I OWN NOTHING, REFERENCES AT THE BOTTOM FOR THOSE OF YOU TROLLING HARDCORE
My finger presses the 'answer' button for the ninth time that night... The NINTH time... "Yes?!" I know my breathing is erratic, my voice a little to high pitch as I try not to get angry at the redhead on the other side of the conversation, "Bree is pissed, said one of her friends is out at the club and said you have some chick in the DJ booth with you? From the sounds of your breathing-" I cut her off before she can even start going down that road, "Chlo, you two have been keeping tabs on me ridiculously since fucking Julie came into both of your lives, isn't that an awfully convenient fact? Oh, and I sound like this because I'm working, trying to make it through the crowd just to get some stupid water because Aubrey conveniently "forgot" to pack me anything after she told me she would." I scowl, Bree never forgets unless she's mad about something. "Beca, you know how hard it is for us when we can't be there to cheer for you... I'm sorry about Bree, we can't help but get a little jealous over you... we are very protective..." I do know, we have talked about it so many times over the past three months. My tiny slice of fame is coming at a price, fans, publicity, and it makes my girlfriends a little crazy, especially when the aforementioned feel its appropriate to get all up in my space. I have a bubble too, you know, but the second my music hit the streets that bubble virtually and physically shattered. I cringe at remembering the first time I was recognized,
"Hi, are you Mitch... the DJ who plays over at Rooftop?" My eyes look up to my girls, the menu set down as I scrunch my brows together, the both of them looking beside me and-ohhhhhh god there's a hand on my shoulder now... Flinching away I look up at the offending woman and find her, another woman, and two guys behind them. They excitedly look me over, not even realizing they are interrupting lunch with my ladies. I can only nod dumbly as they move into my space, taking pictures, asking for autographs, and then finally, after half an hour... HALF AN HOUR... they leave, a deep frown marring my face. It takes a moment but I hear both of my girlfriends start giggling, my eyes flitting up to them, and I see them both almost in fits. Rolling my eyes I let a smirk pull to my lips, watching Aubrey be the first to move. She scoots over to my side, pushing me further into the booth, her arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders, "Gonna go ahead and try to keep you hidden..." She catches my jaw and turns my face to kiss me hard, the anger I feel behind it immediately turning into passion as she presses forward just a bit. Before I can do anything Chlo reaches across the table and snatches my collar, pulling me forward to plant a searing kiss on my lips as well. When she lets go she would plop back and breathe a sigh, "I know it comes with the territory, but I thought I was going to kill her when she touched you..." Aubrey nods quickly and I just let my eyes lower to the table, avoidance is key right now, "So... what do we want to eat..."
"All I'm saying is you could cut us a little slack, we were just thrown into this mess... we didn't ask for this." I feel it the second I should just hang up, my chest clenching and the bile in my throat rising rapidly. Instead of exploding I grit my teeth and nearly growl out, "Oh, so now it's my fault Julie is trying to break us up?! Well, that's just fucking fine then." I press the red button on my phone, slamming it into the table before I crush it between my fingers. This just doesn't feel sufficient enough to release the immediate anger. So I que up a song instead...
Lalalalala, thats all I hear them saying...
I smile as I find the beat that pulls the stress from my shoulders, and I lower my head to the table, careful not to interrupt the song.
~Can't even hang out with friends
Wit out ya blowin up my phone
Why you all in my ear
Like where am I and when am I coming home
Why you listening to your friends?
They dont wanna see us be.
My fingers slide over a few of the dials, pulling here and there, adding a quiet bass bounce as I intro the other song...
~You say that you promise to love me, love me
That's what you said
But I see a shawty all on my IG
She just plain Jane
If I didn't have so much going for me
I'd fuck you up on this jealousy
Bitch don't let this TV make you think that you know me
I smirk as the other song blends, this release of tension helping immensely. Music always helps me relax, it has my whole life, it's like the way I can communicate, speak my feelings at the moment. Closing my eyes I first see my beautiful girlfriends, the solid relationship we built over the years, and next, I see a raven-haired woman coming up behind them, a wicked smile gracing her lips. I open my eyes with a deep frown marring my lips,
~Boy You better take it slow
Or I'll be history
You've got to give me my space
So quick to calling my name
Boy you better recognize
My love is one of a kind
~Chi town, south side, Mudville bitch, what's good (don't know what I'd do)
I don't have to twist no fingers just know I'm good at what I do
You gotta get beside her 'fore you catch me in the lineup, tied up
And in that case I ain't got no business involved
All because you in your feelings that we ain't what we were
~You drive me up to the ceiling
Boy there's no need for the screaming you know that you are my world
But I'm sick and tired of the
~So tired of all this appetite
Always wanna share the spotlight
My type is them boys that got a little street life
I was still fine
Hit a bitch the same time, give her that love
But you granted, I let you get up in her panties
Guess I'm moving on, you can't stand it
Fuck a virgo over one time, I leave you stranded
I'm past it
Ain't no hard feelings at all
~La La La La La
That's all I hear you saying
La La La La La
Tired of the Complaining
La La La La La La La La La La La La
So why you up in my ear?
~You say that you promise to love me, love me
That's what you said
But I see a shawty all on my IG
She just plain Jane
If I didn't have so much going for me
I'd fuck you up on this jealousy
Bitch don't let this TV make you think that you know me
And here they come, sapphire and emerald, red and blonde, oh goody, and a bitch ass black haired girl too. Their friend Julie came into their lives a couple of months ago, and I knew the second she came in and tried flirting with me she needed to be booted from our lives. But instead of listening to me they listened to her, who does that? They started calling me big-headed, egotistical, 'just because I got a little fame doesn't mean everyone is into me.' Seriously? I don't even like her, she's so far from my type it pains me to hear them claim I even want her to be into me. I am swift to walk over and lock the door, the bodyguard at the bottom looking up and I just mouth the words 'no one up' gesturing with my hand to indicate I didn't want anyone to join me tonight. He gives me a thumbs up, saying he won't let anyone come to see me, here in a moment he might regret that the second those ladies stride up to him. Getting back to the board I bring the song back around...
~So I went out to club
I just wanna have some fun
I guess someone told you
I was with some other boy
'Cause when I got back home
Put my foot through the door
All the lights came on
Then came the La La La La
~I know you ain't into her (I know you ain't into her)
But she is the best option you could grab
Your insecurities have been revealed but you're not saying a thing, a thing
No need to speak
She know you hitting my phone
So sick, oh please, what is it you want
They have already rounded on the bouncer and I can see him taking the brunt of their irritation, but thankfully they cease after only a few attempts. Watching them walk for the bar I keep the song going, and it's like they are finally hearing the mix I've que'd up. Eyes snapping up to the booth before they turn their backs to me and all three start talking,
~You've got to give me my space
So quick to calling my name
Boy you better recognize
My love is one of a kind
You drive me up to the ceiling
Boy there's no need for the screaming
You know that you are my world
But I'm sick and tired of the
~If you're taking her away (on vacation)
Then there ain't no need in texting me
I know she a thing for the thirsty
She gon' be the first one to let that slip
Tell that bitch don't come around here unless she ready for the shit
They've ordered their drinks and are sitting, surely all three waiting to confront me for the shit Julie started, but it doesn't matter, I've got the upper hand. The plan I've come up with is intricate and finally complete enough that I can prove to them that they were wrong to ever doubt me. I write swiftly on a piece of paper and unlock the door, handing it down to the bodyguard who reads it and nods firmly, heading off to do what I've asked.
~La La La La La
That's all I hear you saying
La La La La La
Tired of the Complaining
La La La La La La La La La La La La
So why you up in my ear?
I watch the manager slide up to them with a tablet, pointing at my note and saying a few things before letting it fast forward through my set, and then another, and then another. Every now and then I watch them speak to each other, and a second later I see Julie try to defend herself, Aubrey's hand coming up right in her face to stop her from talking. They continue to watch the tablet, slowly but surely they tense up more and more. The smirk I hold presses into a full-fledged shit-eating grin as I watch them round on their black-haired friend, arms waving, fingers pointing up at me, their mouths so wide I'm positive if I opened the door I might hear them over the music...
~You say that you promise to love me, love me
That's what you said
But I see a shawty all on my IG
She just plain Jane
If I didn't have so much going for me
I'd fuck you up on this jealousy
Bitch don't let this TV make you think that you know me
Julie is gone, thank god, but now my girlfriends are sitting at the bar staring up at me, chatting animatedly as they probably try to figure out how to get me down from the booth. Aubrey's eyes look steely, set in whatever plan she is concocting to fix the mistake they've made, but they seem to know they aren't going to get the chance to fix it so easily. It's harder to look at Chloe, her pleading eyes misty and fixated on making me melt like they usually do, but not this time. I order a drink, pressing the buttons on the tablet built into the DJ booth. Chad, the bartender, and other DJ looks up at me, a brow quirked as he makes the drink and heads my way. Up the stairs he comes, and I spy my two ladies trying to follow him up, alas, my bodyguard keeps them downstairs while the fit and tanned bartender comes around easily, sliding right in the door and setting the drink down. He turns swiftly and leans against the table, "Jay showed them the video's of all the dates you wrote down, what was all that about?" I can't stop the laugh that barks from my chest, "All the dates Julie accused me of bringing a chick up here when they couldn't come. I've been writing it down in my notebook, because it always starts fights, always." He joins me in my laughter, "They ripped her a new one, I tell you what, I don't think she could have tucked tail and run any faster." I shake my head, looking down at the now desperate looking duo, they know I'm pissed, it's not every day I don't let them up here, or near me in general. I que up another song, just for them...
~Yeah
Be careful, be careful, be careful with me
I feel more than see the girls whip their heads up to look at me, and I honestly couldn't care less, they hurt me, every accusation, every fight, it hurt me. This is the last song I am going to play tonight, and the crowd seems to understand that it's time to wind down, but they dance a slow grind with each other, all of them swaying and smiling as I pack what little I have up and let the song be the end of my set, high fiving the bartender/DJ out before heading down the steps.
~Yeah, look
I wanna get married, like the Currys, Steph and Ayesha shit
But we more like Belly, Tommy and Keisha shit
Gave you TLC, you wanna creep and shit
Poured out my whole heart to a piece of shit
Man, I thought you would've learned your lesson
'Bout likin' pictures, not returnin' texts
I guess it's fine, man, I get the message
You still stutter after certain questions
You keep in contact with certain exes
I slide up behind tonight's 'bouncer' and tap his shoulder twice, meaning I wanted him to escort me out the back door and keep people away from me. He nods firmly and I hear Aubrey over his shoulder, "Beca! Talk to us! Don't do this!" With a roll of my eyes I continue forward, letting the larger body block everyone away from me...
~Do you, though, trust me, homie, it's cool, though
Said that you was workin', but you're out here chasin' culo
And putas, chillin' poolside, livin' two lives
I could've did what you did to me to you a few times
But if I did decide to slide, find a nigga
Fuck him, suck his dick, you would've been pissed
But that's not my M.O., I'm not that type of bitch
And karma for you is gon' be who you end up with
Don't make me sick, nigga
The only man, baby, I adore
I gave you everything, what's mine is yours
I want you to live your life of course
But I hope you get what you dyin' for
Oh Cardi B, it's like you sing some of these words right to my soul. I hear the clacking of their heels right behind the man keeping everyone away from me, "Becs..." I hear the tears choking back any other words from Chlo, and I slow my pace for only a second, but it's enough hesitation to give her hope I guess, "Becs please... We are sorry..." I scoff at this, shoving through the door, letting it swing shut as I take off for my car. I have to beat them home or they will have the upper hand. They will see the tears I shed every time this happens, every time I'm second to her, every time I'm less important in their lives, every time they would believe something as ridiculous as me cheating on them. This time is no different, when the door slams shut I fumble with my keys, willing my trembling hand to calm as I slide it into the ignition and leave the parking lot.
~Be careful with me, do you know what you doin'?
Whose feelings that you hurtin' and bruisin'?
You gon' gain the whole world
But is it worth the girl that you're losin'?
Be careful with me
Yeah, it's not a threat, it's a warnin'
Be careful with me
Yeah, my heart is like a package with a fragile label on it
Be careful with me
Care for me, care for me
Always said that you'd be there for me, there for me
I feel the wet heat slide down my cheeks as I drive, focusing, but only enough to know exactly where I'm going, and that I'm not going to crash. My mind wanders to some better times, but this only makes my tears fall harder, so I push the thoughts to the back of my mind and focus on the task at hand. Goal 1: getting enough stuff to survive a hotel for a few days, a week at most. Goal 2: doing it without Bree or Chlo getting to me first. I cant keep doing this, letting them treat me this way, shutting me out, being so cold, claiming its all my fault, and then apologizing when it comes the next day and they realize just how fully devoted and loyal I have ALWAYS been to them. I yank into our apartment parking lot, knowing I have about six minutes until they get there. Taking off I'm in a dead sprint up the stairs and straight to our door, the key already out and slammed into the knob as my anxiety tries to take hold. Turns out all the cardio they did, and still make me do, was good for something. Pushing inside I run to our room, snatching my travel duffel from the closet to begin stuffing clothes inside. Looking at my watch as I speed walk to the bathroom I groan, three minutes. Shoving all of my makeup and some hair junk into the bag, right on top of my clothes, I head out of the room and into my office. This room makes me give pause, I have pictures of us three all over in here, to give me motivation. Taking a deep breath I grab up some of my paperwork that is needed for work, as well as my laptop.
~Boy, you better treat me carefully, carefully, look
I was here before all of this
Guess you actin' out now, you got an audience
Tell me where your mind is, drop a pin, what's the coordinates?
You might have a fortune, but you lose me, you still gon' be misfortunate, nigga
Tell me, this love's got you this fucked up in the head
You want some random bitch up in your bed?
She don't even know your middle name, watch her 'cause she might steal your chain
You don't want someone who loves you instead? I guess not though
It's blatant disrespect, you nothin' like the homie I met
Talk to me crazy and you quick to forget
You even got me trippin', you got me lookin' in the mirror different
Thinkin' I'm flawed because you inconsistent
Between a rock and a hard place, the mud and the dirt
It's gon' hurt me to hate you, but lovin' you's worse
It all stops so abrupt, we start switchin' it up
Teach me to be like you so I can not give a fuck
Free to mess with someone else, I wish these feelings could melt
'Cause you don't care about a thing except your mothafuckin' self
You make me sick,
The only man, baby, I adore
I gave you everything, what's mine is yours
I want you to live your life of course
But I hope you get what you dyin' for
With it all stuffed in the bag I zip it shut and pull the large strap over my head to sit on the opposite shoulder, balancing the weight so I can get out of here quick-... The door is thrown open and interrupts my thoughts, and I look at my watch, "Shit..." I murmur, waiting as they go through the apartment yelling for me. Aubrey is the first to get to my office, flicking the light on and gasping as she finds me on the opposite side of the desk. She steps towards me, "Don't." I manage to get out, and for once, she actually listens, "Chlo she's in here." She yells, the redhead coming in beside her, also trying to get closer, "Stop." I command, my voice not giving away the pain I felt only minutes ago, "Don't... don't come near me." My eyes are trained downward and a little to the left, keeping an eye on where they go, but not actually meeting their eyes, "Beca I'm sorry!" My chest tightens as I hear the words I've heard countless amounts of times over the past few months, I don't even believe them anymore, "Becs we are both sorry... Come to talk to us... You don't need to leave... You've proven us wrong..." I laugh at this, but it sounds cold and dark coming from my throat. When they hear it, they know they've really dug it in deep this time, "I shouldn't have had to prove anything to you, I shouldn't have been put second, I shouldn't have been called awful things that you both know I'm not, but I was." I hear my voice, but it doesn't sound like me, and I think that terrifies them, Bree speaks quickly, "Please baby let us fix this, I'm sorry we have been so crazy, it's just hard with Julie always in our ears." I shake my head, "Egotistical, big-headed, selfish, self-centered, a fucking cheater..." My throat constricts and I have to physically stop myself from pressing too much as I feel the tears gathering at the corners of my eyes, "...these are all things you two have called me in the last three months, I'm clearly not good for you, or is it good ENOUGH for you." I take a deep breath, keeping my anger at bay so all I can speak is the truth, "You don't deserve a chance to fix it anymore, you've literally torn me down so much that I can't even look in the mirror without wondering if maybe there's some truth to your words... maybe there is something wrong with me... maybe she's better than me in so many ways that... maybe you should go and date her instead... I can't... I can't do this anymore." I feel the tears threatening to completely spill out, but I clear my throat and walk forward, attempting to move past the duo, "Becs don't do this..." I round on Chloe, "Do what Chlo?! Leave the two that chose to believe a complete STRANGER over the woman they've been with for five years?! Five fucking years... and what do I have to show for it... I get called names, get the cold shoulder or the silent treatment, get accusations and suspicion, I get embarrassed at my job because even though I've shown you how stupid that girl is for months... even though the guys vouch for me and tell you how crazy Julie is, how she LIES... you continue to keep her around, to listen to her before you even consider talking to me. You made me look so stupid, to my co-workers, even to some of the fans that pay close enough attention to the shit you bring to the club. Oh and I TOLD you two what my dad did to me and my mom, under the confidence that you would understand where my malice towards him comes from... but instead you put me in the same boat as him? I'm such a fool..."
~Be careful with me, do you know what you doin'?
Whose feelings that you're hurtin' and bruisin'?
You gon' gain the whole world
But is it worth the girl that you're losin'?
Be careful with me
Yeah, it's not a threat, it's a warnin'
Be careful with me
Yeah, my heart is like a package with a fragile label on it
Be careful with me
I'm disgusted, and it shows in my voice, I can feel the bile rising up in my throat as I finally let a few tears shed. Chloe and Aubrey spy them too, thinking it's their chance to get into my arms again. Aubrey takes a step forward her voice pleading, "Beca... don't go... please... We need you." Another laugh, this one thick with full tears, "Probably should have thought about that before you chose someone else." What is unshed now becomes painfully apparent as I push my way out of the room, walking straight for the front door. I pull it open and breathe deeply, turning to face the loves of my life, the very ones that have destroyed me, "I love you two... with everything I am, I have always taken good care of you when I can, and I spend every waking moment treating you like the queens you are... but I can't stand by and be the jester any longer." And just like that, I walk out, shutting the door behind me. I hear their sobs, yet I can't stop moving, the tears cascading down my cheeks solidifying just how beaten I truly am.
AN: Obviously I own nothing, not PP3, and none of the songs, which are
Auburn - La, La, La, ft. Iyaz
Keke Palmer - Jealous
Cardi B - Be Careful