Summary: "Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough". Santana learned it the hard way. Future fic. Brittana. Santana centric.
Born to Die
Chapter: 1/?
Word Count: 2069
A/N: Title and summary of this fic come from the Lana Del Rey song. Each chapter will be named after a song. This time is The Killers' "Smile Like You Mean It". The lyrics inside are taken from No Doubt's "Don't Speak".
Prologue
Smile Like You Mean It
New York, September 2017
[My apartment. Friday at 8. I've got news. Xoxo. – B.]
She had been in a funk ever since she received the message two days ago. She snapped for every little thing and she made her assistant cry more than her mother did while watching Titanic, which was a lot, and it only got worse with time. It was just a generic message, but somehow she couldn't shake the feeling she got at the pit of her stomach every time she thought about it.
Luckily, especially for her colleagues, it was nearing six o'clock so she could call it a day and make her way home to get ready.
She was already late when she flagged down a taxi to take her to her destination. She stated the address without giving the driver the chance to open his mouth. As soon as he gave a grunt of acknowledgement, she leant her head to the side window and stared at the city lights passing by.
As her mind began to wander to the message and who sent it, buzzing with thousand of possibilities, the driver turned up the volume of the radio and she lost herself in the lyrics. Those notes became the soundtrack of long lost memories. Dark and light blurred together till they became one.
You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
Before she knew it she was inside the building, with a hand raised to knock.
She could hear the weak sound of footsteps and a second later the door was burst open, but the person on the other side wasn't who she expected.
"Heya, Quinn. Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what the fuck are you doing here?" She greeted the blonde with a raised eyebrow and a skeptical look.
Not perturbed in the least the other girl replied. "You're as lovely as always, Santana."
"You know it." She rebutted with a smirk. The soft look she got in reply was not what she anticipated and did nothing but worsen her churning stomach.
"Come on. The others are in the living room."
Suddenly she had to swallow the lump in her throat and her eyes started to prickle. The tender hand pulling her forward didn't alleviate her uneasiness.
Whatever the news were, they couldn't be good. At all.
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
"I'm getting married!" The tall blonde exclaimed clapping her hands once and emitting a little squeal, eyes alight with happiness.
A second of silence followed the announcement.
It was ironic how the very thing she spent the past five years working for would be the one to completely break her heart. She knew this would have happened sooner or later, but she couldn't even remotely imagine how much a simple sentence could hurt.
The others soon started to express their joy at the news; Kurt with a very unmanly shriek and a "Let me design the dress!"
Tina hurried to hug the girl and asked "I'm one of the bridesmaids, right?" which obtained an "Of course!" from the future bride and a chorus of "Me too!" from the others.
This was immediately followed by a bickering match between Mercedes and Rachel for who would sing at the reception. "I'm obviously the one who has the voice better sui-" "Oh, Hell to the no!"
Quinn, seated in the corner with a sad smile on her face, was the only one who noticed Santana's silence amid the chaos and kept watching her lack of reaction with the corner of her eyes, sneaking a glance every couple of seconds. The Latina clenched her jaw so much that her teeth hurt from grinding together and tried not to blink or else tears would start falling from her already glossy eyes. With her best fake smile on, she took a couple of steps towards Brittany.
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Staring at the floor she missed how the other girl's smile became a little strained, the happiness in her gaze a bit less bright. This went also unnoticed by the others, too occupied talking and squealing between themselves.
Santana stopped right in front of the blonde, who was trying to catch her eye and watching her with an expression that she couldn't decipher, it seemed almost as she was pleading the Latina to keep quiet and to speak up and tell her she was making a mistake at the same time.
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
The brunette diverted immediately her stare by looking everywhere else in the room and closed the remaining distance before hugging Brittany and whispering in her hear with all the sincerity she could muster. "I'm happy for you, Britt-Britt"
And she was truly happy for her best friend, but somehow that couldn't outshine the despair that transpired from her very being.
With her back to the rest of the room two tears slowly ran down her cheeks, but she wiped them discretely with her hands before someone could see them.
Luckily as she disentangled from the blonde, Quinn came to her aid engulfing the taller girl in embrace and diverting the attention from her. "Now you have to tell us who's going to be the Maid of Honor!"
With a one armed hug she positioned Brittany in the middle of the room and all the others gathered around them fighting for the spot, giving to the Latina a chance to exit unnoticed.
Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
To avoid collapsing, as soon as she crossed the threshold, she leant to the wall right beside the door and slid to the floor. The tears started to flow freely from her eyes and before long loud sobs shook her body. Coincidentally the quarrel inside covered all the noise she was making. "Without a doubt I'm goin-" "Rachel!" "What!" "You can't just assu-" "But-"
Santana put her head in her hands while thumping it on the wall, the shaking only getting worse.
As the memories of them together passed in front of her eyes she couldn't help but hug herself and lean her head on her knees and lose herself in them.
Lima, February 2012
A younger Brittany clad in a Cheerio's uniform was dragging her darker counterpart further in the locker room. With her usual enthusiasm she asked, "It's so romantic that Finn and Rachel want to get married, isn't it?"
Santana replied with a dry tone. "Yeah, if you have a taste for the horrid, really romantic."
Without diverting her attention from opening her duffel bag and getting out the necessities for the shower, the Latina continued, "What I don't understand is why their parents are allowing this…" "Marriage?" the blonde supplied.
"Yes, but I think travesty is a more a appropriate term." She countered with a smirk, and was promptly ignored.
"The other day I said to my mother that I wanted to marry you and she told me that we are too young, to wait another couple years." Brittany didn't notice the dumbstruck expression on Santana's face, who was now giving her undivided attention, and continued her monologue. "And now that I think about it, it's totally right because she wouldn't even let Lord Tubbington with the Lady Cat next door and it was so obvious he was in love. Anyway it was a good thing because that pussy was kind of easy and had a lot of admirers…"
She trailed off lost in thought while the Latina absentmindedly supplied. "I believe she was in heat"
"…So what I don't understand too is why my mom thinks we're too young, while their parents don't. I'm a sad little panda." She finished with a pout.
Santana collected her wits and replied with an awed look toward the blonde. "You want to marry me. Really?" Disbelief in her tone. "Yeah, why? You don-" Brittany didn't get the chance to finish her question because was interrupted with a deep kiss.
They stared at each for a couple of seconds, their smiles almost blinding.
Brittany cut the silence. "I always dreamed about my wedding"
"Don't worry. Now I'm not scared anymore. So, as soon as your parents give us the okay we'll get married. There's nothing that I would love more than marry you. Only you." She soothed the blonde. "I will do anything in my power to make your dream come true."
A quick look to confirm that the locker room was still empty and the serious mood was soon dropped.
"What do you say about improving our skills for the honeymoon?" The Latina proposed with a smirk and a suggestive tone, almost purring, "After all practice makes perfect…" and was dragged to the showers by a very eager girlfriend.
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?
Quinn, who had extended a hand for her to take, pulled her from her musings. "I told them you had to answer a call."
If it was anyone else she would have scared them off with a glare, but the other girl could see right trough her façade, so she opted for honesty.
"Thank you." She replied with a appreciative smile, chocking on the last word, and tackled her in a strong hug.
"You're welcome. Try to compose yourself, I can keep them busy for another five minutes." With a last squeeze the blond went back to the others.
After checking for residual mascara tracks, Santana took a deep breath and clenched her fists. She looked down at her hands and lifted them in front of her face. When she finally opened them they were shaking. "I will always do anything to make your dreams come true. Always did." She whispered to herself while continuing to stare at her treacherous limbs.
Closing her eyes, she slowly lowered her arms and straightened her spine before entering the other room with the best smile she could muster on her face.
I know you're real good
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
She hadn't taken more than two steps when Rachel spotted her. "I was about to enquire if you nee-" Luckily Quinn stopped her rant with a gentle hand on her arm and a look. "Rach."
Brittany was staring at her too intensely for her liking, however Kurt managed to grab the reins of the situation and divert everybody's attention, Brittany's included. "Satan, you missed the long diatribe on who would deserve most to be the Maid of Honor, we all put up a fight but Brittany wouldn't change her mind." The scoff that ended the statement attested clearly what he thought of the dancer's choice at the moment. All the girls but the blondes agreed with him, as their sour expressions and firm scowls could attest.
She prepared herself for the words escaping Brittany's lips.
"San… Will you be my Maid of Honor?"
Her already aching heart broke in another thousand pieces, though. The blonde was looking at her with such faith and hopefulness that her answer could be one and one only.
"Of course." Santana whispered, and she had to clear her throat to repeat more clearly her reply. "Of course. It will be an honor."
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
The smile she received in response was the most beautiful thing she had seen in a while.
This was the reason why she was breaking her own heart with every breath she took. This was why she was willing to fake a smile for the length of the wedding, to put on a mask of pure happiness while she was dying inside, to stand on the sidelines silently while someone else married the love of her life. This was the sole purpose of her life: to make Brittany happy, make her dreams come true. This was the reason why she broke Brittany's heart and her own in the process exactly five years before.