Linda lay in bed listening closely for the sound of anything. Other than the occasional car whizzing past and Bob's constant snoring, the house was eerily silent. No secret whispers between the kids, no Gene sneaking into the kitchen to eat the entire fridge and no Louise practising her lock picking techniques. Linda felt really empty and cold inside, like something had turned a switch off. The kids were gone and the house was empty, except for Bob obviously. And occasionally Teddy.
Linda turned to look at Bob, who was flat out and snoring loudly. She gave him a sharp nudge with her foot and quickly lay on her side. Bob groaned and Linda turned, feigning tiredness and concern.
"Oh, Bobby, did I wake you?"
"No, no, it's fine, Lin," he replied groggily, discreetly rubbing his shin.
"Well, now you're awake, how do you feel, Bobby?" Linda asked turning to lie on her back.
"Well, my shin hurts a little bit other than that," he remarked.
Linda grumbled quietly. Maybe Bob was just hiding it because Lina was hiding it or maybe he actually didn't care that much but the whole thing was making Linda a bit restless. The kids had been away before for overnight field trips, sleepovers and those sorts of things but this! This was different.
"You don't even care about the kids leaving?" She exclaimed, "They've all flown the coop forever and now it's just going to be us two stuck in forever."
Bob paused before deciding his reply, "You could get a hobby. Like your knitting, but something that you're good at."
"We could get a dog!" Linda exclaimed joyfully.
"No."
"Yeah, yeah! We get a dog and the kids will be running back! Who needs college and boyfriends when little Bob Jnr will be running all around the place?"
"No. Absolutely not. Wait...you'd call it Bob Jnr?" Bob asked.
"Yeah cos he'd be all hairy like you," Linda smiled thoughtfully.
"We're not getting a dog, Lin. The kids have gone and are moving on with their lives. Tina's engaged to Zeke, Gene's band is doing … great, considering," Bob said carefully, "and Louise is really enjoying college. More so than she ever enjoyed school. Or working here."
Linda sniffed and Bob put his arm around her.
"Yeah but what about Tina reading us all her stories around the dinner table? And Gene playing us his music and Louise leaving us little surprises?"
"I mean, Tina's stories weren't exactly great for dinner. I'd have probably listened to them at other times but I didn't really like hearing about butts and decomposing bodies when I was eating. Also Gene played us his music at 3 am, Lin."
Linda blew her nose loudly, "What else is 3 am for, Bobby?"
"Not...that. And Louise never gave us surprises, she just used to put gross stuff in our bed."
"Yeah," Linda agreed sadly.
"And in our shoes. And also everywhere in the house. But I'm still going to miss the kids, Lin. Every day. You need to think of everything we've got to look forward to. Grandchildren, graduations, Gene moving back in when his band breaks up again," Bob listed, "Linda, these are our golden years! We can go out when we want, we can watch what we want on TV and most importantly, we get to see the kids grow up."
"Thank you, Bobby. I felt so down about the kids growing up and leaving their nest, I couldn't sleep thinking about it!"
"So you did kick me on purpose then?"
Linda ignored Bob and thought excitedly about everything that was going to happen. Tina would come home and reveal she was pregnant and Bob would cry and Linda would throw them the best pregnancy party ever. Gene would call up to say he'd won another Grammy with his band 'Chardonnay' (Linda's idea) and Bob would cry and Linda would buy herself a faux fur coat that she could never pull off, until now because her baby boy was a Grammy Award Winning bundle of joy. Louise would have her graduation and Bob would cry but Linda would watch Louise accept her certificate in her cap and gown and watch proudly on knowing she'd raised the best three children in this entire world.
"Why am I always crying in those scenarios?" Bob asked.
"C'mon Bob, you know you would be!"
"That's true."
Linda looked over at the alarm clock bedside the bed. It was three in the morning. No fart music from Gene. She sank sadly into her pillows. Bob watched this and raised his leg and leg out a little trump. Linda shot up.
"Bobby! Are you trying to do Gene's fart music?"
"I thought it would help. He is better at it though. From both ends."
"Awww, Bobby, that was the sweetest toot you've ever done!" She grinned, pulling her husband in close, "Do another one!"
"I can't Lin, I don't have one … brewing…"
"Just try! Bobby you never know until you try…"
"Lin, stop squeezing me…"
"Come on, just one lil toot…"
"Lin I can't perform under pressure…"
"Go, Bobby go…"
*toot*
"Al-right!"