Konnichiwa, minna-san. This is my first Inuyasha fic, and I'm having tons of fun with it! ^^" Uh, a warning though, if you're a die-hard "Die Kikyou!!!!" fan, then I strongly suggest you hit the back button NOW because this fan-fic might make you angry… *doesn't want to die by attacks from rabid Kikyou-haters* eheheh… anyways, if you're not going to kill (or flame) me because I include Kikyou in this fic as a really main character, please read on.
Disclaimer: As much as I would like to be able to draw that well, I do not own Inuyasha or any other characters created by Rumiko Takahashi.
Forgive Me
All For Love
by Kaimoku
For the thirteenth time in twenty minutes, Inuyasha smoothed out his red and white hakama - one of his nervous habits.
Inuyasha's stomach was jittery with excitement. He was going to the village to ask for the jewel again. Of course, he had done so every week for the past month and a half, but he never tired of it. He smiled warmly to himself. It wasn't so much the chance he might actually get the jewel and turn into a full demon that made him so happy, but the fact that he would get to see Kikyou again.
His eyes sparkled with the mere memory of her beauty. Gods, she was pretty. Inuyasha felt his pulse rise every time he saw her. His head spun so much that he never actually heard that she was denying him the jewel another time, content to watch her.
Then, after a few minutes with her, he would leave, and come back the next week.
But last week had been very strange: She had not denied him the jewel.
Nor had she given it to him, but that time she had not said no. Inuyasha furrowed his brow. It was confusing. She had almost given it to him, but had placed a single condition on it: that he use it to become a human.
The thought was outraging. He didn't want to be a human - he was already half-human as it was, and it was miserable. He wanted to be a full-demon, like -
Inuyasha shook his head from the name he was about to say. He didn't want to think about his brother at the moment. His full-demon brother.
But the deal was tempting. Kikyou had said that it would make him happy. That it would free him. That it would save her.
Inuyasha's heart beat wildly at the thought that he would be helping Kikyou. Even though she was a mere human, there was only one thing he wanted more than to be her mate. Unfortunately, it was being a full-blooded demon.
The young hanyou scuffed his feet on the dirt path, thinking about what he would do. He so badly wanted to be a demon, to be free of the prejudice that came with being a half-blood. But couldn't he be free of that prejudice by becoming a human, too? Sure, his brother would laugh, but…his head felt dizzy… he would have Kikyou with him. She had even said so.
"Inuyasha, are you listening to me?" she asked. Her black hair fell over her eyes in just a way that entranced Inuyasha to the point that he almost didn't know she had said his name.
"Huh? Oh, sorry," he said. And he really was sorry. He felt bad for not listening to her, but it was so hard when she was this pretty.
Kikyou sighed, but it wasn't exasperated like she would have used for one of the village boys she was accustomed to. "It's fine," she said. "But please, listen, I want to tell you something."
Inuyasha nodded, his full attention on her.
"I…" she started. Kikyou bit her bottom lip. This was so hard. "Well, you've come for the jewel, right?"
Inuyasha nodded, but his eyes pleaded differently.
Kikyou smiled. "Then I will give it to you."
His heart jumped into his throat. She would give it to him? Just give it to him? This seemed to good to be true...
"Under one condition."
His head cleared. He knew there would have to be a bargain price. There always was.
"You must use it to change yourself into a human."
His eyes bulged. "What? Why?" Even as outraged as he was at her to bring up the mere thought of him turning into a human, he could not be angry with her.
Kikyou looked down at the ground. "Well, because…"
Inuyasha nodded her on.
"Because I've come to like you, Inuyasha. I'm not sure what you think of me, but you don't seem completely indifferent to me, either, and…"-she gulped-" and I think if you were human, it might make it easier for there to be an us."
Inuyasha's heart thumped wildly as a million thoughts clouded his mind. He had never felt so much happiness all at once. She had said she liked him. And wondered what he thought. She wanted there to be an "us". His happiness crumbled suddenly as he remembered the other "term" she had mentioned.
She wanted him to be a human.
He grinned with his decision. But he would be warm. He would be warm, and he would be with Kikyou.
Nothing could be better.
~*~
Kikyou looked out the window, waiting eagerly for Inuyasha to come. She had been waiting since dawn, hoping that he would come. Needing him to come.
Her younger sister, Kaede sat down next to her. "Maybe he isn't coming today," she said. Her voice was filled with real sympathy - or at least, as much as a five year old girl could give.
Kikyou looked appalled. "But," she whined, "it's Thursday." She looked at her younger sister as if that explained everything. Kaede's facial expression was blank.
"So?" she asked.
Kikyou frowned in a very childish way. "He always comes on Thursday." Then she broke out in a smile, and the two sisters laughed until Kaede fell off the window seat, and they decided to get some tea to calm them down.
The elder girl grinned. She never acted this way with anyone else, for fear that they would think her too immature to guard the Shikon no Tama, a very powerful jewel that could grant any wish. She had been given the responsibility of looking after it since she was a fairly young girl and had guarded it with her life. And she had many chances to do so.
There were so many people who wanted the jewel, but most of them couldn't do a thing with it. Only demons could truly benefit from its power. That's not to say that humans didn't try to get it, of course. It just meant that they didn't want it for the same reasons.
Kikyou sighed into her green tea, then breathed in the strong aroma. She was glad she was a miko. If she hadn't been, guarding the Shikon no Tama would have been a very short task, as she would have died within the first day. Of course, Kikyou knew that the village people would not have asked her to guard it if she hadn't been an extremely powerful miko, but she was happy she had the magic anyway.
After all, if she had not been guarding the jewel, she would not have met Inuyasha.
"Hey, Kikyou," Kaede said quietly, "where's that man?"
Kikyou looked up from her tea. "You mean Inuyasha?"
Kaede shook her head. "No, the sick one. The one that I don't like."
"Oh," Kikyou said. She had been taking care of a young man who had looked at her in rather inappropriate ways, but she had helped him anyway. It had been Kaede's not very secret opinion that Kikyou throw him out on the street and give him a bit of miko magic to remind him not to look at ladies in such a way. "He left a while ago. I'm not sure where to. But that's a depressing subject, let's talk about something else."
Kaede grinned, "Like, oh, say, Inuyasha for example?" She giggled uncontrollably for a few minutes as Kikyou laughed a little with her.
She smiled with the memory of him, and then set her tea down just in time to see him clumsily walking towards her house. Her smile immediately grew a tenfold as she rushed to see him.
"Inuyasha!" she called. He grinned back at her.
"Konnichiwa, Kikyou-sama," he said. Kikyou was so love-struck that she didn't notice his voice was a tad bit deeper than she remembered it.
Her eyes sparkled with the thought that he had come back. She only hoped that he would accept her offer. She remembered saying that she liked him - a serious understatement. She felt she had come to love the hanyou, and knew that if he felt the same way, he would accept and become a human. However, as much as she loved him, Kikyou was afraid. She had poured so much of her heart into him, that if he refused… she didn't know how she would live on.
She looked at him expectantly, but he wasn't saying anything. He was just smiling at her in what she thought was an adorable way.
The awkward silence continued until she blurted out in hopes to make conversation a comment on his clothes. He was wearing a pale blue hakama over a navy one that contrasted well with his eyes. He normally wore a red one, but he had apparently decided to dress nicely this time. Kikyou wondered why.
After a while more of awkward silence, he shifted uncomfortably. "Kikyou, I wanted to ask you…"
The young miko looked up hopefully.
"You have the jewel right?"
She nodded. Did this mean he was going to accept her offer?
He smiled a little bit. "May I have it?"
She immediately reached under her kimono top to grab at the necklace when she stopped. "Then you agree to become a human?" she asked carefully. There was a possibility that he would try to get the jewel and play on her false hopes. She hoped he wasn't doing that. It would be so painful if he was doing that.
He frowned a little, but this one was not his usual childish, pouting-frown that he would give her when she told him no before. "You don't trust me?" he asked.
Kikyou's eyes widened. "Oh, no, I'm so sorry, Inuyasha, I didn't mean it like that, I was only making sure. I mean, I was so hoping you would agree and we could-"
He waved her off. "It's fine," he said. "Now, may I?"
She nodded, and pulled the Shikon no Tama off her neck and handed it over to him. Her heart beat heavily, as a million thoughts raced through her mind. He was doing it. He had nearly accepted. All she had to do was wait for him to wish for it. He was becoming a human for her.
But the words didn't come. Instead, he began to walk away, back into the forest.
"Wait!" she called. "What about the wish?"
He turned to her with a devilish grin on his face and laughed. "You really are naïve, child. You are much too trusting. I would never have done such a thing. Do you really think I would stoop so low as to become a human?"
Kikyou stared at him, confused beyond words. He's not going to be a human? Then why did he want the jewel? He promised me that if he asked for it, it would be to wish to be a human. But if he didn't want to be a human, why did he ask for it? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why………?
And as realization dawned on her, she felt her heart shatter into millions of pieces.
He deceived me. He tricked me. He… he used me. She felt disgusting, like a discarded doll that had been thrown in the mud after the child had gotten bored with it.
"No," she whispered. "No, Inuyasha… you promised me…"
He laughed again. "Foolish girl," he said. "You chose poorly in your love."
What did he mean by that? She wondered. But before she could wonder on, there was a bright flash from the man who had just broken her heart.
Kikyou watched in sheer horror at her neighbors, her village mates… all of them died with the flash. Kikyou tried to cover her ears to block out the screams of the villagers as their souls were ripped from their bodies and their yells of fright as they watched people die in front of their very eyes, knowing they would be next.
It was horrible. There was fire everywhere, but it wasn't normal fire. It was some kind of magical fire that glowed green and wouldn't be put out. Kikyou felt some of it fall on her, but the pain was dulled as she watched her mother and father run out of the house with Kaede. She heard her mother's voice cry out in pain as Kaede ran over to her sister's side with her bow and arrows. Kikyou's father stayed behind to help her mother, dooming him to the fate of the other villiagers.
He was in front of her now, grinning, just as before. There was another flash and a sinking feeling in Kikyou's stomach. They were dead. Her parents simply fell to the ground. Kaede screamed her fright and pain, but Kikyou could not make a single sound. She had too much fury in her for mere words.
No, she thought. No, Inuyasha… how could you?
She glared at the burning remains of her house while Kaede's screams seemed to echo off of the mountains that surrounded the village. He would pay for Kaede's pain. He would pay for the village's pain. But most of all, he would pay for her pain.
But to bring him down, she would need more than just her magic. She would need everything she had, and Kikyou feared even that might not be enough.
~*~
Naraku grinned wildly as he ran through the forest in his "Inuyasha" suit. It had worked perfectly. Kikyou had actually thought it was Inuyasha who had stolen the jewel. He was just glad he hadn't had to speak too much. Those skins forced the wearer to tell the truth, which could easily uncover a disguise. Now all he had to do was make sure she didn't kill him before he could complete his plan.
He stopped running and jumped onto a rather high tree branch. The young miko was entrancingly pretty, even when she was outraged, and he would love seeing her that way - just so long as he was not on the receiving end of her anger. Naraku pondered what he was about to do.
He could just wish her to love him. Then he could pretend to be Kikyou and tell Inuyasha he hated him. That wouldn't be a lie. He did hate the hanyou dearly; for loving Kikyou and for her loving him back. That would be simple enough. However, if the two ever met again, they might talk and the truth might come out… and then where would he be?
Somewhere far away, hopefully, he thought. Naraku would absolutely hate to be in the middle of a very powerful and very angry miko and hanyou's attacks - and that's exactly where he would be, if they found out.
No, he shook his head. That would not do. He would have to make Kikyou hate Inuyasha, and then be there for her support. Which of course, had been his plan two all along.
He jumped from tree to tree, searching for Inuyasha, wondering if Kikyou had found him first. If she had, it might have made it all the easier for him. Then again, maybe not. If she found him without the Shikon no Tama, she might actually believe that he hadn't stolen it. Which would completely destroy all chances of Kikyou turning to him for support.
Finally, he caught a glimpse of Inuyasha walking around. He jumped down right in front of the young hanyou and grinned evilly. I fall went according to plan, this would be Inuyasha's last day loving Kikyou.
~*~
Inuyasha stared blankly at himself. Or… at least it looked awfully like himself. Inuyasha peered into the other man's eyes to see that they were a darker shade of amber than his and he was wearing a blue hakama, rather than his usual red one. The other thing that was different about the man was that he was carrying a jewel.
It took all of two and a half seconds to realize it was the Shikon no Tama.
"What are you doing with that?" Inuyasha asked forcefully.
The man grinned evilly. Inuyasha did not like the look of that grin. "Giving it to you," he said smoothly as he held out his hand.
Subconsciously, Inuyasha reached for the jewel on the necklace. He thought absently that it was almost as pretty as Kikyou…
Suddenly there was a sharp pain in his stomach and there was a small puddle of blood on the ground. The man was still grinning as he pulled his small dagger out of Inuyasha's stomach. Inuyasha sniffed the air weakly. It was his blood.
The man disappeared, leaving the jewel in Inuyasha's hand. The hanyou staggered backward into a tree. He tried to control the pain, but it was hard. Especially when Kikyou came into the clearing.
The first thought was that she looked beautiful. The second was that she looked very angry. And the third was that she was holding a bow and arrow - pointed at him.
"Inuyasha!" she yelled. He could see the anguish in her eyes, but he did not know what had caused it. In that brief moment, blue fire flashed around her, sealing itself in her bow menacingly.
She shot. Before Inuyasha could control himself, his red Youkai aura flared up around him, sending the blue miko magic back at Kikyou.
She staggered backward with the force of the blow. She was bleeding heavily now, and nothing was going to stop her from getting Inuyasha back. Not even the pathetic pleas for forgiveness would stop her.
Kikyou knew that she couldn't kill him. There was no way she could kill a being so strong. But she could put him into a spell of eternal sleep, and she figured that was just as good.
Once again, her blue aura flared up around her and encased itself in the arrow that was now on the bow string. Just before she released it, she noticed he was wearing a different colored yukata and hakama than he was that afternoon. She wondered why and how he had changed so quickly. Then she loosed the arrow.
It flew straight and true, piercing his heart and pinning him to the tree he was already leaning against. The jewel flew out of his hands and fell to the ground in the increasingly large puddle of blood.
"Kikyou…" Inuyasha whispered. "Why…?"
But she didn't listen. She refused to listen. If she listened, she might actually believe him, and she wouldn't let him have that satisfaction. Inuyasha had known that Kikyou loved him when he tricked her, and she would not let him see that she still did.
"How dare you?" she asked harshly. "How dare you? For such a thing…" She wanted to slap him, but restrained.
Inuyasha fought the sleep that was so eagerly trying to claim him. "What…?" he asked quietly.
She turned to him, hate burning in her eyes so brightly that it nearly blinded him. His delicate nose flared with the scent of her anger at him.
"An entire village, Inuyasha!" she yelled at him. His heart constricted when he saw her wounds. "Why? Did you have to kill them all for such a simple little thing? What were you going to wish?" she took a few steps closer. "Huh? Answer me!"
Now she was just a few feet away. Inuyasha wanted to embrace her and ask her what had happened to make her so angry. But she was making it very clear that she wasn't going to listen.
"What do you want Inuyasha?" she asked. Her voice was coated with disgust, as if he were the slimiest creature on the face of the planet.
Her eyes filled with tears as she grabbed the arrow that was in his chest.
"Die, Inuyasha," she said quietly. There was no end to the pain and hate in her voice, and even more in her eyes. Then suddenly she twisted the arrow, causing a wave of immense pain to rip through him. "Die, and feel the pain you caused me."
As she turned her back to him, and walked a few feet before collapsing on the ground, he wished he could die. What had happened? Why did she suddenly hate him? He watched as Kaede stumbled towards her, crying.
"But Kikyou…" Inuyasha whispered through pain and the curse, "Kikyou, I love you…"