Take Your Memories, I Don't Need Them
Summary: Story from Hodgin's point of view. Booth is gone and everyone moves on, not really a sappy story. Rational, just like Bones would like it.
"Don't stay in a sad place where they don't care how you are."
Never expect the expected. You'll never get it. Sometimes you have to search through everything to find out what you are truly missing. I could go on and on about the in's and out's of life or the do's and do not's, but none of it will matter, not in the end. Sometimes things suck. Life sucks. Bad things happen. And what do we all do? We all sit and wait for something good to happen, but it never does. Life takes everything we have that life will give us, which isn't much to begin with.
I began to think like this the day Seeley Booth died.
There is no need to go into details about how it happened. It was Booth, he was a simple guy. He fought everyday and lived everyday to protect the ones he loved, and even the ones he didn't. He merely fought for life in general, didn't matter whose. And that's how he died; doing what he did every day. People loved him, people admired him, but most of all, people depended on him. Not for their lives in general, but the small things, like a laugh on a miserable day or a simple smile when he walked into a room, even an insult to be reminded that we truly are all idiots even though we have multiple doctorates.
I'd like to believe that all our lives ended that day. But they didn't. We all moved on. Life continued on. Time passed. One life lost, but they fade. Nothing fell apart drastically from their passing. We forget some of the witty comments they made in the past. We forget the punch lines of their jokes. Their personality disappeared, the light they brought into the room faded, until the lighting went back to the way it was before they entered our lives for the first time. New challenges change the normal day to day routine that pulls us away from the way things used to be. They say the pain fades as time goes on and they are right… because our memories fade. We can't bottle them up or put them on tape. They disappear leaving you to wonder if they actually happened or if you're dearly beloved actually existed, because no one could actually mean that much to you, life doesn't work that way. But it does, that's the cruelty of it. Life gives you something or someone so precious, and then yanks it away from you, crushing everything for a time. But seasons change and people move on.
But, it fades and weakens. The passing of time kills us more and more, not just our bodies, but our memories and feelings. At some point, we will eventually won't care, and just simply become numb to everything around us. It's how we get through every day, and how we live within our own skin. And that is how we survive. We feel so much that we force ourselves to feel nothing.
The funeral honored his memory, which will eventually fade completely. I do know one person who was genuinely affected by his existence. Temperance Brennan was changed for the better. This strong woman will not be brought down by someone's death. Her compartmentalization gets her through everything that life could possibly throw at her, and it's thrown her a lot.
Even though memories fade, I remember her eulogy quite clearly, and just by listening to her speak, the changes Booth brought about in her can be seen, if only for a split second.
"The Mathematician Descartes always based his perceptions on pure rationality. Have Proof or something isn't in the least true. You either obtain evidence or nothing has substance. Until recently, I believed that rationality was something to always live by, unless it was completely refuted by science, which is the key to all.
I do not believe that is the case anymore, to a certain extent. The heart, though a muscle in the cardiovascular system, is something to trust. Booth taught me that. And I believe that if that was the only thing that I took away from our partnership, than he would be proud of me. He always believed in fate. He said that the first time we met. And since this was fated to happen in his opinion, then to him, this is okay.
In a way, this is why I hated his logic. I believe that we are in complete control of our futures. We could have stopped this, but since Booth didn't, I will silence myself for him. I just want to say I hope that he is right, because the alternative is much worse. The alternative being that something could have stopped this tragedy from occurring. One other small event could have kept him with us for a little while longer. And then he could of touched so many more lives, solved so many more murders. Who knows how many killers will get away with it now? All we can do is continue on, and have faith, if only for Booth. "
And that was where it ended. I don't remember much else. Sometimes it's better when you don't get to say goodbye. You look back and cherish what time you had then move on. The "What if?" factor will always be there, but dwelling won't help it leave. You can't learn from an experience like this. People would like to believe they cherish the ones that are still living more, but that never happens. They may buy them a nice present a first, but it slowly fades into nothingness. That maybe depressing but that is the truth. Life fades. All we can hope for is that it spurs change for that short period of time, but what if the only possibility of change that ever mattered died with the person we lost? What are we all supposed to do then? How does it all go on? Somehow, it does. I've experience it. I can't analyze it anymore because the truth is, analyzing it makes it hurt even more than it already does.