Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…
AN: This is just a one part story. It's kind of different, basically Jess thinking about Rory, and the times that they shared. Mainly the reason's why they broke up. Most of it is flashbacks, and well I hope that you enjoy it…
Jess sat there in his worn out chair thinking back to a time when he was happy. The only time that he could think of when he was truly happy was when he was living in Stars Hallow, and seeing a certain girl by the name of Rory Gilmore. But then it all started to come to him, the reason that they broke it off in the first place. It wasn't the happy fairytale that it had started off to be. It wasn't how he planned it all going down, but it was truth, and it was reality, it was life, and it was his life.
He remembered when things first started to fall apart. It was the way she would talk to him. As if he was a child.
"Jess please don't do that", Rory whined.
"Do what Ror?" he rolled his eyes and looked over at her.
"You know what."
"No, I don't know what, what is it you don't want me to do? Am I holding my book funny, or is it the way I sip my coffee? Only eat one fry at a time instead of two? Or is it just the way I sit here that bothers you? What don't you want me to do? Because clearly I don't know" he looked away from her.
"Why do you have to be like that?"
"Like what?" there was more attitude in his voice this time.
"Like a child!" she glared at him.
"Maybe it's because you treat me like one."
"Well if you didn't act like one, we wouldn't have a problem would we?"
Jess stood up walked away from her. She had been acting like this more and more lately. He didn't know what was wrong, what was wrong with him? What was so bad that she would pick small fights that she knew got on his nerves.
It wasn't what she said or the tone of her voice when she actually did say the words that made him realize she no longer cared. There was so much more behind it all.
But yet it wasn't all of the times that they had yelled each other, and exchanged hurtful words, because the pain that was caused from those arguments was something that they shared.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT RORY?" Jess yelled across the bridge at her.
She stopped walking away and turned back around to face him, "I'm not sure anymore, I thought I wanted you, but your not what I thought you were."
"And what exactly did you think I was?" he didn't move and his expressions didn't change.
"Someone else."
"You mean someone who was good enough for you. Someone who was good enough for the town princess? Someone that would treat you well and shower you with gifts, and be at your every beck and call? You knew I wasn't that person Rory, so you have no one to blame but yourself. Go ahead and leave, be the towns little puppet, do what they've wanted you to do since I stepped foot in this town."
"What's the supposed to mean?" she took a step closer to him.
"It means ever since I've known you, I've yet to see you make a decision on your own. You always do what everyone else wants you to do, they control you don't you see?"
"Well they didn't want me to be with you." She said quietly.
"I can't argue with that. But maybe it was wrong; maybe you should have listened to them." He stared at her, waiting to see what she would do next.
"Yeah maybe you were just a waste of my time." And with that she turned around and left, leaving Jess there to stand alone, on the bridge, which was once a special place for the both of them, and now it was just a memory.
He stood there and thought about what she said before making his way back to Luke's. Did she mean it, was he waste of her time, because she sure as hell wasn't a waste of his, and he wished things weren't so messed up like they are now.
They both felt the pain, and they both said the horrific words, so he couldn't blame that as the reason why things went the way that they did.
He kept recalling what had happened, and everything that had not. It wasn't the phone calls that resulted in tears that made him think they were over. There were too many of those nights to count. One led to another, yet they still seemed to be together. They both cried during those phone calls.
"Jess" Luke called from where he was standing, "It's Rory on the phone."
Jess slowly walked over to where Luke was and took the phone his hand. He let out a deep sigh before he put it up to his ear and slowly whispered "Hello?"
"Hi, are you busy because I could call back another time." She was sincere.
Jess could sense in her voice something was wrong, "No, No, I'm not busy, now is fine," he looked around the room before speaking up again, "What is it? What's wrong?"
"Who is she?"
The words made him shudder. His muscles tightened and his eyes grew narrow. He could hear the fear in her voice, the pain and the hurt, he could hear the tears that were about to fall, "Who?"
"Jess don't play dumb, you know who, I saw her walking with you this morning. You were supposed to be meeting me at Luke's and you weren't there, on my way home after waiting for you for 30 min I passed by you, and you weren't alone, who is she?"
"She's just a friend, I swear."
"A friend that is more important then meeting your girlfriend when you say you will at your OWN HOUSE let me remind you."
"We just got caught up in the moment. She's new at school and from New York; we talked about music and shows, and the things I miss."
"Do you like her?"
"Well yes I like her but only as a friend Rory, I love you."
"I don't know if I believe you anymore. This isn't the first time you've been hanging with her, and it's not the first time you forgot about me either."
"How can you not believe me? Are you going to start telling me who I can and cant be friends with? Isn't this what broke Dean and you up? You know how that feels so don't try to pull it on me."
"No Jess, YOU broke Dean and I up, remember, and that's probably what this girl is trying to do."
"Stop acting like this, you know I wouldn't cheat on you, let alone do anything to hurt you, Rory…." He was cut off by the dial tone, she hung up on him, and she didn't even want to hear him out. The tears had already started to fill his eyes, but he did his best to blink them away. She would cool off, she always did.
The tears were from both pain and passion. But then he remembered what the arguments were about, she became victim to jealousy too. He was already, and now she was joining him.
And then he realized where he had made the real mistake, he tried to tell himself that it was for the better, but he was just prolonging the truth.
Jess had been sitting on the bridge for exactly 13 minutes and 43 seconds before Rory arrived. "Hi" he didn't smile, he didn't even look at her, and he just stared at his feet dangling above the water.
"Hey" she let out the small word before taking a seat next to him.
"We need to talk..." He couldn't believe he just said that, he couldn't believe what he was about to say next, "…About us."
Rory's head jerked to look at him, but he still didn't move, "what about us?"
"Rory I love you, I do, you're the first person I've ever loved, ever and that's including my friends and family, but I can see it in your eyes that you're not happy, and I don't want to be the one that is responsible for that."
"Are you happy?"
"I'm not sure anymore, I used to think I was, but lately I haven't been feeling it. There are times when I am, when things are at a high and I feel like I'm in heaven, but we haven't had any of those times lately. We've hit rock bottom and it doesn't look like we're moving back up, we're only getting deeper."
"I love you Jess, but I think your right. Things aren't how they used to be, I wish they were, or that we could go back, but we've tried and it didn't work."
"I don't want to lose you Rory, I'm willing to let you go, but I don't want to lose what we had."
"You'll never lose me Jess, We were friends first and we're still friends, forever."
Jess now looked at her for the first time since she came and leaned over and gave her one last gentle kiss on the lips. Then he stood up and walked away.
The fact was that no friendship could ever replace what they had together. The warmth of being with her, that feeling that they were a whole, the soothing calmness in her voice when she whispered in his ear, or said anything for that matter, but most of all the comfort and safe feeling he had within her embrace. She was everything he ever wanted and more, and he thought he could hold on to it all by being her friend, when in reality friendship was killing them both.
He's not quite sure why he let go. Why he let HER go, but he did it, it was his choice, and no one influenced it. He had made the decision all on his own. After he let her go, he still thought that she would stay. That maybe she didn't want to let go, and she would stick around. But that wasn't the case.
"RORY!" Jess shouted as he ran to catch up to her.
Rory heard him call her name but she kept on walking.
Finally out of breath Jess caught up to her, "Whoa there turbo, did you not hear me calling your name?"
"Sorry I'm just in a hurry" Rory said quickly and she kept up her pace expecting him to fall behind.
"I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to hang to tonight, for old time's sake." He stepped in front of her bringing her to a sudden stop.
"I can't, I'm busy."
"Busy? Doing what?"
"That's not any of your business anymore." She walked around him and continued on her way.
"You have a date?" he still stood where she left him.
She turned back around and looked at him, "Why do you care?"
"I don't" he said quickly hoping she couldn't hear it in his voice.
"I'm moving on Jess, as I noticed you have, I've seen you out with a number of girls, so don't stand here and try and make me feel guilty, we're just friends remember, maybe some other time." She turned around for the last time and walked away.
Jess stood there, he didn't move. He didn't expect her to move on so quickly, but then again how could he expect her not to when he had gone out once. It didn't mean anything though; he couldn't get her out of his mind.
He couldn't have expected her to stick around and play his game, when even he himself couldn't follow his own rules which he had made.
Now thinking back on it, he understood why she never came back, because she couldn't be with someone that couldn't stay true. He was true to her though, he never once cheated on her, but he lied about other things, and he admired that about her. That she never looked back.
Jess was sitting in the diner reading his book of the week when Rory came running in, "I'm leaving, I got the internship over in Europe, I'm going to Europe" she announced to everyone who was present. She turned quickly and spotted Jess sitting in the corner. She made her way over to him.
"Congratulations!" he looked up and smiled at her.
"Thank you" She took a seat next to him.
"When do you leave?" he asked trying not sound disappointed.
"Thursday" she simply stated.
"That's in two days."
"I know, so I better go home and start packing."
"Okay" he agreed and she stood up and made her way back out the diner.
Thursday came quicker then he ever could have imagined. It was 5:30 in the morning and he was standing at the terminal of gate 12 waiting to see Rory off along with the rest of Stars Hallow.
She was going down the line saying her good-byes until she got to the end and noticed Jess standing off to the side staring out the window watching the planes take off.
"Jess" she walked slowly over to him.
He looked up, "Rory."
"I guess this is good-bye" she smiled a very small almost unnoticeable smile.
"I guess so, but not good-bye forever, because we'll see each other again someday."
"Yeah maybe" she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close. But she pulled away before he could fully enjoy the hug for what it was, the last time they would ever actually touch each other, and enjoy what they once had.
She turned around and walked over to her mother and father and grandparents, she gave them all their good-byes and boarded the plane, never once looking back at Jess where he was standing alone.
She let him go more then he let her, because she never looked back at what they had to see him still standing there waiting for her.
They did make their mistakes, and they shared lots or pain, and he is the first to admit that his life is not same without her. She made an impact, she changed him, and she meant more to him that words could ever explain.
"JESS!" Lola screamed at him from across their apartment. "Please don't walk out on me, don't walk out on us, and don't walk out on what we have."
"What is it exactly that we have?"
"Each other, love, warmth, everything that everyone dreams of."
"That's not what we have. What we have isn't real. I'm not happy being here, I don't love you like I once did, and I'm not going to go on and pretend that the spark is still there, because it died long ago."
"You don't mean that Jess." Lola his girlfriend of the past 3 years was now crying.
"I do mean that Lola, I don't want to hurt you anymore then I already have, I'll be by tomorrow to pick up my things." he turned to exit but what she said next made him stop in his tracks.
"It's because of her? Isn't it?"
"Who?" he was always playing dumb when he knew exactly what they were talking about.
"HER!" she shouted and she went into their room and came back holding a picture. She read the back of the picture, "Rory!"
"Where did you get that?" he tried grabbing for the picture but Lola pulled it away. "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT" he was now yelling.
"I know where you hide things Jess, You can't keep anything from me, you don't have any secrets, and who is she?"
"Just someone from my past, now can I please have that back"
"Just someone from your past? Someone who you cant let go, someone that you still love and is getting in the way of your relationships even though she's not even here, and probably doesn't want you back."
Jess glared at Lola; "You don't know anything about me, or her, or what we had, go ahead and keep the picture, I'm leaving" he pulled the door open and slammed it shut behind him. Then he leaned against the wall, his eyes filling with tears, 'she probably doesn't want me back' he thought as he slid down to the floor.
They had been through so much, and regardless of what happened in the past, he still cared, and he cared more then she would ever know.
But he realized now, and he's learned that the more that you push love, the harder it pulls away. Because love is not something that can be kept in one place, love doesn't stand still, and you can't control it. No one can control who they love, but if you let it go, it stays. Because he let her go, and she stayed with him all of these years.
But now that she has stopped caring, and now that she has moved on, he is finally opening his eyes.
"Rory will you please come in here for a minute?" Dylan called from the dining room.
"In a minute, let me just fix one last thing…" she faded out before the door opened, "… what did you want Dyl…" she stopped mid sentence when she looked around her.
"Surprise," he smiled, he walked over to her and took her hand.
"Wha... What is all of this?" Rory asked a bit nervous. She looked around and there must have been at least 1,000 red roses, and rose petals covering the room, Candles were lit everywhere, there was only one thing that it could be.
"Rory just sit down" Dylan her boyfriend of the last 4 1/2 years calmly asked her. "Rory we've been together for some time now, more then some time actually, it feels like forever, and they have been the happiest years of my life. I don't want to lose what we have going, I want to make it stronger, and last forever, so Rory, will you marry me?"
She had a thousand things flashing in her mind. It was like she was dying and her life was flashing before her eyes. Pictures of her and her mother quickly zoomed by, kindergarten and elementary school, junior high and high school. Her first years of Chilton were a blur, and then everything slowed down. A certain boy popped into her head and stood before her, a brown haired boy, with deep brown eyes full of emotion. Jess stood before her, his eyes were begging for her to come back to him, but she shook her head. He had his turn, and she was happy now. Truly happy and ready to settle down and start a family. She closed her eyes and Jess was gone. She finally let go. After all of those years of thinking of him, she was moving on, she didn't look back, there was no need to now.
"Rory?"
She snapped out of whatever daze she was in and smiled. "Yes Dylan, I'll marry you" she let a small laugh as he put the ring on her finger and lifted her up and kissed her.
Jess realized that now he needed her more then ever before, because she now no longer needed him.