The Morning After
Jack and Daniel discuss the Destroyer of Worlds, a tag to Season 3 episode Past and Present, spoilers for Season 3 Forever in a Day. TW: indirect discussion of suicidal ideation.
Why was it that Daniel always fell for the crazy aliens, Jack mused, or at least the ones who needed rescuing? Sha're had been the outlier of that group initially, he supposed, parking the car outside of Daniel's apartment building, or at least she had started out that way. Now, here they were about two years out from her capture by Apophis and about a month out from her actual, physical death and Jack was mopping up the mess from yet another alien love affair.
Sighing, Jack shoved his hands in the worn out pockets of his leather jacket, fingering the start of a hole in his left as he headed up to Daniel's apartment. If he hadn't seen Daniel's car parked outside, Jack would have figured no one was home. The lights were off despite the dark gray fog of the Saturday morning and there was no sign of movement inside.
Jack knocked loudly on the door, rang the doorbell, and called Daniel's name a few times before using his own key to unlock the door. The continued silence of the apartment sent the hairs on the back of Jack's neck standing up. He'd seen that movie before, walked into one too many scenes of self-inflicted carnage in the field and at home. He'd lost too many friends that way and nearly lost himself.
"Daniel? I know you're home," he called, shutting the door behind him and walking quickly through the place, cursing the fact that he hadn't followed him home last night. Sure, he hadn't looked too happy, but he didn't set off any alarm bells as far as Jack was concerned and he'd given the man the benefit of the doubt to go home and lick his own wounds. If he had gone and done something he shouldn't have, Jack would never forgive himself.
Advancing back into Daniel's bedroom, Jack was glad to see the spiky, disheveled head of his friend just peeking out from below the bed blankets. The steady rise and fall of Daniel's chest was visible beneath the linens. He was alive.
"Rise and shine, Danny-boy! Up and at 'em!" A low groan answered him, followed by movement beneath the blankets and Jack felt the panicked adrenaline begin to dissipate.
"It's almost eleven. I'll put the coffee on." Jack backtracked out of Daniel's bedroom and located the coffee maker and supplies. He'd seen Daniel make coffee for himself enough times to know the ratio of scoops to water or at least enough to approximate it. Movement behind him in the doorway distracted him from his count.
"You're doing it wrong." Jack chose not to comment on the fact that Daniel appeared only to be wearing a bathrobe that had seen far better days or the fact that his eyes looked red and bruised behind his glasses, as if the man had been up all night crying instead of sleeping, and moved aside with a wave of his hand, relinquishing control of the coffee preparation. Jack watched Daniel work, trying to catch what it was he had done incorrectly, but couldn't make it out, choosing instead to fiddle with a banana on the counter top.
Daniel wasn't talkative, but Jack hadn't expected him to be. It wasn't until he was curled up in a chair, wrapped around his nearly empty coffee cup, that Daniel said another word.
"Well, you might as well come out with it, then." Jack raised an eyebrow over his own nearly empty mug.
"Out with what?" Daniel set his jaw and looked away from Jack at a blank point on the far wall.
"I'm not an idiot, Jack. I know the rules. I've read the regulations. I know I shouldn't be surprised that Hammond is having you do it, but I thought I might at least have till Monday." Jack set down his mug and crossed his arms over his chest, confused at where Daniel was going.
"What are you talking about?" Daniel curled impossibly tighter into himself, fingering a lose thread on his bathrobe.
"You're here to fire me." Jack rolled his eyes.
"Oh for crying out loud, Daniel, no one is firing anyone. Where the hell did you get that idea?" Jack kicked himself when he saw the complete look of surprise on Daniel's face. He should have come the night before.
"I just… I thought that… I… You're not? Really? Oh." Jack shook his head.
"No. Why would anyone be firing you?" Daniel shrugged, blush coloring the stubble on his cheeks.
"I kissed Linea," he mumbled into his coffee cup, not meeting Jack's eyes. Jack wondered when Daniel had stopped referring to her as Ke'ra.
"So?" Daniel fixed him with another surprised look. Jack sighed.
"Daniel, people kiss people all the time. I have it on good authority that everyone on our team, hell, everyone at the SGC has snogged someone, alien or otherwise, at some point. A little lip bashing is not grounds for dismissal. Is that really what's going on?" Daniel smiled faintly and shrugged. A mischievous grin replaced the pale, depressed look on his face.
"Who'd you kiss?" Jack glared at him.
"Hey, now, this is not about me." Daniel raised an eyebrow, his grin fading.
"Why are you here then, Jack?" Jack shrugged, eyeing his now empty coffee mug.
"You tell me." The pale, depressed look was back.
"Because I kissed Linea… but you're not going to fire me." Daniel was back to not meeting his eyes.
"No, you idiot, I'm not going to fire you, but yes, I'm here because the first woman you've fallen for since Sha're turned out to be the Destroyer of Worlds and I know that can't be a picnic." Daniel was back to staring at the far wall, arms wrapped around himself. With a flicker of worry, Jack realized he looked closer to the Daniel he'd seen back when Machello's little ear worms were driving them all bonkers than the Daniel he'd seen leave base last night.
"What's eating you, Daniel?" Daniel's fingers returned to the frayed little thread hanging off his bathrobe, turning it around and around.
"I should have been Linea," he whispered, the words half caught in the folds of his bathrobe to the extent that it took Jack a moment to decipher them.
"What?" Daniel continued to fiddle with the thread.
"People don't just become Destroyer of Worlds, Jack," Daniel muttered cryptically as if such a statement would make his previous one make sense. Jack rolled his eyes and sighed. He didn't know why he expected this to be an easy conversation. It certainly shouldn't be surprising that a conversation with Daniel, even a conversation with a maybe mentally unstable Daniel, would be a bit more complicated than average.
"What are you saying?" Daniel continued to fiddle, but his gaze finally returned to Jack and Jack was a bit taken aback by the haunted look in his eyes.
"When the Vorlix happened, she was a healer, Jack, a leader, a scientist, someone who just wanted to help people, to gather knowledge and set things back to the way they should be. Ke'ra was… She was compassionate, empathetic, intelligent… She wasn't going to hurt anyone." Jack nodded.
"Yeah. That's why we wiped her memory and made sure she was never going to take the antidote." Daniel frowned.
"You're not following me." Jack frowned back and fiddled with his coffee cup.
"People don't just become Destroyer of Worlds, Jack. Whatever happened to Ke'ra that turned her into Linea…" Daniel trailed off, shaking his head.
"What are you saying, Daniel? Are you really comparing yourself to Destroyer of Worlds?" Daniel shrugged. Jack rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Daniel, I know where you are right now. I've been there, hell, you've been there right with me." Daniel nodded sadly.
"Exactly. And you were ready to blow up Abydos." Jack frowned.
"But I didn't, Daniel." Daniel's gaze shifted to the empty space inside his coffee cup. Jack sighed.
"I didn't blow up Abydos because I had one pain in the ass archeologist there pointing me in the right direction, okay?" Daniel's blank expression twitched into a semblance of a smirk before returning to a picture of depression that rivaled the gray fog outside. Jack put down his coffee cup.
"Look, you're right. We don't know what incredibly traumatic shit-storm happened to Ke'ra to turn her into Linea. But you're wrong about you. You're not a destroyer of worlds and no matter what crap life hands you, you're not going to become a destroyer of worlds. If anything, you've saved too many worlds at this point to go dark side." The flicker of a smirk passed over his face again.
"And, anyway, I need you to stay around and keep being a pain in the ass." The smirk stayed this time.
"Can I quote you on that?" Jack smirked back and rolled his eyes.
"You've really got to work on your pep talks, by the way." Daniel still looked fragile, but the haunted look that sent the hairs on the back of Jack's neck at attention had faded like so much fog.
"Yeah, well, the talking thing's sort of your department." Daniel smiled. Jack eyed the still half-full coffee maker.
"You've got some travel mugs? Teal'c mentioned a new donut place near here he's been wanting to try out." Jack filled two mugs and screwed on the lids, balancing his phone in the crook of his neck to call Teal'c and Sam in on the donut run while Daniel threw on a pair of clothes that looked only slightly less decrepit than the bathrobe. He opted not to comment given that the tattered jeans and sweater seemed like a possible statement about his level of mental health and packed the man into his truck instead, coffee in tow. There were few things in his experience that couldn't be helped by a strong cup of coffee and a dozen donuts with friends.