This is a sad story about a Janeway I wouldn't like very much.
The Broken Dream
I stand on the holodeck with a glass of wine in my hand and a smile plastered on my face. I'm talking with Belanna and Tom, but my eyes are on Kathryn across the room shameless flirting with the Ambassador from Remar. The negotiations are over and the trade has been done. We now have plenty of supplies to last six months. Tomorrow we leave, so there is no need for her to be flirting with the Ambassador.
Bets have been placed in the betting pool: will he spend the night in Kathryn's bed or not? My bet would be on not, if I were a betting person. He's not a handsome man, nor is he built. Kathryn likes her men handsome and hung. Tom, on the other hand, thinks he'll spend the night as he has charm.
I really don't want to know. I just know that I'll sleep on my couch tonight. That way I don't have to hear them having sex in her bedroom. I know that she's aware that I can hear what they're doing. Sometimes I think she gets pleasure in knowing that I hear.
The worst part comes the night after. She'll come into my quarters around 2300 all upset, crying over what she'd done. Asking me to forgive her. I'll let her cry in my arms for awhile. Then I'll pick her up and carry her to my bed. We will make wild passionate love for several hours. She'll bite my neck and scratch my back. And the worst that she'll do is beg me for forgiveness. And, I finally do, as always. Even though I always vow to myself that the next time I won't. Finally she'll go to sleep in my arms. And, I'll lay there for awhile wishing that things could be different, finally dozing off. When I wake in the morning, she'll be gone.
After I shower and shave, I'll have a little breakfast and head for the bridge. She'll be there as though nothing has happened, as though we'd never touched each other.
And, we won't touch each other until the next time it happens. Then, we'll repeat the cycle again. I wish I could turn her away. I wish I could tell her no more, but one thing stops me - I love Kathryn Janeway with all my heart and soul!
On the nights in between I'll dream that we have a loving, caring relationship. But, all it'll ever be is a broken dream.
The End