Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. The lyrics belong to Bryan Adams "Here I am" song. Not mine either.
Synopsis: Modern day A/U. K/K story. When you fail in courage to say "I love you" to your loved one, what other ways do you find out to express your feelings? Kenshin found just the perfect one.
A/N: The story is written through Kenshin's POV. Also, Kenshin's words are real. This means that those words were said to me by a real "Kenshin".
Hope you enjoy this fic! Ja ne!
Italics – "Here I am" lyrics, and Kenshin's voice recorded.
And on to the story!
Sweet Words
Here I am again, at your door step, waiting for you to come out, so that we can walk to school together. This will be our last year in the same school. We've been together for...how long? Ever, since I remember. We became friends from the first moment until now.
The best of friends.
We've shared everything with each other. Good things, bad things, good relationships, bad relationships, and through all these years, we've been together. But, while you still see me as your best friend, the one who understands you better than anyone, I no longer see you that way.
Somewhere along the time we've been together, my feelings changed. I realized something. You're the one for me. You're the one I want to share my entire life with, but not as your friend. I wish I could be your lover.
Unfortunately, you don't feel the same, and I think you don't even notice that I love you. Yes, that is the truth.
I love you.
You finally come out of your house, beautiful as ever. You're wearing jeans and a pink shirt. I love your simple way of being. Your smile, the colour of your eyes, your sweet sense, your contagious laugh, and the vulnerable way you look when you cry, your spirit and your strength. Pretty much everything about you.
You look up at me and give one of your smiles that I grew to love. "Good morning Kenshin!"
Aa, good morning to you too, my love. Of course, those are not the words that come out of my mouth, for I am a coward. Instead of saying what my heart cries out for, I answer with a simple "Good morning Kaoru-dono". As I told you, I am a coward.
One would think that I would gather some courage to express my love after so many years together with her, but my fear of losing our friendship is greater than my will to express my love. I guess.
Maybe one day I'll gather the courage I lack.
And if that day comes, it has to be until the end of this year, for we're going to separate colleges.
Few months later...
Okay, I've made a decision. The prom is coming and we've agreed that we would be each other's dates. And that's my cue. I'm picking her up at her house and, before we go to the prom, I'll say what's deep inside my heart.
So, from today, I have three days to find my courage and a way to express my feelings.
Where should I start looking?
Sano...Yeah, I could try.
So I called Sano and told him to go to Sakura's. I've been sitting on a chair at a table near the window for a half an hour and he isn't here, as always. After ten more minutes waiting for that baka - excuse my language-, he finally arrives, bringing some lame excuse for his delay. Whatever, I am more worried with my problem: how am I going to tell Kaoru that I love her?
Sano has been our friend since elementary school. And, knowing him, maybe asking for his help wasn't that good of an idea. Well, too late to go back. So I start talking, hoping to find a solution, but not expecting a miracle.
"I want to tell Kaoru how I feel. The year is almost over, and I fear that I'll regret forever for not taking my chance with her. Even if she doesn't feel the same for me, at least I'll know that I've tried."
That sounded convincing. I'm proud of myself. I just hope I don't melt in nerves when I'm in front of Kaoru...which is very likely to happen. But anyway…
"Finally! I thought you would never have the balls to do it! Well, what do you need me for? You sure sound confident enough!"
I'm still wondering if it's a good idea to ask for his help...I kind of fear any of his ideas...
"Well, I don't know how to say it". There, plain and simple.
Silence follows my last words.
Why is he looking at me like that? He asked, didn't he? Well, I answered. So why the stare as if I am the dumbest person alive? I doubt that I'm the only one without courage to express their love to the most incredible, beautiful, caring, gentle, sweet…ahem, getting out of topic.
"You don't know how to say it?" He repeats dumbly.
Yes, why? Is he deaf or something? Not bothering to answer again, I merely nod, slightly annoyed. This really wasn't a good idea…what was I thinking?
"So you came here to ask for my help as how to say "I love you" to Kaoru, is that it?"
I nod again. Oh God, here we go...
He stares blankly at me for a couple of seconds, before slamming his hands on the table, grinning madly at me. "Well, you've come to the right guy! I'm glad you trust me man! Let's see then..."
This can't be good. When Sano starts thinking, nothing good…or intelligent…comes out of it. I have my brain yelling at me "run, run, run", but I'm stuck on my chair as I "patiently" wait for Sano's plan and advice.
Minutes pass on.
If he thinks any deeper I think I'll start seeing smoke coming out of his ears. That would be funny. I am so absorbed with my stupid thoughts, that I nearly fall of the chair in surprise when he cries out, signalling that he has found the gold! Or the idea.
He leans forward, grinning widely. "What about this: go to her house, take some beer, wine or somethin', get her drunk, in the middle of all the drinkin' you declare your love, sweep her of her feet and BAM! Honey moon!" He cries, waving his fist in the air.
Honey moon! What the-?
I sigh.
I knew this was a bad idea...very bad idea...
"Sano, I'm not going to do that. I don't even drink! God, would you honestly do that?"
He simply stared at me, grinning from ear to ear, nodding dumbly.
...guess he would...
I shake my head. "Never mind, don't answer that. The thing is, I'm not going to get her drunk and have my way with her! Please...can't believe you actually said such thing!"
"Well then, ask to be her personal slave!"
I raised an eyebrow. Personal slave? Is it just me or it's getting worse? "Personal slave?" I ask blankly.
"Hell yeah! Think of all the things you could share with her! Drew her bath, give her bath, and---"
Oh God, spare me… "Sano, you know what? Thanks for the help, but I think I'll try something different." Definitely different. I need to go home and think properly. So long for Sano's help.
"Okay buddy, you know it! Ja ne! And good luck man!"
I nod and exit the place.
Oh, the headache.
Tomorrow is the prom. The big moment; the time for the truth. And I had yet to find the plan.
Yesterday I went to seek for Aoshi's advice, but it had not turned out as I thought it would, yet again. He kept the entire time talking about rivers flowing and flowers blooming. What a strange talk it was. And, obviously, I didn't receive the advice or inspiration I was looking for. So here I am, in my room, looking at nowhere in particular, seeking in the depths of my mind for some idea as how to confess my feelings to Kaoru.
The room is too silent so I walk over my stereo and turn it on.
Here I am - this is me
I come into this world so wild and free Here I am - so young and strong Right here in the place where I belong
Aa, Bryan Adams. Great song. I wish I had a voice like him. It would make things much easier. I could sing for Kaoru, expressing my feelings in a song that I had written. Yeah...that would be a dream...
It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of a young heart
It's a new day - in a new land And it's waiting for me - here I am
Wait a minute. That's it! That's the way! I just need a little help.
And I know just the right person.
Reaching my cell phone, I dial a number. Lucky for me, it wasn't turned off. After three beeps, he finally answers.
"Hello?"
"Soujiro? This is Kenshin."
"Hey Kenshin! What's up?"
"Look, I need a little favour..."
Today is the big day. Thanks to Soujiro, everything is set, and it's perfect. I don't feel any regrets and I know that, even if she doesn't feel the same, at least she will have something to remember me, and she will know that I love her.
As the hours go by, I start feeling nervous and thinking if my plan will really work. But it's too late to go back and I really don't want to miss my last chance. So, as I dress myself with my dark blue suit, I keep repeating to myself that it will be alright.
At 7.30 p.m., as it was set, I'm knocking at her door, nervously touching my plan. She finally opens the wood surface and I all my doubts and fear of failing run from my body, only to be filled with strength, courage and love for the beauty in front of me. She is wearing a beautiful sea blue gown, which shines whenever she moves. Her raven hair is tied up in a bun on top of her head, with some curls falling near her ears.
No words can describe what she looks like.
"Good evening Kenshin. My, you look great! I love your suit!" She says happily. Ah, I love that smile.
I guess I'm blushing, because I'm feeling my face a little too warm for my taste. I'm glad it's dark already. And I just hope I won't blush like a tomato head while expressing my feelings.
"Kenshin, I need to get my purse. I'll be back in a minute."
This is the moment.
"Actually, Kaoru-dono, I want to tell you something before we head to the prom. Is that okay with you?"
Please say "yes".
She looks surprised and suspicious, but she accepts and we enter her house. Stepping into the living room, she sits on the sofa and I head to the big stereo they have on a music-stand. Turning to look at her, she is right where I want. Sitting there, like an angel, looking curiously at me.
Perfect.
"Can I just play this CD for you to listen to something?"
"Sure."
This is it, Himura Kenshin. Don't blow this off. It's your last chance to set things straight.
Closing the CD room, I reach the 'play' button and press it. And the show begins. I turn so that I can see her face and all emotions passing through it. At last, my voice sounds through the stereo columns.
Kaoru, you must be thinking that...I'm a little...fool but, maybe this will be a different way to say to you, certain type of things.
But, I think that something is missing here... (Music starts playing)
...Aa, there it is…
She smiles slightly.
Much better now.
Kaoru, this is a very special day for me... She tiles her head to the side.
Why?
She nods.
Because I love you.
Her eyes widen and she looks at me, in shock. Good, at least now she knows. I continue listening to my own voice getting out of that stereo.
Everyday, I love you more and more, you don't even imagine.
But...before I continue with my little speech, I want you to listen, for a second.
My voice stops and music continues playing. It is a beautiful instrumental piece of art. I don't even know its name. Ah, here I am again.
Happiness is built on small things,
Don't think that you're the only one suffering...we all suffer a little, it's when we suffer that we learn, That it's easy to be happy, you just need to know how to smile, you just need to know how to dream, you just need to find a reason...to live Don't let yourself fall into silence, don't stay there watching as you fall Be happy everyday and you'll see that life has another meaning The secret of life is to know to live So look forward everyday Because...there're no limits to happiness
You just need the will to be happy one day
and in that day you'll see...that I'm right Kaoru is in tears at this moment. And I'm controlling my body as not to give into temptation and hug her. Are those tears of happiness? Sadness? Anger? Sorrow? Love? I don't know. I can only listen to my voice, expressing what I've felt for more than four years, but failed with courage to say out loud, until now.
Kaoru, I love you...and I wish you could be by my side...forever...
She looks like an angel, staring at me with her petite mouth slightly opened, and tears rolling down her perfect cheeks. The end is coming.
Kaoru, now that you're there, sitting on that sofa...
She looks at me, quizzically. Yes, I had everything planned.
...you're so beautiful...
She smiles.
...I want you to know that this is my gift to you and that I'll love you forever...
So before you, stands a man that gave his heart to you from the moment he met you, and it will stay that way...forever... I'm sorry for taking so long to say what I feel for you, but I feared that our friendship would vanish... I love you Kaoru. Don't forget about me... Silence fills the room as the CD stops playing. I can listen to the beating of my heart and, for a moment, I wonder if she hears it too, for it's very loud and fast. For minutes, we just stay like this, staring at each other, trying to read what's in each other's mind. At last, she speaks.
"I don't know what to say..."
My heart shatters. I knew she didn't feel the same. I let my eyes drop to the carpet, already waiting for the refusal.
"...except one thing."
My eyes lift from the floor and look right into the deep ocean blue of her eyes.
"That was the most beautiful thing I ever heard..."
She pauses.
"...and that I'm glad you could gather the courage that I lacked through all these years."
What? What does she mean by that?
She gives one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen and raises from the sofa. Walking slowly towards me, she stops when we're only a breath apart. I can barely swallow. And then...a miracle happens.
She hugs me closely and places her head next to my heart. Closing my arms around her, and enjoying the feeling of having her in my arms, I feel like I can say everything. And I do.
"You hear that Kaoru? Every one of those beats belongs to you. I really love you, Kaoru, and I just hope you enjoyed my little way to tell you that."
She brakes our hug, just enough to look at me in the eyes, and smiles. "You're the sweetest man I've ever met. And I'm so glad he loves me the same way I love him back. Thank you for this beautiful moment Kenshin."
Still absorbing the information she has just shared with me, I manage to answer, "It was only the first". And it was. I love her, and she loves me. We will be together for as long as life decides.
Breaking apart from each other, she glances at the big clock, hanged by the wall. "Oh God, we better get going Kenshin! Or we'll be late!"
Smiling, knowing that my plan has worked and that I have the love of my life in my arms, I open the door and stand by her door steps, waiting for her to come out. When she comes, I take her hand in mine and finally say what I had dreamed for years.
"Let's go...my love."
OWARI!
A/N: Hello minna! I decided to repost this fic, since it was one of my first stories and my writing skills weren't that good…I've corrected some TERRIBLE spellings and grammar errors, and, most importantly, I've corrected the verbal tenses. I'm sorry for loosing all those 28 reviews that made me so proud, but I hope you all enjoy this new version of the fic!
Have a nice reading everyone!
Bye bye!
Agnes.
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