Akatsuki's Day Off
-Ugh… This is the last time I ever let Kisame convince me to go drinking with these fools…- The some-what reclusive Uchiha continuously kept shouting this in his head. His fingers colored with a purple color on its nails were entangled in his onyx shaded hair. His eyes, normally blank with the interest in nothing, had black ink like circles resting just below his eyelids. The Uchiha's head was in pain and his temples were throbbing.
The most definite signs of (dun Dun DUN!) a late night, non-stop beer chugging, wild partying hangover.
Itachi slowly moved down the hallways of the Akatsuki HQ. Heck, you would've thought he was floating, had it not been for his zoori sandals poking just out of his cloak. GAH! TOBI! GIVE ME BACK MY CLAY, UN!!! …damn. Itachi thought as the approaching noise drew at least 2 yards away from him. As to be expected, this was their… typical (if you use that word in the nicest possible way) day off of their missions. Tobi making mud pies out of Deidara's clay. Deidara yelling and attempting to suffocate Tobi to give him back his "weapon"…Seriously…he should practice more on his genjutsu. Then on the red velvet couch, there sat Kakuzu or a better name is "Man who plays with boogers." That's right. All he ever does is twiddle that green paper in his fingers and chanting "$105, $106, $107…" Sitting next to money boy is Kisame (fish boy) who's patting down his eyes, attempting to wipe away those salty rivers streaming down…after watching "Finding Nemo" for the thirty-fourth time. Screening his eyes to the right of the room in a corner, Itachi saw Sasori (A.K.A Pinocchio) who was cutting the most recent captures from our last mission in the land of tea. Wood at the ready, Sasori began his extreme cry for a social life process of people-to-puppet turning. Several inches away from Pinocchio, was Zetsu (the human cannibalistic daffodil of doom). He eagerly awaited the leftovers… I'm sorry…..is that green drool coming from his mouth? Stupid chloroplasts. Itachi carefully walked as not to alert the other Akatsuki members he was there.
Going into there surprisingly clean kitchen of marble and tile, Itachi reached into the cool refrigerator and pulled out a purified bottle of water. If we're bad guys…why is it that we have something so civilized and pure as…well… PURIFIED water. If anything we're the farthest thing from it. Itachi closed the door, backed away and turned around only to have his face crash into something…soft. Squishy. Aromatic. "Itachi. What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing. In. My. Boobs?" Said the blue haired Konan who had a grimaced and disgusted face. It was the truth. The almighty Itachi Uchiha had his face…in between two feminine bosoms (size 34 D…how I know that? O_O) Itachi face felt flushed of even knowing what a size 34 D was…but it quickly went away. "Don't take it the wrong way. I just accidentally crashed into you." Itachi explained very bluntly. Konan hesitated for a moment but her face lighted its scowl, deciding to believe Itachi's Explanation. "So what'd you need?" Konan asked. "What?" Itachi said with one eyebrow slightly lifted. "What'd you come down here for? I was sure with what you did last night, you'd be passed out for a week or so…" Itachi ear twitched at this remembering back to the night before. Small flashbacks flashed and disappeared. One of a drunken Hidan talking to a rock about converting to his Jaashin religion. Remembering this, Itachi had a face of OH MUH GOD. Then another of a drunken Deidara appeared. Deidara was dancing to "I'm too sexy for my shirt" in one of his extremely disturbing outfits of Barney the dinosaur. Itachi's eye twitched uncontrollably. Tobi hadn't been drunk but he was having withdrawal symptoms of not having any of his candy. Tobi was the poster child for paranoia and disorientation, referring to the visual of Tobi swaying left to right in the bathtub with his Bugs Bunny boxers over his head instead of his lollipop mask and dangling a plugged in hair dryer, eight centimeters away from the water surface. Itachi had an anime sweat drop. Finally, the worst of all…Itachi's turn.
The image slowly faded into a mental view. The picture of Itachi…in pink, furry, jaguar patterned bra and thong…hair in girly pigtails…break dancing and singing along to the song "I'm a Barbie Girl" Itachi's heart suddenly skipped 7 beats and his mouth amazingly actually reached the floor. Time to get rid of the bad thoughts…in the only logical way. Itachi thought "…So you do remember." Konan said with small laughter when she said it. Itachi had this look of disgust "Nyquil?" "Here" Konan said while tossing the bottle to Itachi. "Special Razor?" Itachi held out his hand and took it from Konan as he walked past back to his room. "Super Happy Emo Hour?" Konan asked curiously. "Yep" "You gonna burn yourself like a witch at the stake when your done with the razor?" "Of course" "….Want me to dance on your grave when your dead?" Itachi turned to Konan with a blank look and waited two seconds before bluntly saying "Absolutely".
{{note- : the super happy emo hour is not meant to offend anyone is emo (emotionally sensitive) so if you do take offence, I apologize. My friend came up with it…..so if your still offended after this note….BLAME THE BLONDE GIRL RIDING THE RED BIKE!!!! *runs to Canada with a backpack, stuffed with Canadian bacon*}}