Disclaimer: I do not own A Certain Magical Index, A Certain Scientific Railgun, or Pokemon. Please do not sue me.
[ A Certain Magical Pokemon Index ]
Chapter I — The Level Zero Pokemon Trainer!
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[KAMIJOU used PUNCH!]
In the middle of the Viridian Forest, a lone Weedle stood triumphant.
"Weedle! Weedle!" it said, basking in its glorious victory.
A few meters away, rolling on the grass, was Kamijou Touma clutching his hand screaming in pain. The spiky-haired boy had thrown a punch with all of his might and yet it was all for naught.
[It wasn't very effective…]
The Viridian Forest was a maze of trees and undergrowth. A sprawling forest that surrounded Viridian City, it was not uncommon for people to get lost inside. But, the person currently battling the Weedle was not lost. In fact, he sought out this battle against the infamous BUG-type Pokemon who inhabited the forests.
It was here that Kamijou decided to train, grinding his fists against the native Pokemon.
It was here that Kamijou ignored Professor Tsukuyomi's warning, "Be careful! There's wild Pokemon in the tall grass!"
It was here that Kamijou began his Pokemon Journey to become a Pokemon Master.
"It hurts! It hurts! Ow ow owww!"
[KAMIJOU hurt himself in the confusion!]
And it was here that Kamijou Touma was failing miserably against one of the weakest Pokemon in the Viridian Forest.
Because in this world, even though most kids get their first Starter Pokemon when they turn ten, Kamijou Touma has no Pokemon of his own.
Kamijou Touma is a Level Zero Pokemon Trainer — a Pokemon Trainer without Pokemon.
"Weedles are BUG-type Pokemon.," said Index lazily, providing Kamijou with information he couldn't possibly take advantage of. She was eager to return home after Kamijou's training session. Cooking with Growlithe was on. "If you had any Pokemon, you should use a FIRE-type to burn them to a crisp or a ROCK-type to crush them. You don't even have a Pidgey, the weakest FLYING-type, to counter a Weedle that was born yesterday."
Index was a PokeStrategist, the first and only of her kind. A living Pokemon Index — a Pokindex, not Pokedex — that could not only store information but recommend strategies and course of actions. A regular Pokedex could store information on only 150 Pokemon. Index knew not only about the entire Generation of Pokemon, but possessed thousands upon thousands of other text, tomes, and manuscripts to supplement that extensive knowledge.
Seated on a nearby rock, Index was already pretty bored from watching Kamijou fail in countless battles against trash-level Pokemon. He had been at it for days. Ever since Kamijou found her in the dumpster of the local PokeMart, she had been tagging along for the food, courtesy of Kamijou's wallet. In exchange, she used her extensive knowledge as a Forbidden Library of Pokemon Dark Lore, History, and Magicks to aid him in battle. Her technical and strategic knowledge was an invaluable resource so Kamijou should be grateful that he was getting it on the cheap, or so Index says.
That was the plan, anyway.
"Does it have any weakne—? UGH!"
Before Kamijou could finish the question, pain erupted first through his stomach, hitting his neck, and out his mouth. He could feel the tangy acid burning his throat, his tongue, and lips as it left his system.
Kamijou threw up all over the forest floor.
"Are you okay?" asked Index, who was only half-worried. Her eyes began scanning the situation but it was obvious what was wrong. "Touuuma… you should avoid moving." The way Index said Kamijou's given name felt like a mother scolding a child for getting tenth place in a spelling bee with only nine competitors.
"It h-hurts…" said Kamijou as his breakfast spilled out. "I think… I think I'm poisoned! Blargh!"
Another round of vomit plopped onto the forest floor.
[KAMIJOU was poisoned!]
"That ability of yours is a curse," said Index, who analyzed her food-sponsor closely. "You dissolve your own luck, so your rate of poison affliction is higher than average."
"T-this is bad," commented Kamijou, not needing a PokeStrategist to tell him that before he began around round of vomiting.
"You'll live, for a few more turns anyways," said Index as she returned to eating some convenience store rice balls. They were the cheap kind that came in a container made in the shape of Zubats. They were only 80 PokeYen each so Index made sure to bite Kamijou's head until he bought her lots and lots. "Try not to move," she said while munching on a tuna-wasabi flavored rice ball. "Every step you take drains a bit of your health."
Kamijou tried to stand up.
That was a mistake, as another spike of pain tore through his gut.
[KAMIJOU is hurt by the poison!]
Kamijou's stomach continued to empty itself. He also clutched his right hand in pain. He was also rolling around on the forest floor, greased with his vomit.
"It— It hurts!"
"Well duh," said Index like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sometimes she felt Kamijou was really dense. No wonder he performed so poorly in his classes. "You tried to punch it right on its pointed little horn on its head." Index lowered her own head, pointing towards her forehead where an imaginary horn would be. "Even an idiot could figure out that was a dumb idea. You poisoned yourself, idiot."
The Weedle itself had a determined look on its face.
It lowered its head, priming the toxic barb.
"Weedle!" cried the fearsome beast.
The wild Weedle channeled its toxic energies towards a singular focal point, its horned head.
Then, with all its might, it fired!
The toxic barb shot out from Weedle's head, hitting Kamijou square in the stomach. Kamijou was knocked back several meters, feeling like he got hit by a Pidgeotto Whirlwind.
[Wild WEEDLE used poison sting!]
"A-a little help, please?" asked a winded Kamijou. He clamoured to his feet, with great difficulty. He spat out a bit of vomit.
"Are you okay?" asked Index, slightly concerned. Kamijou had a strong constitution and could take a lot of damage so she wasn't too worried, but she needed him to be well enough to buy dinner from the PokeMart.
"I don't feel too— blargh!"
[KAMIJOU is hurt by the poison!]
"Weedles are often found in the forests and grass—"
"I meant something about the poison! Blargh!"
[KAMIJOU is hurt by the poison!]
"Poison is best cured with an—"
"Quit lecturing and get me an Antido— blargh!"
[KAMIJOU is hurt by the poison!]
Index nodded with a look of determination on her face. She had been given an order so she couldn't refuse. There was no doubt in her mind that if she did a good job, Kamijou would definitely buy her a nice boxed lunch set from the PokeMart. With those thoughts in mind, Index searched the contents of Kamijou's bag nestled next to her. She opened the potions pouch. There, tucked towards the bottom, was something useful. It was yellow with a white cap.
"Here!" shouted Index as she threw it to him.
The Antidote landed on Kamijou's head with pinpoint accuracy, causing more spasms of vomiting.
Out of the corner of his dazed vision, Kamijou saw the offending bottle that assaulted him. Grabbing it, he read the side label. Antidote! In a swift move, Kamijou twisted off the white cap. He took a whiff of the mixture. It smelled funny, but there was no time to think!
"Bottoms up," he muttered before chugging it.
[KAMIJOU used ANTIDOTE!]
"It tastes like sewer water!" Kamijou spat.
"I'm surprised you know specifically what sewer water tastes like," Index commented.
Despite its awful taste, Kamijou continued chugging.
The more he drank, the clearer the taste became. It tasted like a blend of a coconut-fruit-cocktail that had been left out in the sun too long because someone's adorable little cousin forgot to bring in that night's dessert and she made him eat it because 'Teehee! I put a lot of work into this you know!?' and so that someone didn't want to be called a bad guy by his parents and so he ate it but then promptly spent the next week of his family vacation at Cinnabar Island, filled with beach loads of cute girls in swimsuits, locked in the restroom emptying out his bowels.
He stood up, rubbing his belly. "I feel better! Thanks, Index!"
[KAMIJOU was cured of his poisoning!]
Index watched him with a disgusted look on her face. She looked at Kamijou like he had just licked a Parasect.
"What?" he asked.
"There's no limit to your stupidity," Index sighed. "You weren't supposed to drink it."
"Then what am I supposed to do with an Antidote? Doesn't Antidote imply that you drink it?"
Index brought her palm to her face.
"Don't you read labels?"
Kamijou looked at the bottle in his hands. He squinted, looking closely at the instructions written neatly on the side that any elementary schooler could understand it.
From afar, Index closed her eyes and recited the first line:
'Antidote is a spray-type medicine.'
Kamijou spat out a bit of antidote along with his breakfast of eggs and stale, now half-digested, toast.
But, at least he was cured.
He returned his attention to the Weedle before him. He had to beat this Weedle! It was the most powerful Pokemon he had ever faced, but Kamijou Touma was not going to lose today!
[KAMIJOU used leer!]
The Weedle stared back, emitting merciless killing intent. It's black beady eyes told of distant memories of unrelenting torment it had inflicted as it survived on the battlefields.
Kamijou Touma gulped.
[But it failed…]
"Weedle!"
The beast was annoyed.
Inhaling, the beast gathered its strength.
"Touma! Dodge!"
"Too late!"
A thick, gooey string of hot, sticky white stuff shot out from Weedle's big red round nose. Kamijou raised up his arms to block the attack. It splattered all over Kamijou, covering him in the hot, sticky white stuff.
"W-what is this?"
"It's string shot, you idiot!" yelled Index.
Kamijou tried to break free from the strings. But the more he struggled, the faster they hardened until they became like steel wires.
[Wild WEEDLE used string shot!]
"Gah! I'm stuck! I can't move!"
"Duh! String shot slows down anyone it hits!"
Kamijou rolled all over the forest flow, now snug in his cocoon of restrictive insect webbing. He looked like a Magikarp out of water, desperately flapping about to get somewhere, anywhere!
[KAMIJOU's speed fell!]
"Touma," said Index in a lecture-y voice. "You're not going to win any Pokemon battles if you're too slow to move."
"I have to win… I have to win to get stronger…!"
Kamijou Touma stared down the Weedle before him.
He didn't want to be stuck in a certain hometown for the rest of his life! He wanted to become a Pokemon Master and pick up chicks!
"I want to be the very best!" proclaimed Kamijou Touma to the heavens.
"Learn to dodge first!" Index heckled. "The Weedle is about to use poison sting!"
[Wild WEEDLE used poison sting!]
Using the superhuman strength that would bring a Primeape to tears, Kamijou Touma broke out of the string shot webbing. He quickly ducked and rolled over to the side.
"Ha!"
Kamijou thought he was pretty cool for a moment.
[Wild WEEDLE missed!]
Wiping some sweat off his nose, Kamijou smirked. His body felt lighter, swelling from confidence.
"Counter-attack!" Index shouted from the sidelines.
"Now it's my turn!" Kamijou declared.
He did a spin, using the momentum and his fury as an aspiring Pokemon Master. Twisting his body like a FIGHTING-type Pokemon, Kamijou unleashed a kick right towards the Weedle's head.
[KAMIJOU used KICK!]
The Weedle was not anticipating such a swift counter-attack.
The kick landed square on the jaw. Kamijou had been careful in avoiding the noxious barb on the Weedle's head. It felt like kicking a soccer ball.
And just like a soccer ball that's been kicked, the Weedle was sent flying across the forest.
It slammed against a tree. His eyes were in the shape of X's.
[It was a critical hit!]
"Got 'em!"
"Touuumaaa," said Index, clearly bored of the battle. "I'm hungry."
"I'll buy you food later! For now, get me a Pokeball!"
Index nodded. It was a simple task to retrieve a Pokeball from the bag for some lunch. Rummaging through Kamijou's bag, Index thought of what she could order from the PokeMart. It had a venerable selection of foods. Maybe she could get a Machamp Meal, filled to the brim with meats and rice, or maybe something lighter like Farfetch'd Noodles. Index's mouth watered at the thought. Oh! Maybe she'd ask for one of the fancy rice balls that came in a Magikarp-shaped container — the ones that cost 500 PokeYen each!
"Magikarp… Rice balls… "
"Index!" Kamijou called out. His hand still outstretched and expecting. "Pokeball!"
"Oh, right," said Index. After plucking it from his bag, Index tossed the Pokeball at Kamijou. "Here!"
Kamijou held the fate of his dreams in his hand.
This was to be his very first capture! The first on his road to becoming a Pokemon Master!
"Go! Pokeball!"
[KAMIJOU used POKEBALL!]
Even though there were over 2.3 million Pokemon Trainers in the Kanto Region, Kamijou Touma was not one of them.
The ball collapsed in midair.
[POKEBALL broke!]
Pieces of the destroyed Pokeball landed on Weedle's head. It landed with a small thump as if it was an acorn which fell off a tree and landed on its head.
It looked just as irritated as someone who had an actual acorn dropped on its head.
"WEEEEDLE!"
A flock of Pidgeys flew off as its voice echoed throughout the forests.
Dozens upon dozens of Weedles erupted from the forests.
[A Wild WEEDLE has appeared!]
[A Wild WEEDLE has appeared!]
[A Wild WEEDLE has appeared!]
"H-hey… that's not fair," said Kamijou as he looked around. He stepped back, trying to back away from the horde of opponents gathered to defeat him. He felt like he was surrounded by a gang of thugs rather than an angry swarm of Weedles. "I thought Pokemon Battles were supposed to be one on one!"
Kamijou Touma thought wrong.
Like a machine gun, they rained down toxic barb after toxic barb upon his sixteen-year-old body.
"Touma? Touma! TOUMAAA!"
This was not like the other times. This time Touma took too many poison stings. This wasn't as bad as getting bite by a Rattata while setting up a mousetrap. This was as bad as sticking your head in an Arbok's mouth!
Kamijou… Kamijou could faint!
[Wild Weedle used poison sting!]
Or worse!
[Wild Weedle used poison sting!]
[Wild Weedle used poison sting!]
[Wild Weedle used poison sting!]
Then, a soft wind blew.
The Weedles all stopped moving. Their eyes glazed over before morphing into star-shaped pupils.
They looked like they were lost to time, stuck forever in the moment.
[UNKNOWN used confusion!]
[Wild WEEDLE is confused!]
[Wild WEEDLE is confused!]
[Wild WEEDLE is confused!]
"They're so confused that they stopped moving!" Index exclaimed.
"Hmmm~ You better get him out of here quickly~"
A cute voice echoed through the forest. It sounded as if the voice was speaking from every which direction, like the sleepy song of a Jigglypuff. Index's eyes darted around, seeing nothing but the twisting maze of trees growing darker in the setting sun.
Who was that?
What was that?
"W-who are you?" Index's mind raced through the possibilities. A guardian angel? A legendary Pokemon? Some benevolent Goddess of the Forest? Index had never heard of such power to effortlessly incapacitate so many Pokemon at once even amongst her 103,000 tomes of forbidden knowledge. There was no burnt scent of lingering spells or a cold itch of incantations… Nothing in the air breathed the presence of a MAGIC-type…
So…
… This definitely wasn't magic!
"I can't keep these low-level bugs frozen forever~" the voice sang.
"A-are you the Goddess of the Forest?" Index asked in wonder. Looking up in the air, she saw the sky and rays of sunlight peeking from the canopy.
"Something like that, teehee~"
"A-amazing!" Index exclaimed.
"Please get him out of the forest safely, ja~?"
"Y-yes, Forest Goddess!"
Index ran towards the barely conscious Kamijou. She pilfered his wallet, tossing some spare change at the Weedles in exchange for their mercy. Dragging his weakened body across the floor, Index made her way back to the usual place — a Pokemon Center back in a certain hometown.
With one foot in the grave, the delirious Kamijou mustered his last bits of strength, releasing one last cry before he passed out into a realm of near-death:
"Such misfortune!"
[KAMIJOU is hurt by the poison!]
[KAMIJOU is hurt by the poison!]
[KAMIJOU is hurt by the poison!]
[KAMIJOU fainted!]
[KAMIJOU has no more Pokemon that can fight!]
[KAMIJOU blacked out!]
[INDEX drops 1000 PokeYen and drags KAMIJOU to the nearest Pokemon Center!]
Chapter 1 Fin
Season 1
Editor: Olivier Roux
Next Chapter: The Railgun Pikachu Fires!
A/N: Thanks for reading.
I really liked God Emperor Penguin's take on Index/Pokemon and so I took a lot of inspiration from him. It's been 5 years to the date since he published his original Pokemon Index fic. In particular, the joke that Touma becomes a Pokemon Master and winning Gym Battles without officially owning Pokemon is pretty funny to me. I also liked the idea of getting back the original Pokemon Red/Blue era vibe with battle texts. The first few chapters will focus on the Viridian Forest and A Certain Hometown with its own arc.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. If you have any thoughts, feel free to leave a review.
World-building Corner: A Level Zero Pokemon Trainer is someone who aspires to become a Pokemon Master but owns no Pokemon.