AN: I don't speak Latin and I used a translation site for the title. Don't kill me if it's wrong. This focuses on Isabelle/Simon but there will be some Magnus and Alec too.
Chapter 1: Not a Jedi.
Isabelle flipped her long dark hair over her shoulder and tucked a silky strand behind her ear. Her full mouth was turned down into a frown. He shoulders and back were straight. She was fidgeting with her hands as she spoke," Simon, I am not sure when it started..but somewhere along the way I...I think I have...I am sure I am..." Isabelle made a face and dropped her forehead to the top of her vanity. "I am in love with you but I am too scared to tell you that."
Isabelle heard snickering behind her. She whipped her head around and caught her brothers, Alec and Jace, standing in the door way smirking at her. "Spying?" Isabelle snapped. "That's rude you know."
"Door was open," Jace defended himself. "It's not technically spying if the door is wide open."
Isabelle picked up a boot and threw it towards him. He dodged it gracefully and continued to smirk.
"You're so pathetic," Jace joked. "Letting that skinny vampire scare you."
Alec laughed but was stifled bu Isabelle's glare.
"I really appreciate the sympathy and understanding from my loving brothers," she seethed. Isabelle turned back to the mirror. She could see Alec and Jace exchange a look and a shrug.
"Ok, you're right," Alec said. He came in and sat on her bed. "Whats going on?"
"I think...I am in love with Simon," Isabelle said her voice small.
"We gathered that much," Jace teased. He shurgged, "Tell him."
Isabelle huffed,"What if he doesnt...?"
"Love you?" Jace asked. "You're wondering whether or not he loves you? How could he not?"
"What if he just thinks I am hot but not to be taken seriously?" Isabelle replied.
"Well, you will never know unless you say something." Jace told her.
Alec cleared his throat,"What if he does love you?" he asked.
"That is good, isnt it?" Jace questioned.
Alec nodded,"Sure it's good but..." He trailed off and looked out the window.
"But what?" Isabelle prompted.
"But where can it go?" Alec asked. "I mean, you can't marry...it's against Clave rules."
"The Clave is changing," Isabelle pointed out.
"Ok, so they change and you can marry him." Alec agreed. "Then what? You cant have children with him. This isn't a bad supernatural teen romance novel. And then you are aging and he isnt. Worst case scenario you die young because sometimes we do. Best case scenario you live until your 80 and people think he is your grandson or great grandson. Will he still think your hot then? Will you be able to stand the sight of him when he still looks 16 and your body is falling apart? There is a reason why this isnt done, Isabelle. One day you will be gone and he will still be here. He will fall in love again...maybe many times...and thats the end of your love story."
Isabelle recoiled. She was breathing heavy. She had never allowed herself to think of these things. Reality was crashing down on her and she felt like she was slipping into a sea of panic.
"Alec!" Jace reprimanded him. "Dont do that. Dont put your baggage on her."
"Is anything I said untrue?" Alec retorted.
Jace ignored him and moved into the room closing the door behind him. "Maybe Alec's is right. Maybe all of that will happen."
"It will!" Alec said.
Jace continued ignoring his brother as he spoke, "But that is the future and you need to focus on now. I know what it feels like to keep these kind of feelings to yourself. I have done it. It sucks. You have to tell him and then you can decide together what to do with your feelings and how to proceed but you cant lock this up. It will hurt you. It will kill you. It will dull your shine."
This was all a lot of for Isabelle to take in. She nodded, "Thank you," she finally said. "Both of you gave me lot to think about."
"Ok, we will go," Jace said. He stood up and waited for Alec in the doorway.
Alec looked at Jace and then turned to Isabelle,"Out of all of us you always played it close to the vest. I never understood why you played it safe but I do now." He kissed the top of her head, "You have good instincts sis...follow them..."
She watched them leave and heard their hushed bickering trialing through the hallway. Isabelle stood up and closed her door. Then she sat back down and turned to the mirror. She could see the pain on her own face. Was Alec right? Should protect herself from this? Could their be any scenario that ends well?
But Jace had a point too. Isabelle wasn't one to run away from adversity. Wasn't it better to put it out there and deal with the rest as it comes?
Simon was watching his phone. His eyes were narrowed and he was thinking, Ring! Damn it, ring!. As if he could make her call by sheer force of will.
"Dude, pay attention I am whooping your ass!" Eric yelled.
Simon pulled his eyes back to the tv screen just in time to see his character die. Eric threw the remote to the floor and started dancing. Well, Simon assumed it was dancing...it looked more like Eric was having some kind of seizure. "Who's got next?" Simon asked holding the PlayStation remote in the air.
"That would be me," Maia said taking the remote from him. Simon stood and allowed Maia to take his place on the floor.
He picked up his phone and then flopped back on the couch. He took to staring at the screen of his phone again. Why wasnt she calling? It had been days since they had spoken. It seemed like she wanted to say something and then she took off. It was unnerving.
"You're not a Jedi!" Maia called.
"What?" Simon was pulled out of his own thought by Maia's voice.
"I said, you're not a Jedi." she repeated. She wasnt looking at him. She was looking at the game.
"I heard you," Simon replied. "What does that mean?"
Maia paused the game and Eric started complaining. "It means you cant make Isabelle call by staring at the phone and looking all pathetic."
Jordan laughed and Simon narrowed his eyes at his room. "What did you tell her?"
Jordan was still chuckling when he spoke, "Nothing, man." he assured his roommate. "She is pretty observant."
"You dont have to be observant to know he is mooning over that Isabelle chick," Matt interjected.
"True story," Eric said with a nod. Then he whistled,"And I don't blame you dude she is the definition H.O.T. I bet if you look up the word hot in Websters it will have her name and picture."
Simon didnt like Eric and Matt talking about Isabelle this way. I mean...they were right...she was hot but she was so much more. ""There is more to her than just being hot," Simon told them.
"The rest doesn't matter as much though," Kirk chimed in.
Sometimes Simon hated his friends,"No, that isnt the most important thing. She is..." Simon tried to find the words to describe the most amazing woman he had ever known. "She is smart and she is tough and she expects a lot of from people which means you always want to be your best. She says what is on her mind she doesnt care what anyone thinks about her...at all...But she is vulnerable too. She is a little sad and lonely sometimes. She has been through lot of crap that has made her closed off but when she opens up it is the most amazing sight."
Everyone was quiet and then Eric said,"I bet seeing her opening up is a sight."
The boys started laughing and Simon just shook his head.
Maia snorted in disgust,"You guys are idiots," she said then she looked at Simon,"And that includes you."
"Why me?" Simon whined.
Maia narrowed her eyes and shook her head, "You're obviously in love with Isabelle but too scared to tell her."
"Who said I was in love with her," Simon replied looking down at his phone again.
"You did," Jordan told him. "In that little speech you just gave."
Simon threw his hands up,"Ok, yeah, I am in love with her."
"Tell her," Jordan suggested
Simon shook his head, "I think we all know if Isabelle felt anything for me she would just say it, right?"
Maia rolled her eyes,"Yeah, I mean she couldn't possibly be scared to tell you."
"I think we just established that Isabelle isn't afraid of anything. Especially nerdy vampires who play in really bad bands and go to high school."
"Hey, our band isn't bad!" Eric exclaimed.
Maia looked at Eric, "Yeah, it is." she told him. The Maia looked at Simon, "Have you thought maybe she is scared to put herself out there because you cheated on her?"
Simon covered his face with his hands and said,"is anyone ever going to let that go?"
Maia snorted, "I have let it go. I am over it. But Isabelle may not be."
"Yeah and then there is the Clary thing?" Jordan added.
"What Clary thing?" Simon demanded.
"You were in love with Clary for...like...a decade," Matt explained.
"I wasn't in love with Clary for a decade," Simon huffed.
"Yeah," Matt snickered. "You were."
"You dated Clary, right?" Maia pointed out.
"Kind of...but Clary isn't a thing...First of all, Clary has the nuclear bomb of boyfriends. Secondly, What I felt for Clary wasn't as deep as this. I loved her but I was never in love with her. Clary is not a threat to Isabelle."
"Have you told her that?" Maia asked.
"No, but she didnt ask." Simon said.
"Call Isabelle." Maia ordered. "Tell her that you and me..that was nothing.."
"I wouldn't say it was nothing," Simon interrupted.
"Shh!" Maia told him then she continued. "Tell her the thing with me was nothing and that Clary wasn't the real deal...I would leave that thing out about Jace because it makes it sound like he is the only thing keeping you and Clary apart..."
"And it makes him sound a little gay," Eric chuckled.
"But that Jace dude is good looking," Matt admitted.
"No doubt," Kirk agreed.
Maia looked at them for a minute and then she asked Simon,"Why do hang out with them?
Simon laughed,"They are my friends." he said.
Maia shook her head,"Whatever. Call her. Call her now. Because you're getting on my nerves."
Simon shook his head,"No, I am sorry. No. If Isabelle has something to say then she can say it. I will reciprocate and rejoice. But I cant put this out there first...I just...cant..."
"You're pathetic but it your choice,"Maia said and then she went back to the game.
Simon went back to looking at his phone.
Isabelle was halfway to Simon's when she realized she should probably have called. But she couldn't work up the nerve to call so she kept walking. Just tell him, she told herself. When he opens the door just put it all out there and then see what happens.
But she couldn't shake what Alec said. He was right. And he was projecting his feelings onto her but that is basically what came between him and Magnus. Couldn't that happen with Simon? Jace didnt understand. He and Clary were both mortal and could have any life they wanted. They could be shadowhunters. They could leave the Clave and live like mundanes. They could have kids. They could grow old together. Isabelle and Simon could never have any of that.
Isabelle stopped walking and took a deep breath. Maybe this was a mistake? she thought. If she turned and went home right now Simon would never know and they could just go on with their lives. Isabelle sat down on the curb and put her head down. She was frozen in fear. She was frozen to this spot. She couldn't give up and go home. But she wouldn't move forward either. She had never felt like this in her life.
Then she realized that anything had to be better than this. She stood up and brushed her clothes off. She wasnt going to be a slave to these feelings anymore. She would do what she started out to do and take the consequences when they came. Isabelle started walking again.
She was five minutes from Simon's apartment when her phone vibrated in her pocket. Isabelle took it out and looked at the caller I.D. She answered it,"Maia?" she said.
"Isabelle?" Maia replied."Have you seen Simon?"
Isabelle paused,"No," she said. "Why?"
"We cant find him," Maia told her.
"I will be there in a minute," she replied.