A/N: This has probably already been done in some way, shape, or form. But
the idea just struck me all of a sudden. So please don't hate me if its
been done. ~.~()
Warning: Not for rabid Draco fans....unless you have a sense of humor. As a wise man (or maybe it was just one of my weird friends) once said, "If you love it, you'll ridicule it." Follow these wise words. Good News: Very much so for rabid Lucius haters.
Narcissa Malfoy let out a huge sigh. It was another one of those days. She knew it would be one of those days when she awoke to a bright sunny day with happily singing birds. She absolutely hated happily singing birds because they reminded her of those Merlin Damn muggle Disney movies her little Draco loved so much when he was little....and still loved. Yes, every summer he would come home making her proud by spouting different ways he wanted to "Kill Potter", and then completely hate him all over again when he curled up with his stuffed unicorn and started watching Cinderella. Those stupid singing birds.
Then the day just got worse and worse from there. Lucius had left for work early. He had written a note saying he wouldn't be home until late because of "official important work and stuff thats just too complex for a woman to understand". Narcissa grunted. "Yes, going out drinking with your Deatheater buddies and running over muggles with their own automotive technology is such official important business, isn't it dear? Why, it's far too complex for my small female mind." she scoffed. She took a shower next and was completely pissed off to find that Lucius had used up the last of the Herbal Essence shampoo when she had just bought a new bottle yesterday. "I'll kill him when he gets home..." she whispered venomously.
She got dressed in a new pair of robes while her long, pretty hair dried. She stared at herself in the mirror for half an hour, contemplating why she even bothered putting on makeup when her face was already perfect. She nodded, deciding that just some lipstick and one coat of eyeshadow would work today, since she probably wouldn't be leaving the house anyways. It was the summer, and leaving Draco alone to his own devices with the house elves proved to have horrific outcomes in the past. She wasn't going to take that chance again. After spending an hour trying to get a strand of hair to get down, she walked out to the family room where Draco was curled up with a pile stuffed animals he received when he was a baby and never had the nerve to give up. And, much to Narcissa's dismay, he was watching Titanic. And he was crying over...something she didn't want to know about. Nevertheless, a mother's duties are to her children, even if they are closet wussies.
"What are you crying about?" she asked coldly. "I'm...::sniff:::...I'm not crying! Its Swuffy! He's sad cause...::sniff::...Jack's dead!" he whimpered. "Who the bloody hell is Swuffy?" she asked, regretting it when her fifteen year old son held up a hippogriff plushie. "I hate you..." Narcissa whispered as she walked into the kitchens. She watched, with a bit of amusement, as the dozens of house elves scurried about, tripping here, dropping scolding hot coffee there, rushing to get breakfast done before seven o' clock. But this was a daily event, and it was getting rather boring. She now came to a realization that her life had come to an all new low. It had to be if her favorite thing to do had become this dull. She needed a hobby, something other than being cruel to repressed creatures. She walked back out to the family room where Draco had finished his movie and was currently in the process of returning his plushies to his bedroom. She slunk down into a large armchair and sighed heavily.
"What's wrong mumma?" Draco asked. "Mumma is feeling mentally unstable deary. I hate to tell you this but it's genetic." she said. "I know. Both sides of the family." Draco murmered under his breathe. "Why don't you read one of those smut novels you love so much?" he asked. "Because mummas tired of reading about fictional sex machines who will never come to life in the thing that shares my bed with me singing the fish heads song in his sleep." she said, giving her son more information than he wanted to know. "....Dad...sings the fish heads song? Whats the fish heads song?" he asked, wishing he hadn't. "Stay up late tonigth and I'll show you." she said.
Hours passed and Narcissa just had more and more complaints about her good for nothing husband and giving Draco too much information about certain....things. "Wait, mum, whats a Prince Albert?" he asked, a bit confused. "Well darling.....it's nothing.." she whispered. Narcissa, tired from all her complaining about wasting her life, finally fell asleep in her armchair. Draco took the opportunity to esape with one thing in mind: Make mum happy!
Two hours later Narcissa awoke to the most awkward thing she had ever seen. "....what....is...that?" It was, in fact, a macaroni picture of stick figure Narcissa and Draco with the words "Happy Mother's Day" glued to the top with those little ribbon pastas. "Today is some Muggle holiday called Mother's Day. I did some research and apparently you're supposed to make things out of yarn and macaroni and give them to your mum. Then your supposed to say, aawwwee thank you, and hug me and Dad takes us to dinner." he said. "Muggles are stupid. I thought you knew that." she whispered. Draco pointed to a corner of the picture where a yarn made stick figure with it's head a few inches apart from it's body and red paint filling the gap laid. The name "Lucius" was written next to it. Narcissa hugged her son tightly. "I have never been more proud of you, darling!" she cried. Draco smiled. The Disney movies always paid off in the end. Always.
~~~~Later, at one in the morning~~~
Draco did his best to stifle a laugh, his cheeks puffing out. "sshh.." Narcissa whispered. "...fish...heads...fish heads...rollie pollie...fish heads.." Lucius stirred a bit in his drunken sleep. "eat them up.....yum..." Draco broke out into a mad giggle. "You should know, dear, you do some strange things in your sleep as well.." Narcissa whispered as Lucius broke out into the second verse. "Like what? It can't be worse than..well...this!" Draco whispered back, pointing at his Father who had collapsed on the sofa. "Who's Pansy?" she asked. The color, if there was any, washed from Draco's face. "It's alright, dear. Your a teenager with raging hormones. Just try to keep them under control. You don't want to end up like me, pregnant right out of school because you were randy and a guy flashed his galleons and fancy wine." she said. "Alright Mum. I'll use the pill." he whispered, not wanting to argue with her. "Good boy."
~~~Next morning~~~~
Lucius walked into the Dining room where his devoted wife and obedient son were already seated, waiting for him. "Breakfast on time as usual. Good good...." he trailed off, picking up the Daily Prophet and flipping through the pages, mumbling about the biased anti-Deatheater propaganda. He looked down at his plate and looked a bit shocked. "Darling...why are we having fish for breakfast?" he asked. Draco couldn't last. Lucius' eyes went wide as his son burst into mad laughter, falling out of his chair and taking half of the tablecloth with him. Narcissa merely sat, staring at the opposite wall. "What....?" Lucius mouthed some imcomprehensible words. "Lucius, any news of Potter today?" she asked, chanign the subject. Lucius' face suddenly went red. "Yes! That stupid bloody boy-" he rambled on about bloody Potter's latest exploit. It was a normal day once again. And it would only get better if a heavy rain would start and drown out all the singing birds.
~The End~
Warning: Not for rabid Draco fans....unless you have a sense of humor. As a wise man (or maybe it was just one of my weird friends) once said, "If you love it, you'll ridicule it." Follow these wise words. Good News: Very much so for rabid Lucius haters.
Narcissa Malfoy let out a huge sigh. It was another one of those days. She knew it would be one of those days when she awoke to a bright sunny day with happily singing birds. She absolutely hated happily singing birds because they reminded her of those Merlin Damn muggle Disney movies her little Draco loved so much when he was little....and still loved. Yes, every summer he would come home making her proud by spouting different ways he wanted to "Kill Potter", and then completely hate him all over again when he curled up with his stuffed unicorn and started watching Cinderella. Those stupid singing birds.
Then the day just got worse and worse from there. Lucius had left for work early. He had written a note saying he wouldn't be home until late because of "official important work and stuff thats just too complex for a woman to understand". Narcissa grunted. "Yes, going out drinking with your Deatheater buddies and running over muggles with their own automotive technology is such official important business, isn't it dear? Why, it's far too complex for my small female mind." she scoffed. She took a shower next and was completely pissed off to find that Lucius had used up the last of the Herbal Essence shampoo when she had just bought a new bottle yesterday. "I'll kill him when he gets home..." she whispered venomously.
She got dressed in a new pair of robes while her long, pretty hair dried. She stared at herself in the mirror for half an hour, contemplating why she even bothered putting on makeup when her face was already perfect. She nodded, deciding that just some lipstick and one coat of eyeshadow would work today, since she probably wouldn't be leaving the house anyways. It was the summer, and leaving Draco alone to his own devices with the house elves proved to have horrific outcomes in the past. She wasn't going to take that chance again. After spending an hour trying to get a strand of hair to get down, she walked out to the family room where Draco was curled up with a pile stuffed animals he received when he was a baby and never had the nerve to give up. And, much to Narcissa's dismay, he was watching Titanic. And he was crying over...something she didn't want to know about. Nevertheless, a mother's duties are to her children, even if they are closet wussies.
"What are you crying about?" she asked coldly. "I'm...::sniff:::...I'm not crying! Its Swuffy! He's sad cause...::sniff::...Jack's dead!" he whimpered. "Who the bloody hell is Swuffy?" she asked, regretting it when her fifteen year old son held up a hippogriff plushie. "I hate you..." Narcissa whispered as she walked into the kitchens. She watched, with a bit of amusement, as the dozens of house elves scurried about, tripping here, dropping scolding hot coffee there, rushing to get breakfast done before seven o' clock. But this was a daily event, and it was getting rather boring. She now came to a realization that her life had come to an all new low. It had to be if her favorite thing to do had become this dull. She needed a hobby, something other than being cruel to repressed creatures. She walked back out to the family room where Draco had finished his movie and was currently in the process of returning his plushies to his bedroom. She slunk down into a large armchair and sighed heavily.
"What's wrong mumma?" Draco asked. "Mumma is feeling mentally unstable deary. I hate to tell you this but it's genetic." she said. "I know. Both sides of the family." Draco murmered under his breathe. "Why don't you read one of those smut novels you love so much?" he asked. "Because mummas tired of reading about fictional sex machines who will never come to life in the thing that shares my bed with me singing the fish heads song in his sleep." she said, giving her son more information than he wanted to know. "....Dad...sings the fish heads song? Whats the fish heads song?" he asked, wishing he hadn't. "Stay up late tonigth and I'll show you." she said.
Hours passed and Narcissa just had more and more complaints about her good for nothing husband and giving Draco too much information about certain....things. "Wait, mum, whats a Prince Albert?" he asked, a bit confused. "Well darling.....it's nothing.." she whispered. Narcissa, tired from all her complaining about wasting her life, finally fell asleep in her armchair. Draco took the opportunity to esape with one thing in mind: Make mum happy!
Two hours later Narcissa awoke to the most awkward thing she had ever seen. "....what....is...that?" It was, in fact, a macaroni picture of stick figure Narcissa and Draco with the words "Happy Mother's Day" glued to the top with those little ribbon pastas. "Today is some Muggle holiday called Mother's Day. I did some research and apparently you're supposed to make things out of yarn and macaroni and give them to your mum. Then your supposed to say, aawwwee thank you, and hug me and Dad takes us to dinner." he said. "Muggles are stupid. I thought you knew that." she whispered. Draco pointed to a corner of the picture where a yarn made stick figure with it's head a few inches apart from it's body and red paint filling the gap laid. The name "Lucius" was written next to it. Narcissa hugged her son tightly. "I have never been more proud of you, darling!" she cried. Draco smiled. The Disney movies always paid off in the end. Always.
~~~~Later, at one in the morning~~~
Draco did his best to stifle a laugh, his cheeks puffing out. "sshh.." Narcissa whispered. "...fish...heads...fish heads...rollie pollie...fish heads.." Lucius stirred a bit in his drunken sleep. "eat them up.....yum..." Draco broke out into a mad giggle. "You should know, dear, you do some strange things in your sleep as well.." Narcissa whispered as Lucius broke out into the second verse. "Like what? It can't be worse than..well...this!" Draco whispered back, pointing at his Father who had collapsed on the sofa. "Who's Pansy?" she asked. The color, if there was any, washed from Draco's face. "It's alright, dear. Your a teenager with raging hormones. Just try to keep them under control. You don't want to end up like me, pregnant right out of school because you were randy and a guy flashed his galleons and fancy wine." she said. "Alright Mum. I'll use the pill." he whispered, not wanting to argue with her. "Good boy."
~~~Next morning~~~~
Lucius walked into the Dining room where his devoted wife and obedient son were already seated, waiting for him. "Breakfast on time as usual. Good good...." he trailed off, picking up the Daily Prophet and flipping through the pages, mumbling about the biased anti-Deatheater propaganda. He looked down at his plate and looked a bit shocked. "Darling...why are we having fish for breakfast?" he asked. Draco couldn't last. Lucius' eyes went wide as his son burst into mad laughter, falling out of his chair and taking half of the tablecloth with him. Narcissa merely sat, staring at the opposite wall. "What....?" Lucius mouthed some imcomprehensible words. "Lucius, any news of Potter today?" she asked, chanign the subject. Lucius' face suddenly went red. "Yes! That stupid bloody boy-" he rambled on about bloody Potter's latest exploit. It was a normal day once again. And it would only get better if a heavy rain would start and drown out all the singing birds.
~The End~