Although I like Smallville and Pizza Hut I do not own them. I also do not own the Fog. This is just a short little parody of Smallville for your entertainment. If you aren't entertained, then it was for my entertainment.
The Similarities Between Lana and Clark
The Torch; Chloe, Pete, and Clark are busy working. Chloe is checking her emails.
Chloe: Clark, look! I've got about 50 emails from an unknown sender!
Clark: Look at the subjects, they all seem to be addressed to Lana!
Chloe: We should call Lana to see if she knows the sender.
Clark: Okay. (picks up phone and dials number) Yes, I would like two large cheese pizzas to go. Oh and with extra cheese please.
Chloe: Wait! I thought you were calling Lana, not Pizza Hut. She could be in trouble!
Clark: What, Lana might be in trouble! Why didn't you tell me that!
Chloe: Clark! I already told you that! She might need our help now! (snatches phone from a puzzled Clark and dials Lana's number)
(…Ring…ring…..ring…ring…ring…ring……)
Chloe: She's not picking up!
Clark: Who?
Chloe: LANA!
Clark: Something must have happened to her then!
Chloe: We don't know that for sure. (Turns to Pete) Do we? (Turns around and Clark is gone) Where'd he go?
(Pete shrugs)
The Luthor Mansion - Clark storms in in a fury.
Clark to Lex: What have you done with Lana?
Lex: Lana? I haven't the slightest idea what you are talking about.
Clark: She's missing, don't lie. You can't take her from me!
Lex: Calm down. I know that this is the fourth season, but I swear that there are no secrets or lies going on here. (As Clark comes closer Lex hurriedly pushes papers into a desk drawer.)
Clark: But if this is the fourth season, then why is Pete here? You lie!
Lex: Just wait a minute, when did this conversation become about Pete? Did you even check to see if Lana was at her house?
Clark: Uhhh…ummm…headed there now.
Clark reaches Lana's house to find Pete and Chloe already there. They are talking to the sheriff. They had found a ransom note that said:
If you never want to see Miss Lang again,
Put $1,000 in the old Davis barn at midnight.
Clark: Do you think the "n" is a misprint?
Chloe: Where does it say "then"?
Clark: No, the "n" in never.
Chloe: Don't be stupid, there is no then in never!
Clark: Never mind. (murmurs) And I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!
Chloe: What did you say?
Clark: Uhh…just that I think we should start looking for Lana. It's almost midnight.
Sheriff: Not tonight kids. Let the police do their work. I don't want any of you getting in the middle of a kidnapping.
(Clark pulls Pete and Chloe aside)
Clark: (whispers) You guys want to go see a movie instead. The Fog sounds good.
Chloe: I thought you loved Lana. Don't you want to try and find her?
Clark: WHAT! Lana's missing! Why didn't you tell me?
Chloe: I DID tell you!
Clark: You lie!
Chloe: (Rolls her eyes) Lets not argue. We have to go find her. I'll go to the Torch and check those emails, Pete you can go see if there is anything at the Talon, and Clark you stay here to see if the sheriff gets any new information. Then we'll all meet at the Davis barn at midnight. Okay?
Clark: Sure.
As soon as Chloe is out of sight Clark runs off to the Davis barn.
Clark reaches the barn and walks inside. As he enters he hears a click and lights turn on. Clark collapses in pain.
Clark: Gasp Kryptonite…
Voice from the Shadows: That's right… I see you like my specially formulated kryptonite light bulbs! They produce light made with small particles of kryptonite.
Clark: And I thought Kryptonite ice cream was a weird concept…
Voice from the Shadows: Wouldn't kryptonite ice cream kill you if you ate it?
Clark: You would think so…I've never had it, but for some strange reason large amounts of Kryptonite don't seem to kill me in this series.
Voice from the Shadows: That is weird indeed…almost as weird as that girl Lana.
Clark: You know someone named Lana! That's odd. So do I. I didn't think it was that common of a name.
Voice form the Shadows: You idiot! They're the same person. I'm holding her hostage.
Clark: WHAT! Lana's been kidnapped and you kidnapped her! You'll pay. (Clark moves his arm pathetically, the voice laughs)
Lana who was tied up and blindfolded in a corner manages to free her hands, but forgets to remove the blindfold.
Lana: Gee it's so dark in here. There must be a light switch somewhere.
Her hand finds a switch and she flips it making the kryptonite light bulbs go out.
Lana: Darn, not a light switch!
Clark: (Stands up straight) Look who's laughing now!
Clark knocks out the man who was in the shadows who turns out to be Dr. Hamilton. Pete and Chloe walk in.
Chloe: (standing over Dr. Hamilton) Wow, I though he was dead.
Clark: That's only because he's laying so still, but I'm sure that he only has a concussion.
Chloe frowns.
Chloe: If this is the kidnapper where's Lana?
Clark: Probably at home, why?
Chloe: She was kidnapped.
Clark: (surprised) She was? Is she alright?
Chloe: I don't know, she should be somewhere around here.
Chloe looks around and spots Lana running into walls.
Chloe: Lana, stop that now!
Clark: Why does she have to stop? It can't hurt her and it sure is amusing.
Chloe: Lana, you're wearing a blindfold take it off.
Lana: You lie! That's just a trick.
Chloe walks over and yanks the blind fold off.
Lana: Oh, hi Chloe. Want to go see the movie The Fog?
Chloe: No I don't want to go see The Fog. We should call the sheriff so that she can take your statement.
Lana: My statement about what?
Chloe: (Frustrated) Forget it.
Pete: Yes, let's just call it a day.