Chapter 3

Scars That Do Not Heal

I straightened my fore-head protector (that hung around my neck) and followed Haruko-sensei out into a strange field. There wasn't anything special about the place, just a few cleanly-cut logs poking out of the ground.

"Do any of you know why I chose this place?" asked Haruko-sensei.

None of us answered.

"In this place, roughly fifty years ago, Hatake Kakashi first tested Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto."

"Those names are familiar, but…" Sokoto scratched the back of his head, obviously embarrassed. He had a reason to be.

Haruko-sensei sighed. "Zaku, refresh Sokoto's memory."

Zaku, looking bored and talking in the most dronish voice he could muster, said, "Uzumaki Naruto was the 6th Hokage, renowned for being able to mix Kakashi's chidori and the Fourth's incomplete rasengan, for being able to make 1,000 shadow clones, and for having a massive amount of chakra, aside from the kyuubi sealed inside."

I decided to cut in, just to prove to Haruko-sensei that I knew it, too. "Haruno Sakura was the greatest medical ninja of all time, surpassing even the Fifth and having Monster Strength. And Uchiha Sasuke… is the one who had his entire clan murdered by his older brother." I paused slightly, making sure I said it in a boring-enough voice to make sure it didn't sound like I could possibly have any intention of doing so myself (which I only sort of did). "He then betrayed Naruto-sama and Sakura-sama and joined up with Orochimaru in an attempt to kill his brother."

"Okay, I get it." Sokoto sat down and stretched out.

"Oh, don't rest yet." Haruko-sensei, with a huge smile on his face, pulled Sokoto up by the scruff of his neck. "You haven't passed yet, you know. I get to give a final test in order for you to become genin."

"Right," said Sokoto and I in unison.

"Great." Haruko-sensei pulled out two tiny bells from a pocket. "Since we're here in the place where the original bell test happened, what could a better test be than to have you three steal the bells? Every one person with a bell gets lunch."

I immediately fired up. "But that's pitting us against each other!"

"This is a team-work exercise, right?" said Zaku. Haruko-sensei's face fell slightly, as if his plan had been found out. Zaku continued. "Well, Hotaru-kun's right. You can't expect us to be willing to help each other when we know one of us won't get lunch."

Haruko-sensei shrugged, as if to say not my problem. I wanted to punch him, but I resisted to urge. Something was making me angrier than I should have been. I suppressed the anger and said, "Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

Haruko-sensei suddenly disappeared. Sokoto said, "Where'd he go?"

"I've no idea, but I'm going to find out." I was about to sprint when Zaku grabbed my arm.

"What?"

"Don't you get it? We have to work together, otherwise we don't stand a chance."

Sokoto nodded in agreement.

"Screw teamwork," I muttered under my breath. Sokoto looked at me, but didn't say anything.

We sprinted off together, looking for Haruko-sensei. After running around for about fifteen minutes, we finally found him sitting in a tree reading some book. He looked up, unsurprised. Then he dangled the bells and raised his eyebrows at me. I wanted to punch him again, but I dispersed the feeling of hatred.

Standing between Zaku and Sokoto, I signaled and we all leaped at him, but he nimbly dodged it. In midair, Zaku threw three kunai at Haruko-sensei as he dodged, but Sensei in turn knocked them out of the air with kunai of his own.

Suddenly, all of us were on the ground, looking up at Haruko-sensei, standing in the tree, staring down at us with an air of superiority. I hated that look that I had seen so many times on Katsumi's face. I, once again, suppressed the hatred that was slowly growing.

"You'll have to do better than that."

Fine, I thought, smirking. I quickly jumped up through the leaves, the branches scraping my face and neck. I felt the knot come loose on my headband, and I noticed it fall. I'll get it later, I told myself.

I quickly threw throwing stars at Haruko-sensei. They hit their target, and I immediately thought, I didn't mean to hit him!

He coughed up blood, but they looked at me and grinned. Then, in a puff of smoke, a log appeared in the place he had been standing two seconds ago. I looked around wildly for any signs of him. I looked down from where I was standing on a tree branch to see Zaku and Sokoto looking in the same manor as myself.

Suddenly, Haruko-sensei appeared right behind Sokoto, and before he could react, Sensei knocked Sokoto at the back of his head and Sokoto was out cold.

Zaku, who didn't mind if he himself punched Soko but became furious if anyone so much as poked his brother, flew at Haruko-sensei blindly and was pinned to the floor.

I jumped down to help them. I could see Zaku struggling to get to his feet. Suddenly, I felt a hand grip my shoulder and suddenly a kunai was at my neck.

Then everything went into slow-motion. I suddenly saw Gosu's face and his sneer. Then… there was Dei, on the ground, gashed across the chest, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. I watched as he stopped breathing… and he said firefly. I screamed inside my mind. Suddenly, I heard a growl and I felt the white anger that I had been feeling, but I didn't suppress it.

I felt streaks of heat spread up my face, and new chakra surged through me. I did a high, spinning kick to Haruko's face and it landed squarely in the jaw. I watched as he slowly fell to the ground, twisting through the air.

"Don't ever do that again!" I hissed quietly. I could faintly hear a voice not my own that seemed to overlap my voice.

Out of corners of my eye I could almost see white chakra flaring around me.

Haruko-sensei looked up at me from the ground in such a way that I wanted to kick him in the face all over again. Everything started to get sharper, as if I were seeing everything in more detail. I suddenly could smell Zaku and Sokoto staring at the back of my head, and I wanted to lash out at them, too.

A voice was whispering in my head, telling me to let go. But I did not. The voice was white… pure colorlessness, and I didn't want to let it control me. I suppressed it in exactly the way I suppressed the white anger. I then realized the anger had come from the colorless voice.

Suddenly, my head felt like it was going to burst at the seams. I fell to my knees at put my hands to my head.

"Aaaah…"

All of the boys sitting around me just stared. Haruko-sensei suddenly jumped up and crouched beside me. He was obviously feeling awkward, since I had just kicked him in the face.

As he bent over me, I saw the bells hanging on his belt, and I grabbed them without him noticing. I clenched my fist tightly and passed out.

"Hotaru," says Dei. I am sitting in his lap. "You know, your hair is exactly like Mom's was."

"What about my face? Do I look like mom?"

"No." He strokes my hair. "She was a beautiful person."

"So, I'm not?" I say, slapping him playfully.

He thinks about it. "No, that's not it. You're beautiful in a different way."

"That's good," I say, yawning. "Tomorrow, I'm five."

"I know."

"Did you get me a present?"

Dei doesn't answer. I feel like he wants to tell me something, but he's holding himself back. "I…"

"What? What is it?" I say, looking him in the face.

"I can't give you anything now, but I do have something that belongs to you."

I relax. "Am I going to get it tomorrow?"

"No. I haven't decided when I'll give it to you, but it definitely won't be tomorrow."

"Okay… but what about tomorrow? Am I going to get a birthday present tomorrow?"

"How about I take you out for dinner?"

"Okay! But I want ramen. I only will eat ramen."

"I know, Hota."

Dei doesn't say anything else, so I decide to do the same. I want him to like me, to think I'm mature. He's everything to me, my only family. I can't imagine life without him, and I feel glad that it will never come to pass that we'll be separated from each other.

I just hope he loves me back, although I'm pretty sure he does. Dei doesn't speak much, but he's very kind and he's my brother.

"I love you," I say quietly.

"I love you, too."

"Dei… guess what?"

He's practicing throwing kunai at a target. They are in a perfect x formation on the target. "What is it, my firefly?"

"I'm special."

"I know."

"No, but I mean I'm special-er than other people."

"Hota… everybody is just as special." He gestures for us to sit down in the grass. "Don't get me wrong… you're special to me, but to, say, some person down the street who doesn't know you, they love other people more than you."
"But-"

"Hota, I'm training, and-"

"No!" I shout, laughing. "I'm not talking about that. I can do this really cool thing with my eyes."

Dei looks startled, and he pales. I ignore this, and brush the hair out my face. Then, I place my face exactly in front of Dei's. Then I do it.

"See? Isn't it cool?" I ask.

Dei looks like he's holding something in again. I tilt my head. My eyes stay unchanged, the pupils cat-like.

Suddenly, my brother stands up and pulls me up with him. "Do not ever do that, Hotaru! Never again! Do you understand?!"

I'm so frightened that all I can do is nod. I put my eyes back to normal, and this time it's hard. The lump in my throat is growing, and I can feel the tears coming. Dei has never yelled, and never will again.

I run back up to the house, vowing never to make my eyes look different again. Why had my loving brother become so angry…?

"Dei!" I scream. "No! Don't go!"

But he's already gone.

Where should I go for help? It's too late. Gosu has already killed my everything. I feel like I'm the one who died. I can't do anything to help him. I feel so pathetic and lost. My vision blurs, and the tears flow freely.

I cry and cry, but nothing but the silence around me hears it. Dei is gone, and he is never coming back. I'd heard of jutsus that brought people back to life. Orochimaru had done it to the First and Second almost fifty years ago. But I wasn't going to do that.

I am overcome with a strange feeling- that if I kill Gosu, Dei will come back. In the back of my mind, a voice tells me that this isn't so, but my love drives it back.

The playful little girl who's favorite color was purple and loved little kitties is gone. Hotaru the Avenger is born, and she's ready.

I block out almost all of my emotions. Only my lust for Gosu's death fuels me and keeps me from dying beside my brother.

I wipe the last tear from my cheek and stand up. I feel my eyes lose their shine, and I don't bother to restrain myself from slitting my pupils. It seems so much easier than before, and I feel something pressing in the back of my head. I feel something immense in the pit of my stomach, and it aches to break free. I don't care about control, and I let it break free. I can feel it laughing and its power breaks free. Its Chakra, now my chakra, swirls around me in a strange white light. I sense my eyes changing, and I know I'm about to really lose it.

I look around wildly, but the sight of Dei's body doesn't help. My rage consumes me and I can't stop the flow of power that is slowly eating away at me.

I scream, but my voice doesn't sound. Something else's voice is overpowering mine, and it's laughing. I want to kill myself, but something is controlling my hand.

The thing inside me says, "Two… eight to go…"

I tell it to go away as my voice dies, as I realized that I am dying. The image of my death flashes through my mind.

The power suddenly recedes, saying, "I realize now that I am connected to you… your death means my death… I guess I can wait…"

And then as suddenly as it started, the flow stops and the voice disappears and I am back in control. I taste blood, metal-like and salty.

I feel my face. It's raw and it burns at my touch. I run to the bathroom and wash it off with cold water, but the sluggish gush of my blood continued until the pain was so terrible that I passed out.

Somewhere inside myself, I realize that all of these things had not been inside my memory. I did not remember talking with Dei, being yelled at by Dei, or what happened after Dei died. Somewhere inside myself, I realize that I'm losing my memories… or, at least, they were being buried deep inside.

A picture of Gosu flashed before my eyes.

Somewhere, far in the distance, Dei is calling my name… Firefly

"…She's been out for a week. What the hell did you do to her, Haru?"

"Nothing, Tsuki-san, I'm telling you. Oh, she's stirring. G'bye!" …footsteps, then a door closing.

My eyes fluttered open, and I blinked in the sunlight. I moaned as my skin felt inflamed.

"Welcome back, Tsukishi Hotaru," said a familiar voice. Everything came back into focus and there was Haruko-sensei with a large, white bandage covering almost half of his face.

"Harukosenseiwhathappened…?" I mumbled.

"You passed out a week ago during practice, but you sure did pack a wild punch… why did you hit me so hard?"

I searched for an answer, and came up with only excuse I could think of, besides sounding like an insane person and saying a powerful, power-hungry chakra inside me tried to kill you after you triggered my worst fear.

"You said that we were supposed to come at you like we were trying to kill you, so that's what I did."

He looked at me, one eye-brow raised. "Oh, and that would explain why you were so angry at me…?"

My eyes widened, and I felt my them strain, like they wanted to go back to their normal way. I shut my eyes and rubbed them.

"Listen, Hota…" continued Haruko-sensei. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but… what happened…that night…?"

"I don't remember," I retorted, trying not to sound quick, even though I knew that I did.

He gave me the look again. "Oh, really."

I looked away, mumbling, "Yes."

Haruko-sensei put his hand on my shoulder and stood up. "If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here."

I felt warm inside, but it was soon placed with suspicion. Why was he like that? He should be uncaring and rude and mean just like always. Haruko-sensei had seemed almost desperate, like he really, really wanted to know the answer. Haruko-sensei gave me one last glance then left.

I laid back down and turned on my side. Examining the room, I wondered if Kachi would come and visit me. Then I remembered that I hated her and didn't care if she came or not.

Around noon, a nurse came in a put a tray down. She had also brought some sort of medicine with her. Since I hated all types of medicine, the nurse-lady had to practically force-feed me.

The tray had food on it, but I could definitely tell it was Hospital Food.

That afternoon, Sokoto came to visit me.

"What happened?" he asked, sitting down at the end of my bed. "I mean, I know you passed out and everything, but… why did you try to kill Haruko-sensei?"

"I…" I was about to say the same excuse, but I stopped. "I don't know."

"I mean, I was sort of, too, but it wasn't the same because I knew I couldn't, and all, but… I mean, I think you could of, and you knew it… I mean, you looked like a different person back there."

"I-I did?" I stammered. I couldn't tell if this was good or bad. "What does that mean?"

"I mean, you were scary. I mean, really scary. You spun around and kicked him in the face, and I didn't know you could do taijutsu so well. And then you almost growled at him."

I almost laughed, but I could tell he wasn't joking. I could hardly remember this at all, and he was so serious, which was strange for Sokoto.

"I… growled?"

"Yeah," he replied in a hushed voice. "Then you said something like, 'Don't ever do that again,' and then you looked at us. Me and Zaku, lying in the grass, I mean. Then I felt your chakra completely die and you passed out. Tsuki-sama said that it's a miracle you didn't die with the amount of chakra you had left. I mean, she said you had about a millionth of your chakra left, or something."

I sat stunned. I had barely used any chakra whatsoever for that fight, so it was strange… I had felt as though I suddenly had an unlimited supply, and then it had vanished along with my regular chakra.

"Do you have a kekkei genkai or something…?" he asked quietly. "Because, you know, that would explain your eyes…"

I froze, then slowly turned my head towards Sokoto. "What did you say?"

"I mean, your eyes were insane, Hotaru-kun. They looked all slitted and wolf-like… and they were red. I mean, you know, the Uchiha's sharingan was red, and the Hyuuga's byokugan makes their face go all weird, so I thought, maybe…"

I shrugged. "I don't know, but… my parents passed away when I was only a few days old, and my brother…" My voice died away and I stiffened.

Sokoto shook his head, smiling. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." He paused. "And I know you don't."

I knew he expected me to smile, so I didn't. I just looked at the spot where, under the white blanket, I was clenching my fist so hard that it stung and was on the verge of bleeding.

"Wee-eell," he continued, awkwardly. "I'd better me going. I mean, my mom is making her own special recipe for ramen…" he sighed. "at least it'll look interesting…"

He left, leaving me to eat my lunch in peace.

My mind kept racing over everything Sokoto had said. So, I had lost my control over my eyes… plus, the other chakra had wanted to killed Haruko-sensei. I knew why, though, I'd never tell anybody. Haruko-sensei had, after all, placed his kunai in the exact same spot as Gosu had… that night five years ago.

I chewed slowly and deliberately, never moving my eyes away from the window, where I wasn't really looking. I kept thinking about the chakra that had a mind of it's own. I wondered if there were other people like this who just didn't tell people... like what I was going to do.

Around five-ish, I fell asleep only to be woken up half an hour later by a nurse.

"Hotaru-san, will you except visitors?"

I sat up and shrugged a yes answer. I reverted my eyes back out the window, now caring who had come to see me.

"Hey," said a voice.

I turned. "Kachi?"

"Of course," she replied, coming through the doorway. "You didn't think I'd spend an entire week without seeing you, right?"

I resisted the urge to laugh. I wasn't in that kind of mood.

"I brought a friend with me."

This time, I had to resist the urge to groan, for the visitor was none other than Rioko Tatsuya.

"Hello," she said pleasantly. "Are you feeling better."

"Not anymore," I muttered so that she could hear. Then louder, I said in the fakest happy voice I could forge in my condition, "Oh, much better, thank you."

Even Tatsuya wasn't stupid enough to not catch that. "Listen, Hotaru," she said, suddenly firm.

"What?" I glared her right in the eyes, and she did the same to me. I wasn't at all afraid of her, and neither did I respect her.

"Why do you hate me?"

I stopped, thinking about the question. Why did hate her? I knew the reason was because she was a happy person with no worries and no troubles and nobody telling her how weird she was or how dark she was or how cold she was. And nobody ever would, because she was just an average person with nothing recognizable to note about. She hadn't even experienced the pain of loss. But I'm not going to actually say that, right…? I thought. Oh, screw.

"You want to know?" I hissed, furiously. "You are a happy person with no worries and no troubles and nobody is always there to tell you how weird you are or how dark you are or how cold you are. And nobody will, because you are just an average person with nothing recognizable to note about you. You haven't ever even experienced the pain of loss."

I turned away and stared out the window. Leaves blew across my view, and I felt very alone. The outburst felt so good, and yet… I felt bad. Not because of what I said, but because it was so true and I hated to even think about it.

"So," said Tatsuya quietly. I still didn't look. "That's what you think of me?"

"Yes," I whispered, a knot growing in my throat. I told myself that I would not shed a tear. I had no intention of "getting to know her" or even giving her a chance. She annoyed me just by her being there. Plus, I hated her for replacing me.

"Hotaru…" said Kachi.

I looked up furiously, tears welling. I refused to let them spill. But before Kachi could continue, Tatsuya thrust out her arm in front of Kachi.

"So that's what you think of me?" She spoke louder.

"Yes, it is!" I hissed, louder as well. "You hang out with wonderful Katsumi all the time! I hate her! She's so happy and nothing ever goes wrong for her, except for the occasional broken manicured nail!"

Irate, I stood got up onto my knees and opened the window. I was on the second floor. The wind felt so good, and the sound of summer rang in my ears.

I turned, looking Tatsuya straight in the eye. The knot was gone and I smirked. She blinked. Kachi, suddenly realizing what I intended, shouted, "Hold on, Hota!"

But it was too late. I had already jumped.

I felt the wind rush in my ear and I nimbly landed in the grass. I looked up and saw Kachi looking at me. She looked angry, so I ran. I realized I was wearing hospital clothes, crisp and white.

I sprinted from rooftop to rooftop, hoping Kachi and Tatsuya wouldn't follow. Now, I had no-one. Kachi now had a new friend, someone who wasn't weird and dark and cold. In spite of myself, I laughed. It hurt to laugh, but I couldn't stop.

I was a super-fast sprinter, so I was home in a couple of minutes. I ran through the hallway, but stopped at Dei's door. Through the half-open door, I gazed at the spot where Dei had told me not to cut my hair, the spot where he'd stopped living. I shook my head and ran on into my room.

I quickly stripped off the white thing and put on my normal clothes. I had pretty much worn the same thing for years. Black sleeves that weren't connected to my short shirt, a black net connected the shirt the little skirt, and black pants under the skirt… It was almost my "thing" to only where variations of grey. My hair color made it work, though. I didn't care what other people thought, but I liked to look good in my own way. There had many times when Katsumi, in her little, pretty outfit, had criticized my taste. I had always glared at her until she shut up.

Suddenly, I realized I didn't know if I had become a genin. I rammed a brush through my hair then flew out the door. I didn't care if I had to confront Kachi and Tatsuya. I needed to talk to Haruko-sensei.

I wondered where he might be. I then realized I had no idea where Haruko-sensei lived or how to talk with him at all. Maybe Sokoto or Zaku knew…

I knew where they lived, at least. I walked slowly towards their manor. Their father was a weapons maker as well as a weapons master. He was fairly wealthy and, using some sort of jutsu, managed to create and fix hundreds of kunai per week. Almost everybody knew how to find Ani Shuzume's house, seeing as black smoke would constantly rise from the chimney of Shuzume-san's smithy, which was right next to it.

Before I got even reached the house, I ran into Sokoto and Zaku coming my way.

"Heya, Hotaru!" called Sokoto, waving and running forwards. Zaku continued at the same pace, his hands in his pockets.

"Hi, Sokoto," I said as he slowed. "Do you know where I could find Haruko-sensei?"

"No," said Sokoto, placing his hands behind his head.

"But…" said Zaku, walking up. "If you're wondering whether we passed the test or not…"

"Yeah…?"

"Well, he said that, since you got the bells using team work, we deserve to pass."

"But, really," whispered Sokoto, grinning. "It was 'cause you kicked his ass."

I was flattered, but I didn't show anything but relief. "I think he was going easy on me."

"No, he wasn't," said Zaku. He looked at me straight in the face, absolutely serious (just like he always was). "Haruko-sensei was caught completely off guard by that kick. He tried to block it, but wasn't quick enough."

I looked at both of them and realized they were completely serious.

"Oh, and since Haruko-sensei knew you would run away from the hospital," said Sokoto, grinning once again. I averted my eyes. "he wants us to meet him around four in front of Ichiraku."

"…Okay…?"

Sokoto waved and ran off in front of Zaku, who continued at his steady pace.

Once again, I marveled at how two completely different people had ended up as identical twins. Well, now that I knew them, I realized they weren't really identical. Zaku's face had a completely smooth face, like one that barely ever showed emotion. Sokoto, however, smiled every second he could and was always lazy.

I realized my forehead protector was probably still at the training grounds, so that's where I headed. As I walked, I became more panicked for fear that I had lost it. I sprinted down the street, and I knew people were looking at the orange blur passing them on the street.

It didn't take me long to find it, since it was in the same place. I was so relieved. I bent down to pick it up and as I reached for it, I saw the reflection of someone's face in the new metal. My heart skipped a beat, realizing who it was. I froze, scared to death. Even with all my hate, I was still terrified of him.

I spun around, the anger rising in me as fast as flames on a trail of oil, but no-one was there. I knew who's face I had seen… I was so sure…

It was Gosu.

But… had he really been there at all? Maybe… I had imagined it. My heart was racing. A thousand times, I had imagined a meeting with Gosu, and how I would kill him. But… right then, I had frozen with fear. If I could have, I would've smacked myself. Next time, I would not do that. Next time, I would follow him.

But what if he really hadn't been there? My fear and hatred had caused me to hallucinate. I didn't want to be crazy. I pushed the idea out of my mind. I had someone to kill- I couldn't be crazy.

I went home and took a cold shower, and the water felt good against my face. I had always hated hot showers…

As I was drying my hair, I looked into the mirror and…

Once again, I spun around, and, once again, there was no-one there. I almost did smack myself this time. If Gosu was freely running around Konoha in broad daylight, surely someone would see him… But wouldn't that mean I was crazy…?

I shook my head. Gosu was not there. He was just a figment of my imagination. I rubbed my head. I was too young to be having my mid-life crisis.

As I walked into my room, I looked at the clock and realized it was already three forty-five.

Hurriedly, I put my headband around my neck and dashed out the door. Haruko-sensei was always early, and I never once had been late. I wouldn't let something like a lame injury ruin my "perfect attendance."

When I arrived, Haruko-sensei, Zaku, and Sokoto were already there, talking. I was afraid I had, somehow, been incredibly late, based off the fact that Sokoto always makes the pair of them late (and they go everywhere together). But, strangely, they were just early.

"Don't worry, because, I mean, we didn't start eating without you," said Sokoto, grinning.

"Yeah, 'cause I'm treating." Haruko-sensei made a grin matching Sokoto's. I instantly became suspicious.

"Why?"

"Because it's a celebration of your first real mission as a shinobi of Konoha tomorrow!"

"Ooh, ooh! What is it?" Sokoto was almost jumping up and down.

Zaku and I edged away, and I knew he and I were thinking the same thing. I don't know him. I don't know him. I don't know him…

"I'll tell you after you've eaten."

I always ate the same thing when I went to Ichiraku, and it was almost the only place I ever went. The little old lady who ran the shop, Ayame, knew what I liked since I was such a frequent visitor. Ayame was around sixty-five years old, but her face didn't show it. She looked great for her age and she was always bustling around, putting her best into every bowl.

Ayame was an old friend of mine. The first time I came into Ichiraku was after Dei died, she gave me a free bowl. I had already started wearing my grey clothes, so when I started eating, she commented.

"You don't seem like the kind of person to like ramen, little girl."

I didn't answer. I just continued, one noodle at a time. When it was my fifth birthday, Dei promised he'd take me out for ramen at Ichiraku because I had passed it very often and had always wondered how good it was. But then he'd had to go on some S-ranked mission or something.

"Oh, Hota-chan, it's you!" called Ayame from inside the shop. "How are you? I haven't seen you in a while."

"I know, sorry about that." I walked in, taking my usual seat, the one across from her.

"So, you've finally graduated and become a real ninja, just like your brother."

I smiled at her as best I could. I knew she was trying to make me feel better. "Yes."

"Oh, and Haru-chan, you're here, too?"

"Yes, I'm her jounin squad leader."

"Wonderful. And these must be your other two teammates! You'll all be wanting ramen, I suppose?"

Sokoto said, "Yeah, I mean, I'm starving!"

When we finished, Haruko-sensei brought up the subject of our mission. Although Sokoto was completely hysterical, I knew it would be some dull mission like finding a lost cat.

"Well," said Haruko-sensei. "I know you're all probably wondering what your very first mission as ninja will be."

I shrugged, Zaku looked completely uncaring, and Sokoto shouted, "Yes!" over and over until Ayame shushed him.

"Tiger, the Fire Country's royal cat, has ran away, and your mission is to find and recapture him."

Sokoto immediately stopped. "We're rescuing a cat? But, I mean, we're ninja…"

Haruko-sensei suddenly became serious. "Even the simplest mission is not to be argued with. All missions come straight from the Hokage herself."

Everybody knew who the Hokage were. They were only the greatest ninja in the village, and we were on the eighth, who just happened to be the second kunoichi. The first was the legendary Tsunade-sama, who was almost every kunoichi's idol.

I, however, didn't have an idol, save for Dei.

Haruko-sensei put his air of cheeriness back on and said, "Great. I'm glad we have an understanding. We will meet at the training grounds at five in the morning."

Fine, whatever. I would just have to go to bed really early, because I always slept late.

I became best friends with my teammates, and I adored my sensei. I barely ever spoke to Kachi or Tatsuya, although there were several times when they confronted me. I always turned them away, telling them to leave me alone. I didn't care about them anymore, and I never wanted to see them again.

When I was thirteen and a half, Haruko-sensei had us enter the chuunin exams, and, as a complete surprise to all four of us, Zaku, Sokoto, and I all became chuunin. It wasn't until then that I realized how much all three of us had grown.

Kachi and Tatsuya didn't take the test at the same time I did. They took it half a year later. After I became a chuunin, I felt superior to Kachi and Tatsuya. But then, when I saw them compete, I felt that it was possible that I would have lost. Kachi had her byokugan, and Tatsuya could learn almost any jutsu she came in contact with.

Strangely, the only thing I was good at was shadow clones. It was a jutsu that Dei had taught me how to do when I was nine, and from the moment I tried it, I had always been able to make at least five. Dei had quickly overpowered all of us, though. I felt discouraged for five of me to be beaten down so easily. But he said that if I refined my strategic skills, then I could get better. He said, "This is a very secret technique that was the specialty of the Sixth." I had become very proud at his comparison with me and the Sixth.

I celebrated my fourteenth birthday with Haruko-sensei and the twins. They were almost like my family now, and I had completely lost my cold aura with them around. Sokoto and Zaku became taller than me, and their hair turned darker. Also, Zaku's face had changed a lot. Zaku's face looked paler and sadder. Sokoto never noticed, since he was too hyper, but I noticed his inner sorrow. I didn't say anything, however, because I felt like it was just in his personality.

It had always been a good thing that I was friends with Haruko-sensei, Zaku, and Sokoto because I wasn't friends with anybody else, save for Ayame. I barely ever saw the Hokage. Usually, chuunin were relayed their missions straight from the Hokage, but me? No, it was always either Zaku, Sokoto, or Haruko sensei who it was relayed to.

I had been told that the Hokage and my father had been rivals, and by rivals, I mean hated enemies. The hatred had been so deep that it had been passed on to me. I never found on what it was that they did to each other, but… it must have been bad for the Hokage not to acknowledge me, who hadn't even been born when it happened.

I continued to go on boring B and C rank missions. They were all ridiculously easy, even for Sokoto. I continued to see Gosu's shadow everywhere, but I soon learned to ignore it. He was always somewhere, whether it was the reflection of the mirror, or the reflection in a shiny window, he was always there, watching me.