A/N: Nooooo. I really shouldn't be doing this... No really I shouldn't. But I can't help myself... For anyone who's reading this, I would recommend you run and run FAST. It's a virus I tell you, A VIRUSSSS!

*sobs in despair* I couldn't stop the plot bunnies from multiplying...

Deidara: *pats back reassuringly* There, there. It'll be okay...

Me: Nurr *purrs*

Aaaaanyway, this is my first Naruto fic. I actually haven't watched/read Naruto for a long time, but I just brushed up on it last night...^^;

Damn you fandoms and your irresistable fanfiction!

Heh, so fun fact, I don't really like any Naruto characters except for Kakashi, Minato and Kushina, and the Akatsuki. Though I have to say, my overall favorite characters are Deidara and Itachi.

I loved this idea so much I just HAD to make a fic. So without further ado, here it is:

The Akatsuki(tties)

It had been a normal day for the Akatsuki.

Pein had been trying (in vain, might I add) to call the gathering to order, Hidan, being the lovable Jashinist he is, was stabbing himself and praying to Jashin, and Itachi...well he was sitting in his own little emo corner, wondering how everyone could be so stupid.

And Deidara...well it wasn't going so well for him either. Actually, it wouldn't be going well for anyone if they had a kid bouncing around them with a lollipop for a face constantly calling them "senpai". Every second of every hour. Of every. Fucking. Day.

"Senpai, Tobi is a good boy!"

"Senpai, Tobi is bored!"

"Senpai, Tobi wants dango!"

It's like he was his fucking mom!

"I'm gonna kill him, un," the bomber managed through gritted teeth.

Sasori petted his head sympathetically. "I'm sorry for ya, brat. I really am. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad that he's not attached to me."

"That helped a-fucking-lot, yeah!" the blonde spat.

The puppet merely chuckled.

Yes it was normal indeed.

Until the bomb sailed through the window and hit said blonde bomber square in the face.

"Senpai! Don't say 'katsu'! Don't say 'katsu'!" Tobi cried frantically.

"Baka!" Deidara shouted angrily over the beeping. "It's not mine!"

That stopped the boy in his tracks.

"Eh?" he said, a hint of menace creeping into his voice. "Then whose is it?"

No one noticed Itachi tense a bit at the edge in the boy's voice.

"I don't know!" the blonde shouted over the beeping, which was getting increasingly louder.

Beep...Beep...Beep...

And then suddenly, it stopped.

"What the..."

"Kai!" (A/N: No that's not where I get my pename from XD)

BEEP,BEEP!

Deidara and Pein looked at each other.

"Hit the floor!"

The rest of them finally processed what they had said and began to drop down when the gaping, black hole opened.

It only took a second.

One second for them all to get swept away in the current, leaving nothing but a pile of clothes.

"Hey, Kat..."

"Hn..."

Oh god...I was so fucking tired...

"...Do you want a kitty?"

"HELL YES, I WANT A FUCKING KITTY- Kyahh!"

The car door swung open and I was pitched out the side, saved only by the seatbelt keeping me chained in the small, silver Mitsubishi.

Can't breathe...

I yanked myself back inside, swinging the door shut before glaring at it.

My father looked at me like I was mentally retarded.

"So...you want a kitty then?"

"Hell yeah I do!" I shouted, fist pumping the air.

He smiled wearily.

"Just out of curiosity, though... Why were you asking?"

My mom turned around in her seat, curly red hair blowing around wildly.

I vaguely sighed. I wished my hair could have been like hers. She didn't even have to brush it in the morning, it was so curled up. I did inherit her bright green eyes, though. No freckles, thank god. Okay, maybe one or two. Other than that, I had my dad's black hair and slightly slanted eyes. I inherited my mom's shortness too, sadly, and both of their pale skin. The only other mixed trait from them was that my hair was wavy. Or to be more specific, it was the wavy/straight/curly bipolar mess that was my hair. No, seriously, I even named it 'bipolar-cat-bitch-who-insists-upon-torturing-and-ruining-my-Jashin-damn-life'. An Irish-Japanese mixed girl. Not something you see every day.

Mother dearest grinned at me.

"Well, since we're abandoning you for a year, we might as well get ya some company. You know, other than the two 'tards you're gonna be with the rest of the time."

Whaaaaaat? Whaaaaaaat? Did you hear that correctly? My mother and father are going to be leaving a fifteen year old girl alone at the house for a whole year? Whaaaaaaat? Whaaaaaaat?

Well yes. And no.

You see my sixteen year old friend, Yomi Trysterl, would be staying over for the entirety of that time. She could even drive me to school. Lucky bitch.

And then my other friend, Time Ysabelle (don't ask me why her mom named her that, she was high off her rocker at the time), would be staying over too. And, like me, she couldn't drive yet. Haha, fucker!

Anyway, you see my parents own a photography business. They're very, er, artistic. And by that, I mean completely fucking insane. My mom was the more liberal one. My dad on the other hand...well he was hardcore conservative. My mom would go blow up the Empire State building with me if I asked her too. And she'd laugh her ass off doing it. My dad would, to put it lightly, strap me in the basement and make me watch nice, soothing nature documentaries. So, yeah. They view art in different ways. It's kind of the whole one-second-versus-one-lifetime thing.

So recently, they've been getting lots of popularity for their photos and were invited to go on a year-and-a-half trip around the world to take pictures for this one magazine. And they'd get payed a ton for it! The only problem was me.

They didn't want to leave me alone. I mean sure, I'd been alone before but never for almost two years! But...the thought excited me. Two years on my own with two of my best friends? Hell yes! I knew I'd get bored quickly with only three people around the house all the time, but c'mon! We're responsible!

...

Okay well maybe not Yomi, she might just burn the house down. But other than that, we're totally responsible!

I was in. I was all in.

After all, how much trouble could three people cause?

The animal shelter was small. But is was cozy, I'll give it that much.

"Hello, there!" a way too happy sounding brunette woman chirped. "Are you here to adopt or...?"

No, Einstein, I thought. We're here to fucking bomb the place. Yes we're here to adopt!

"Yes," my father replied, before my mom or I could take the lady out. "We're looking for a cat."

"Ahh! Yes, sir, right this way!"

The perky brunette, who I had now nicknamed Sunnytits, lead us down a corridor which smelled distinctly of...well, cat.

And then we were in a room with cage upon cage of cats: big cats, small cats, cats of every shape and size.

But all of them had the same hopeless looks on their face. Like they had long since given up on getting out of this hell hole.

Sunnytits continued on, describing every cat to us with steadily increasing enthusiasm.

I almost groaned. Great we had gotten one of those people. The ones that make everything, even the bad things, about the cat sound good ("Is he house trained?" "Erm, yes but he stills needs an eensy-weensy bit of help! Teehee!").

And that's when I saw them.

In the very back, a huge group of cats.

I noticed Sunnytits's face fall slightly but then light up again with fake happiness, as she lead me over to what they proudly called they're "largest kennel" in the whole place (Bullshit. To me it looked like they had just hacked down the walls of five cages to accommodate the ten of them!)

I hesitantly stepped towards them and smiled. They were talking to each other.

They all stopped what they were doing for a second to look at me.

They had it.

They had that fire in their eyes.

The rest of them went back to chatting, but a few continued to look at me.

One of those was a blonde, almost yellow one, with sky blue eyes. I almost laughed. He had bangs.

Tentatively, I pressed my fingers against the cage. The blonde sniffed my fingers once before gently licking them with his small, rough tongue. I knelt down to his level.

"Hey...it must not be fun in there, ne Kitty-chan?"

He gave me a look like "You have no fucking idea."

I laughed a bit.

"Could I see them?"

Sunnytits's smile faded.

"All of them?"

I nodded once, hiding my annoyance.

"Um...sure?"

"So," I asked while she was unlocking the door. "What's up with these guys?"

"Well, we found them all on the street about week ago. They were just there. We tried separating them, but they all started yowling up a storm and making it chaos for the others. So we decided to put them all together."

"Trouble, eh?" I said, stroking the blonde kitty through the cage bars. "I can only imagine."

The cat might have smirked. He gave me that look again. The one that said, "You have no idea."

Sunnytits laughed nervously as she reached in for the first kitty and handed him to me.

I looked at the orange cat and blinked. His eyes were a murky purplish color and his orange fur was marked with black dots. He stared at me.

So you're the leader, huh...

"Uh, we gave them names if you want to hear them.."

At that, a large silver one started screeching and writhing on the cage floor. Orangey hissed. Silver shut up but glared at Sunnytits.

"Sure...?"

She squealed. Oh Jashin...

"Okay, so this one, he's Pumpy-kins!"

I almost puked.

"What?!"

She blinked innocently.

And so we went by, cat by cat.

"Princessa Francesca" for the lavender one with the pale red, almost pink, eyes.

"Oreo-smoreo" for the half-black half-white one with the gold eyes.

"Uhhh...isn't that a bit...I dunno, degrading? I mean he's a man!"

She looked at me like I was crazy. I shut up.

"Itchy-stitchy" for the brown one with the black stitch marking and the red and green eyes ("At least that one makes partial sense...")

"Cupid" (with emphasis on the "cuuuuu") for the red cat with brown eyes and a circle over its heart with- wait was that a kanji inside of it? ("Oh god dude, I'm so sorry...")

"Mr. Fishers" for the humongous sky blue cat with white eyes and the gill markings ("...No...just...no...")

"Jasmine"-Jasmine!- for the big silver one with red eyes and the temperament of a javelina's backside ("...I'm not even going to express how stupid you are for this one...")

"Sootsie" for the black one with the red eyes ("...I think it's illegal for a kitty to be that cute...")

"Lolly" for the black one with the orange eyes and the orange patches on its face ("What the fuck is wrong with you guys...")

And then for Blondie...

"Ka-blamzzle!"

I stared at her. Did she expect me to be impressed?! Even my dad had a slightly disgusted look on now, like "Oh god, what have I done?"

"Ka-blamzzle," I repeated. She nodded eagerly. "Wait, you're serious?!" She nodded again.

Blondie hung his head in shame.

I sighed. "Can I hold him?"

"What...?"

"Can I hold the Jashin-damn cat!" I snapped.

She 'eeked' in fright. "S-sure!"

I gently took the yellow kitty from her and looked at him.

Was he...blushing?

I grinned. Oh he was staying.

"Hey there, Kitty-chan," I said. "Feels good to be out from behind those bars, yeah?"

Blondie smirked.

I traced over a stitch on his chest and "hned".

I looked at Sunnytits. Then I looked at Blondie.

"Well?" he seemed to say. "You've made up you're mind; now get us out of here!"

"I'll take all of them."

"Itachi, she used your word!" Hidan cried.

The Uchiha glared at him, mentally telling him how much of an idiot he was.

"Leader-sama, she said she'd take us all!" Tobi cried.

"Yes, I know Tobi," Pein replied.

There was a short silence.

They were all still embarrassed from the torture that had just been inflicted upon them.

"Leader-sama..."

"...Yes Hidan...?"

"Not even S-class criminals deserve that kind of torture."

"...No. No they don't..."

One argument ("Ten cats?! Are you sure, honey!?") and five cat carriers later (we put them in two to a carrier), we were home.

Home being our two-story house at the edge of our neighborhood in a small town in Oregon.

You see, one of the perks of being at the edge of an already small neighborhood meant that there was only a person on one side of us (sadly that person was a grumpy old widow who only came out to nag us) and that our yard could have a deck that halved the distance between the house and the woods. Yes, I said woods. Because normal yards are for pussies. Though technically, the woods were off limits...

But, you know, fuck that shit!

I grinned as I picked up two carriers.

"Welcome home, kitties."

A/N: Nurrr! So how was it? Loved it, hated it?

Deidara: ...I didn't get any lines...

Me: ...?

Deidara: Maybe I could have some lines next time as a cat, yeah?

Me: Say that again and I'll go all Bankai on your ass.

Deidara: Ban-what now, un?