All or Nothing, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, or the song, or the computer I'm using! The song is 'All or nothing" by Westlife.

Special thanks go to my friend Michaela for helping me spell checking this...no easy task! So sorry for any errors we didn't pick up.

During New Moon, after Edward leaves Bella and she becomes close friends with Jacob.

Bella's POV

Charlie wasn't home when I walked through the door. I'd spent all day in the backyard, lying in the rare sun. Every now I then my eyes were drawn to the trees at the edge of our yard, to the place I was once lost. It had been a few months since Edward had gone. It still hurt to think about him, but now not as much thanks to my new friendship with Jacob. Jake was great, he made me laugh, made me smile, things I wouldn't have thought possible a while ago. But yet, there was something wrong with it, I could sense he was unhappy about something; I think he wanted a relationship, a real one. And I wasn't sure I was ready to go there again. Sure, I loved him, though it was more like a brother, yet not quite.

I headed to the kitchen; ready to start on dinner for Charlie when he got home. The boredom bugged me though. I picked up the phone; dialing the number I'd come to know off by heart. My heart pounded as it rung. I wasn't entirely sure I should do this, last time I had talked to him, he began to come onto me, and I wasn't sure I wanted to give him the wrong impression. After the fourth ring I slammed the phone down. I'll wait until later I told myself, knowing perfectly well I would chicken out. I headed back to the kitchen and began to boil the pasta. A loud bang of the door outside told me Charlie was home.

I stayed in the kitchen while he took off his gun belt and jacket. A while ago I caught him putting the bullets back into his gun in the morning. Obviously he thought I could have committed suicide. I'd never do that to him, or to my mother. He stomped into the room, slumped down on the chair.

"Hey Bells, that smells good." He always said this, it was becoming a routine.

I continued cooking, unsure what to answer to that. Charlie flicked through the mail, mumbling every so often.

"Oh, here is something addressed to you, no return address either." He looked up, holding a blank square envelope with my name on the front.

"Wonder who it's from" I mumbled, more or less to myself.

"No stamp either, whoever sent it delivered it here." He was still looking at the envelope. I put down the serving spoon and walked over to him. He held it out wordlessly. Taking it, I glanced out the window; whoever sent this must have been here, while I was in the yard. Without opening it I placed it on the bench then grabbed dinner.

After dinner I was lying in my room, staring at the ceiling. I was planning on doing my homework, I heard Charlie thumping up the stairs. He knocked before coming in.

"You, umm, forgot this." He held out the envelope. I took it from him and gave him a blank stare. He seemed to get my point. "I'll be watching the game downstairs if you want me." With that, he turned and left.

I turned the envelope over, sliding my fingernail under the flap. I tipped the envelope upside down, a disk slid into my hand. It was blank, well almost. "Audio disk" was the only thing written on it. Automatically I reached over and slipped it into my cd player, I turned the volume down and put the headphones in, leaning back as an unfamiliar song began to play.

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eye
I thought with time you'd realize
It's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
But something somewhere's got to give
A share in this relationship gets older, older
You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I don't care if that's not fair

I had my suspicions as to who had sent the song, but I couldn't be sure. The handwriting on the envelope was unfamiliar, but the lyrics seemed to go perfectly for someone close to me. Someone who liked me, despite the fact I still hoped everyday that my Edward would return home to me. Jacob.

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

I knew deep down that as much as I still wanted Edward, he wouldn't return. And the smart thing to do would be to move on. Jacob. He was always there for me, he was a great friend and he wanted me. And part of me wanted him too.

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I don't show it show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know it, know it

Don't me make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

A solitary tear slid down my cheek. I knew that what I was doing to Jake wasn't fair; I was stringing him along like a puppet. I wanted to tell him to go, to find his own girlfriend, but I wanted him. It was so confusing.

The chorus echoed through my head. Am I just friends with Jake or something more? Do I want something more? Indecision swirled in my head. The thoughts that spun and twirled nauseated me. I had to come up with a decision. But if I took Jake, what would happen when Edward came back? IF Edward came back, I chided myself mentally. But if I let Jake go, what if Edward never came back. I lay down, the nausea increased, spreading internally like a burst of heat.

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
It's now or never

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call

You leave me here with nothing at all

A final tear slid down my cheek. This song was amazing. It had really opened my eyes. I now was positive Jacob had sent it, a sweet subtle way of telling me to move on. I went to the bathroom, combing my hair quickly and splashing water on my face. My eyes still looked a bit puffy, but that would go away. Dashing down the stairs I grabbed my keys from the table.

"Where are you…?" Charlie seemed confused, I looked up at him, he noticed my puffy eyes, and came closer. "Bella?"

"I'm okay dad, I just really need to see Jake. Is that alright?" I looked up at him.

"Sure thing, drive safe okay?" Of course. I should have known he wouldn't have minded me seeing Jake. In fact, he probably wished I fell for him in the first place. I nodded then stepped out the door, running to my truck. Miraculously I didn't slip in the ice. Driving calmed me down, but at the same time it created butterflies in my stomach. I pushed my truck further, ignoring the speed limit as I raced up the familiar roads. As I reached his house, I killed the lights.

A quick glance in the mirror told me my eyes were fine now, so I stepped out and headed toward the door quickly. A few meters away from me Jacob opened the door.

"Bella?" The shadows covered his russet face, the light behind him creating a halo around his head. There he was. My Angel.

"Jake…" I started to say, but my clumsiness won over and I slid on the ice. His arms pulled around me, snuggled me close, safe, like a safety blanket. I looked up into his eyes. He didn't say anything, just looked at me.

"Jake…"I stuttered

"Shh…" He pressed his warm lips to mine, parting them slowly. He began to deepen it, so I pulled away.

"Jake, I wanted to say…Umm…I love you." I squeaked the last sentence out, rushing it. His smile grew.

" I love you too Bella. I always will" And we leaned in for another kiss.

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