Well it's TMNT ©. And ya know what everyone says: I don't own them… Pity.

About story: it's about love, more than brotherly love. But it's romantic and soft. There's gonna be 3 chapters, though they look more like separate stories connected by one idea. So let it be that way.

For You: I hope You'll enjoy this. Any tips and comments are welcome and your opinions as well. It's important for me to know them. Thank You for reading!!

Pairing: Leo&Raph

About chapter: Leo's been acting strange lately and his state's somehow connected to Raphael. They'll have to talk, but will it make things easier for Leonardo?

CHAPTER 1. Something over the control

When it all has begun? The month ago? Two? Half a year? Or this has been living in me for the whole life, unnoticed, hidden, powerful, ready to strike at the most inappropriate moment? What for? Why? Why now? The reality became to look like а terrible and simultaneously beautiful dream… The glance gives birth to tremor, the word turns off the reason, the touch knockdowns… I am their leader, senior brother, I've been prepared to anything… To anything, except for this…

"No way this gang is going to win!" Mikey exclaimed, sending a greater handful of popcorn in his mouth. "Main hero will wreck their necks for sure. He's tough!"

"It's different in the real life…" Leo melancholically called back, looking at the TV screen.

Donatello threw one strange glance on his senior brother, but didn't say anything. Recently leader behaved – in soft words - strange: was constantly sunk in his own thoughts, suppressed and even showed first signs of closing depression. All Don's attempts to start some talk had no success: Leonardo simply didn't answer or reversed the conversation to the other theme. Sometimes senior brother did not come out of its room for hours, was distracted during their trainings that weren't like him after all and even forgot the meditation. Donatello did not know what to think, particularly, when he noticed that reinforcement of Leo's depression was provoked by a single sign of Raphael…

For some certain time turtles silently watched the movie, though Mikey seemed to be the only one to follow the plot. Donny had glanced at Leonardo, who'd been completely obsessed with his own thoughts, and already decided to try and talk once again, when door was opened slightly and Raph walked into the living room. Donatello bit his tongue as he noticed his leader immediately turning sour. He practically blew off as some air ball if such comparison could have been possibly used to describe their always concentrated and neat brother. Leonardo mumbled something indistinct, got up, studiously skirted approaching Raphael and darted out of the room without a single look back. Raphael threw one quick glance after him, then fell on soft pillow and looked at the screen.

"Whatcha lookin'?" he asked.

For some time Mikey was telling him the plot of the movie with his mouth full of popcorn. When younger brother had fallen silent, Donny turned to Raph.

"You need to talk to Leo." he said quietly.

"Me?" Raphael mildly twisted. "Yeah, right..."

"Come on, Raph." Donatello frowned. "You see for yourself that Leo's been acting strange for last several weeks. He does not contact with me or Mikey, he even doesn't want to talk to Splinter. You're our only hope."

"What all this gotta do wit' me?" Raphael grumbled. "We don't get along too well, haven't ya forgotten?"

"Raph, you perfectly understand what I'm saying." Donny sighed. "Don't know what happened again between two of you, but now he simply jumps aside when you're closing him. It seems that Leo has his depression growing with you simply in his vision field. No way haven't you noticed that."

Raph kept silence for some time, watching the screen.

"Course I've noticed." he said finally. "Sometimes I feel m'self contagious, when he creeps alon' the wall in the corridor in order not to approach. He's got problems for sure…"

"Talk to him, Raph." Donny nodded aside the door. "I don't like his state. I know, you hate all these talks, but you can at least try. Well?"

"Okay." Raph grumbled discontentedly, rising from the sofa. "But don't forget that was your idea afterwards, and don't resent if I'll hit some talking outta Leo."

"Anything it takes…" Don sighed again, as he watched over leaving Raphael. "As long as it helps Leo to become himself again..."

...

I must be a support for them… Cannot afford weakness, particularly, this sort of it… Have no right to pick out one of them… But, God, occasionally it's so difficult to simply see him… To be in one room, to breathe one air, to cross with glances… All these years of meditations, trainings and edifications, all these turned out to be week before this call, going from the depth of my consciousness… I'm losing control… losing myself…

"So what's gotten inta ya?" Raph asked discontentedly as he caught Leo in the corridor. "What have I messed up with this time?"

Leo kept silence as he observed his brother approaching him. One step, one more. And there is already s distance in half of the extended hand between them. So close… Thoughts once again became tractile and vague, as it always was near Raphael. As hypnotized, Leo looked at completely familiar face, at powerful body with springy muscles, at two emerged veins on forearms. The reddish-brown eyes of his brother, their piercing glance, always irritated expression caused Leo to feel sweet tremor. He tried to say something, but could not make a single word out of him. Raph's vicinity was slowly driving Leo crazy.

"Leo, what's wrong?" Raph asked with concern. "You feel bad?"

Yes, I feel bad, Leo wanted to yell, bad since I'm forgetting everything near you! Forgetting that I'm your leader and must have clear mind in any situations, but instead of this I'm sinking in oppressive torpor when you get nearby! Forgetting that you're my brother, ant yet my imagination draws such pictures that I ready to die because of the shame! Die… but with that I don't want to stop seeing them. I'm terrified, feel bad and at the same time I feel so madly well, when I'm near you…

"Leo…" Raph muttered. "You okay?"

He stepped a little closer and placed the hand on Leo's shoulder. It was such a rare manifestation of feelings from his side. Senior brother flinched. And lost control. Having a half-step forward, Leonardo grabbed Raph's shoulder and captured those lips in a kiss, though he didn't understand how he could let himself do it. Raphael stood frozen, his body tightened and didn't move, as some certain power had suddenly transformed him into a stone. While this kiss lasted for several seconds, Leo forgot about everything and simply enjoyed the flame that was raging inside of him. The Flame that had been always blazing calmly and peacefully, but now had got free from the dungeon of rules and restrictions and flooded his essence with unknown bliss.

But this all ended quickly. Too quickly. Adding in itself, Raph stepped back, looking at Leo with strange expression on his face. It was vague, but foreshadowed no good. Anyway, leader read it that way. Leonardo almost groaned as he became sensible once again and realized what he had just done.

"Raph…" Leo whispered, looking into his brother's eyes with despair. "I…"

He stretched to Raph, but the terrapin with red bandage did one sharp step back, narrowed his eyes mildly and raised slightly one of his hands. His pose was instantly transformed. Amongst confusion and perplexities senior brother saw the evident signs of the threat. Leo stopped dead. His body was shaking. What he had done! What he had done!! Rapf silently drilled Leo for several more seconds with his eyes and then turned around sharply and quickly walked to the door in the living room.

"Raph, wait…" Leo managed to force some words out of himself.

He forced himself to follow his brother though all he wanted at the moment was to fall down on the floor and never get up again. Raphael ran into the living room causing surprised Mikey to suppress with popcorn, made several long steps across the room and jumped on the balcony. When Leo showed up, Raph's door had been already slammed with fury. The echo had rolled between stone walls and then came silence.

Donatello exchanged glances with Mikey, got up from the sofa and closed to the almost frozen Leo.

"What happened?" he asked, looking at his elder brother with concern.

Leonardo quaked as if being terribly chilled and raised his eyes upon Donny's face. They were overflowed with pain. He hardly understood who exactly was standing in front of him. The pain clouded his sight and pinned down other feeling.

"What have I done…" Leonardo whispered with terror. "Raph… What have I done… He hates me already enough…"

"Leo, you're scaring me." Donny said nervously, placing one hand on his brother's shoulder. "What's with you? What did you do? What happened?"

Mikey forgot about his popcorn and stared at their leader with scare. This kind of Leo was a terrifying surprise. Scolding himself for having forced Raph into this talk with Leonardo, Donny grasped Leonardo's shoulder and carefully shook.

"Leo!" he raised his voice. "Regain consciousness! What happened?"

But it looked like his senior brother didn't respond to external irritations anymore and sunk completely into himself. His glassy glance looked somewhere in space in ahead, where thoughts had some physical form and became palpable. Where he could forget about reality, about everything that had happened a few minutes ago. Where his palms intertwined with palms of the one, who became the center of all desires…

...

Donny left his idle attempts to get their leader out of the mind shell, conducted him into his room, put on the bed, carefully covered with a blanket then quietly returned to the corridor, having the door closed behind him. Mikey stood there feeling nervous and waiting for Donatello. Don shook his head and mildly shrugged, hinting that he wasn't sure what to do. For some time brothers trampled around the door in Leo's room being sunk in some heavy thoughts then simultaneously flinched and ran into the living room.

Raph's Door turned out to be locked and their attempt to enter regained immediate and frantic replay.

"Get the Hell outta my door!!" tense voice yelled. "Or I'm not gonna answer for myself!!"

"Raph, it's me Don." genius said, taking his palm away from the doorknob. "Can you come out?"

"No!"

"Raph, please." Donny asked softly . "I'm asking you…"

For a certain time there was silence behind the door. Then terrapins heard some noise, muted curse and then Donatello was almost happy to hear steps. In a second the key was turned in the lock and door was opened. Raph didn't look very comforting thought, he was angry as if he had been preparing himself for a heavy fight, his eyes blazed with a fire, his fists were compressed so that the knuckles turned white mildly. Donny noticed his sais occupying their usual place on owner's belt.

"Raph." Don said carefully, being afraid to provoke some mad fury with a single unwary word. "Are you ok? You're not wounded by the chance?"

Raph's eyes shined with angry fire. Mikey hardly suppressed a desire to hide behind Donatello. He was elementary frightened. Leo and Raph had been constantly yelling at each other and fighting all the time, but their stripping did not ever end like this before.

"Do you need help?" Donny continued though it was obvious that Raph didn't have any physical problems at the moment.

"No." Raph forced out a replay.

"So… what happened?" Don decided to go straight ahead. "What did Leo do?"

"Don't ya dare to say his name in my presence!" Raphael suddenly shouted, hanging down over his flinched brother.

"Raph, what's wrong with you?" Mikey mumbled with a soft, becalming voice. "Leo's almost dying because of the despair…"

"That's good." Raph's voice was surprisingly calm. "If he approaches me once again, I'll kill him."

There was so much hate and fury and pain in his voice that Donny felt a deep tremor. He helplessly looked at Mikey. Raph turned away from his brothers, slammed the door behind him and moved to the sanctum's output without looking aside.

"Where're you going?" Don yelled.

Without answer Raph opened the passage and disappeared in the sewer's darkness. The massive door closed and took it's place once again with light grinding. The air around was still shivering from the recent fury but soon started to fill with a silence…

...

Why? Why? Why?! How could I do it? How could I lose my control? His eyes… This expression in his eyes… He'll never forgive me… What have I done…

Had three days passed already?.. This thought came up for Leo's head and then vanished immediately. What's the difference? One Hour, one day, one week… What's the point in measuring the time if it all filled with pain? What's the difference how many minutes escaped in nowhere after he had done something irreparable? After Raph had left their sanctum? After the despair had become the dominant feeling of his existence? Leo wanted to yell, but his throat only managed to wheeze painfully. And even this didn't matter anymore.

"He lays that way for the third day." Donatello shook his head. "We're hardly forcing him to eat and drink."

"And he's still not telling you what happened?" Casey asked, rubbing his neck.

"No." Donny sighed.

"I searched for Raph everywhere, in all "our" places." Casey shrugged. "Nothing. Seems to me, this time he really doesn't want to be found. Well, it doesn't mean I'm gonna give up though."

"Thank you, Casey." Splinter mildly biased his head.

"Yeah, well…" Casey shrugged mildly once again. "Don't worry, I'm gonna find Raph and bring him here even if I'll have to drag him."

"You should be careful." Donatello said quietly. "Raph was boiling inside when he left. In such a condition he occasionally becomes…"

"Dangerous." Mikey finished for his brother.

"Yes." Donny grasped his head suddenly. "Jeeez, I was the one who insisted on their talk and make Raph follow Leo…What's gotten into me? I perfectly knew what the usual end of all their talks is…"

"It's not your fault, my son," Splinter said calmingly. "Your intentions were good. The source of the problem is hidden inside of Leonardo and not in your actions. However, his condition's growing worse with every hour. I think you and your brother should go to the surface to find Raphael."

"They shouldn't."

Splinter, terrapins and Casey turned in the direction of familiar voice. Raph stood there leaning to a wall and having his hands crossed. He looked tired, there was some strange expression in those brown eyes which nobody could define. Splinter was attentively looking at his obstinate pupil as like he was trying to read his mind. For a certain time there was a silence in the corridor. Then Donny walked forward.

"Raph…" he begun.

"Raph!" Casey interrupted the terrapin as he also stepped forward and approached his gloomy buddy. "Where were you? I searched the whole city trying to find you!"

"It's not of yer business." Raph said sharply.

Donny recognized those intonations and wanted to warn Casey, but it wasn't easy to shut up their human friend.

"What're you nuts? What do you mean by saying it's not my business?" Casey resented, prodding Raphael's shoulder with his finger. "How could you disappear that way having Leo suffering so much there… What were you thinking?!"

In the next moment Raph's fist slammed into his belly, causing man to lose his breathing and bend down. Don and Mickey moved to help, but Splinter unexpectedly stopped his sons. Raphael grasped Casey's wrist and powerfully turned it counterclockwise.

"I think I'll break yer hand if you prod me once again!" Raph hissed, looking in Casey's face filled with pain. "Got that?"

"Yes! Yes!" man cried out. "Let go…"

Raph unclenched his fingers and Casey fell down on the floor with a soft moan, holding carefully his right hand. Frightened Mikey looked at Donny and then at their teacher. Splinter negatively shook his head. Donatello was silent for a moment then did one unsure step forward and stopped dead as the burning glance of reddish-brown eyes fixed on him.

"Eeer…" Don forced himself to do one more step. "Listen, hey…"

"Where's Leo?" Raph interrupted the terrapin.

Donatello noticed not without fear that with this question Raph placed palms over the handles of his sais. This motion was quite familiar and meant readiness to strike a blow. Donny grew cold after this thought.

"Raph…" he mumbled trying to think of something. "You…eeemm…"

"Leonardo's in his room, Raphael." Splinter said unexpectedly. "He didn't abandon it since you had left. The pain that is unknown to us is being tearing him apart and you're the only one who can stop it. This way or another. Go."

Raph nodded almost unnoticeably and walked into the Leo's room. Mikey helped Casey to get up.

"Do you think it was a good idea, master?" Donny asked, looking at his father. "Raph's in such a condition at the moment…"

"My son, we haven't been able to ease Leonardo's pain." Splinter sighed. "We shall not be able to redeem Raphael's fire as well. But there is something we can do nonetheless."

"What, master?" Mikey asked as he held swaying Casey.

"We can trust your brothers." Splinter answered. "Let's go, our human friend requires small medical help…"

...

I need to get up… Need to return to brothers, becalm them… Need to talk to master…They all so concerned… But there is no powers… No powers to get up, to move, to talk… No desire to do it… And what am I going to say? How am I going to say?.. It's better to lie down longer… A bit longer…

Leonardo lied on his bed facing the wall and didn't react when the door was opened and slammed again after Raph had entered the room. Leader breathed almost inaudible though these sounds seemed to be very loud due to the silence around. Raphael walked to the center of the room, stood there for some time then moved again and stopped near Leo.

"Donny, leave me." Leo mumbled without turning around.

Raph didn't move. It looked like anyone's presence in the room was nearly unbearable for the tormented terrapin's leader.

"Please." Leonardo said a bit louder. "I want to be alone."

No motion once gain. Leo felt visitor's intent glance over the back of his head. He didn't want to move but seems like it was the only way to make unwelcome guest leave. Leonardo sighed and raised oneself slightly over the elbow.

"Look." He begun turning round on the sheets. "I just said…"

The words had stuck in Leo's throat when he saw who exactly was standing near his bed. He did not feel anything for some moments and all thoughts seemed to disappear in nowhere. But then alarmed feeling returned ten times stronger than before causing Leonardo to fall back with a quiet moan and close his face with his palms. He was trembling. For all these three days senior brother was so scared because he thought that Raph had left forever, that he'd hate him even more, that the everyday world had been completely ruined and cannot be rebuilt and maintained once again. This feeling was over the edge of Leo's abilities to self-control. And now when it was a time to meet his fears the leader was betrayed by his own essence. He had never been so afraid before.

However it was necessary to do something. Raph silently stood near his bed and waited for something. Leo noticed brother's fingers mechanically stroking handles of his sais. If Raphael call him for a fight this time leader simply will not be able to protect his own life. Leonardo drove this thought away, forced himself to put down his hands and threw one quick glance over the younger terrapin. His brain worked febrile. What to say? What to do? Get up or remain to lie? Touch him or stay at the distance? What if accidentally spoken word will cause the wave of fury? What if the touch will force Raph to wry because of anger and disgust? Should Leo beg for an excuse? But he didn't feel himself strong enough to do it because the memory of that kiss made his heart beat quicker and breathing loose its accustomed rhythm. Leo did not want to repent in what had delivered him such a bliss even if he had to pay for it for much longer. And then reason has yielded to a heart. Leo sat on his bed and finally looked into his brother's eyes.

"I'm glad that you've returned." he said quietly. "You may hate me, may be irritated with me and not talk to me ever again but just do not leave that way anymore… Whatever you choose I'll respect your decision, but I want you to know: I… love you… It's much stronger than me, stronger than any rules and restrictions, stronger than any promises and vows… And I can't do anything with it… Don't want to do anything… If you say, I'll never approach you, but this shall not cause me to stop loving you… After I'd realized this and accepted, my life was filled with a new sense, with a new light…Your light…"

Leo suddenly silenced as if trying to read the strange expression in his brother's eyes but then stopped this and once again fell back on the sheets. Now it was his turn to wait. Leader turned on to the right side looking ahead and praying for this expectation not to be too long. Anything but being uncertain…

Raphael suddenly did several steps forward and got down on his knees near the bed. For some time he simply sat there examining something on the opposite wall then lowered eyes on Leo. Senior brother hold his breathing. Raph leaned forward mildly, stretched his left hand and carefully touched leader's face. Leonardo flinched and closed his eyes for some time, enjoying this innocent contact that he desired so much, then opened them again, looked at Raphael and embraced his hand with palms.

"I hate ya, Leo." Raph said suddenly. "Hate ya for what you've done. Things had never been simple before and now you made them even more complicated…"

"I'm sorry…" Leonardo whispered, snuggling his cheek to his younger terrapin's palm.

"I don't understand what's goin' on wit' me, Leo." Raphael continued looking intently at his brother. "These three days… I wanted to kill ya for so many times that I even stopped counting… I was coming home with this feeling… But now you're telling me this… And I'm starting to feel that I've been laying to myself for too long…"

"Raph…" Leonardo mumbled quietly, kissing softly his sibling's palm. "I gave a promise once that I'll always look after you… Always be near… And I'll keep my word if you let me to…"

Raph tightened but didn't take his hand away only sighed intermittently.

"I need time, Leo." he said with a mild tremble in his voice. "Time to understand... To accept this…"

Leonardo felt the way his brother's body calling back to their vicinity, the way hand quivering under the touch of his lips, the way his breathing changing the rhythm. Possibly it was a small thing, but Leo was nearly overfilled with mad happiness that was ready to spout through the edge sweeping away all barriers in its way.

"You've got all time you want, Raphie." Leonardo mumbled tenderly. "If it's necessary, I'll be waiting for you for my whole life…"