drop him easily, if he tried, but he looks at least as distracted and has trouble pacing Aoyagi even with the other boy's panic-hampered movements. Even Tadokoro urging them forward doesn't overcome it; Aoyagi can't breathe, how can he possibly push himself to the necessary lengths to train properly? And this will be it, certainly Teshima won't want to team up with him after. It might be kinder that way, even, the distance Aoyagi needs to get over his crush; but his fingers shake when he thinks of the loss, his eyes burn even when they're fixed on the road, and by the time training is finally over they both look so miserable Tadokoro lets them go without any further comment.
By the end of the day Aoyagi has decided. He wants to know, he needs to know, it's the waiting that is the greater evil now. So they're barely out of sight of the school, Teshima has only just started to settle on the topic of the day, when Aoyagi comes to a halt. He doesn't reach to touch Teshima to get his attention - he feels like sparks might jump between them, for one thing, and for another he doesn't need to. Of course he doesn't. Teshima stops as soon as Aoyagi has decided to, their feet slowing to a stop as one.
Teshima clears his throat. "Yeah. You're right." He takes a breath Aoyagi can hear even over the ambient noise around them, turns around, and he's not avoiding Aoyagi's gaze now. His eyes are dark and wide and fixed on Aoyagi's face and the cold grip on Aoyagi's heart, the pressure that has been there all day, cinches tight and he can't take a breath at all.
Teshima drops his arms to his sides. The tension in his face gives way, relaxes into the passivity of resignation, and Aoyagi is just starting to feel the burn of air he can't get into his lungs when he speaks.
"I like you." Teshima blinks, smiles sharp and self-deprecating, shoves his hair back from his face. "More than like. A lot more than like. You - remember that time I forgot my sweater at your place?" His fingers are closing on his hair, twisting it with nervous thoughtlessness, and Aoyagi's mouth is open and he can't think any more now than he could all day. "That." Teshima laughs, dips his head. "That was on purpose." He looks back up from under his hair. His eyes are almost black in the shadow, but they're soft with sadness, apology that Aoyagi can't understand. "I've known for a while, too. It's not like this is new." Teshima straightens his shoulders, tosses his head back like he's bracing for a blow. "It's not fair. For you. I can't keep pretending to be just your friend when I want more than that. I don't want you to...not know."
Teshima's eyes are catching the light, so Aoyagi can see the blue and the purple shining through, and he can see the tears catching against his lashes too. His own mouth is open; he couldn't speak if his life depended on it, his throat is too tight and he still can't breathe properly, he can't tell Teshima the truth even if he had the words.
He reaches out instead. Teshima's hands are hanging limp and defeated at his sides but his skin is warm when Aoyagi's fingers close around his wrist. Aoyagi steps forward, closer than he's ever been before, and Teshima doesn't pull back; Teshima doesn't move at all. He speaks, instead, offers the words Aoyagi doesn't have.
"Oh." That one word comes out low and heavy and shocked, the ringing realization of a bell. "No way." Teshima is still staring at Aoyagi's eyes and Aoyagi doesn't look away, but he can see the blink that clears the edge of tears away, can see the tension of a smile at the corner of Teshima's mouth. "You're kidding."
Aoyagi's thumb slides across, rubs pressure into Teshima's thudding heartbeat, and he takes a breath, stuttering and frightened but a breath nonetheless.
"I like you too." His voice is startling in his ears, like it always is, but Teshima's almost-smile curves bright in instant acknowledgment. "Junta." The vibration of the other boy's name feels odd in his throat, fully vocalized as he never has before. "I lo-"
His throat cuts him off in spite of his best intentions, choking off the sound before he can get the sentence out. But Teshima's hand is turning in his hold, fingers shifting to lace into his, and the other boy is leaning in over the inches of space between them and Aoyagi is too, instinct and reflex sure in this if not in his ability to finish his sentence. Teshima's mouth is better than he imagined, soft and sun-warm and salty and sparking shivers of response straight through Aoyagi's blood, and he can feel Teshima's smile under his mouth and he's smiling too.
"Junta," he says again without pulling away, just to feel how the vibration feels, and he can feel Teshima's breath catch, can feel the other boy's mouth part in a delighted smile even before fingers close against the back of his neck and pull him in close. Aoyagi lifts his hand, settles his fingers under Teshima's jacket, presses the other's shirt in against his waist. When he closes his eyes he's not sure where he stops and where Teshima begins, and he can breathe deeper than he ever has before.