A/N: hello, this is the first story i've uploaded to my fanfiction account (woohoo!) i dug this out from from 2009 folder (imagine that! o.O) so it's rather old i'm sorry though i've made some amendments to it. reviews will be greatly appreciated(:
Emptiness. It was a feeling that Nutsumi perceived every time she came to a particular clearing in the forests of Konoha. Somehow the image of it deserted was odd, wrong, even though it had been empty for two years now.
She quickly swallowed the lump of disappointment that had swelled in her throat and sit on the ground cross-legged. Then, began her meditation.
Only, now without Neji.
As she meditated, she recalled the first time she met him, like always. She could, painfully, still remember every fine detail of it. No matter how hard she tried to keep them out, the memories would mercilessly gush into her mind, slashing at the place in her heart where he used to belong.
Her memory would always start with the forest. She used to wander in the forest to avoid the people of Konoha and that day was no exception. However, that day, the tranquility of the forest stood out more distinctly in her memories. Or maybe it only seemed so because of the events that came after, those that casted light upon her gray world and sharpened her blurred senses.
She had stumbled upon a meditating boy in a clearing. The boy had not noticed her (like most people tend to) so she observed him from afar. She studied him – his long brown hair, closed eyes, tan jacket khaki shorts and the way he sat so very still. The sun bathed him in a pool of golden sunlight and Nutsumi remembered the word kirei had popped into her head, and she knew instantly that that was the word to describe the scene.
Kirei meant beautiful.
It was beautiful, even in her memories. In spite of that, Nutsumi could not stand looking at it. She could not bear being reminded of the beauty that once was but now is not.
Suddenly, the boy had opened his eyes. His eyes had a most wonderful colour – milky white, with a lavendar tint – she had noted. It took a while for her to realize that that pair of eyes she was studying was staring right into her own. Panic kicked in, caught in the act of intruding into something seemingly private. She had started to scamper off when she heard him say in a cool, calming voice.
"Yamero."
And she had stopped and let the eyes survey her from top to bottom. When he was satisfied that she was not an enemy, he asked, his white pale eyes piercing through her, "Anatawa dare desuka? Who are you?"
"Matsuda Nutsumi desu," Nutsumi had answered with all the politeness she could muster. Disrupting his peace was bad enough. Offending this boy, she felt, would be the worst sin anyone could commit.
"What were you doing?"
"S-sumimasen!" Nutsumi felt her cheeks flush. "I saw you meditating and it was s-so..." She searched for something that could communicate her feelings to the boy.
"...kirei." the word appeared in her mind and slipped off her tongue fluently. Another blush. Very seldom does a person notice her, not to mention strike up a conversation with her. Whenever that happens, Nutsumi would always say as little as possible and try to slip away at the first chance.
But that day, a strange yearning to be part of that something beautiful was so strong that she surprised herself by blurting out, "May I join you?"
She dearly regretted her sentence a second after the rash statement as the boy stared at her with a criticizing eye. She was doubly surprised as the boy's gaze softened and he said in a mellow voice, "Sure."
Nutsumi recalled beaming, how the muscles in her face pulled to form that particular smile. He sat down cross-legged and she followed. She imitated everything that he did, and tried her hardest to keep as still as possible, resisting the urge to open her eyes and check if she was doing it correctly. In her mind, she conjured up the image of her and the boy meditating in the forest and was pleased with it.
She did not know how long she had been meditating before she felt a tap on the shoulder and flutter opened her eyes. Those lavender-tinted eyes were peering into hers again.
"It's late. Go home."
He started to leave but before he could get out of her sight, Nutsumi jumped up and called after him. "Anatawa donata desuka?"
He did not turn back but he said in a clearly audible voice.
"Hyuuga Neji desu."
Everyday, Nutsumi came back to the clearing in the forests and found Neji there. She would sit down on the ground and join him. Some time or another, she could not remember exactly when, they started sitting back to back. Usually, Nutsumi flinched when anybody touched her but Neji's touch was strong, warm, comforting. It was okay.
Most of the time, these sessions passed in complete silence. But it was the type of silence that Nutsumi treasured, the type that enables the relationship between Neji and her to grow through unspoken ways.
Sometimes, they chatted. Nutsumi told him how her father used to come back late at night, drunk, and would start abusing his wife and his child with his own hands. One day, he went on a rampage and tortured his wife to death in front of Nutsumi's own eyes. Later, when he sobered up, he had committed suicide over the shock of his wife's murder.
Nutsumi was only five then, and it changed her life. She now feared every person and kept away from them. It had been like that until she met Neji.
Neji had in turn told her his story. How he was part of the Hyuuga Branch and lived to serve the Main House. How his father had died because of fate.
"But meditating soothes my mind. It calms me down and enable me to forget about it temporarily," he had added, his gaze distant. Nutsumi had fearlessly placed her hand gently on his and they had exchanged the briefest of smiles.
Nutsumi had thought there was something special between them.
But, one day, he vanished. And Nutsumi started to feel the emptiness.
She did not know why she still bothered to come to this clearing and carry on with the routine she and Neji shared, pretending that the latter had never abandoned her. Perhaps she really enjoyed meditation that much (like Neji did, she thought moodily). No, meditation was not the same without Neji.
Perhaps, somewhere deep inside her, there was a tiny glimmer of hope.
Nutsumi forced her eyes closed and tried breathing deep and steadily. Meditating was not going to work if she continued letting these memories wash over her and replay itself over and over again in her mind.
A bird nearby chirped a merry tune. Suddenly, just out of the blue, she felt a familiar presence. She dismissed the feeling because, of course, it could not be real. How could he be there?
"Ignoring me?" his voice said.
In spite of herself, Nutsumi opened her eyes.
Hyuuga Neji.
Nutsumi stood up to view him properly. Her knees felt wobbly as she strained to determine whether he was real or just her mind playing tricks on her. He had grown taller, and more masculine. Instead of the usual leather strap that framed his face, it was his hair, a dark waterfall that cascaded down into a loosely tied knot below. Clothed in a simple black and white Hyuuga robes, he was simply exquisite.
His eyes were the same. Milky white with a lavender tint.
"You've grown," Neji said, a faint smile etched across the distinct edges of his face. Nutsumi felt herself tingle all over as the compliment sank in.
But then, anger replaced the short-lived happiness.
"Kokode naniwo shimasuka? What are you doing here?" she asked coldly, giving Neji an icy glare that matched the one he had given her the first time they had met. Before they acknowledged each other as friends. "I was doing fine without you." A lie, so feeble it hurt.
Neji saw through her right away. With heads bowed, he said, "I was training with my uncle."
Nutsumi knew. She had spied on him training with his uncle, Hiashi, on the Hyuuga grounds. She had been happy for him, for finally forgiving and accepting the Main House. But the feeling of loss had overwhelmed her, an empty hole where he had once spent moments with her.
She was still furious at him.
"Soredakega? That's all you are going to say? Not even a simple 'gomen'? You deserted me and came back after two years acting so cool about it and expect me to forgive you without an apology!"
Neji was taken aback by her sudden burst of sharp words. Then, his gaze softened and said gently, "Calm down, Nutsumi."
He took her hand. Instinctively, Nutsumi flinched away.
There was a moment of silence where both of them stared at each other in shock. Nutsumi never flinched away at Neji's touch. Never.
Somehow, she did.
Realisation came to her instantly. Neji and she were not friends anymore. Not meditation companions.
They were strangers.
The painful truth brought tears to Nutsumi's eyes as she pushed past Neji and ran into the forest.
"Yamero!" Neji shouted after her.
But this time, Nutsumi did not listen to him.
She ran until she could not go on anymore and sank to her knees in front of a tree. She covered her face with her hands and cried. She cried because she had just flinched at Neji's touch. She cried because she had just run away from Neji. She cried because Neji had a new life now and she had not.
She cried because she had lost the only person she wanted to be with.
Nutsumi felt his presence behind her again. She stood up and wiped the tears away from her eyes, not wanting to appear weak in front of him.
"Nutsumi…"
"Get lost," Nutsumi managed to say and started walking in the opposite direction.
Sayonara, Neji.
There was a brief moment where Neji stepped in front of Nutsumi and she saw him completely as he was, the Hyuuga prodigy that she had come to love. That moment was gone in a flash as a pair of strong, steady arms wound themselves around her waist and she was pressed to his warm, well-refined body.
"Gomen nasai."
It took a moment for her to assess the moment. Even when she finally succeeded in doing so, she could not believe that it was actually happening.
"I left suddenly because I thought it was okay to do so. I thought you would be fine with it. I thought I would be fine with it."
"Neji, what are you…" before Nutsumi could complete the question, Neji continued.
"But it wasn't the same. Meditating didn't feel right without you. I missed meditating with you. I missed you, Matsuda Nutsumi. I'm sorry I only realised it now. I'm sorry for making you wait so long. Gomen nasai."
Nutsumi slowly brought herself to look up at Neji, into those lavendar-tinted eyes she dearly missed. Her voice quivered when she spoke. "It took two years for a genius like you to figure it out?" Then her emotions took control and she broke into a smile. She threw her arms around Neji's neck.
"I missed you too, Hyuuga Neji."
When they finally broke apart, Neji said, offering his hand, "Shall we?"
"Sure." Nutsumi took his hand.
This time, she did not flinch.