Disclaimer: The property of Lucifer doesn't belong to me. I'm simply using characters from the show for my and other's entertainment :)
Pre A/N: Man, Monday's ending was really rough and after all that fun during the episode too. I...I just can't. This is just a quickie of what I think was going through Lucifer's head before the blade finally lights up. Hint hint, it's mostly Chloe ;) Now I gotta go back to my corner with loads of tissue there. Hope you enjoy.
Pain and Heartbreak
Feeling the hurt had to be the key. Linda suggested as much because he had been completely lost on what he could do with the sword. There was so much pressure on him and him alone to be able to wield it.
As the eyes of his mother and Amenadiel burned in the back of his head, Lucifer glared at Azrael's blade in another attempt to light it ablaze. He dug into the very depths of his psyche for those feelings that were buried away, that he never wanted to experience again.
His mother, the person that at one point sat along side his father as he was cast out of Heaven, conjured a plan almost from the moment she dropped back into his life after escaping Hell. It involved getting close to him, allowing him to falsely believe that the things she did were out of love for her sons. He was a fool for trusting her words because she truly only cared about getting herself back into the silver city.
Worst of all, she had the audacity to involve the only woman in his life that he momentarily believed genuinely cared about him. The sadness he felt after discovering his father's involvement in her creation was the worse betrayal he'd ever experience because it just proved what he believed since coming to LA. There was no chance that someone could care about the real him.
Chloe Decker was designed to get past all his defenses. Her life was part of this damn game between Lucifer's mother and father. His ache was amplified because despite his attempts to protect himself and her by running off to Vegas and getting married, she looked utterly disappointed when he returned. Chloe made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with him because she couldn't depend on him anymore.
Lucifer didn't want to lose her but he couldn't love her like before because it wasn't real between them. No human would really want someone like him unless it was through otherworldly manipulation.
As those fleeting moments of happiness with Chloe flashed before his eyes, Lucifer watched while fighting back tears as the blade awoke and momentarily transformed into the sword that promised to slash through Heaven's gates and allow him to finally put his own plan into action.