Ok, this is going to only be a one-parter but I hope you enjoy. I don't own the characters, or the quote from "I Shall Believe." I don't claim to be an expert in HCM so bare with me when I talk about that.
I don't want to get out of bed today. I don't even want to open my eyes. If I do then I will know that this is a reality and not a nightmare like I hoped it was. I never prepared myself to do something like this. Today I must bury my son.
My son was the reason I got up each morning and was the reason I made it though everything that I did. Yes, my life would have been different had I not gotten pregnant when I did. Yes I probably would have gone to college. Yet none of the possibilities or what ifs of what my life could have been compare to the reality that my life was.
A mother is not supposed to be a friend to her child, or so I have been told but I would like to think that we were friends. That's why all of this hurts so much.
He should have trusted me with the fact that he had HCM instead of trying to hide it. Yes, I admit it wouldn't have been what I wanted but we could have gotten through it together. Now instead of dealing with it together I am forced with the fact that he is dead from HCM. He is dead at the age of seventeen from HCM. He is dead from HCM and I must now bury him.
Everyone tells me it's alright to break down, but that's not like me. As a single mother you learn to be tough and over the course of seventeen year I got good at hiding when I was upset, well at least usually. And now they're telling me to let my emotions show. That's easier said than done.
I must face today and be strong for my son. As I get out of bed I think back on his childhood and what I told Whitey about a year ago in the hospital.
When Lucas was a little boy we used to play this game. "What would you do?". What would you do if I blacked out? What would you do if the house caught fire? I was his only parent I wanted to prepare him if anything happened to me. But I wasn't prepared for something happening to him.
Like or dislike? Please review.