I'm going out, I'm gonna drink myself to death
And in the crowd I see you with someone else
I brace myself 'cause I know it's going to hurt
But I like to think at least things can't get any worse
-Hurricane Drunk

Prologue

Edward was at the party, that much I knew. I had been looking for him all night; that kid was eluding me.

Mike Newton was drunk on Mickey Finns; I could smell it on his breath as he whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

"You're like an 8," he slurred. "I mean, if you had brown hair, you'd be a 9, what can I say? I'm a sucker for brunettes,"

I immediately thought Bella, and another person who obviously preferred brunettes. I got up, and shambled to the kitchen. A couple more shots and I might feel less shitty about myself.

In Mike's kitchen, I found a half full bottle of tequila, an optimistic start. Why did I even bother to go to this party? I began to drink from the bottle. I looked around, and the only other person in the room was some poor soul, puking their ring up in the sink.

The person turned around groggily, and I thought, perfect.

"Ramona," my little sister had vomit dribbling down her chin. Her dress was on backwards, and her eyes could hardly focus on me. "I threw up on my shoes in front of Richard Darcy,"

"Good stuff, you bloody arsehole," I took her by the paw and began leading her away. It was like the deaf leading the blind; Lilo in one arm, tequila in the other, staggering down the hallway towards Mike's parents' bedroom.

Inside, two kids were making out on the bed, and I realised with a jolt it was Edward's adopted sister and her boyfriend. "Get out!" I screamed.

"What's wrong with her?" she spat, looking me and Lilo up and down.

"No time to explain!"

She hissed as she untangled herself from her man, and left silently. I put Lilo to bed.

"LOL! Whatta bitch," I muttered, leaving the room, swigging my juice. I couldn't feel my face. Score!

I passed Eric Yorkie in the hallway, he had that Lauren girl from my geometry class by the claw. I gave him a sloppy wink, which he returned with equal flair, and continued sauntering down the hallway.

I reached the top of the hallway and froze; he was standing alone in the doorway to the sitting room.

Shit shit shit shit shit. He looked up at me with those honeyed eyes. Maybe it was just wishful thinking in my drunken state, but he looked apologetic.

I put on a nonchalant expression. My tequila bottle was empty. The room was swimming. Don't cry.

Drunk, upset and lonely as I was, he could never know. I knew Bella was ghosting about somewhere, being pale and sensitive, with everyone fawning over her.

Looking around in a panic for anyone to hide in conversation with, I saw that new guy, the one who came to school just after I did, from England. He was standing alone, with two cans of Heiniken in his hands, looking around awkwardly.

You know sometimes, when you're drunk, you get an idea into your head, something really stupid that you'd never usually do, but at the time it's all you can think about?

I was going to make Edward jealous, and this English kid was just the right ticket. I swaggered over to him.

"Haaaaay," I said, probably not very seductively. "You're William, you're in my Trig class?"

"Eh yes," he said, in a lovely accent. "Willy, actually."

I laughed spasmodically, playfully slapping his arm. Maybe I was laying it on thick, but I wasn't because I was awesome and Edward would be so jealous.

Looking at him up close for the first time, I noticed he had forest green eyes. Clean shaven, floppy brown hair. Not bad.

"If you don't mind me saying, you look like a blue-eyed Kate Winslet," he said softly.

I didn't mind him saying, not at all. I licked his face in thanks. He was powerless; his hands were full of beer cans.

I turned around to check if Edward was watching; he was gone. I sighed dejectedly and sat on the ground. Willy sat beside me. The room was spinning.

I sighed sadly again. "I'm a wasted mess,"

"I'm socially awkward," he added.

"I really like someone who is in love with a shy freak,"

"I'm a drug dealer,"

"I killed a man,"

He laughed. "Isn't this a fun game?"

Yes. A game.