Alright, on a few requests from fellow collaborators, I'm going to put this nonsensical story up. Copyright and Warning goes in the beginning of the story and continues onward. Overall, don't take the story too seriously and enjoy!

BACKSTORY: This was a collaboration of six different people on a Sailor Moon forum who got bored one day and decided to post a story, line by line. We came up with this crazy masterpiece.

WARNING: This story is rated M for violence, swearing, and possibly a third reason not yet discovered. All characters are written very OOC, so please do not read this if you have no sense of humor or are not willing to see your favorite characters get torn to bits… in more ways than one. There are also plotholes, crackpot theories, and just general nonsense. Please refer to the backstory before proceeding.

COPYRIGHT: We do not own Sailor Moon, or any characters connected to the series; Naoko Takeuchi licenses them. The many references, be they quotes or names of shows, made throughout the story are also not ours and belong to their respective creators.

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Chapter One

Usagi woke up late again for school. She went to turn off her alarm clock, when she realized it was making a rather odd noise not quite like the normal sound. Frowning, she grabbed it and hurled it against the wall. When it shattered, Tuxedo Kamen's rose flew through the air and it hit her on the nose.

"Ouch, what the hell?!" she screamed as a masked figure entered the window. He was large and he spoke with a loud booming voice, "OOOOH YEAAAAH!!!" (kool-aid guy ftw) She couldn't help but stare at this caped crusader, mouth agape. She began to look around for a gun, but all she could find was her transformation rod. Gripping it tight, she shouted her henshin phrase, and to her shock, she didn't transform! Confused, she smacked the pen against her palm, trying to see the malfunction. It didn't work very well, so she picked up Luna and threw her at the man. Annoyed, Luna took out her anger on the man, clawing madly at his face, which ended up ripping his mask to shreds, revealing none other than Andy from the arcade!

"Andy, what are you doing here?!" Serena asked. Then she noticed his eyes were burning red, and out from his pocket, he pulled a glock. Our bun-haired heroine eyed the weapon suspiciously. He pulled the trigger, only to shoot out flowers. Dazed, Serena scratches her head and pushes him out the window, locking the window after him.

Luna says, "That's what you get for leaving your window unlocked all the time!" The feline waved her paw menacingly, and a new transformation brooch appeared! "Now," began Luna, "This is your new transformation brooch. Simply call out 'Moon Starlight Power!' and you will transform." Excited to be fightin' evils after so long, she transformed and found her outfit not quite what she expected it to be.

"LUNAAA!" the blonde whined, tugging at her sailor outfit. "WHAT THE---?!" Her new outfit was puke green and blood red, her least favorite colors. "I look like puke mixed with period blood! What's your problem, Luna?" but before Luna could respond, the mysterious figured blasted her with TURTLES! Screaming, she grabbed Luna and shouted "Moon Puke Action!" and puke, the color of her gross uniform, splattered on the figure.

Suddenly, Sailor Mercury appeared and did a garbage attack. "Luna, what the hell? Why are we all so... gross?"

Sailor Mars popped up, and explained. "You see, it's apparently because our next enemy person is some health nut." She paused, tapping her chin. "... which is why I wonder why that masked man is eating bacon."

Now that someone has caught onto him, he hides the bacon beneath his cloak and says "Yes, we are health nuts! TOOTHPASTE POWER! BRUSH YOUR TEEEEEEEEEETH!" Suddenly, an army of toothbrushes coated in toothpaste advanced towards the scouts.

Sailor Mars shouted, "IT'S TOOTHBRUSHES GET IN THE CAR!" and so they all got into Sailor Uranus's car and sped off.

"Now Luna," said Uranus, "you should really explain this a little more! What are our new attack phrases?" Before Luna could respond, giant-sized toothbrushes came out of nowhere. Then, it started raining acid toothpaste. The girls tried to run, but were bound by industrial strength floss. Then suddenly, carrots started to get thrown at the girls' faces, so they began to scream at Luna because she wasn't saying anything. It was then that they found out that Luna was a MAN.