Warnings: shortfic; no real spoilers, but people who've read the manga chapters up to at least the mid-thirties will understand this a lot better
Summary: A short, bitter monologue from Yagami Raito's perspective, around chapter 34 or so.
Would you damn yourself to help the world if you could, L?
I know the answer. I know you, L. You would never sacrifice yourself for someone else. You are an obstinate child playing a game you've always won. You don't care about the right or wrong, you don't care about the people, you're amused by the puzzles presented to you. You are immature, selfish, and when it comes down to it, you want to live more than you want to win.
That last bit, we have in common.
I damned myself the moment I put pen to paper, that first day. I saved some kids, took out a human piece of trash, and lost my own afterlife. I'll do whatever it takes to stay alive now, even if it means risking what I've worked so hard for. My life is all that is left to me.
So yes, that means that I would have thrown away my family if I'd needed to. Yes, I will throw away my pride, my mind, and even- if my hand is forced- my quest. But as I do so, I will know that even if I could not change the world as drastically as I'd first hoped, I left a mark on it. I scrubbed a little bit of the scum off of this filthy planet. And in the end, will the world remember Ryuuga, Ryuuzaki, or even L? Or will they remember the dark god Kira, who saved children, avenged loved ones, and struck fear into the hearts of criminals everywhere?
Afterlife or no, I have my immortality. And you, L... When you die, you can go to hell in my stead.
A/N: Way too short, but I keep forgetting to feed my muse. It's a faded, emaciated little creature now... Does anyone else grieve for the old Raito? I want him back.