I should never have said yes.
I should have said no. I should have slammed the door, right then, without letting the sparkle in those dark eyes sway me. I should have told the boy that I was not interested in sharing my secrets; that I never took a student before and I had no intention of starting to now. I should have returned to my research, perfecting it down to the last molecule of oxygen, right down to the last second before the spark entered the reaction. It would have saved me needless heartache, spared thousands their lives.
Even if I had not turned the boy down, I might have stopped him from trading his dignity, his freedom as an alchemist for a thing of metal and gears. But no, I did not manage to do even that! Had I known what my actions, perhaps lack thereof, would lead to, I would surely have stopped myself.
I should have known from the moment I saw him that he was a boy after all that I held dear in my heart. It grieved me to watch my only child in agony at the thought of his death; to watch her willingly thrust her life in the way of danger for the sake of his. I should have known that this would lead to nothing but pain. I should have known!
But then, had I known, that does not mean I would have acted upon it. Perhaps I knew all along; perhaps I also knew that there was a chance, a small inkling of a chance that there would one day be a democracy. That one day, our country would need a leader, and to get there, he would need me.
Hope. Hope is hardly visible to my eyes; they are eclipsed with doubt and failure, with the truth that sucked the joy out of each moment as my life went on. There are times when I wish he were able to see through them. It would kill his optimism, would destroy him- would it be worth his knowing what I had imagined his future would become? It is probably for the best that he never loses his positive outlook, however unrealistic it is. In grim times like these we need it more than ever.
In these times, we also need guidance. My opinion on the matter of this country is petty; I am no longer in the realm of the living, and I am an introverted pessimist at best. I have no joy-filled advice and no advice for you but this:
If you so happen to come across a young lad, full of youth's vigor, do not accept him as a pupil. Turn him right around, send him away. If he persists, look him straight in the eyes behind those rose colored glasses and tell him that he is much better off not knowing. For if you let him in he will never leave. He will be after your secrets and your daughter after that; what's more is that he will obtain them in due time. So bid him good day, retire to your studies, never think of him again and never wonder what would have happened had you said yes. Because if you wonder, you will change your mind and one day you will be wondering why you second guessed yourself.
Besides, if you had indeed said yes, you would be stuck with him. He would become a part of your family, a part of your life, and a part of an army in dire need of reform. He would be the one with the vision to reform said army. He would devote his entire life to the cause just as you undoubtedly devoted your life to your work. And you would surely never be rid of the brat.
So spare yourself, friend- spare yourself the agony that this sad old man is so full of.