Split in Two

by i-nv-u50

Vanyel's been having nightmares, but he doesnt know what of. All he can remember when he wakes up is loneliness, bitter and deep. What does Tylendel have to do with it? And who in the world is Stefen? SLASH!

Title: Split in Two

Author: I_nv_u50

Pairings: Tylendel/Vanyel; Vanyel + Stefen

Disclaimer: Characters and world belong to Mercedes Lackey; Song Snippet belongs to whoever wrote it O.o;

Rating: PG13…

Author's Notes: I really like Vanyel O.o;; (cuddles Van) 'cept I expect everyone does… or everyone that doesn't mind slash does O.o; how could you not, eh? =P So anyway, this is a one shot, takes place somewhere between Magic's Promise and Magic's Price. Ends right before Magic's Price begins… sort of. Anyway, I've never tried Valdemar fanfiction before, but this snippet so said Van/'Lendel … It was so obviously made for them, and for Stef too, because… er, I'm not going to spoilt it for you if you haven't read the third one yet. Btw, if you haven't, GO TO IT! …

:blah: represents mindspeech…

So anyway, read, enjoy, and please review ^^ tell me what you think: should I write a few more in valdemar or should I stick to other fandoms? O.o;

Cheers!! ^^

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Last time I saw you
We had just split in two.
You were looking at me.
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar,
But I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face;
I had blood in my eyes.
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine.
That's the pain,
Cuts a straight line
Down through the heart;
We called it love.

~Origin of Love, Hedwig and the Angry Inch~

Vanyel struggled out of the nightmare with a gasp that almost sounded like a scream to his ears, a face imprinted on the back of his eyelids that was so beloved he would never be rid of it. 

He sat, tangled in bed sheets and linen, fists clenched in the cover, fists the trembled with the tensing of his muscles. It was only a matter of time before his breathing would slow, and when it finally did, he whimpered, bringing up one shaking hand to press it against his eyes.

It was so cold…

:Are you okay Chosen?: 'Fandes' mindvoice was coloured green with concern. :That's the fifth time tonight.:

:I know,: Vanyel replied dully in the same way. "It's not my choice either," he continued aloud, talking to the air. "It was the same one too. Why now?"

:I don't know, Chosen. Try and sleep again, maybe it'll go away this time.:

"All right," Vanyel replied, his voice heavy with weariness. "Good night again, dearheart."

A thought of emotional comfort with a less tangible nuzzle sent him to sleep again once he lay back down, and Vanyel dropped into slumber that didn't let him escape the ever present sorrow.

~Tylendel was waiting for him, standing just up ahead, covered in blood. Vanyel ran faster, ignoring the feeling of something stronger than sweat dripping into his own eyes, trying desperately to catch up with 'Lendel before he died again.

"Hurry up, ashke, I need to talk to you."

Vanyel stopped in front of the blonde, panting for breath that refused to fill his lungs, and he looked up into his beloved's cool brown eyes. "'Lendel, I-"

"Enough, ashke. I'm not supposed to be here, I can't leave him unsupervised for too long." The brown eyes warmed slightly, growing deeper as they did so. "Ashke, it will be over soon. You won't be alone forever. I managed to do that right, at least."

Vanyel opened his mouth to protest against the sad tone 'Lendel spoke with, but Tylendel brushed warm, dry lips across his lightly.

"Shh, ashke. Don't refuse your nephew when he comes to tell you. We've worked too long and too hard for you to meet up with… Well, that's all right. I'm sorry ashke. You'll have someone soon. I promise."

Tylendel flickered, fading in and out of view before Vanyel could reach out to stop him, and then blinding darkness surrounded Vanyel, leaving him blinking in disconcerted confusion. A trickle of loneliness shivered through him, prelude to a crashing wave that sent him into oblivion. He was still alone.~

Vanyel woke up again with a shiver of premonition. It was morning now, the sunlight filtering through the windows. 'Fandes was still asleep, a quick mindtouch showed Vanyel, and he sat for a few minutes, contemplating his strange dream. He had no idea what he had dreamed about, but there was a sense of peace that still lurked behind the never ceasing loneliness.

He smiled at himself and slipped out of bed, moving slowly, still deep in thought. He changed into his Whites, and left his suite with a vague idea of spending some time with 'Fandes after breakfast.

Occupied with his thoughts as he was, he noticed the younger man too late to avoid contact and walked straight into him. Vanyel stared down before mortification rushed through him and he offered a hand to help the younger man up. The other took the hand hesitantly and Vanyel glanced away at the sudden realization that came with remembrance.

Of course. It was the stories and ballads that followed him everywhere that made him prey, and if he were to look at the young man's face, it would only prove to him that it was the truth.

He dared a look, and froze.

The boy was attractive in a way that showed potential, that promised a future of broken hearts trailing behind him. Dark reddish brown hair that could have been just very dark red framed the angelic face, while a stubborn mouth subtracted from the vision, but in a way that somehow added more to the entire face. Hazel eyes were wide with consternation and recognition, but Vanyel didn't see that.

All Vanyel could see was something that something somewhere inside of him recognized and adored, something that he had searched for and had found, for a few blissful months when he was fifteen. Something that he subconsciously yearned for because he remembered this person, someone whom he had never seen before.
A flash of something, dim in his mind but flaring strong in his soul, and Vanyel gave a curt nod before letting go of the stranger's hand and setting off again, heading for the Companion's Field.

He forgot about the moment.

'Fandes asked him about it while he walked across the grounds. :Who was that, Van?:

:I don't know,: he replied. :Should I have?:

Silence for a brief moment. :No, that's all right. We'll know when we need to.:

:Too true,: Vanyel replied jokingly. :I should have stayed in bed. I'm feeling too tired to do anything today. It's strange.:

:You overwork yourself, Van. There's nothing strange about it.:

:I know that,: Vanyel frowned in thought. :But this feels different somehow.:

:Are you all right?: 'Fandes' mindvoice was concerned now.

Vanyel blacked out before he could answer reassuringly.

~Tylendel was there, but he looked different. He was still covered in his own blood though, and when the liquid trickling into Vanyel's eyes started to obscure his vision, Tylendel started to look like someone else. Someone Vanyel had never seen before, but that he recognized all the same.

Vanyel lifted a hand to wipe the sweat out of his eyes so he could see more clearly, but his hand came away red with blood, and he registered that it was his own. He stood staring blankly at it, almost forgetting about 'Lendel, wondering why he was bleeding when he wasn't in pain.

"Ashke…"

The soft voice snapped him out of it, and Vanyel looked up with a start. Tylendel looked sad, cold and alone. The expression broke Vanyel's heart all over again, but before he could say anything, Tylendel shook his head slowly. "We'll try again later, ashke…"

Without giving Vanyel the time he needed to ask the hundreds of questions surging through his mind, Tylendel disappeared, and Vanyel felt himself fall into an oblivion that seemed strangely familiar.~

Stefen heard it from Medren. Herald-Mage Vanyel had blacked out without warning in the middle of the Collegium Grounds. That alone was enough to startle him out of his fantasy, sudden worry overwhelming any inkling Stefen might have had to create a new imaginary romance between himself and the Herald.

Medren frowned in worry. "I hope he's okay. He doesn't usually faint for no good reason."

Stefen hummed thoughtfully, his mind racing. So many strange things had happened already during the day, and his first lesson hadn't even begun yet.

Medren seemed to sense his distraction and wisely kept quiet, even though he was as confused by his uncle's unexplained black out as much as anyone. The Healers had said he'd be all right though, and since Yfandes hadn't shown any overwhelming displays of frantic worry, merely a kind of quiet concern, Medren supposed that they were right. He wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of Yfandes' happiness if she hadn't been allowed to wait by Van's window. Luckily, she had, and that did a lot to ease what might have been frantic worry.

Stefen sighed beside him and dropped his head onto his desk, his arms cushioning his face from the hard wood. He had met Vanyel Ashkevron, called Demonsbane and Shadowstalker. It was a dream come true. Hell, it was far more than that. It was an impossible, unreachable, unrealistic dream come true. And even if Vanyel hadn't actually said anything, Stefen had touched his hand!

And then there had been that weird flash of something that he hadn't understood, something that had left him grasping in the darkness for something that eluded the outstretched metaphorical fingers of his mind. A spark of pain in Vanyel's eyes that Stefen had identified with, had known instantly what it was; a deep sort of sorrow that never left him either. That Vanyel had it…

It was unimaginable. Yet it made sense. And it hurt, hurt him almost physically to know that Vanyel felt hurt by something that Stefen couldn't help, which was utterly ridiculous because how could Stefen possibly help?

It was a deeper pain for Vanyel; that Stefen knew as well as only a person intimate with somebody intimate with Vanyel could know. Medren was that person.

Medren poked his shoulder. "Hello in there? You still with us or do you think you should see the Healer's as well?"

Stefen raised his head to fix purposely bleary eyes on his friend. "I feel fine."

Medren widened his eyes in mock alarm and leant back slightly. "Oh dear me, there's something wrong with your face!"

Stefen felt a brief flurry of mild panic. "Is there?"

Medren laughed at that. "Of course not, dimwit. You look a little tired but fine."

"Good," whispered Stefen, and dropped his head back onto his arms. "I saw your uncle this morning, he mumbled, and was rewarded by Medren's sudden attentive silence.

"And?" Medren sounded excited.

Stefen shrugged.

Medren groaned. "Ah, damnit. I was so sure…"

Stefen lifted his face slightly at that. "Hmm?" he hummed suspiciously.

"Nothing!" Medren grinned cheerfully, and by the time Stefen could come up with a suitable scathing reply, Bard Breda had walked in and their lesson began.

~All it took was for Vanyel to close his eyes to see Tylendel standing there, still dripping blood. Vanyel neglected to wipe his own eyes, determined not to give in to the wavering image that was all that was left of his first lover.

"Ashke, I'm sorry. You shouldn't be doing this, and I shouldn't be needing to, but there is something… You aren't alone, ashke. Trust me, as you always have. You are not alone. There is someone there, waiting for you to find him. Please ashke, find him. We both need you to so badly. Just… Don't go out of your way to find him. He's a lot closer than you think. He's so much like us; he hurts just like you do. You at least know why. He has no idea that he's lost something that can't be replaced. But you will. You'll find it together, and I'll approve with all my heart, my soul."

Tylendel looked down for a second, and when he looked up again he was cleared of blood, a genuine smile on his face. "I love you, ashke. I really do. And maybe… maybe I can prove it to you. I hope I can. I hope you get that chance. I'm sorry, ashke. I love you. Remember that. I can't let you remember anything else, but remember that. When you wake up, they'll think it was just exhaustion. They'll be right in a way, and you'll agree with them. You won't remember anything of this."

Vanyel tried to protest, tried to argue, but Tylendel kissed him like he used to, all comfort and love and passion and desire… Vanyel melted into the welcome embrace with something like a sob and the world melted into black around him as he did.~

He woke up remembering nothing.

Stefen laughed himself almost sick when Medren shook him awake, concerned and worried. Two people fainting in one day was a bit too much to be a coincidence, but the sound of Stefen's almost hysterical laughter convinced him like nothing else could, and he sat back, grinning in appreciation as Stefen sat and giggled.

Something important had happened to Stefen that day, but for the life of him he couldn't remember what it was. All he could remember feeling was a flash of understanding, of recognition and of a love so deep that it made him cry just to remember it. It wasn't there anymore. He didn't know where it had gone, but it was hard to hide tears, so he had started laughing for no reason once he had woken up.

If that laughter turned into desperate sobs, well then, it was a good thing Medren had already left. Stefen felt lonelier than he had ever felt in his life before, and he didn't know why he felt that way. He could remember feeling lonely while still on the streets, playing a cripple, but now that he had felt what could be… Now it was so much worse.

He pulled slightly more into his romantic fantasies after that. He could sense something about Vanyel, something that could only help him find what he was looking for, and that only made the young Bardic trainee love the Herald-Mage more, if it were possible. Medren noticed his friend yearning more and more for his uncle, and planned to put them together as soon as he could. Unfortunately, Vanyel seemed most disobliging, even though he had no idea he was being so, and Medren was on the verge of going mad. It had been years now, and he was starting to run out of ideas.

And then, one morning, he came upon the perfect idea. It couldn't fail. It wouldn't fail. All it needed to succeed was Bard Breda's confirmation, and Vanyel's willingness to try anything for the ailing king. Vanyel's obsession for duty to his country and king hadn't lessened over the years, if anything, it grew slightly more fixated.

And if Stefen could help the king… That would be even better for all of them.

Medren smirked to himself as he set off for his uncle's suite, knowing that Vanyel would already be out by the time he got there. But that was okay. Medren could wait forever, if it got his uncle and Stefen together at last.

Hopefully it wouldn't be forever. Vanyel couldn't be alone forever, and Stefen… Stefen was driving him crazy with all the one-track conversations they had had about Vanyel. If Stefen could ease the loneliness and duty-fixated training in Vanyel, Medren would forgive him anything. He wouldn't have a choice in the matter. He already forgave Stefen anything, all it took was a look from those hazel eyes that could look so sorry and pathetic at once, and it was over.

Medren couldn't stand up to those eyes, or the personality behind them. Nobody in the Bardic Collegium could.

Hopefully… Hopefully, for both Stefen's sake and his, a certain Herald-Mage wouldn't be able to either.