WARNING! Explicit rape. No kidding...dont read if you cant handle it. Please.
One shot.
"The probability of blah blah blah given blah divided by blah percent blah blah..."
What the fuck is she talking about? I sure as hell dont know. First day back from christmas break and shes already droning on about this dumb shit i dont need to know. come on lady, its first period on a monday, give us a break. Not to mention the fact that i went to sleep at 4am; i knew i shouldnt have stayed up watching porn but it was just too tempting. For some reason i dont really think she'll sympathize with me on that one. Oh well.
"Hi im um new here so..." I look up to a girl that just walked in.
"Hi. Your late."
"Sorry, i didnt know where i was going."
"Well now you do, dont let it happen again."
"Uh...ok."
Wow, shes a bitch. The girls new, give her a break.
"Whats your name?"
"Spencer Carlin."
"Well Ms. Carlin, take a seat by Ms. Davies, raise your hand." I did. "Class, if you didnt already figure it out, this is our new student, Spencer Carlin."
She sits down, smiles at me, and goes to get a notebook out.
"Shes a bitch, isnt she?"
She looks startled. "What?"
I nod my head to the teacher and simply say 'bitch'. She looks at me for a second before shrugging her shoulders and looking away. Hm...time to try again.
"Im Ashley."
"Spencer, obviously."
"Whered you come from?"
"Why do you assume im not from here?"
"I deffinetly would have noticed you."
She looks away and bluches. I smile.
"You didnt answer my question."
"No, i didnt."
She looks away after that and i just continue to look at her, trying to figure her out. After a few minutes i decided to try and talk to her again. I reach over to touch her arm and she flinches back away from me. Hard. I stare at her confused and she acts like nothing happened, wiping the terrified look off of her face.
"What?" She asks in a normal voice.
I just look at her fora little before saying 'nothing' and looking back to the front of the class. Out of the corner of my eye, i see her breathing deeply and shoot her hand up.
"May i use the restroom?"
Once she leaves the room i ask for a pass to go to the nurse. Thant was a strange reaction and i want to know if shes ok. When i get to the bathroom i push the door open slightly and see her leaning into the mirror with her hands on either side of the sink.
"Shes not him. Your ok Spencer, she just wanted to get your attention. Shes not him, shes not him, shes not him..."
I close the door but dont go in. I really want to though but i think that may not be whats best right now. I just met her, im sure she doesnt want me in her business just yet. I am going to get to know her though; and whatever shes going through right now, im going to help her. I go back to class and take my seat. She walks back in with a smile on her face, i know its fake but she has to keep up pretenses, even if she thinks no one is watching.
"My Ms. Davies, that was a quick visit to the nurse."
"Yeah, i just had to get some advil. That doesnt take long."
Spencer turns to look at me with confusion, probably wondering if i saw her in the bathroom. I just smile, act like i didnt go creep on her, and hope that she doesnt think i was there. When the bell rings she gets up to leave but i call her name to stop her, knowing not to try and touch her. She turns around.
"Yes?"
"Wheres your next class?"
"D201. Why?"
"Um, do you want me to walk you there so you dont get yelled at again for being late?"
"Im fine really, i dont need any help."
"Its really no problem, i have that class anyway so its not like its an inconvenience."
She reguards me for a second, prolly still trying to figure out if i saw her in the bathroom or not. Id want to know too, whatevers going on with her seems to be pretty personal and not something she wants the world to see from her.
"Yeah thatd be cool, thanks."
I walk her to our class, and all her classes for the rest of the day. She sits with me at lunch and meets my friends. Unfortunetly.
"Damn Ash, you always get the hot ones!"
"Aiden! Fuck, man. Shut the hell up!" I smack him on the back of the head.
"Sorry jeez. Hi im Aiden, the hotter, intelligenter one in this friendship."
"Wow, 'intelligenter', you have outdone yourself this time. Your stupidity amazes me."
"What? Is that wrong?"
My sister Kyla is just sitting over to the side laughing and shaking her head at him. Thats all we ever can do, really. He makes it hard for us to take him seriously.
"Hi, im Kyla. Your are?"
"Spencer Carlin."
They shake hands and we all sit down to eat lunch. Spencer seemed like she was having a good time, we were all making fun of Aiden. Dumbass. At the end of lunch i asked her if she wanted a ride home and she said her brother ws here and she was just going to ride with him after basketball practice. I told her it really was no problem, and i could even take her sightseeing, that way she wouldnt have to wait for Glen, as she told me.
"No really, im just going to wait for him, but thank you."
I was a little disappointed. That really puts a damper on things. I thought we were having a pretty good day. Oh well.
The next day in school, i go to 1st period and see Spencer with her head tilted down. I walk over and try to talk to her but she just keeps her face away from me. The bell rings for class to start and i hear a relieved sigh as i turn to the front of the class. I just sit there confused, that was weird. When class is over, she just bolts out of there without waiting for me, even though we have the same class. I thought we were friends sort of, or atleast starting to be friends from yesteday, but i guess i misread the whole situation. I get to class and shes not there, but shows up rigt before the bell rings. She still hasnt faced me. Man do i suck that much that she doesnt even want to look near me? I dont see her at lunch and just assume that shes found new friends.
About a week has passed and in that week she ignored me and still kept her face turned. By the 3rd day i just stopped trying. Whats the use i dont know this girl, she clearly doesnt want to know me, so i gave up. On Monday, i walk into 1st period and there she was, sitting upright and smiling at me as i walk through the door. Odd. I take my seat, wearily.
"Hey Ashley."
"Hey?" I say, looking at her strange.
"Whats up?"
"...nothing. You?"
"Nothing."
She smiles and looks to the front of the class. I just continue to stare at her. She looks at me and smiles again.
"Hey can you give me a ride today after school, maybe take that little tour you were talking about?"
"...last week..." I say to her, giving her an odd look.
"Oh well i was just a little busy then, but if your free now, so am i."
"Um, sure?"
"Awesome."
She smiles and turns to the front of the class again. I just stare at her again, more confused than before. She waits for me after class, sits with me at lunch, and meets me at my locker after school so we can walk to my car together. Dont ask me how she knew where my locker was cause i have no clue. To say im beyond confused is an understatement.
One of the stops on my little 'tour' was the beach. Its been weird today, for me atleast. She seems completely at ease, completely different than the last time i spoke to her. She acts like she didnt just ignore me for a whole week. We were sitting in the sand, facing the ocean when she leans over and starts to kiss me. Im shocked for a minute, just sitting there before my brain catches up and i shove her off of me. She gives me this angry look, then turns back to the ocean.
"What the hell was that?"
"What? Thats what you wanted right, to get into my pants? Well heres your chance."
"I dont want that. Whats up with you?"
"Bullshit you dont want that. I know girls lke you. Youll string me along for a while, make me feel special enough to have sex with you, and then bam your gone the next morning."
"Girls like me? Excuse me but you were the one trying to shove your tongue down my throat."
"I was just giving you what you wanted now, spare you some time so you can be on to the next one quicker."
"Is that what you want? You want me to just fuck you and never speak to you again?"
"Yes."
I look at her for a minute before shaking my head.
"You dont really want that."
"You dont fucking know me! How the fuck are you going to sit here and tell me what i want?"
Im completely at a loss. Her eyes went from anger to sadness in a few seconds and now were lying on the ground together, her in my arms...crying. If i thought i was confused before, that has nothing on whats in my head now. I have no idea what the fuck is happening right now but i just stay here and hold her. After about 20 minutes, she starts to move out of my grasp and looks away from me while asking me to take her home. When we get to her house, she just jumps out of the car and runs inside without even a glance back. I go home and think about this past week. Theres something wrong with her, thats for sure. I just want to know what it is.
She ignores me again, this time for a month. Its weird, shell sit there and stare at me before snapping out of it and looking away. I watch her all the time, i watch her interact with other people, i watch her carry her clothes into the bathroom stall in gym to change, i watch as sometimes she doesnt change but stays in her hoodie and jeans and takes the mark, i watch as she laughs along with other people but not with me like i want her to, i watch as she does her work and sometimes doesnt, i watch her flinch away from every touch and noise. I watch her. I study her, and i know somethings up. She puts on a pretense for everyone but i know theres something wrong behind that perfect appearance everyones come to admire.
"Spencer?"
She turns to look at me. Its been 37 days since she has talked to me but really, whos counting?
"Can i talk to you after school today? Maybe give you a ride home or something?"
"Um sure thats fine."
"Awesome." I mock her.
'or something? I took her to the beach where she kissed me because i wanted to talk and i wanted time. She seems uncomfortable when we pull up to that spot on the beach. Welll she should, dammit! She made me feel like a 2 cent whore.
"What are we doing here, Ashley?" Its the first time shes said my name in a while and it causes butterflies to errupt in my stomach.
"I told you, we're talking, and this is where i want to talk."
She just looks away and sighs as we get out of the car and go to walk towards the beach. We sit in the same general area as we did last time and just stay silent for a little bit. I want to try something, so i lean over to touch her arm. She doesnt flinch at all.
"Why didnt you flinch away?"
"What are you talking about?"
"The first time i met you, i touched your arm lightly and you flew away from me, then went to the bathroom and said 'shes not him' in the mirror over and over again."
"You saw that?" I ignore her.
"And ive been watching you, this whole month my eyes have been on nothing but you. You always flinch away from people, even at the slightest touch. I doesnt matter who it is or how they touch you, but you flinch. But you didnt with me, this time?"
"Why didnt you tell me you saw that? That is personal!"
"And yet you did it in the middle of a public bathroom in a high school. Yeah thats real private. Answer my question please. Why didnt you flinch?"
"I guess i just wasnt expecting those people so it startled me-"
"Bullshit. I watched you. I saw you. I see you. You flinched even when you saw them coming towards you. Why? Whos hurting you? Please, tell me."
"You dont know what the hell your talking about! Im done with this shit, im going home."
She walks away and i sit there for a couple hours. I notice its now dark and decide to go home, taking the long way so i can look at Spencers house on the way. Im slowly driving by when i see her rush out of the house and start down the street. I stop the car and get out before chasng after her. I was calling her name but i guess she didnt hear me. I go to touch her shoulder and when i do, im met with a fist to my face. I fall flat on my ass, shocked, not grasping what just happened. I look up to Spencer who has this icy look in her eyes before realizing its me, her expression changing instantly and her hands cover her mouth. Shes down at my side in a second. She tilts my head back, taking her shirt off and balling it up at my nose to try and stop the bleeding. Man, she can hit. Thats my last thought before i pass out, and wake up in my bed with arms wrapped around my waiste. Im confused a nervous for a moment before i take in the familiar scent and catch a glimpse of blond hair. I involuntarily start to smile but immediatly wince at the pain ad frown once i remember the reason shes here right now. I move her hand from around me and get up to walk into the bathroom. Once im done my morning business i take a deep breath before looking in the mirror. Theres a bandage on my nose with dried blood crusted around the side of it. What i love the most though is the 2 black eyes im sporting making me look like a damned racoon.
"Im really sorry Ash."
"Please dont call me that. Please."
"I- ok."
She looks down and just walk by her out into my bedroom...oh yeah, we're at my place. I go downstairs to the kitchen to make coffee and grab a bowl of cereal. By the time she comes down, im already almost done with my fruity pebbles and 2nd cup of coffee. I just point over to the bowl ive left by the cabinet with the cereal so she can pick whatever she wants. Theres a mug there too for her coffee if she so chooses.
"Look Ashley, about last night, i really am sorry. I didnt know it was you."
"I dont want a damn apology Spencer! I want some answers and i want them now! I think i deserve some."
She nods and looks like shes about to cry but holds them back and looks into my eyes. We stare for a while, i dont know how long but it seemed like hours. I saw pain etched all throughout. I never want to see that ever again.
"My stepdad beats and rapes me."
That one sentence takes all the air out of my lungs and leaves me speechless. I knew something like that was happening, i could just tell, but to think it and hear it actually said out loud are 2 entirely different things.
"My dad died when i was 9 and 3 years later my mom married this guy Ben. He was cool at first, obviously i hated him though cause i felt like they were trying to replace my dad, but after a while i realized my mom just had to move on so i accepted it. He was always nice to me, getting me whatever i want and we would hang out sometimes. My mom wanted us to bond. 3 years went by and i was getting used to him being my new 'dad', but still never forgeting who my real father was, cause he was a great man."
She stops for a second and i know this is where its going to get really hard. I put my hand on her knee and rub softly; by this time were out in the living room on the couch. She grabs my hand and just holds it between hers and continues to speak.
"One night at dinner, i said something about my father, i cant remember what it was, but Ben just snapped. He started yelling saying that man is not my father and he is, and to never speak of him again. He kept on yelling things but i didnt really hear him, i was still focused on the fact that he said hes my dad and no one else. I guess he asked me a question because he paused, expecting an answer. When i couldnt give him one he back handed me and sent me out of my chair. Id never been hit before, nor had i seen so much anger directed towards me. I was in complete shock. I looked to my mom, but she just looked down and kept eating."
I cant believe that a mother would just sit there and let that happen to her kid. My moms may be a cold hearted bitch but if my dad had ever laid a hand on me or my sister, there would be hell to pay. Looking at this girl you would never know this happens, unless your a creeper like me that just stares at her all the time. Im glad i do. This has got to stop. Whatever it is.
"I ran to my room and locked the doors. They didnt bother me for the rest of the week. I had been going out to get food and drinks in the kitchen and they would see me and just turn their heads. I finally thought it was safe and came down to dinner one night. I didnt speak, and neither did they. That night in my room, Ben came up. He asked if i was feeling better and if i had learned my lesson. I said i didnt understand what the lesson was and he got mad and said 'i guess you havent'. He hit me again and i was laying flat on my bed. He got in top and held me there. And...well i guess you can prolly figure what happened next. But ill say it anyway. He started to pull up my shirt and took that off. Then he unsnapped my bra and i was kicking and screaming, trying to cover myself and get him off of me. Next he moved to my pants and tore the gym shorts off, along with my underwear. I was punching and kicking him and it seemed to fuel him on. He was enjoying my struggle."
I cant believe how nonchalant shes being about this. There are no tears, except from me and theres no emotion on her face.
"He pulled string out of his back pocket, he must have been planning this, and tied me to the bed. He undid his pants and pulled it out. He wsa just playing with it, hitting my face, chest, vagina, everywhere. Then he put it to my mouth and forced it in there. I was choking, tied up, and couldnt move my legs. I was just wishing to die. Then he moved down and shoved it in my vagina. I screamed out in pain. I was only 15 and was still a virgin, never had anyting been down there and i could feel myself ripping. He was above me moaning and laughing the entire time. I passed out at the end and when i woke up my hands were free. I just stared crying some more. I laid there for a couple hours before finally getting up and walking over to the mirror."
Im full out bawling right now.
"There were bruises on my wrists and arm where he held me and from the rope, there was blood on my feet from kicking my bedposts, trying to kick him. My face was sticky, as was my stomach, and there was blood all over the inside of my thighs. I went to the bathroom, turned the water fully on hot and sat in there, burning him off of me until the water started to turn cold. After that, it was a normal occurance. Once a week, same time, same day, he would come up and have his way. My mom knows, she hates me cause she thinks i took him away from her. I didnt go to the cops, he said he would kill my mom, and even though shes a bitch, shes still my mom."
I honestly have no words. She has her arms wrapped around me and i cant help thinking im not the one that should need the comfort. It makes no sense that shes the one with her arms around me.
"It still goes on, not as much the sex anymore, but he still hits me all the time. Youve prolly noticed i dont always change for gym, well thats why. Im really sorry about your face, i thought he was chasing me so i just swung. And im sorry about what ive put you through but i felt something with you and it scared me. I knew i would hurt you in the in so i threw myself at you to get you out of my system and maybe you would leave so i wouldnt feel these things. But you rejected me and called me out. I thought, job well done, shell leave you alone, the feelings will go away and you wont hurt her. But you kept watching, trying, and that made me mad. Why would you still try after i basically called you a whore. My feelings grew. And here we are now. You prolly think im a freak and never want to see me again."
She keeps talking about how sorry she is and how she needs to go cause i dont want her there, and i really need to speak up. I finally found my voice.
"NO! Dont leave. You cant. You arent going back there. Stay with me please."
"What are you talking about?"
"I dont care about my nose, or how youve treated me. I just dont care. You arent going back there. I wont let you. Your staying here with me. I cant let you go, kowing that...i just cant."
"I have to, if i don-"
"I DONT CARE!"
She stares at me before bursting out in tears. FUCK! I shouldnt have yelled at her. Thats what he does. She prolly hates me now. Dammit! Im hesitant about wrapping my ams around her because i dont want to upset her more. When i do she tenses a little before leaning fully into me.
"Spencer, im so sorry i shouldnt have yelled at you like that, i had no right. I really just dont want you going back there. I cant stand seeing you get hurt like that. I wish i would have tried harder earlier, to get you to open up to me. I really want you to stay here with me. Please dont go back there."
"Im not crying cause you yelled, its the fact that you care. I thought you would have been disgusted that i let it go on all this time. And i cant stay cause i dont know what hell do to my mom. And i cant get you in this, he might hurt you, and i couldnt live with myself if that happened."
"Of course i care, and im not disgusted at all, well with him yeah, but not you. I want to go rip his balls off." That earns me a little laugh and its music to my ears. "But if your not going to stay here, im going with you. Im not gonna let you go there alone, i lo-like you too much."
Her eyes get big for a minute before turning her head away and shaking it back and forth.
"No no no, you go there, hell hurt you. I wont allow it. No. Thats final."
So were sitting in Spencers room right now. No one was home so she got us up to her room, no problem. Shes shaking. I know cause im holding her. Were sitting on her bed with my arms wrapped around her. The whole ride over she went on about how this was such a bad idea and we shouldnt be doing this, and i need to go home before something happens. I just grabbed her hand and kept my eyes on the road. When i pulled up to her house and got out of the car she made a frustrated grunt because i wasnt listening to her. She walked in a little first, calling out to see if anyone was there and rushed us upstairs. I see cuts on the headboard, he apparently uses handcuffs now because she was getting to strong for rope. He sickens me. When she heard someone pull up to the house, she turned to me, stared into my eyes, and kissed me with all she had.
"I love you. I just want to let you know that. But please, you have to hide in the closet till he goes."
"Ok, i love you too. But if he touches you i cant guarentee i wont do anything."
She just closes her eyes and nods once. I kiss her one more time before going into the closet. A couple minutes later, the door open and in walks in the bastard himself. He walks over to her, forcefully grabs the back of her head, and slams his lips on hers. I cringe and have to restrain myself from bursting from the closet. She tries to shove him off but he wont budge. Once he pulls back, he smirks evily at her and laughs.
"Dinner in 30 my little bitch."
She nods once and he just laughs as he leaves. I really want to fuck him up right now. I see Spencer put her head in her hans before sitting back down on the bed.
"Spence..?"
"Come here."
I walk over and just wrap my arms around her.
"Im sorry you had to see that."
"Do not apologize for anything. You dont need to. But i really cant be held accountable if he does anything else. It took so much not to just run out here and beat the shit out of him."
"Please dont. Just hold me for now."
I did. We just sat there for about 20 minutes when she said she had to go set the table for dinner. She kissed me and told me she loved me, then walked back downstairs. About an hour later she rushes back up and tells me to hide. I go in the closet a second before her bursts through the door. I look around for something to hit him with, should it come to that.
"You little cunt, i told you no yawning when your at the dinner table. Why do you insist on disrespecting me like that when i have guests?"
She just puts her head down and mumbles sorry. He backhands her and sends her to the floor. "
Look at me when im talking to you, you litte bitch. Stand up!"
She hurries to get up and he rips the button up shirt she had on open and off. He picks her up and throws her on the bed. He leans over to get the handcuffs, but i cant let it go anymore. Theres a bat laying in here and i pick it up before bursting out of the closet, swinging wildly. I hit him a couple times and before he grabs it and rips it out of my hand, throwing it across the room. He looks in shock for a minute before smirking and grabbing me by the neck, turning me around so that im facing Spencer.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here? Does the little lesbian finally have a friend? I think its time we break your friend in."
I also had a button up shirt on (of course) and he rips it off easily. I struggle to get his hand off of my neck and kick him in the nads, finally getting free. I rush over to Spencer to see if shes alright. Im ripped from our embrace by my hair, and thrown backwards onto the floor. There he starts kicking me and yelling at me for disrespecting me in his house. I hear Spencer screaming at him to stop, but the pain gets unbearable and i pass out.
When i wake up, the lights are really bright and my throat hurts like a bitch. I try to move but that hurts entirely too much. Where the hell am i? I move my hand but somethings holding it there, and when i look i see that its Spencers hand that is holding it there, her head laid on the bed, sleeping. I smile for a minute before remembering what happened. I look around and see that im in the hospital and theres a bunch of shit hooked up to me. I freak and try to move again, but the pain in my side cause me to cry out in pain. This makes Spencer jump up and look at me.
"Ashley?" She says in a whisper.
I use my free hand to point to my throat and she jumps up to grab me some water. I guess she forets shes still holding my hand because she pulls on it as she walks away and i cry out again in pain.
"Oh my god! Im so sorry! I keep hurting you, im so sorry."
I just shake my head and motion to the water again. She gets it for me and says shes going to get a nurse while im drinking. She quickly comes back in with a nurse in tow.
"Miss Davies! Im glad your awake. Im Nurse Lewis but you can just call me Chealsea."
I just smile at her, still working on my water and my throat hurting too much to do anything else.
"Well youve been out for 2 weeks, your throat prolly hurts cause you had to have a tube to help you breath for the first week. You have 6 broken ribs and severe bruising. The ribs came very close but didnt stab any internal organs. One more hit and you prolly would not be here right now. Well thats prolly a lot to take right now so if i could just get your vitals, ill go get your doctor and we'll come back in, in a little bit."
I nod my head and she does her thing before leaving. I look over to Spencer and just stare at her. She has a handprint on her face and her sleeves pushed up where i can see some marks. I lift my hand and motion for her to come over. She does quickly and grabs my hand. I close my eyes and revel in the feel of her hand in mine. I slide over in the bed, moaning the whole way, and lift the cover for her to get in.
"Oh no Ash i dont want to hurt you."
I clear my throat before hoarsly speaking.
"Please, i want you to lay with me. You wont hurt me."
"Ok."
She gets into bed and just holds my hand in hers, playing with my fingers.
"You know, i though i was going to lose you. My guardian angle, gone before i got the chance to say thank you. So thank you. I love you."
"I love you."
"I was so scared. I jumped on his back and started choking him. Once he started hitting you, so much rage came over me and i couldnt let him do that anymore, to you or me. My mom came in cause there was more noise than usual and saw you limp on the floor. She said its gone to far and called the police. Hes in jail Ash. Can you believe it? He cant hurt me or you anymore. Thank you. I just wish it didnt take you getting hurt for me to actually stand up to him. If i wasnt such a coward nothing would have happened to you and for that i am truely sorry. I love you."
"It doesnt matter, your ok. Thats all that matters. Now and forever. I love you."
Wow. So that was crazy to write. When i started writing this, i had no idea that i was going to put anything like that in there but it just felt right. Sorry if this upsets anyone, but on the bright side, there was a happy ending. Im actually thinking about making a couple more chapters, to see where their life goes after this. Let me know if you think i should. Dont get your hopes up though casue i suck at updating things. Thats why i like one shots. But yeah, let me know what you think.
`Court