Title: Easy

Disclaimer: Hahahaha...I wish.

What he doesn't know

is how hard it is to make it look so easy.

When Kate saw Rick come through the door she honestly thought she would pass out.

Her stomach turned to knots and her hands started getting sweaty. If she hadn't been sitting down already she would've. He was the last person she expected to see tonight.

And when his eyes met hers, well, she thought was going to die.

Unfortunately, her date across the table noticed.

"Kate, are you alright?"

She looked back at him and tried to recompose herself.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You look like you saw a ghost or something."

She readjusted herself in her chair and started pushing around the food on her plate, making it

appear that she was better than she actually felt. Maybe Rick would just stay away. But she knew that wasn't in his nature.

"Kate?"

Hearing him say her name brought back thousands of feelings she forgot she'd pushed away. She took a deep breath and turned. "Rick. Hi."

"Hi." He paused and ran a hand through his hair. God how she missed doing that. "How...how are you?"

"Good. I'm good. You?"

"Oh I'm good."

Just then Kate noticed the blonde woman on his arm. "Ricky, aren't you going to introduce us?"

It took him a few seconds before I processed what she said. "Oh, yes. Sorry. Kate, this is Kelly. Kelly, this is Kate."

"Like the girl from your books?"

Being called a 'girl' didn't sit too well with Kate, but she wasn't in a position to complain. She held out her hand.

"Kate Beckett, NYPD." Kelly took it and wagged it like it was a fish. She didn't seem like the sharpest tool in the shed. A cough from behind her brought her back to her senses. "Oh, right. This is Seth. Seth, this is-"

"Let me guess, Richard Castle?" He stood up and extended his hand to Rick. "Seth Boxer. Its a pleasure to meet you Mr. Castle."

"Nice to meet you Seth." As Rick shook her date's hand his eyes flicked over to hers. She knew what he was asking, but she didn't want to answer. Luckily he didn't push. "Well, we should get to our table." He offered his arm to Kelly and started walking away, but not before turning back one last time. "It was really good to see you, Kate."

Before she could answer his date had dragged him away, leaving Kate to her date. Seth. He was a great guy, but if she'd had any doubts about him before, seeing Rick only verified that she was definitely not ready.

But, living up to his 'great guy' status, Seth tried to keep their date going even though it was evident that her mind was elsewhere.

"So, do you guys work together anymore?"

Kate took a large gulp of her wine before answering. "No, not really."

"But he's still writing Nikki Heat books?"

She knew he was just making conversation but these questions were getting very personal. "Well, he was with us for 5 years. I'm sure he's got plenty of research."

"Wow. That's incredible. What was it like? To work with him, I mean."

Kate glanced over at Rick and Kelly, just a few tables down. "It was great. Really great." She turned back and asked Seth about his work, trying to get him on something else. While he answered and resumed his dinner Kate let her attention wander back down to Rick. She didn't have a great view from where she was sitting, but her detective skills helped her see enough.

For example, Kelly had reached across the table and playfully touched Rick's arm 6 times.

After his second glass of scotch Rick actually started smiling at her jokes. With his mouth, not his eyes.

And he'd glanced over to look at Kate 9 times. Each time she was so very tempted to look back, make eye contact and tell him everything she's wanted to since the last time she saw him. But she didn't. She couldn't.

Seth didn't push for much more the rest of the evening. He knew there was no way she was going to be able to move on without getting over Rick. And she knew it, but she so wished it wasn't true. He walked her back to her apartment and kissed her cheek goodnight, but that was it. Part of her felt horrible, guilty even for leading him on like that. But part of her had been hoping she was ready. Obviously not.

After an unsuccessful attempt at a warm shower to wash her thoughts away Kate poured herself another glass of wine, grabbed Rick's latest novel, and went to sit on the couch. She curled up under an afghan and flipped the book over to the back cover. Slowly she ran her fingers over his picture. The photo didn't do him justice at all. She'd seen him under the moonlight on the beach and with the sunlight falling perfectly over his face in the early morning. She'd never forget those moments. Never.

She almost lost it when her phone rang from her clutch across the room. Part of her didn't want to get it, just let it go to voicemail. She had the next few days off so there'd be no call for a body. But still, she didn't want to regret it later. She hopped up to grab it before the last ring.

"Beckett."

"Hey. It's, um, me."

His voice. It was doing things to her again.

"Oh, hey-h-hi. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah," he answered quickly. "I-I'm sorry, you're probably still with your date. I'll, um, I'll let you go-"

"No, no it's fine." She wasn't ready for him to go yet. Which was wrong. So wrong. They weren't together anymore. She shouldn't feel like this. "He left a little bit ago. How's Kelly?"

"Oh, fine. She left a while ago too."

"She seemed, um, pleasant." Pleasant? Really? God how had it gotten this bad.

"Yeah, it was good. And Seth seemed n-nice." Were they really complimenting each other on their dates? Now this was just pathetic.

"Yeah. He's a friend of Ryan's."

"Speaking of, how are Ryan and Esposito?"

"They're good. They miss having you around. More than they let on." Would he catch on that she was using the boys as an excuse for how much she missed him? Sure, they did too. But not nearly as much as she did.

"Yeah, I miss them too. Maybe I'll stop by sometime this week. If that's ok with you."

"Sure sure." Did she answer that too quickly? "They would love that." I would too.

"Good, good. Well, I should probably go. Early morning tomorrow."

"Yeah yeah, me too." A little lie wouldn't hurt.

"So I guess I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah," she breathed into the phone. She didn't want him to go. But she couldn't tell him that.

"Ok. Well, I'm really glad I got to see you tonight."

"Me too. I'm, I'm glad I got to see you too."

She could hear him breathing on the other end, neither wanting to be the one to end. "Um, well, have a good night Kate."

"You, you too. Night Rick." She caught herself before she continued with I love you. Force of habit.

She waited for the click on his end before ending the call on her phone. She stared at his photo on her screen. One minute and twenty eight seconds. That's how long it took for all the feelings she'd been hiding away for the last two months to come crashing back.

For a moment, Kate thought about calling Lanie. She could really use some back-up on this one. But she remembered she and Esposito were having a much-needed date night.

So instead she padded back to her bedroom and pulled out a shoebox from underneath her bed. The box she swore she'd never open again.

Sitting on the bed she took of the lid and set it gently next to her. On top was a seashell Rick had given her on their first weekend at the Hamptons together. Alexis had been in California with Meredith and Martha had gotten herself a role on a small Broadway show. She and Rick had jumped so many levels in their relationship during that trip. There was a moment where she didn't think her life could have been more perfect.

Next in the box was a bundle of letters he'd written her throughout the course of their relationship. 9 months and he'd written her almost 100 letters. Some were just to say Hi or I love you or, her personal favorite, Always. But no matter how short or long, she kept them all. He didn't even know until he'd caught her putting one away one night. The amount of love in his gaze when he looked from the box back to her, well, she thought her heart was going to explode.

Her favorite letter, though, was at the bottom, below dozens of pictures and postcards from places he'd traveled to for his book tour. This letter was the most dangerous thing she owned.

Dear Kate,

I want you to know that, no matter what happens to us, I will love you forever. Always.

Rick

That was her breaking point. She didn't even get the letter back in the box before the tears started streaming down her face uncontrollably. All she could think about was what had gone wrong.

And how had they ended up like this?

A/N: Please don't hate me! I promise, I'm just as big of a Caskett shipper as the next person but I just couldn't help myself. Writing them like this makes me love them even more. Weird, I know. So if you loved it or hated it, please let me know what you think! Reviews would make a Castle-less Monday tomorrow just a little more bearable :) (Oh, and the song is by Rascal Flatts feat. Natasha Bedingfield) Thanks!