Alone.
Everyone had already died...but Hijikata...Hijikata was different...but, somehow he was dieing now, and she didn't know what to do, what to do but cry and pretend everything is okay, but every person and thing she ever known to love was gone, her world was gone.
She tried to wake him. He had killed Kazama, but he fought still injured, using his rasetsu strength in addition-it was a huge toll on his body-and Chizuru wished they could have just walked away instead of facing him now. He lay on her lap, smiling sweetly with a tone of sadness. His eyes were full of regret and pain, yet satisfied for some reason unknown to her, as if to say "everything is alright now", because here was dying just when things were getting better...why did he have to? why? It's not fair!
Chizuru's vision became fuzzy as her tears streamed in agony, her voice briefly shaken by the sorrow weakening her spirit.
"Don't leave me...don't...leave..." her tears burst like falls.."I love you!...why?...why does this have to-happen to me,..to us?" she chocked, shaking.
"Chizuru...I just, wanted to protect you..." he spoke quietly, his voice weakening.
"YOU DID! I just wanted us to live in peace, I wanted to see you live, I wanted us to be together..!" she sobbed.
"I'm sorry..." He frowned briefly, his face full of guilt at what he had done.
"Don't be sorry...just come back, come back! Please, don't die! it's all I want!..." Chizuru body shoke further "...but now no one will come after you...I wish I could be with you longer, I wish I didn't drink that potion, for even though I won battles with it, I have broken a life important to me-and before, I had no idea how much you were"
Chizuru let out a cry. "You always lived, and you still outlived everyone...It feels so strange-I feel like-" a soft, cool hand touched her face.
"I don't want to see you like this, Chizuru...I want you to carry on living, I'll watch over you...because..I love you"
If anything else could make her body well up more reaction to the pain she felt, it was just that. Being told he loved her, at his last words-of all the time they spend near one another, Death chose to make this the time they finally realized what they could have had together.
"I want you to smile for me at least once, okay?" His voice began to crack, he was beginning to fade away.
"Hijikata!" she clenched his body, staring into his eyes desperately, searching for some hopeful way to bring him back somehow, hoping he was still with her.
"If you keep trembling like that, you are going to pass out, I can't have that" Hijikata managed a weak smile, brushing her hair from her face. He hoped his sene of humour would lighten her up, a hopeless attempt.
"Don't say that, I'd do anything to have you return to me...!" She cried out desperately.
"I just want to know you will live on and make the best of what...you have left...Promise me, you'll try your hardest. Do it for us, for every man you saw die...please...Chizuru...live on, let us guide you-..." Hijikata held his breathe for a moment, clearly losing himself. " Live your life to make up for all that is lost, I order you as the commander of the shinsengumi.."
"I-I can't be, how? without you-"
"You are strong, Chizuru...you could have left us many times, yet you followed us to the end of the harshest trails, to our deaths-you did not falter, but had hope. I want you to be strong"
"That was different!...you were all alive...but now, I have nothing to live for-my family is dead, and my only friends, my whole world...you" she trembled, yet calmed for a split second, like telling him what he meant to her took a weight off her shoulders.
"I know it's hard, but right now, there's nothing else we can do-if I could stop time, I'd be here for you...if I could become immortal, I'd stay with you-but sadly..., even my mortal body would meet it's time-we cannot escape death, only run...but the harder we run, the more we cheat and defy death...the harder it hits us, with tricks up it's sleeve to make sure of it-just like the rasetsu" He spoke more clearly, his intentions needing to be heard seriously.
Just before he could speak much more, he gave her a smile , his eyes that said "I'm going now, please don't mourn any longer...take care..."
"HIJIKATA!"
"...good bye, Chizuru..." Hijikata's eyes began to leak of his true emotions. "I really wish I was here for you...my..love..."
"NO!" Chizuru leaned over him desperately, shaking him gently, she touched his face. She ran her fingers over him, carressing his hair and delicate facial features, his pupils diluting into the abyss.
Chizuru began to shake again, trembling so hard it hurt, her body turning cold with shivers up her spine. "...No...Hijikata!..." she squeeked, her voice broken between tears and tense lungs. She smiled for him one last time, and than, she saw him smile. His lips began to relax as his soul departed from her embrace.
Just as Chizuru began to reach the line between tears and freezing with shock, a warm hand carressed her face, gently.
"Chizuru..."
"!...Hijikata..." she looked down, and his body was than lifeless. She realized it couldn't have been him, for his hands were cold...but across from her stood a more life-filled image of her Hijikata, as if his last esence gave him one last chance to see her before leave. His spirit was warm, and filled her with bitter sweet feelings of relief and sorrow. She knew it wouldn't last...
"I love you" He said...smiling. "Please make best of what you have, I'll always be watching over you...cherish what you have left" If she hadn't known better, she saw his spirit crying, his eyes now exposing what had been trying to hide from her, to prevent her from crying...but he couldn't withstand the pain any longer, and he said farewell to his lifeless body.
Chizuru wanted to speak, but her emotions still had welled up, and she burst them out. There was no words for what she was feeling, not a single character on a scroll, or a poem, or logical idea.
She managed a weak, warm smile in return, so while passing into his afterlife, may he witness the last of encounter of her, and he go in peace. He smiled back, and began to fade away.
Chizuru put her hand out to touch his that had felt so warm and delicate, but it was almost dissipated from the air as she felt his hand slowly dissapear. She tried to hold it..., but it was too late.
Carressing his lifeless body, she noticed a smile on his face stood firm, yet daintily vague. He looked peaceful, as if he was just sleeping, as if he would just...wake up, any moment. It was just a dream, he wasn't dead, he'd survive this, he always had.
She touched his hair, staring into his closed eyes, hoping...but deep down inside, she knew...
He was gone.
She was alone.
I mustve cried at least once watching the scene I expanded on, and two more while writing it :(...for I felt the cold shill go up my spine watching all this happen at once, as if this wasnt meant to happen...but somehow it's happening, somehow. hes dying...but I didn't want to believe it.
Chizuru...I hope you make the best of it, somehow, in time. Heal.
I have never felt so depressed and hit by an anime ending in my life :(...not even fullmetal alchemist hurt so much.
Please stick around for my interpretation of Chizuru's life after Hijikata's death.
I will expand on this in a second chapter