Disclaimer: Rhomyr and Kaelinya are my characters, but they are set in Robert Jordan's world. So basically, everything except them belongs to him, including the little poem at the end. It can be found in the end of the tenth book of the WoT series.
Well, here goes my little account of one Lews Therin's Hundred Companions after they reseal the Dark One's prison, and saidin becomes tainted.
My fingers clutch the fabric of my cloak.
Destroy . . . rip and rend and shatter . . . and laugh . . .
No! I will not go mad. I am still sane. I am!
Tears leak from my eyes. After everything I've been through. After everything the Hundred Companions achieved. After everything the Dragon led us too. After all the hardships, the defeats, all the laughter and the triumphs. This is what it comes to.
Let go . . . run free . . . saidin calls . . . saidin . . . power . . .
No . . . please, Light, no . . .
I have to get away. Get away from everyone, everything I care about. Lews Therin Kinslayer. I will not let the taint call me down the same path as it called the Dragon. I will run.
I stumble to my feet, clinging desperately to the thought. I have to leave. I will not harm my family. I will not harm the little ones, curled up under their blankets. I will not harm my Kaelinya, my beloved, my wife.
Kill . . . kill them all! Watch the blood fountain, listen to the screams . . .No! I will kill myself before I kill them! Yes . . . kill myself. The easiest end. Death will halt the madness.
No! Reach for saidin, reach for power, reach for . . .
Shut up! I won't listen to you! I am still sane. I will still be sane when I die.
A knife. The kitchen knife, left out from dinner. A long blade, for carving meat. It will work. My sword lies too far away. The sooner I do this, the better.
My hand closes around the knife.
No . . . think of power, think of ripping, think of shattering. Think of saidin.
I lift the knife. Press the cold blade against my throat.
Saidin! Ride the power of saidin! There is no power when you die!Make the madness leave.
"Rhomyr!"
The knife slips from my grasp, and clatters on the floor.
Kaelinya.
"Rhomyr? What . . ."
She's walking towards me. I can't move. I have to. I have to reach for the knife. I have die. I have to die now. Before it's too late.
Saidin! Power! Death!The little voice rages. The little voice that is part of me.
Kill! Kill her, kill them all!I force my muscles to move. I reach down, fingers stretched for the knife.
Kaelinya's hand clasps the hilt, pulls the weapon away. She doesn't understand. I have to die!
"Kaelinya." Hard to speak. Hard not to listen to the little voice screaming. Hard not to laugh, and shout of killing and blood.
Hardest not to reach for saidin.
SAIDIN!It screams at me, desperate. I won't listen. No, shut up!
"Rhomyr?"
Kaelinya. Beautiful brown eyes looking into my own, full of concern, worry. Full of love.
"Kaelinya." So hard to talk. "Kaelinya, I love you." It all rushes out now, like the words have broken through a damn. I try to drown to little voice.
Love her . . . kill her! Saidin is for killing!"I love you. I never want to leave you. But the taint, Kaelinya. I'm going mad. Light, I'm going mad! I'm going to kill, and rip, and tear this world. With saidin! Saidin is for killing!"
I stop suddenly, breathing heavily. Fire rages in me. A crazy, mad, raging fire. The voice will not drown. It rides the wave and turns it. Taints it.
Kaelinya's eyes are wide. Then she's crying. Tears streaming down her face. But she doesn't move, she doesn't run. Poor Kaelinya.
"I'm sorry." I say. "I'm sorry for everything." I stamp on the mad little voice. I block it out. "Give me the knife. I have to die before . . . before I kill you. Before I kill you and the little ones. Give me the knife."
Kaelinya puts the knife on the kitchen table. I begin to reach for it, but her hand on my arm stops the movement. She wraps her arms around me, holds me tightly. I hold her too. She kisses me.
Kiss saidin, the little voice mutters hysterically. Kiss saidin, feel the lust for power, the love of killing!
I pull away from Kaelinya. I reach for the knife, close my hand around it once again.
"I love you, Kaelinya," I say softly. "Goodbye."
I lift the knife. I fell its cold caress against my throat.
Not for you. Death is not for you yet. For you is power, and glory. For you is saidin. For you is power! For you is SAIDIN!
I throw the knife away from me. No! I didn't mean to! I – Light!
"I love you, Kaelinya!" I scream wildly.
The voice overtakes me. I seize saidin. Feel life, glory, power. Power. I don't weave, I'm not careful. The flows rip out of me. I hear screaming. I see Kaelinya crushed by falling stones and debris. I laugh. I tear the house apart. I watch the blood of my children flow. I laugh at their screams, then laugh some more at the sheer joy of destruction.
No! No! Noo . . .
A little voice screams pathetically in the back of my head. I crush it.
Saidin roars through me. Flames leap from my hands. Lightning thunders down, explodes against the ground. The earth shudders, melts, rips itself apart.
People scream. Blood flows. Death rides saidin. I ride saidin.
I am free. I am power! I am Death itself!
I run through the lightning bolts, and leap over chasms in the earth. I roar with the fires.
I laugh.
We rode the winds of the rising storm,
We ran to the sounds of the thunder.
We danced among the lightning bolts,
and tore the world asunder.