The Devil and I. M. Weasel

Chapter One: The Deal

As we all know, Johnny Bravo is always trying to get all the ladies. Or as he likes to say, "the Hot Mamas".

His usual tactic was to run up on a pretty lady, flex his big muscles and hope for the best.

But of course, it never turns out for the best in Johnny's case.

It's like no matter how hard he tried, he can never seem to get a break: He tried flexing those massive muscles of his. Nothing. He called them all "Hot Mama" and "Foxy Lady". Still nothing. He even showed them his karate moves. And that usually results in them beating him up.

Now, normally, he would just move on to the next lady he sees and try again. But as of late, he's been really feeling down about all the rejection.

"Aw, man!" Said Johnny in his Elvis Presley voice, "All these Hot Mamas, and none of them wanting this hunk!"

He was sitting on the couch watching the television, watching all those pretty girls on the beach, wearing those hot, sexy bikinis. He was at that same beach earlier that same day. He hit on all of them there and every single one of them turned him down. And there was at least a thousand people on the beach. I mean it is spring break after all.

"Johnny!" the sound of his mother's voice got his attention. She walked in the living room with a plate of fresh baked cookies. "I thought you could use some cheering up after all you've been through today. I made your favorite: chocolate chip!" She puts the plate beside him.

"Thanks, Mama." Said Johnny as he grabbed a handful of the steaming cookies and wolfed them down. Despite the comfort food, he was still upset.

Mama Bravo knew this, "Now Johnny, I know you're upset about what happened today. But don't let that get you down."

Johnny sighed, "It's not just that, Mama. It's just…none of those little ladies I've tried to get want any of this." He then starts flexing, showing of his gorgeous build. "It's hopeless."

"Now, don't say that." Mama Bravo said, "Sure you had…a lot of setbacks. But Johnny, you just got to keep trying."

The spring break program cut to a commercial for the attorney-at-law I.M. Weasel:

"Attention!" Weasel announced on the T.V. screen, "If you or someone you know is having their rights and freedoms infringed upon, they must stand up for them. And they don't have to do it alone. Call I.M. Weasel: Attorney-at-law, at 1-800-WESL. That's 1-800-WESL."

Mama Bravo gently sighed at the commercial, "Oh, bless that weasel. His heart's in the right place."

Johnny got up from his seat, "I-I'm gonna call it a day, Mama." He walks to his room.

"Alright. Goodnight, Johnny!"

In his room, Johnny sat in front of his mirror and looked at himself: his big, blonde hairdo. His super-cool sun-shades. His pitch-black shirt. His big muscles. How could he not have all the chicks?

Yet, here he is. Single. A bachelor. And he still lives with his Mama on top of that.

Of course, he didn't complain about that last one, but he still can't understand why none of those hot babes in town want him.

"Man, this stinks!" Johnny whined, "No pretty mama should resist this all this."

He flexes again.

Get used to it, folks. He does that a lot.

But it didn't last long, as he immediately went back to sulking. "If there was a sure-fire way to grab a babe, I'll take it. I'll give anything for that!"

Suddenly, the ground began to shake. "Whoa, now!" exclaimed Johnny as he shot up and looked around as his room moved around and his furniture went all over the place. "Mama!" he shouted, hoping his mom was okay, or even notices the quake.

BOOSH!

The quake abruptly stopped. Johnny saw in the very middle of his room some guy. He had red skin, a big, unsettling smile, a…uh, dress, knee-high high heels and metallic lobster pinchers for hands.

Johnny cocked his brow.

This wasn't the weirdest thing he's ever seen, but it was definably a close second.

The weird man in his room walked up to him and spoke with the most disturbing voice, "Did you say 'anything'?"

"Now hold on right there, kid!" Johnny blurted, "Who are you and how'd you get in my house?"

"Oh! Where are my manners?" said the red intruder. He pulls out a card from his pocket and hands it, or sure I say, claws it to Johnny, "Here's my card."

Johnny looks at the little card and it reads:

Devil May Care Assistance Foundation

HIM

Founder/President/CEO

Johnny cocked his brow again, "President and CEO? Isn't that the same thing?"

"Let's not get into the technicalities." Pleaded HIM, "Now, I heard you in quite a pickle. Am I wrong?"

"Well…" Johnny thought a bit, "I've been having trouble trying to get chicks."

HIM grinned wider, "Oh, yes! The old 'I can't get a girlfriend' dilemma. Well, show me what you're working with and we might help you out."

"'We'?" asked Johnny.

"Oh, right!" HIM remembered, "My associate is here too." He looks around but couldn't find his partner. "D'oh, where is he? Eddy! Where are you?"

RIP!

The carpet tore open and underneath was a preteen boy with three strains of hair on his head and wore a yellow shirt and blue shorts. "Right here, HIM!"

Johnny groaned, "Aw, man. That was expensive carpet too."

"Don't sweat it, Presley!" Eddy stated, "Once we get you a girl, there'll be more carpet where that came from."

HIM rolled his eyes, "Oh, boy!"

Johnny had to ask, "Can you guys really help me?"

"Can we?" rhetorically asked Eddy, "Is the pope cath-OOF!"

"Thank you, Eddy. That's enough!" HIM pushed his associate out the way. "Now, Johnny, are you by any means capable of attracting a, how you say, a 'Hot Mama'?"

"Sure can!" said Johnny, "Just watch this!" naturally his starts flexing and showing off his muscles and karate moves.

"Hmm, yes!" said HIM, "Very masculine! What do you think, Eddy?"

"Perfect!" Eddy announced, "The bod of a god. It'll be a walk in the park I tell ya!"

Johnny stopped flexing, "So, does that mean you'll help me?"

"Why, of course we'll help." HIM delightfully said, "There's just one thing that might stand it your way…"

"What? What is it?" Johnny asked, on his knees pleading.

HIM simply answered, "If you don't want it badly enough!"

"But I want to! Really! I do!"

"Hmm hmm. You talked me into it." He turns to Eddy, "Contract!"

The short preteen pulled a sheet of paper from his pocket and showed it to Johnny.

Johnny cocked his brow at this, "Why do I need to sign a contract?"

"Legal purposes." Assured HIM, "Let's not get into the technicalities."

Eddy took over, "This contract promises that we will fulfill what you desire. And our work is one-hundred-percent guaranteed."

Johnny liked the sound of that: one-hundred-percent guaranteed to get him a pretty lady! How could he say no to that? No need to read the contract. "Gimme a pen! I'll sign!"

"Excellent!" HIM cheered, "Eddy! The pen!"

Eddy drew out a small needle and handed it to Johnny. Johnny naturally cocked his brow at this, "Uh, that's a sewing pin."

"Exactly."

"How am I going to sign with this?"

HIM chuckled, "We always use blood."

Johnny became squeamish, "B-B-Blood?"

"Yes, blood." Nodded HIM, "It symbolizes our bond together. Besides, blood's more permanent."

Johnny began to have second thoughts, "Say, uh, can't I talk to my Mama about this?"

HIM swiped the contract from the Elvis wannabee, "Sure you can. We'll be back next year. We're very busy you know. C'mon, Eddy!"

Johnny panicked, "Next year‽" he cut in front of them. "No, No! Wait! I-I'll sign!"

"Good. Very good." HIM said. They pulled the contract and pin back out and gave it to Johnny who was sticking out his index finger, ready to be pricked.

Johnny, mustering his courage, stuck the needle into his finger and using the now bleeding tip, wrote his full name on the dotted line at the bottom.

HIM grinned with delight, "Now with the hard part out of the way, Eddy, give this man your personal attention."

Eddy grinned as well, "You got it, HIM!"

After a while, Mama Bravo walked into his room, "Johnny, you forgot your cookies." She looked around his room and saw he wasn't there. "Johnny? Johnny!"

An eerie shadow loomed over the room and a voice unheard by Mama Bravo chortled, "Too late, Mama Bravo. Your boy signed with me!"

BOO! Scared you, didn't I? Oh, I didn't? Okay...Well, anyway, Happy Halloween! Since nobody voted on the polls, I just had to chose who the villain would be myself. Not that I'm holding that against anyone. In case you don't know, this story is based on the short story "The Devil and Daniel Webster". It also borrows from the short "The Devil and Daniel Mouse" which is loosely based on said short. Well, it looks like Johnny made a deal with HIM and Eddy. This can't be good. What happens next? Stay tuned to find out!