Author's note: It hass been some time since I wrote this. I hope you will like it. please R&R :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the way the words are arranged.
CROSSROADS
They will tell you that fading doesn't hurt. Don't believe them. It's a lie.
I wake up from the same nightmare which was haunting me for four years and I am biting my pillow in attempt to stay quiet, not to wake Legolas who is sleeping next to me, my beautiful little son.
Biting a pillow shows itself to be needless. I can't scream. I can't. I haven't eaten anything for...weeks? And I couldn't sleep since... Who knows? Who cares?
She is gone. My father is gone. My brothers are gone. My mother has faded some time ago. Legolas is all I have left.
I close my eyes and fight a sudden wave of nausea. Not now!
The urge to throw up is very strong, and it hurts. Everything hurts.
Every memory.
Every thought.
Every movement.
Every single intake.
It was my fault. I killed her. My stupidity made Legolas a half-orphan.
I have the same nightmare every single time I close my eyes.
Everyone says that I should rest. But why weren't they kind enough to tell me how? How could I rest? All that has happened is my fault. If I wasn't so blind, so arrogant, I would've taken more guards and those men never would have beaten us. But no, I was so blind and arrogant. Now I have to pay the price.
I get up from my bed. My legs are slightly wobbly but nothing I could not manage. Legolas, fortunately, remained in the realm of dreams. I quietly slipped onto the balcony.
It is very cold outside. Or maybe it isn't. I am always cold lately. I know signs of fading when I see them. And this was it. I tried, tried so hard to prevent myself from falling apart, at least for Legolas if for nothing else, but I failed.
I was falling apart.
I watched the stars, unconsciously looking for familiar stars. Earendil and Elbereth on the western side. The disappearing star on the south. Wilwaren (butterfly), my father's favourite, on the eastern side, in the direction of Mordor. I would laugh at the joke. He perished there and I was unable to stop it.
Crossroads. Valar certainly have sense of irony. Crossroads were supposed to be the constellation which always leads me home. And now I cannot see them. I can't find Crossroads. Partly because I cannot focus. My vision is blurred.
Valar, I am so tired. I collapse to my knees. The marble floor is ice cold. I care not. I lay myself down.
Just for a short while, please. I close my eyes.
Where are the goddamn Crossroads? I turn to lay on my back. Crossroads. Crossroads. I cannot see them. I cannot see stars anymore.
There are thousands of books about fading. Every single one will tell you that it is peaceful and it does not hurt. I disagree.
I feel throbbing in my head and I began to panick. No! Not now, please! My people need me! Legolas needs me!
Cold creeps into my heart. Everything is losing its warmth. I panic some more. I try to move but I fail. My body listens to me no more.
No, no , NO!
...
Little Legolas wakes up from the nightmare only to find out that he is alone in his father's bed. He shivers.
Where is ada?
He slips out of the bed. He shivers from cold and fear. His father was supposed to be there, he promised so why he had left? The balcony doors are opened, cold wind rushing through. The floor is rather cold for Legolas's bare feet.
He pays no heed. He slips outside. His father is lying on the cold floor on the back, green eyes staring blankly into the night sky.
Legolas rushes to him.
"Ada, wake up!" he shakes him almost violently. Thranduil is already cold, Legolas can feel it through his night clothes. But he does not understand yet. He has not ever seen anyone dying or dead.
He curls next to his father. He looks up to the sky. Crossroads. They will always lead you to me, his father had said.
It's cold outside but he hopes that his ada will keep him warm. But no, it is still so cold. He cannot feel his fingers anymore. Eventually he falls asleep.
...
It is almost nine in the morning and the Elvenking is still nowhere to be seen. Galion is worried. He knows that he is most strictly forbidden to enter Elvenking's bedchamber when he is not invited but he cares not. He rushes up the stair to King's quarters. He bursts into the bedchamber and he stops in the doorway.
Bed is unmade, as if somebody actually had slept in it. Suspicious. The balcony doors are opened, and a cold breeze is making curtains dance.
Somewhere deep in his heart Galion knows that something is wrong. He dashes towards the balcony and he abruptly stops at the door. He had found his king. His skin is completely pale, eyes wide open, staring blankly to the skies, obviously not breathing. Galion was aware that Thranduil is fading and that he had been not very well lately, but this bad? He knows that Thranduil is dead without touching him. He gently closes those green eyes.
Namaarie, Thranduil.
Legolas is curled beside him but the child is at least breathing. Galion checks Legolas's pulse. It's quickened and his skin is hot. The Elfling is feverish.
Galion gently takes him into his arms, trying not to look at his king. He had known Thranduil ever since he was a child. They had been friends ever since they first met.
...
Legolas survived that day and became the youngest Elvenking ever. Galion told him that his father went away. Until adult age Legolas did not stop asking for his father.
Then he had duties to attend to, his people to fight for. And he understood.
The end :)
Hope you liked it.