Disclaimer: Danger Mouse and characters are property of Cosgrove/Hall productions, and I don't own them. This fiction and the characters of M6 Lori Lamoure and her assistant and other craziness the other side of the pond is my own insanity, property of me, Trynia Merin. As of 7/13/2008, this fan fiction has been extensively overhauled and checked for grammar and continuity.

Two of the Best and Two of the Worst

Prologue

By Trynia Merin

Opening Theme, as usual.

Danger Mouse, Danger Mouse… DANGERMOUSE….

When the bomb explodes over the logo, the title card is seen, with the following logo: Two of the Best, Two of the worst, Part 1

Narrator: Due to technical difficulties, we start this episode across the pond, due to the current unavailability of Danger Mouse and his assistant…

New York, a City filled with every culture on earth. A cosmopolitan wonder packed with ten million souls, each trying to take a bite of the big apple. Mother of freedom and the American Dream, home to Lady Liberty and Broadway. Home of performers and singers, and agents, one of which if you drop a brick you'd hit one, but we don't' recommend you do that please….

Nevertheless, New York is ALSO home to one of the heroes of the Free World. A hero whose recent derring-do has caught the eye of her superiors in the RATS, Rodent Agents Technological Society, a covert branch of Intel. She is one of their best agents, who preserve freedom from the slimy belly of the criminal underworld, from her small penthouse postbox in the grand post office.

Here with her assistant, Bagel Zingerwitz, she is constantly attenuated to evil, and the occasional wayward door-to-door sales representatives. Blessed with special abilities granted her by the miracles of modern science, she has been transformed into an agent of justice. Her name is M6-Trialmouse, known to Lori Lamoure in private life. Retired singer and circus trapeze performer. Moreover, today, she has been promoted to Agent First class, the M line. Not to mention she is about to embark on one of the most intriguing mysteries of her career, when she will unwittingly join forces with one of the best secret agents in the free world, across the pond. However, I get ahead of myself here… I'm just the narrator!

Let us visit her typical morning in her post office box, tucked away on a top level, and see her in action. The peak of feminine mouse fitness… as her assistant makes breakfast and writes the next chapter of her biography…

"One, two, three, four," Lori counted as she balanced on one hand. She closed her eyes and continued to count in French as she often did for her morning meditation.

"Sis, I think you'd better cool it. You haven't touched breakfast," Bagel said. A small attractive hamster, she was in the process of tying the pink bow over each ear that she customarily wore. She was a golden tan, much like a toasted breakfast food, and hence her name Bagel.

"Bagel, I am busy finding my center," Lori said as she continued to balance on one hand. "The nourishment of the body can wait, while the enemies of the free world will not… to strike terror in the hearts of all innocents."

"You're sounding MORE and more like a comic book every day," Bagel laughed as she set down a pot of freshly made coffee and whole-wheat toast, topped with peanut butter and jelly before Lori.

Swinging down with her tail, the mouse secret agent balanced the plate neatly; tossing it into her, other hand as a pair of lovely pink eyes fluttered open. Like most albino mice, Agent M6 had pink eyes and soft white fur. However, she had her blond hair tied back in a neat bun, up out of her eyes as she meditated. Her pink fingernails were painted a ruby red, durable, and strong as she moved the toast to her mouth and began to eat. Using her tail, she tipped the cup of steaming java to her lips and sipped it, all the while focusing on her wide-screen TV.

"You can't even eat breakfast at a proper table; just WHAT am I going to do to you?" Bagel asked, with a mock tone of irritation.

"You should try this. It builds character," Lori smiled as she finished the rest of her whole-wheat toast, and her coffee, all the while maintaining perfect balance. The white jogging suit with the blue piping was the high tech uniform she often wore on duty, when not going undercover. A small M-6 logo was neatly stitched over one breast, while her boots were a soft blue, to match the blue piping down either arm or leg.

Bagel remembered many a time trying to stitch the thing back together after a particularly dangerous mission.

"Speaking of character building," Bagel said, as a chiming chirp interrupted her, and she almost rattled the coffee tray she carried. "Drat… and I was JUST about to start on volume 2 of your great exploits."

"Worry not, Bagel, my sis," she laughed as she cart wheeled overhead, placing the empty plate and coffee cup onto Bagel's extended tray. She landed on her feet nimbly, and punched the intercom button to get the video message.

"Agent M6, you there?"

"Well I answered the call, didn't I JP, what's up?" she asked.

"I've got a very special mission for you. Moreover, since you're the number one rated rodent agent for R.A.T.S, you've been chosen for a special liaison session, top secret. Apparently Mum's the word."

"Another mission?" Bagel asked. "Should I pack the zoom lens with the extra secret equipment, or do we get some new stuff from P?"

"Dr. P's got a package on the way, M6," said JP, as he shifted his glasses on the bridge of his nose, and nibbled nervously. He was a jolly guinea pig, all red and brown spots, and Bagel sometimes wondered if he moved from behind his desk. However as the camera drew back, she chuckled as she saw the sizable guinea pig sweating on an excursive bike.

"Not you too," Bagel laughed as she saw him in exercise togs, puffing away.

"Suzy insisted that I lose… some ounces," he mumbled. "Anyway, Agent assistant Zingerwitz, you'll be accompanying her on this mission as you usually do, but be careful if you two would suddenly get separated."

"We're inseparable," laughed Bagel. "Right Sis?"

"That's true. The unstoppable duo," said Lori.

Over the screen their control announced, "M-6, you should prepare for the worst. Apparently this mission will send you abroad to England."

"England?" she asked, raising a soft eyebrow. "I thought the MI6 were taking care of stuff across the pond."

"One of their top agents is on the job. And that agent needs help. Not to mention you're the best qualified. Apparently, Chameleon has a new ally, a deadly one. And in the interests of national security, and maintaining ties with England, we are sending you to investigate."

"Where?" Bagel asked. "I need to know if I need a change of clothes… or at least a toothbrush."

"Just a sec," Agent M6 held a finger to her lips. "Look, I don't see why they can't handle it."

"It's an urgent matter. Believe me, it isn't a silly contest, but a favor to an old friend. Moreover, this agent may VERY well need your help. After all, you are the expert on the master of disguise, and he's the expert in his field."

"He?" grinned Bagel. "A male agent? Like a James Bond type?"

"Get ready to leave as soon as possible. We'll brief you on the way, and P will meet you with the latest."
"Right away sir," she nodded. "Over and out!"

Bagel turned to Lori, who had an amused look on her pale face. Brushing a tendril of blond hair from her long nose she said, "Pack the essentials, we're going to England!"

"I wonder who this other agent is, that you'll be working with," Bagel said with a suspicious smile. From the gleam in her gaze, Lori could see the matchmaking wheels turning in her assistant's head.

"Don't you get any ideas, you hear," Lori said, giving her a stare. "I'm not going to have you fixing me up on some blind date…"

Bagel shot the look back, mimicking Lori's stance by folding her short arms across her sweatered chest. She huffed, "You COULD use a date now and again."

"I don't see you rushing off to marry soon," smiled Lori teasingly. "The last match made wasn't quite…"

"Bubbie's losing her touch, but don't let her hear YOU say that. She has a very special one planned for you, my closest friend."

"That will have to wait. We're going to England," Lori said as Bagel began to rush around and start packing. In the blink of an eye, she had her equipment together, and Lori grabbed her assistant's hand, whisking her to the secret exit behind the bookcase. They slid down the poles, and landed on the rocket-powered skate that P had made to spirit them to their small rocket cycle, the Gail V. Soon they were rocketing off toward the airport of Central City, and their rendezvous with P.

As they rocketed up to the airport, they glanced around. M6 climbed off the cycle, and Bagel took her fingers out of her ears that she had slipped under the helmet. She hated the sound of the cycle, and huddled in the sidecar.

"Is it safe?" Bagel glanced up at Lori, straightening her gasses.

"It is. Now, what is P going to try his hand at this time?"

She turned bout, her pink eyes focusing as her whiskers twitched, and the tip of her long tail swished impatiently. "Lori, how on EARTH are we getting there? I mean I presume we're waiting for a plane."

"That's what I was wondering. Since JP didn't make reservations, I'm thinking there's another way we're getting there."

"M6?" asked a wheezing voice. They spun around to see a squirrel limping up, his leg in a cast as he hobbled up with the aid of crutches.

"P! What on EARTH happened to you?" Bagel gasped.

"One of M2's inventions that he was testing," he sighed, pushing up his glasses and fishing in his pocket. "I've got something very state-of-the-art for you… and PLEASE try to return it with the MINIMUM of damage this time, M6."

"Do I ever not?" she asked with cocked eyebrow. Bagel began to giggle, hiding her mirth behind one hand.

"Shhh," she hissed at her friend who was still trying to contain herself.

"First, here is the standard rope belt, with grapple. Your last one wore out. Also for your assistant, here's the latest spy camera. Don't' break it, and don't touch the red button unless you're going to be attacked by crocodiles?"

"Crocodiles?" Bagel grinned. "Get real!"

"Well, you never know," said P. "And here is the latest… I have your method of transport right here."

"I hope its first class tickets on British air," Bagel whispered to Lori, who shushed her again with a finger held before her lips. The inventor pawed through his pockets and fished out a gleaming metallic bracelet. Calmly Lori took it from him and turned it over in her hands with a critical eye.

"Looks like a remote control," said M6. "On a common wrist watch."

Slightly put out, P snatched the gadget back from her. Huffily he announced, "Our department's been working on one of these for YEARS. Since you're a class 1 agent now, none should be without this..."

So saying he pressed a stud on the side of the dial face. Out of the empty air around them a loud engine sounded. The next second they saw a blue streak go by, stopping with a screech of tires. From beneath the wheels a cloud of dust kicked up, shortly obscuring their view of the object in question, while causing Bagel to cough spasmodically.

"Wow, a sports car?" Lori laughed. "This is sweet."

"How is THAT going to help get us there, unless it's a convertible canoe?" Bagel said. "At least the color scheme matches your outfit Lori."

"Introducing the Gail VI, the latest in secret agent technology. We even had a few design specs across the pond…" P said with a slow smile of pride. His slight British accent was evident that he had spent an amount of time as a Boffin for the British Secret Service.

"Well P, I hope it has… travel insurance,' Lori said, scratching her large pink ears as she walked around and saw the blue powder interior. It was sleek and streamlined a jet blue, with a red racing stripe and the logo Gail VI on it.

"Press THIS button, and you get a speedboat. This one has jumpers and this button here… F… that's for flying."

"A flying car?" said Bagel. "Now you're talking… except… um… I'm uh… afraid to fly."

"There's B for an airsick bag," said P, meaningfully looking at Bagel.

"Hey," she said. "I didn't mean…"

"Don't worry; I took the crash course in flying cars at Secret Agent refresher. I just wonder why I didn't get one of these babies before," Lori asked as she leapt behind the wheel. Bagel looked nervously at the car, before tossing the bags into the trunk.

P announced importantly, "It's a top privilege. Since you're recently in the M class of RATS agents, this is yours to keep. But DO try to bring it back in one piece."

"C'mon Bagel, let's go," M6 urged as Bagel warily circled the car at a safe distance.

"Uh uh… flying British air is ONE thing I might be able to hack, but in a CAR?" Lori's hamster assistant shook her head. "No way!"

"It is equipped with the latest, a mini fridge… and a cooler," P nodded. "And digital satellite TV for your in-flight movie…"

"Uh uh no way," Bagel shook her head as Lori fired up the engine. Suddenly her tail telescoped out and wrapped around her timid assistant, sweeping her into the front seat next to her.

"OH RATS!" Bagel shrieked as she clung to the seat and the car suddenly roared off down the runway.

All of a sudden, Lori hit the F button, and the canopy shot over top. Air hissed in the cabin pressurizing before she saw wings emerge, and the car suddenly took flight. Bagel felt her stomach jolt up into her throat one moment only to plunk down when she felt the car landing. Her fingernails dug into the armrest while she realized they had again landed to her relief. Carefully Lori guided the Gail 6 to stop just inches from where P stood. With an electronic whir, the window rolled down, and Lori winced as she saw the gleaming ice covering the singed squirrel hobbling on his crutches.

Professor P cleared his throat and said, "And do say hello to my old mate, Colonel K if you see him."

"Who's Colonel K?" asked Bagel.

"Old chum of mine. Used to be a Boffin for him a few years back," the squirrel sighed nostalgically, a hint of a British accent still present in his voice.

"We will," M6 promised. "Hang on; we're in for a long flight, Bagel."

"What button is for the powder room?" asked Bagel.

"P," said Lori.

"That's what I'll do to him, flush him down one!" Bagel grumbled. "You'd better get the B button ready, because that's what I'm about to do."

"Uh oh, don't get it on the upholstery," Lori said as Bagel turned green, and she hit the button. Poor P happened to be caught in the exhaust trail, and froze solid stiff. Ice crackled from around his neck when he turned it to watch as the jet streaked off to England, across the Atlantic Ocean.

Cam Eleon-Rex gave a slow smile as he straightened his ascot, and turned around. Everything was going according to plan, with his new ally. He looked down to see a small white furry caterpillar blowing him a raspberry, and he responded with a long flick of his tongue in kind. Just in front of a massive desk he stood, his slender body clothed in a plaid suit. The next second it blurred, changing into black and yellow vertical stripes.

"I do hope your MASTER is more amicable," he said, suddenly taking on a white appearance.

"Do pardon my pets exuberance," said a low wheezing voice. Cam Eleon-Rex turned and looked at the large toad that had entered, leaning on his pearl-headed cane.

"Are the threats to our world domination neutralized?" asked Eleon-Rex, tugging at his lapels as he turned a shade of green, the same as his toad companion.

"Indeed. There is precious little that will halt you here in England," he said. "You are under MY protection with full diplomatic immunity… to wreak havoc."

"That's right, Baron. I could not have devised this scheme without your resources, Baron," said Cam Elion-Rex with a slow grin as his orbs focused. "However, do remember I am the evil genius behind the Agent Snare."

Greenback lumbered across the floor, then lowered himself to sit behind the massive desk. Settling himself in he ran his hand down the back of his furry companion Nero. "Undoubtedly. I will ensure that Greenback Industries gets them up and running for ALL the evil villains who are plagued by secret agents. How fitting it should be tested on my old enemy," said the Baron with a laugh. His hands ran over the crackling paper of a set of blueprints spread out on the desk before him.

"And there is NOTHING that the fools in RATS will do, once they see my--pardon OUR invention-- makes MINCEMEAT of your old enemy," the chameleon continued. He leaned one elbow on the desk casually, his face only two feet from Baron Greenback's.

"Eh, Baroni!" croaked a voice from across the room.

A huge GB decorated the wall behind the Baron's desk, further along from blinking control panels and video screens indicating distant video feeds from all the Baron's spy robots. Underfoot the glossy tiled floor showed a slightly blurred reflection of the desk and its occupants. An access to the main room of the Baron's hideout was controlled by electronic double doors twenty feet from where the desk stood. Roughly hexagonal in shape, the chamber soared to a height of at least fifty feet and harsh spotlights gleamed down from above to cast the various electronic components in its light. Crates half-unpacked sat amidst canvas-covered shapes the size of small cars. On them were painted the initials CMR Inc.

"What is it Stiletto? How DARE you interrupt my evil plotting," Greenback hissed in anger as he spun about in his swivel chair.

From the far door of the tall metallic chamber, a crow wearing a long grey trench coat wrung his hands. Nervously he approached the left side of the Baron's desk. He stammered in his Italian accent, "Pardoni Baroni, but it's-a… its HIM… the White wonder."

"Ahh, right on time," smiled the Baron with a wicked grin, as he rubbed his hands together. Nero hopped on his boss's shoulder, cooing and laughing in caterpillars.

"So, we shall SEE my traps in action," Eleon-Rex nodded. "This is an appropriate time for a celebration… may I suggest mutual maniacal laughter?"

Baron Greenback nodded, his bulbous eyes turning towards his hench-bird. "Indeed. Stiletto, get everything ready."

"Si Barony," Stiletto nodded, laughing as he rubbed his black hands together, and hopped off to make the Agent Trap, patent pending Rex/GB industries into action.

"HAHHAHHAHAH!" the two villains laughed together for a time, before Baron Greenback began to wheeze and cough a bit.

"Might I suggest some of my patent pending Vilanvite tonic?" asked Rex as he handed a bottle to the Baron. Reaching out with one hand, he seized the vessel, turning it over.

"Not a bad idea," the Baron glanced at the bottle. "What is its use?"

"It's a special vitamin formula. Just in case, your subject should find a way OUT of my trap, which I suspect he won't, you'll have the BEST and most personal chance to add your own treacherous mark to the fun."

"Hmm, especially good for bashing secret agents, and other goodie goodies," the Baron read on the label. He smiled wickedly and placed the bottle on his table. "Perhaps later… but are you INTENDING your traps should fail?"

"Not at all, Baron," he said with a sly smile. "I simply wouldn't want you to MISS the fun when we watch the destruction of the world's greatest pain in the tail."

"Ah yes, the FINAL end to Danger Mouse!" the Baron laughed.

Narrator Isenbard: Will Danger Mouse EVER appear in his own series again, or is he about to become mouse food for the new Greenback/Cam Elion consortium patent pending Agent trap? Can the two American agents hired by Col. K help our duo, or will it be up to them to save the world alone?