A DAY IN THE ETERNITY OF JUDITH
In His will is our peace -- Dante Aligieri, Paradise, Canto 2
(Disclaimer: I have no business connection with JOAN OF ARCADIA. My only purpose in writing this story is to have fun and maybe share it. And though it's not customary in FanFiction, I want to dedicate this story. To my mother, who died on February 3.)
(Author's Note: This story is part of a series that takes place in the year after the show ended. A listing of the other stories is on my profile. The main events that have happened since May 2005 are
Joan has married Adam and let him into the secret.
Aunt Olive has died, leaving her money to the Girardis. In a dream vision Olive mentioned that she had met Judith in the afterlife..
Ryan Hunter made a recent attempt to kidnap Joan with the help of two young people with grudges against her. In the aftermath, both young people got shot, though not fatally.
"So now you've seen Machu Picchu," said Olive. "Not only seen the current ruins, but talked to the souls who built it in the first place."
"It's awesome, Aunt Olive." Olive was not really a relation of Judith's, but she had let Jojo's friends address her that way when she was staying with the Girardis, and she still let Judith do it even now when both Judith and Olive were dead. Judith loved that, because it let her imagine herself as Jojo's sister. Olive had been healed of all the bodily damage resulting from her strokes, but she still gave an impression of age, just as Judith, likewise healed of her fatal wound, gave an impression of youth. It was a matter of an experienced life vs one that had lacked it. "When I see how full of wonders the world is, that I could've seen when I was alive, I hate myself for letting those buhs blackmail me into taking them to the drug dealer."
"The buhs?"
"I tried to say – oh, crap, I still can't say it. At least I can still say 'crap'. I was talking about those girls who got me killed during that drug sale. I was trying to compare them to female dogs."
"It's a degrading way to refer to a human being," said Olive. "I'm not being preachy, just explaining why the word is verboten."
Judith nodded. She had run into the phenomenon a number of times in the past two years. On Earth you could do things wrong because you had free will. Here it was Her will that predominated, and you couldn't resist it. Fortunately She did not abuse the privilege, mainly using the will to prevent unhealthy behavior, or do a positive good deed. For souls who got kicks out of doing mean things to others, it was Hell – quite literally. Otherwise, if Olive and Judith wanted to do something harmless like visit the ancient Incan city, they could.
"What would you like to do next?" asked Olive.
"I've got a mission coming up shortly. Haven't heard the details yet."
"Hope it's pleasant. " Olive did not say "Good luck". Luck didn't mean anything here – Her will determined everything.
God manifested Herself shortly afterwards. Being among spirits She didn't have to fake an earthly body as She did when visiting Jojo, but Judith still got the impression that she was CHOOSING how to appear to her, including the choice to be feminine.
"So what's the mission?" Judith asked. No point in being indirect, when the Other could read her mind.
"You remember a girl named Lena Grande, don't you?" asked God, who of course knew the answer.
"Yeah. She and I both attended a dude ranch one summer. Interesting girl, but had a nasty temper. I remember she got kicked off the ranch for trying to use a riding crop on her horse. Later she and I both ended up in Crazy Camp during another summer. Why?"
"Her life has reached a crisis. A criminal enterprise, ending with her getting shot. But a near-death experience would be just the thing to turn her around."
"And You want her to experience me?"
"She might listen to a girl that she knows, and who had—" God hesitated politely.
"—problems of her own, right. Okay. But can You give me more details on what just happened?"
"I can show you." God gave her a vision.
Judith gasped as she saw what happened. "She tried to help somebody kidnap Jojo! And she actually hit Jojo!. Do I really have to talk to her and be nice ---" Judith calmed down a bit once she took a deep breath and remembered the rules. "No, You don't have to answer that. Thy Will be done in heaven."
"I don't will things at random, Judith, though it may seem that way at first. Don't just submit. Think about why redeeming her would be the best thing to do. I can slow down events until you're ready."
Of course God probably wasn't going to have the whole universe wait on Judith. More likely that She was going to speed up Judith. Judith did not bother thinking through the relativity; Jojo's younger brother would probably understand that better. It was the moral challenge that bugged her.
Three years ago Judith would have rebelled at the choice: either cooperate fast or cooperate slowly. But she knew that she had used up all her free will on Earth. She would cooperate slowly, and think about it.
Looked at in retrospect, Judith's life had been on a downward spiral for years. It hadn't been obvious at the time, because Judith and her parents between them always managed to come up with psychological excuses for her problems. In the spring of 2004 Judith had been arrested for dealing in drugs and seemed doomed. But her parents and their fellow psychologists convinced the judge that Judith just needed better guidance, and so she was sent to Crazy Camp instead. Meanwhile the parents' relationships with their neighbors were so bad, thanks largely to Judith, that they had to move to another city, Arcadia, though they pretended that there were professional reasons to do.
The directors of Crazy Camp didn't fix Judith either – but Jojo did. It wasn't anything conscious on Jojo's part. It was simply that keeping Jojo's love, then winning her respect, became the most important thing in Judith's life.
On the Earthly level, her mistakes had caught up with her. Some students at Arcadia knew that Judith had connections with dealers, even though she was no longer interested herself. And they had a phone-pic of Judith in the nude, the result of a silly skinny-dipping prank at Crazy Camp. They said they would post it all over the Internet unless Judith took them to the pusher. Judith understood now that she should have taken responsibility for past mistakes and defied the blackmailers. Instead, she decided to cave in and take them to the drug sale. It was her last exercise of free will, because she died that night.
Jojo had made all the difference in the end. But maybe Lena had no Jojo. Maybe Judith was the closest possible thing to a redeeming influence (not very close, Judith admitted to herself). Maybe Lena deserved the same unearned chance that Judith had gotten. So Judith finally consented to the meeting.
------
Physically speaking, Lena was semi-conscious in a hospital bed. But what Judith saw was her soul, nearly paralyzed by what sophisticated theologians called accedia, dark despair, the realization that one's life had reached a dead end, though not death itself.
"Lena!"
Lena opened her eyes, metaphorically speaking. "Judith? I don't understand… But you're dead. I heard about the stabbing."
"Yes, I'm dead."
"Does that mean I'm dead, too? I thought that it would hurt more – not that being shot was a piece of cake."
"No, you're still alive. But it's a very near thing. Lena, you must protect yourself. I don't mean fighting people the way you always have. I mean fighting your dark side."
"Or what? They'll put me in Hell? Thought that was a fairy tale."
"It's hard to explain, Lena. What you really lose when you die is your free will, the most precious gift. In the afterlife, you're compelled to do the right thing all the time, as Somebody Else defines "right". If you're a loving, trusting person, used to devoting yourself to others, it's not bothersome. If you're a wise person who can discern a plan in all that, you enjoy being in the plan. But to a person who's used to doing her own thing, yes, it's Hell. Knowing that you're an eternal loser and will never win out. Don't make my mistake, Lena. Do your best to live, but not any old life. Try to love other people."
It was lucky that Lena was not the intellectual type. What Judith was saying was do something nice because it will benefit you in the end. Pascal's wager, a game. More subtle thinkers argued that goodness should be its own reward, that the promise of a return coarsened the matter somewhat. The true hero was somebody like Huck Finn, who said "All right, I'll go to hell" when the slave-trading pseudo-Christianity of his culture told him that rescuing a slave would be wrong. Judith had been here three years and was growing in understanding. But better not to convey that to Lena. Maybe later.
"I did love you. You looked so hot, that evening you went skinny-dipping! But you preferred that Girardi girl, who really was crazy."
Right. Lena was gay, and she thought of Jojo as a sexual rival who came between her and Judith. Judith definitely didn't want to get in an argument about sexual orientation. "You're talking about lust, not love, Lena. Possessiveness shouldn't enter into that. For starters, try to love Joan Girardi, not hate her."
"Hmmmph. I'd rather die."
"That doesn't let you off, Lena. Quite the contrary. Don't think that things will work out your way if you fight good enough. If Joan Girardi is too personal for you, well, try to empathize with other people first. If you're lucky, you'll have a lifetime to turn yourself around."
She had not won Lena over, of course. It was too quick to expect that. But Judith could see some lightening of the dark depression. Lena had something to think about and hope for now.
Her mission done, Judith now had time in which she played no part in the divine plan, and by default, could do what she wanted. And she knew what she wanted. All of this talking and thinking about Jojo made her want to see her again.
Judith flitted to Baconia, the small university town where Jojo and her husband now attended school. Since the university did not have married housing, they lived in a small apartment house off campus.
It was now evening, about 8:00. Apparently God, having slowed down time to let Judith make her decision, had now compensated by speeding up the rest of the day. The doors of the apartment house were locked, but that didn't bother Judith. She walked through the wall.
Jojo and her husband were huddled together on the sofa. She was leaning against Adam, who had his arm around her shoulders. Apparently the pair, who had functioned well enough during the crisis, were now having a letdown. Judith stayed invisible and listened.
"I hate that I wasn't more help to you, Jane," said Adam.
"It's all right, Adam. Just love and hug me now. Do you know what the worst of it was? Not being tied up. Not even when that bitch hit me in the stomach. But the simple, horrible realization that somebody wanted to hurt me. I'm not talking about Ryan Hunter. In his weird way, he thought he was helping me, teaching me to share his distrust of God. But the other two had vendettas. Lena thought I had stolen her girlfriend. Ramsey thought that I was HIS girlfriend and had dumped him."
"Forget about them, Jane. They're in the hospital now fighting for their lives. Just think of all the people who love you. I love you, Jane."
"I love you, Jojo," said Judith. But she did not let them hear, much less see. They needed this moment together alone. Judith had to practice what she had preached, and think mainly of Jojo's happiness.
"Amen." Let it be so. Her will be done, and at the moment it was Judith's will too.
THE END OF THE STORY, THOUGH ETERNITY NEVER ENDS.
( AUTHOR'S NOTE The joke about Judith being unable to swear in heaven is not original with me. I read it in an earlier fanfiction story, whose name I unfortunately no longer remember. The ideas expressed here do not necessarily represent my own beliefs. I was trying to imagine an afterlife that fit the background of JOAN OF ARCADIA. )