Title: Mommy's Little Boys
Pairing/Characters: Dean/Sam, Mary Winchester, Castiel, Bobby Singer, Ellen Harvelle...?
Spoilers: Everything up to 4x03 'In The Beginning'.
Warnings: Angst, incest, AU,
Summary: John died in Mary's place when Dean was four and Mary raised the boys. / P1 explores Dean's psyche from his first memory to the discovery of the deal. Some Canon, mostly AU.
Dean's first memory was of his parents sitting him down to tell him he was having a little brother to play with. His mom had been very fat and tired but smiling, she had glowed with happiness. Dean himself had not been so happy. He remembered thinking that at least it wouldn't be a girl - he did not like girls - but that if it was a boy it might steel his toys and his mommy and daddy might love him more. He also wondered how his mom would be able to look after the new baby if she was always sleeping and wasn't allowed to move around like before; like when she used to play with him in the garden and take him to the park. He missed how his mom was before.
Of course that had been the logic of an almost-four-year-old. Five months later Samuel Winchester had been more, all red and squiggly and noisy. Dean didn't think he was 'cute', or 'adorable', or 'gorgeous' or any of the other words that various friends of the family and random strangers told him mom and dad. An he definitely didn't think the baby looked anything like him. He must be an alien.
But things had changed by the time Sammy was six months old. He was cute by that time, and he had this way of looking at Dean that A) made him feel like a grown up, and B) made him feel all warm and proud inside. His feelings towards 'the little red noisy thing' had changed about eight weeks into Sam's life when John had noticed how reclusive Dean was becoming. He went to bed without a fuss, he didn't eat properly, and he spent a disproportionate amount of time glaring in the direction of Mary and Sam, who could be found together 98 of the time (the other two percent was when Mary was sleeping and Sam was with John). So John took his eldest son to the park one day when he had managed to get time off from the garage he worked at and he had sat Dean down and explained to him what it meant to be a Big Brother. Big Brothers, he told his son, were very important people, just as important as parents and teachers and best friends because they had all of those. When Sammy was older he would look up to Dean and want to be like him. Yes, they would fight but they would still love each other. And if ever anything upset them or hurt them, they would always have each other to fall back on. Big Brothers and Little Brothers always stuck together.
After this Dean seemed far more interested in little Sam, to the point that Mary had up to 10 of her time to herself and most of the rest of her time was spent with both her little boys.
But when Sam was six months old something terrible happened. To the local authorities this was a puzzling case. A father awakes in the night to go into his youngest son's nursery while his wife slept. A scream woke th wife and she ran to the nursery, grabbing the baby, and then grabbed her four year old son and told him to take the baby outside. By this time the nursery is blazing. Two and a half long minutes later - by which time the fire engines and police had arrived - the wife comes running out of the house, swoops down to pick her children up and runs to safety across the street as she watches her house burn down. Later her husband's charred body was found by the crib.
Mary did not cry that night as she watched her home and her life go up in flames. She did not cry for many nights after that. Shortly after Dean was five years old she packed up a couple of duffle bags and loaded them in the 1967 Chevrolet Impala her husband had brought before they had been married and never looked back. They travelled North America, hunting and searching for whatever had killed John Winchester.
Years later Dean would wonder why his mother had never shed a tear for her husband. It wasn't because she hadn't loved him, Dean recognised taht nothing in this world meant more to her than John, Sam, and Dean. Not even the hunt, which had been why she had incouraged Sam to leave when he was eighteen and go to college in California. That had hurt Dean more than it had hurt Mary. it wasn't until after Dean had died and been brought back by an Angel called Castiel that he found out the truth about it all. About how his mom had made a deal to save John's life, about the fact she had lied to them her whole life never telling them that she too had been raised a hunter, a deal which had resulted in Sam ingesting demon blood and now he had some super bad powers that the Angels wanted him to stop messing around with.
But Dean hadn't seen his brother since he left for Standford eight years ago. He would be twenty six mow, possibly even taller than the over grown puppy he's been back then with his shaggy brown hair that constantly fell into his eyes. Hell, Dean hadn't seen their mom in eight years either. Not since she told Sammy he should go and experience real life away from demon hunting. To Dean the fact that his brother was so easily able to walk away from the fight, walk away from the fact that a yellow-eyed-demonic son of a bitch had killed their father and ruined their family, the fact that Sam had been more than willing to walk away from Dean, especially after everything they had been through together and after all that had happened between them the five years prior to his leaving... it had all been too much of a betrayal. Dean couldn't look in Mary's eyes after than. He just fell apart. Like the thing that kept his hollow shell together had missing and now there was nothing to stop him from breaking into a thousand un-fixable pieces. Sam had just walked away from him and his mom had let him.
The angry twenty-two year old Dean had said screw them both and a month after Sam. it had taken him a month of 'missed' calls and rejected offers to come down and visit him to finally get the message. Sam did not want Dean around. As far as Sam was concerned, Dean was just an unnecessary reminder of a life he no longer wanted to live. So it was 'goodbye brotherhood, hello normal' for Sammy Winchester.
Over the years Dean had checked in with Bobby Singer occasionally, knowing he would give him an unasked for but very much wanted up-date on Mary and Sam. Dean knew that when Sam was twenty-two his girlfriend, Jessica, had been killed by the same monster that had killed their Dad and that after that Sam had hooked up with mom to hunt the demon down. He knew that they had finally killed it less than two years after that. He also knew that they had made no effort to contact him. Not since his mom stopped calling shortly after his twenty-third birthday.
Did they know he had been dead? Did they even care? Did Bobby give them updates on him, too? On how he wasn't eating properly, on how he took too many risks, on how they only thing he seemed to really care about was his Dad's old car? Did they know he often sought comfort in the arms of strangers for some quick cash? Male, female, gentle, violent; long as they paid him Dean didn't see the difference anymore. Did they know that deep down in his battered mind he truly believed he had deserved to go to Hell - even though it had been a 'spell' used on him to send him there when a demon had killed him six months ago? Did they even remember his face? His smile? His laugh? Because when Dean looked in the mirror he no longer recognised himself?
Did anyone even care anymore?
AN/ Okay. SO for those of you who are confused this is a breakdown;
- Dean has been hunting on his own since Sam left for college.
- Dean was in Hell. Sam never died. Dean got pulled out of Hell by Castiel for the same reasons as in canon.
- Mary is still alive. Dean has not seen or spoken to Mary or Sam since he left.
Please comment - (please, pretty please with Sammy and Dean smut on top) LOL!