Prologue: Present Day

The last recollection of happiness ended with two words. Two very small words.

"I can't."

I didn't know how to explain anything anymore after that. Thoughts, places, moments – they no longer had meaning. Everything I had waited decades for had come together, and just as easily, had fallen apart.

"…A clean break," she quoted me, mimicking the words and actions I had taken a little less than a year prior with her. The difference was my intentions were for her own good. To keep her away from the harm I had caused her, and would continue to cause her if I remained a part of her life. I had returned because I realized how much more damage I caused by staying away, and she agreed we could not live our existence without one another.

I should have been wise enough to know things change. Even though night's darkness is always constant, other things change.

He could offer her and would gladly give her everything, just as I would have. Except our pool of offerings were not equal in many ways.

He could offer her comfort. Protection. The chance at what a relationship is supposed to be between a man and a woman, both emotionally and physically. The chance to live among her father, her mother, her friends. The chance to bear children. The chance to waver in moments that she would remember. The opportunity to live a normal, human life. Happiness.

I, too, offered her happiness. A selfish, secluded happiness that was limited to my world, and therefore had to follow certain rules. There were always obligatory limits to our physical relationship – for her safety, the one thing I treasured above anything else. A limited world, but that included us, all I thought we ever needed…all I ever needed. I offered to protect her with all of by being. And I agreed against my better judgment to give her what I thought she wanted: an eternity by my side. I offered her every single day of forever – at the expense of robbing her of all semblance of humanity, which once I took, I would never be able to give back.

I guess I deserve this. I always wanted her to see me for the monster I am, the monster she was wishing to become to spend her existence with me. I should be glad she finally listened.

After that evening, I complied with her wishes – a clean break. I always knew I could force myself away from her, if it was for the best, if it was what she wanted. Personal sacrifice for the remainder of my existence was a small price to pay – and once she was gone, I would soon follow. I have always known that whether she grew old by my side or not, my time would end soon after hers. There is no logic in existing in a world where she does not.

I had to keep my distance to avoid the pain – hers, not mine. My pain will follow me wherever I go.

I sought distractions. I applied and enrolled for yet another collegiate degree – Harvard, this time – in Music. Not a very smart move, I'll admit. Most everything I hear, or everything I compose, reminds me of her. "Classical Compositions of the Late 19th Century" was not as easy a course to get through as it should have been.

Shortly after my departure, my family relocated to London, England. In part, its something we've grown accustomed to – having to move every number of years to protect our true identity. In this case, they also had additional motivation – to dissolve all ties that would continue to interfere with what I left behind in Forks.

They don't talk about it. Any of it. This is tolerable, when I'm overseas. When I'm visiting, however, no matter how hard they try, they can't help but think about her. And me. I look unbelievably solemn in their minds, and it makes every minute just a little less bearable.

My sisters make it unwillingly difficult on two extremes – Alice slips and thinks about her, about the friendship they abruptly left undone when the engagement was broken off, about the perfect wedding plans she was forced to abandon. Rosalie, as sympathetic as she's capable of, purposefully makes it a point for me to hear her thoughts – how it could have never ended well, and how, if she would've been given a choice other than this life, she would have also chosen to be normal and mortal.

I am back to being the lonely member of the Cullen family. The one without a soul mate.

Except, Bella Swan is my soul mate. She will always be, even if she's found comfort in Jacob Black's arms. And I cannot hate him – he makes her happy. He always did when I did not.

The only one I can blame is I, Edward Cullen, for existing.