SUPERCOMPUTER276 interviews DOOPLISS

Announcer: LIVE from the Mushroom Bowl in Mt. Majesty, it's In-noying Interviews, starring your fiend and my fiend...

Boris Badenov: Boris Badenov!

Announcer: Uh, no. Your fiend and my fiend... supercomputer276!

(supercomputer276 walks out onto the stage.)

sc276: The SuperComputer276 is reporting in!

(Crowd cheers.)

sc276: And tonight, we have one of my favorite Mario characters...

Audience: NO YOSH-I! NO YOSH-I!

sc276: Shut it! May I present... Doopliss!

(Doopliss comes in, and both he and sc276 sit.)

Doopliss: Great to be here.

sc276: Well, Doopliss, would you mind telling us where you used to live?

Doopliss: Not at all. I used to live in the bell tower in the Creepy Steeple.

sc276: "Used?" What do you mean by "used"?

Doopliss: Slick drove me out and stopped my curse on the nearby village.

sc276: By Slick you mean Mario, right?

Doopliss: Quite so.

sc276: Several people want to know this. Why did you curse Twilight Town?

Doopliss: Well, not much grows in the forest, so I cursed the town into pigs so I'd have a supply of free pork.

sc276: Interesting.

(666 comes in.)

666: I've got a question.

sc276: Go ahead.

666: You work for the Shadow Sirens, right?

Doopliss: Yeah, I do. My involvement in the Game Over is part-time because my boss likes me. I spend most of my time with Beldam and Marilyn.

666: How's it pay?

Doopliss: Not well, but at least I can buy food.

sc276: Well, it appears I'm out of questions. As it is an interview tradition, we still need audience questions. 666!

666: Yeah?

sc276: Get the slot machine.

(666 disappears.)

sc276: You see, each of the audience members is in a stadium seating. There are three numbers to each seat: section, row, and seat. We spin the slots, and the numbers pick the seat that gets to ask the question.

Doopliss: You've gotta be kidding. Only Lugwig would come up with stuff like this and it blows up.

(666 pushes a huge slot machine onstage. It has a lever and three dials.)

sc276: Really? Thanks, 666.

666: Pant...no prob, boss... wheeze...

sc276: Well, let's pick our first question. (He pulls the the lever, and after spinning for a bit, the dials read 36 21 33.)

666: Section 36, row 21, seat 33.

Duplighost: Why do you work for the Shadow Sirens?

Doopliss: They wanted revenge on Slick and happened to have a free space. I wasn't really liking him myself after he derailed my plans with his body.

Duplighost: Which was...?

Doopliss: To buy myself an all-you-can-eat buffet.

sc276: Next question. (He starts the slot machine up again and gets 25 02 36.)

sc276: Section 25, row 2, seat 36.

Luigi: Any particular reason you stole my brother's body?

Doopliss: Hey, I spend most of my time alone in that bell tower. I didn't know he was famous or anything until I entered town with his body. When I was practically stampeded, I decided I liked being him. Plus, he had a big belly.

Mario: Hey!

(sc276 spins the machine again. This time, the result is 39 21 25.)

666: Section 39, row 21, seat 25.

Koopa Troopa: Could you please demostrate your transforming abilities?

Doopliss: Sure, but who do I transform into?

sc276: Let the slots decide!

(It comes up 27 08 34.)

sc276: Section 27, row 8, seat 34, come on down! Or up. Whatever.

(Vivian climbs onto the stage.)

Doopliss: What are you doing here?

Vivian: What are YOU doing here?

Doopliss: I being interviewed here!

sc276: Shut it, both of you! Doopliss, if you will...

(In a puff of purple smoke, Doopliss transforms into Vivian.)

Waluigi: Wah! I'm scared of Shadow Sirens!

666: SECURUTY! Get Vivian, Luigi, and Waluigi out!

Luigi: Why me?

sc276: 'Cause you exist.

(Koopatrols take the already mentioned three out.)

sc276: Now Doopliss, if you resume your normal form...

Doopliss: I'm not Doopliss, I'm Vivian.

sc276: WHAT?!

Doopliss: Kidding!

(Doopliss turns back into himself.)

sc276: Oh, phew, for a minute there, I thought the Koopatrols carried out my interviewee.

666: Can I spin the machine now?

sc276: Sure, go ahead.

(666 spins the slots and gets 36 18 34.)

666: Section 36, row 18, seat 34.

Daisy: Why are you wearing party attire?

Doopliss: You mean my hat and tie? It distinguishes me from other Duplighosts.

sc276: Last spin!

(It comes up 07 17 01.)

666: Section 7, row 17, seat 1.

(Silence.)

sc276: Why's that seat empty?

666: Boss, that was Waluigi's seat.

sc276: Oh, yeah... Anyways, that's the end of the In-noying Interviews for now. Goodnight, Pilt! End transmission.