Would You Lie With Me and Just Forget the World?
— By Skipper713 —
This one's for Tehbot. Sorry it's so late, buddy. Happy Birthday. =]
It hits Sora suddenly and unexpectedly in the middle of her Advanced Algebra class: everything is changing.
It's not like she didn't expect that things would—she wasn't stupid, after all. She knows that change is the one constant in life, the one thing she can count on, and so on. And hey, Sora's a big girl, she can deal.
But she just didn't expect for it to happen so fast. One minute she was just a regular teenager—if you could call any of the DigiDestined regular teenagers—and now her whole outlook on her life was changing.
It was as if someone had just yanked the life preserver right from under her and now she was floundering in the water. Looking for something, anything, to hold onto but finding nothing solid; only glimpses of Used To Bes and Remember Whens.
It hits her so fast, so hard that she actually gasps aloud. Sora feels her face burn as people in class turn to look at her with raised eyebrows and inquisitive eyes. Sora smiles (or tries to) but it feels forced even to her and she can tell from the looks on people's faces that they aren't buying it.
But she's really only seeing one person. Taichi Kamiya. Her best friend since she got sucked in to a whole different world and started tail spinning in all different directions. He had been there for her then too. He had been there for all of them.
The rest of the class has already turned away, their interest piqued in something else, but it doesn't make Sora feel any better to know that when her world has just been shaken, she's still just a fleeting, passing thought in the minds of her fellow students.
Tai's still looking though. He's always looking, Sora reminds herself. Looking out for her, looking to the future, looking for trouble . . .
His handsome, boyish features are twisted into a mix between his "Okay, What's the Name of the Guy I Have to Hit?" face and his "Are You Okay? You Look Like Crap." face.
Sora tosses Tai a fake smile: a wider, brighter smile then she gave to the class because that's the only kind she ever gives Tai, but she knows it's stupid to think he won't notice the difference between this imposter and her regular, carefree smiles.
As if on cue, Tai's eyebrows furrow and he looks as if he's two seconds from getting up and talking to her in the middle of class.
"I'm fine," Sora mouths to him from across the room.
The tightness in her chest relaxes just a little when she sees Tai roll his eyes (Just like always, she tells herself). He mouths back, "And I'm Piedmon 2.0."
Sora can almost hear the sarcasm in his voice and the tightness in her chest loosens another degree until she just feels as if The World As I Know It Is Gone And Is Never Coming Back instead of the raw, sheer panic that had consumed her a few minutes ago.
"We're talking about this after class," Tai mouths to her and he gives her a glare for good measure before turning his head back to the front of the class.
Sora nearly groans out loud. Of course this realization had to come in her last class of the day on a Friday. And of course Taichi Kamiya had to be there to witness it. Taichi Kamiya, who was much too observant then he should be considering his interest in skin mags and video games.
Minutes fly by like seconds and before Sora even has time to get any grounding on her sudden revelation the bell is ringing shrilly and music streams out of the speakers in a celebration of the weekend.
The music is happy and safe, but not familiar and reassuring and Sora just sinks farther in until it feels like her head is going under the water and she's getting dragged down deeper and deeper.
And then Tai's pulling her gently out of her seat and wrapping her up in his arms and Sora nearly sobs with the relief of it when Tai's cologne hits her just like it always does when they drift too close (which is more often that not when they're together).
"Hey, hey. Are you alright?" Tai says softly and gently which is a far step from his usual brash and loud voice.
Sora thinks about nodding, but then changes her mind (There really is no use in lying to Tai . . . she always gets caught in the end) and shakes her head pitifully into his chest.
"No. I'm really, really not."
He pulls back slightly, but not enough so that Sora isn't still completely encompassed by his body heat.
"You wanna talk about it?"
Sora bits her into her fleshy lower lip and hesitates. Does she? Because talking about it will help unload this mass that seems to be weighing down her shoulders in the most literal sense of the word. But it will also make her thoughts real in a way she's not sure she's ready for yet or even if she'll ever be ready for.
She still doesn't know what to say, so decides to go with the first thing that her mind thinks of.
"Yes."
Tai smiles wide enough so his dimples show, but not nearly wide enough so his already forming laugh lines make an appearance. "Good. Because even if you didn't want to talk about, we were going to. This just makes it easier. Not that I couldn't still carry you over my shoulder if I wanted . . . "
Sora doesn't smile but it's close and she shoves him playfully in the shoulder. "Oh shut up, Kamiya. That was one time, okay? I thought we agreed not to talk about it."
"Well, we didn't shake on it."
Sora glares at him, "Hey, I think I'm going to go tell Mimi about the time I walked in on you—"
Tai holds his hands up in the air in defeat as he chuckles, "Okay, okay, you win. Not mentioning that ever again as long as you don't tell anyone about that!"
"Deal," Sora says.
"Deal," Tai echoes and they shake on it.
"So," Tai begins as they walk towards the general direction of their lockers, "Where do you want to talk? Coffee shop? My house? Your house?"
Sora curses under her breath and Tai laughs. "Thought I forget about that, huh?"
She eyes him warily, "If only I could be so lucky."
He chuckles, but his mood changes in an instant and he's serious again. He stops them in the middle of the hall and turns her so that's she's facing him. "Seriously . . . where do you want to go? Anywhere you want. I don't care."
"Umm . . . the soccer fields from Junior High?"
Tai nods. "Yeah. Absolutely."
"Why are you agreeing so easily? I thought for sure you'd put up a big stink. You do remember that the Junior High is, oh, thirty minutes away?"
Tai snorts and shoves her gently on the arm, "You do remember that, oh, I have a car with a full tank of gas?"
Sora glares. "Shut up."
Tai laughs as he turns left to his locker, "Not gonna happen! Meet me here in ten!"
"Silence!" Sora yells back playfully and her chest seems to slacken again.
Sora walks to her locker and loads her needed books into her backpack without really thinking about it. It's like her body is set on auto while her mind is free to swirl around concepts that Sora still feels are much too big for her to even be thinking about it.
She closes the blue, metal door softly as opposed to her usual slam and walks back quickly to their designated meeting spot.
For once Tai is there before Sora, his backpack slung around one shoulder and his eyes shining when he sees her.
Sometimes Sora forgets how lucky she is to have him, but then moments like these remind her of her good fortune.
"Hey," he greets coolly.
"Hi," Sora says softly back.
They look at each other for a moment before Tai laughs and takes Sora's bag. "C'mon, Sor'. Whaddya say we blow this popsicle joint?"
Sora says, "Sure. But that is such a weird expression. I've never heard of a popsicle joint in real life."
Tai glares at her playfully. "Silence. Don't question my phrases. They are glorious."
"Oh, of course."
He grins widely at her, but it still doesn't reach his eyes. It stuns Sora sometimes how much Tai cares about her. It shouldn't really. She cares about him just as much.
The car ride passes in relative silence with their regular mix tape playing softly in the background. It was decided long ago that Sora and Tai shouldn't be allowed to fight over radio stations after one particularly heated incident between the two. So they had spent a summer afternoon going through each other's music collections and making fun of it as they picked out a group of songs that they both could agree on.
By now the green and pink sharpie on the CD is fading ("SORA AND TAI'S UBER COOL AND TRENDY MIXTAPE! :)" with Tai's rough scrawl in pink and Sora's neat print in a neon green), but neither of them has made any move to replace it.
Before Sora knows it, they're pulling up to the old school's parking lot and Sora's hit with a rush of familiarity with the bitter aftertaste of melancholy.
"Come on!" Tai yells as he hops out of the car and bounces on the heels of his worn sneakers.
Sora slowly slides out of the car and stands next to Tai.
"You know, Tai, I really appreciate—"
"Race you!" Tai yells, interrupting her, and taking off without waiting for her answer. Sora laughs and runs after him, tackling him to the ground in the middle of the green, soft grass.
Tai laughs as he puts Sora in a chokehold and Sora viciously starts to attack his kneecaps with kicks.
"Hey, hey. Truce?" Tai says breathlessly as he rolls over to his back so he's watching the clouds.
Sora draws in huge gulps of air as she follows suit and lies next to him. "Truce," she promises, interlacing their pinkies.
They stay there for a few minutes, just watching the clouds roll by slowly, and listening to the birds chirp and the sounds of little kids playing. Sora realizes belatedly that her pinky finger is still curled around Tai's and even if the positions a little awkward, she doesn't even consider pulling her hand away.
"So . . . what do you wanna talk about?" Tai says, breaking the moment of stillness between them. He leans over so his elbow is propping him up and his cheek is resting in his hand. Sora smiles softly when she realizes, through all of his movement, their pinkies are still interlaced.
"I . . ." she hesitates.
For once, he says nothing and just looks at her like he already knows what she's going to say and is just waiting for her to tell him herself.
She bits her lip. "It's just. I feel like I'm . . . Everything's changing, you know? It didn't really hit me 'till today, but . . . we're all going to go to college soon. No more late night action movie nights at Matt's place, no more getting dragged to the mall by Mimi and Yolei, no more cramming sessions at Izzy's . . . I just. I didn't really realize how much those things meant to me until I finally realized that they're going to end soon. And when they end . . . what am I going to do, huh? How am I going to deal with that? I can't."
Sora feels a hot flush creep up from her neck as she realizes tears are starting to form in her eyes. She squeezes her eyes shut tightly, but continues talking.
"And it's not just about college and going away. I mean, that's a big part of it. But. Since I was twelve I've always had someone there for me. Always. Whether it was Matt or Mimi or Joe or Izzy or you. I always had someone. And we're going to leave each other soon. We are. Things are going to change. Mimi will say that I'm being stupid, that it'll be exactly the same but it won't be! And just . . . the thought of any of you slipping away from me makes me feel sick because I love you guys so much and . . . "
Sora breaks off and the tears are pouring down her cheeks by now. If it was anybody but Tai she would feel ashamed and embarrassed, but Tai's seen her at her best and he's seen at her worst and he still loves her. That thought just makes the tears drip faster down her cheeks.
Tai hasn't made a move to speak or even move.
"I just," Sora finally continues after she gets a hold of herself, "The thought of me without you guys . . . it's not right. I'm not right without you. That's completely codependent and stupid but it's true. I don't . . . I feel like I'm drowning and there's nothing anyone can do to save me. Everything around me is changing and I have nothing that's going to stay the same. Nothing!"
"That's a lie."
Tai's voice is barely above a murmur but his words are unyielding.
"That's a lie because you do have a constant thing in your life, Sor'. You have us. Yeah, we might be away from each other but that doesn't mean we're going to love or care about each other any less. No matter how it seems, this isn't the best that it's going to get. It's just going to get better. We're just going to get better."
Tai smiles wryly, "Besides. Our friendship survived Digimon attacks and two worlds almost ending when we were twelve and fourteen. You really think some common little thing like college is going to be what tears the DigiDestined apart? Please."
Sora laughs wetly and takes the initiative, rolling in the grass so her heads leaning against the warmth of Tai's chest. She feels him wrap an arm around her and she presses her face into the fabric of his shirt.
"Anyway," Tai whispers softly in her ear, "I'm not going anywhere. Even if you wanted me too, I'd never leave you. Any of you. If you feel like you're drowning . . . just remember; I will always be there. You can always hold onto me. I know I hold on to you."
Sora lifts her head back from Tai's chest so she can look into her eyes. She laughs softly. "You know, you're kind of a romantic, Kamiya."
The corners of his lips tug up until his hundred watt smile comes out and Sora thinks to herself, Yeah. I could definitely see myself holding onto to that.
Sora smiles.
Q: I don't get it. Is this supposed to be a Taiora or just a Tai/Sora friendship?
A: It's up to interpretation. Whatever you want it to be. I had a certain type of relationship in mind when I was writing, yes, but it's really up to you. I just needed to write a one-shot that described their love for each other. Because it's there. Whatever kind it is. It's there.
Q: That wasn't your usual style. Why'd you write it like that?
A: I didn't really think when I wrote this. I just wrote. So if it sucks . . . *shrugs* It's zero effort sucking.
Q: What songs inspired this? If any.
A: These are the songs that are, in my head, on the "soundtrack" of this one-shot. You can definitely see the lyrics in the words. There's only three, haha. "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol (of which I also derived the title), "On The Way Down" by Ryan Cabrera, and "Run" by Snow Patrol.
I tried to include little things that make their long-term friendship believable. You might not be able to see it. But, hey, I tried! Oh and I don't own Digimon or any of the songs mentioned. Drop a review, if you'd like. Sorry for the weird mood. I'm kind of numb right now.