Phoebe's Story
July 18, 1946. I'll never forget that day for as long as I live. I may have only been a little kid, and I know a lot of people didn't expect me to understand what was going on, but I understood all right. I'm not stupid.
We were up in Maine. We went there every summer, but we all knew this one was going to be different. Every other summer was carefree and fun. This summer, Allie was sick. Things were never going to be like they'd been in the past, but I still didn't realize just how different my life would be when we left to go back to New York. I went to Maine with three brothers. I would leave with two.
The summer had been pretty peaceful up until that day – well, as peaceful as it could be considering Allie was holed up in his room, and my parents couldn't seem to leave him alone. I couldn't tell whether or not he wanted them to leave him alone, though, because he was too polite to ever say anything. And then I woke up one really hot, muggy morning, and I knew things had gotten worse. It was in the air too. There was no breeze, and the clouds were very dark. I went into the dining room to eat breakfast, and my parents were mumbling to each other, but they stopped when they saw me. My mother forced a smile.
"Hi, Phoebe. What do you want to eat this morning? Go on into the kitchen, and Lucille will make it for you."
I was about to answer her when I realized she was no longer paying attention. She had turned back to my father, and they had started mumbling again. Just from looking at them, I realized that I didn't want to hear what they were saying, so I left.
After I finished eating, I didn't know what to do, so I went back to my room. Holden still hadn't woken up, and D.B. was out for the day at the beach. He left the house whenever he got the chance that summer.
I was lying on my bed reading when there was suddenly a knock on the door. It was my mother, and her face was as white as a sheet.
"Come with me." It was all she said, but I wasn't about to argue or ask why. Just from listening to her, I knew I didn't really want to go, but I also knew that I had no choice.
I jumped off the bed and walked out of my room. Holden was already in the hall next to my dad, and he looked just as sick as I was starting to feel. I reached for his hand tentatively because he didn't always want to hold hands with me anymore, but he took it gratefully. It seemed like he needed it too.
We followed our parents into Allie's room, and he smiled at us weakly from the bed. I didn't know what to do until my mother pushed me forward and whispered, "It's time to say goodbye."
GOODBYE! What did she mean by that? I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my brother, to the only person who ever really understood me, to the only one who ever wanted to play with me whenever I wanted to play. I would never be ready. But I also knew that if I didn't do this, it would be something that I would regret for the rest of my life.
I approached the bed hesitantly. What do you say to someone when you know you'll never see him again? But Allie made it easy. He smiled at me and held out his arms with the only strength he had left. I raced to his bed and hugged him, whispering, "I love you, Allie. I always will."
"I love you too," he whispered back. "Take care of Holden, ok? He's going to need you."
I glanced over my shoulder. I could tell from Holden's face that he was trying not to cry, and I knew what Allie was talking about. I nodded, and we let go. Even though Holden is older, I just knew that this would be harder for him. It's just who he is. That's how he takes things.
I stepped back and watched as my brothers hugged, and I saw Holden's face twist as he tried not to show Allie how much all of this was hurting him. But Allie knew. He always does. Holden hugged him, and I could tell Allie was whispering something to him even though I couldn't hear the words. Holden just nodded, but then he bolted out of the room. I knew he'd need to be alone and while I didn't exactly want to leave Allie, I was also scared to stay. Luckily, it wasn't a choice I had to make. Allie gestured for me to go after Holden, so I did.
I stood outside of Holden's room for a minute before I knocked. I was scared of what I might see if I just walked in, but it turned out I didn't need to worry. Holden wasn't in there anyway.
I started wandering through the rest of the house, trying to find him, and I'd almost given up when I remembered the garage. I couldn't imagine why he'd be there, but then I realized that might be why. It was the one place where no one would necessarily think to look. (It was also the coolest place in the house on a day like this.)
I walked in hesitantly and was surprised to see not just Holden but D. B. as well. He must have gotten home when we were all in Allie's room. The two of them were sitting on chairs in the corner of the garage, and they weren't talking. I walked over to them and stood there aimlessly for a minute until D. B. suddenly reached out and pulled me onto his lap. I leaned back, and we just sat there in silence. There wasn't much to say, but I also got the idea that we were waiting. I didn't like that idea.
I was almost falling asleep in the quiet cement room when the door burst open. Our father was standing there, looking for all the world like he was about to yell at us, but then he just kind of … deflated.
"I was looking everywhere for the three of you," he said, and his voice was hoarse. "It's over. He's gone."
And he closed the door again. I sat there stiff with shock, not looking at the only two siblings I had left, not really seeing anything, until I felt something I'd never expected. D.B. was crying, and since I was still sitting on him, I could feel him shaking. I twisted in my seat and hugged him as hard as I could, and as soon as his arms went around me, I started crying too. When I stopped, though, I saw the strangest thing I'd seen all day. Holden wasn't crying. He didn't react at all… until later that night when we all woke up to the sound of breaking glass. He'd broken every window in the garage.