Title: Points for Originality
Author: Angel Leviathan
Spoilers: …Not too sure.
Season: Late season 1
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis, characters, concept, etc, aren't mine.
Notes: Of course I've never engaged in this sort of scheme. Honest.
When Elizabeth Weir entered what was serving as a commissary for the city of Atlantis, the minor riot she saw made her hope she could just back away quietly and deny all knowledge of ever having stepped foot in the room. She almost succeeded, trying to blend back into the crowd nearer the entrance, only to hear an outraged high pitched voice.
"Iie, onegai!" Miko was the closest Weir had ever seen her to angry, "Kiite, baka ga!"
"Oh, yes, very productive, we're going to everything sorted this way. Everybody revert back to their base languages!" McKay mocked the young woman.
"So that's talking out of your ass then, McKay?" an anonymous voice rang out across the chaos.
"Alright, who said that?" he demanded.
"Enough!" Elizabeth shouted, a little shocked at the sudden silence she received, expecting the shouting and general slagging off of everyone and their mother would continue, "Just what is going on here?" she was glad she didn't have to fight her way to the doors to the converted kitchens, where McKay and Miko were simply glaring at each other, finally silent. She glanced at each of them; both had their arms folded and were staring sullenly at the floor like children. Miko was blushing and refused to look up.
"What's going on?" Weir repeated. She too folded her arms as both still kept quiet. She sighed and shook her head, "And you got your doctorates from institutions now?" she taunted, trying to force them to speak.
Miko blushed an even deeper shade of red, her voice failing her several times before she quietly began, "D-Doctor McKay states that today it was I who was supposed to be working in the kitchens. I have tried to inform him that it was yesterday, and I did perform my duty, but-"
"But the rota sign is missing from the door and so nobody can confirm anything," Rodney finished in a rush.
Elizabeth frowned, "Are you accusing Miko of lying, Rodney?"
He stammered for a moment, "…Not exactly…"
"You lie," the young woman said, clearly hurt beyond being stubborn.
"I do not!"
"Alright! Enough!" Elizabeth raised her voice, "Where is the sign?"
"We don't know…" he admitted.
"It can't just have vanished."
"Maybe somebody's trying to swindle us," he commented, glancing at Miko.
"Rodney!"
"I am sorry, Doctor Weir," Miko said softly, "I am unaware of where the rota sign is. May I please be excused?"
Elizabeth nodded, glaring at McKay. She turned back to the small crowd of her staff, "Seeing as the sign is gone, we'll do this randomly. Anyone who's intranet ID number ends in six, eight or one, you're on duty in the kitchen for now. We'll sort this all out later." As the crowd dispersed and several vanished through the door she stood at, she looked back at McKay, who was frowning at her, almost confused, "Yes?"
"Your intranet ID ends in one," McKay stated.
She pushed the release for the door, "I'm well aware of that, Rodney," her gaze remained stern, "You just seriously upset one of your staff. I suggest you apologise to her before you start to find glaring errors in her calculations and peroxide in your coffee."
"She wouldn't-" he began.
"No, Miko might not," she too vanished through the doorway, "But I might!"
Elizabeth half-heartedly threw a file onto her desk, pushing it toward John, "We're going to have start rationing soon if we don't find a new good sou-"
"Elizabeth!"
She looked up to find McKay rushing into her office, without bothering to knock or use the door chime. She studied him for a moment; he looked even more outraged than earlier that afternoon at lunch, "…Yes, Rodney?" she asked, not at all sure she wanted an answer.
"Its gone!" he exclaimed.
John glanced back over his shoulder, "What's gone?" he frowned.
"Oh don't feign innocence, Major!"
The frown deepened, "Believe me, its hard to 'feign' innocence when you actually 'are'. Whatever it is you're going on about."
"The sign," McKay continued, ignoring him and looking straight past to Elizabeth.
"…The rota sign?" she tried.
"The sign I left beside the naquadah generator!"
John shook his head, bemused and trying not to laugh, "Well, here's a novel idea, McKay, get a pen and write a new-"
"Oh, very funny," Rodney snapped.
The Major shrugged, arms held out in a gesture of defeat, "I tried!"
Elizabeth sighed, "You came here to tell me a sign was missing?"
"Another one."
"Another one," she echoed, "…And?"
"He's afraid of some phantom sign thief," John quipped.
"You did it, didn't you?" he accused, again.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
Oh, she'd heard that line before. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow, gaze resting on Sheppard for a moment before she looked back at McKay, "Rodney, two signs have been misplaced today-"
"Misplaced?"
"That's it. They'll turn up. Things always do," she continued, "Just put another sign by the generator and-"
"Well its not like I have a choice!" he stormed straight back out of the office, leaving her staring after him, thoroughly confused.
Elizabeth narrowed her eyes, "…Did you steal his sign…?"
John folded his arms and slouched in his chair, "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"I thought so."
She was woken in the early hours of the morning by a further enraged Rodney McKay, who refused to leave her alone until she saw what exactly that '' had done. Half asleep and not at all amused, she followed him to his quarters and stared, blinking rapidly for several moments, at the door. Or what was in front of the door. Blocking said door.
"See?"
Elizabeth hid a yawn, "Its just somebody playing a joke, Rodney."
"A joke? You call this a joke?"
What had once been a sign in Ancient that displayed the name of a section of the city was now bolted across McKay's doorway. Or glued. He wasn't quite sure how it was staying put. Let alone why it was there. Only that he had crashed into it and had to duck to exit his quarters.
"You went fuming about the city going on about how signs were vanishing, what did you expect? I suspect you did more than just hurt Miko yesterday, you probably, if you'll excuse me, pissed a heck of a lot of people off," she answered, just wanting to crawl back to bed.
"But-"
"We'll deal with it in the morning," Elizabeth insisted, yawning again, "Just remember to duck," she shuffled off down the corridor.
Rodney stared, confused, before shouting after her, "…Your quarters are the other way!"
"I'm going to get a drink!" she answered, exasperated, trying not to snap. Never mind the fact that she was lying. Elizabeth wandered sleepily down another corridor, knocking against the glass of a familiar door, "…John…?" the door opened and she stumbled past him, almost ignoring him completely, before she just fell into his bed and drew the cover over herself.
John stared, "…What…what're you doing in my bed?"
"…He wont look for me here…" she mumbled, voice muffled by the quilt.
"You'd be surprised."
"Stop tormenting him then."
"Me!"
"Yes, you," she yawned, curling up, "Now shut up and come to bed so we can get some sleep."
He smirked, "Sleep?"
"Don't push your luck."
Elizabeth had hoped the trouble would end there, even though she knew full well that there was no chance it would. Didn't stop her from hoping though. Such hopes were dashed when she noticed one of the emergency assembly point signs was missing. She altered her route to her office to pass by several of the points, only to discover that all the signs were missing. Not surprising really, she told herself. Though she had slept in the quarters of whom she was presuming to be the culprit and found nothing…
"Doctor Weir?" as soon as she hit the command centre, a worried technician hurried up to her.
"Yes?" she answered, trying not to sound as already weary as she was.
"A section of the Ancient writing from the stairs to the 'Gate is missing, Ma'am…"
"What?" she snapped.
"Just a section…maybe a couple of words…the lines can be broken up into sections, you see…and well…one's missing…"
"How?"
"I don't know…" the young man seemed rather confused himself.
"…So there's just a back-light and no plate in front of that section?" Elizabeth asked.
"Yes, Doctor Weir."
She nodded, "Thank you. I'll be back shortly, maybe we can attempt to solve the problem then. Keep me posted, I want to know if anything else goes for a walk…" Elizabeth turned away and headed back the way she had come. She knew John wasn't due on duty for at least another two hours, had learnt as much when she had nudged him awake to a very cranky response. But as far as she knew, he hadn't left all night. Though she did sleep heavily when she was exhausted. A few minutes later and she just walked right into John's quarters, possibly expecting to catch him with the missing section of the stairs.
A dazed Major blinked at her from the bed, "…Elizabeth?"
She narrowed her eyes, "Have you left this room?"
He yawned, "Does it look like it?"
"There's a section of the writing on the stairs missing."
"Really?" John stared.
"Yes," she tried to provoke a more interesting response.
"Somebody had better find it quickly…"
"Yes."
He hauled the duvet back over his head and turned over.
Elizabeth suppressed a growl of fury, "John?"
"Hmmm?"
"If this is-" she began. She shook her head, "Never mind. See you on duty," she swiftly left before she decided to do him some serious damage.
As soon as the door shut, John hooked his mic back round his ear, waiting for some sort of response.
Out in the corridor, in the shadows just round the corner, Ford watched Elizabeth leave his CO's quarters. He grinned and activated the comms, "Nice idea, Sir," he shifted the piece of metal in his arms.
"I thought so," John replied, as he pulled several smaller assembly point signs out from under his pillow.
"The labelling system from the cabinets in the Infirmary are missing," Beckett stated as Elizabeth walked into his office.
"Who's been in there today?" she asked.
"Teyla was here earlier for something for a headache, but aside from that, not a soul."
Elizabeth frowned. Teyla was sensible…right? There was no way anyone would get her roped into something as childish as stealing various signs from around the city. Let alone stealing them from the Infirmary. And she was hardly one to fake a headache just to get access to said Infirmary.
"Nobody else?"
"Aye, and I've been here all day," Carson answered, "You say they're vanishing from all over the city?"
"Somebody even pried loose a segment of the 'Gate room stairs…" she sighed.
"Could always try a lie detector test…" he shot her a half smile.
Elizabeth wandered back to the door, "I might resort to that…" she opened it, "Thanks, Carson."
"Hope things start reappearing."
"So do I…" she stared at the door. It had previously been labelled as Carson's office. The sign had been there when she'd walked in. Elizabeth broke into a run, through the Infirmary and out again, glancing around for her main suspect. Nothing. Not even anybody looking a bit shifty.
"Doctor Weir?" Beckett called after her, a little alarmed by her strange behaviour.
"…Thought I had them then…"
"I do not understand why you require these…nor why you require me to become a thief…" Teyla handed over the metal plates that had previously labelled filing cabinets, not at all amused.
"Its called a prank, Teyla."
"And this is to be amusing?"
"For most of us," John grinned.
"Are you not taking this a little too far, Major?"
He laughed quietly as he walked off, "Nope! Thanks, Teyla."
When she returned to her quarters to fetch a component of her tablet computer, Elizabeth was confused, annoyed and frustrated to find the segment from the stairs sitting on her bed. Which, she realised, not only meant she was going to look rather stupid, but that somebody had been in her quarters. She could think it was John Sheppard all she liked, but the thought that it wasn't started to creep in, and was one she wasn't at all comfortable with. When she reached the command centre, she simply handed over the section with a sigh, "Get it bolted back where it belongs."
"Doctor Weir? Where did you find this?" Grodin asked.
"In my quarters," she admitted, "and before anyone suggests this whole thing has been-" she halted outside her office, glaring at a black plate slot. Elizabeth looked around, about to exclaim aloud and demand to know if anyone had seen anything, when she saw Ford wandering innocently away from the command centre, a silver rectangular object curled in his right hand.
"Lieutenant!"
Aiden winced and obediently halted, trying to shove the sign up his sleeve.
"Game's up, Lieutenant, hand it over," she insisted as she caught up to him.
He reluctantly handed over the plate, remaining silent.
"Somehow I don't think you're on your own in this…who suggested this, Ford?" she demanded. Glancing at the sign in her hand, she discovered it was the sign from Beckett's office, not hers, as she had suspected.
He was still silent, staring straight past her, wondering when he would be busted down to toilet cleaner.
She raised an eyebrow, "Major Sheppard?"
Ford twitched.
"Thank you," she turned and headed away from the command centre.
He quickly activated the comms, "Sir, you're busted."
Elizabeth walked straight into his quarters without knocking and just stared when she found John sitting on his bed surrounded by a pile of the numerous signs he had stolen, or employed others to steal for him. He grinned innocently up at her, unrepentant.
"You smug bastard," were the first words that escaped her.
"Do I get points for originality?"
"You get days of kitchen duty for havoc caused."
He shrugged and stood, wandering round his bed to throw more signs from the floor up onto the duvet, "It was worth it while it lasted."
She smiled in a predatory fashion, "John?"
"Yeah?"
"Come here."
He warily did as was requested of him, frowning.
Elizabeth quickly closed the distance between them, slipping her arms slowly around his waist, lips hovering millimetres from his, smiling again when she felt his heart rate increase. She pressed herself further up against him, staying there for several long moments before she yanked the silver plate from his back pocket and walked right out the door, "My office, Major. Now. You've got a lot of people to apologise to."
John stared after her, completely stunned.
Was that a punishment or a reward?
Fin
(anyone who wants to know, what Miko said at the start was 'No, please! Listen, you idiot!')