It was completely unfathomable that he was gone.
How? How could this have happened?
Zoe hugged herself in an uncharacteristic fashion. She rarely allowed herself self-pity, but she felt that this was one occasion where it was acceptable. However, only in private. She would never let the others see her in a moment of weakness. She hated the fact that she had become so weak as tears streamed from her eyes.
It had been a month since Wash... Since he was… It was difficult to even think the word. Her sorrow was so great that it felt like there was a hole growing in her chest. Her life would never be the same. She would not…could not…ever love someone the way she had loved her husband.
Such an unlikely match; nobody really understood their affection for each other. Or rather, Zoe chuckled to herself, they just didn't understand why she, a tough, battle-tested amazon, had fallen for the class clown, who had until he had joined the Serenity crew, never even been in a real fight. Wash's attraction to her on the other hand had not been quite so questioned.
Life, their life, had seemed like it would last forever. They had their fights, their arguments; but they both knew that they would be with each other for the rest of their lives. Little had they known how short that time would be… It came so quick, so unexpected… Afterwards she had gone berserker, wanting to die, wanting to join him. But she couldn't, she couldn't leave the rest of them to the mercy of the reavers. Still, even now, the idea of joining him was tempting. But, Zoe smiled to herself, there were other reasons to stay.
She hadn't guessed it at first. She didn't guess it even though she had been throwing up every morning for two entire weeks. She didn't guess it even though she hadn't had her time in god knows how long. She didn't even have an inkling of what was happening until one day River had looked at her with that uncanny knowing way of hers. River had smiled her strange, weird smile, and said "I wonder who's in there?"
So far as she knew, River hadn't told any of the others. And that was fine with Zoe. She wasn't sure if she was alright with sharing her secret just yet. Wash had been right, Serenity was no place to raise a kid, but Zoe knew that somehow she would manage it. If the crew could manage keeping an insane girl and her over-protective brother from the ever-reaching arms of the alliance, then surely they could keep a child without too much trouble.
She and Wash would make one beautiful child.
A knock came on the door, and Mal's voice came through it. "Zoe, we got a job to do. You coming?"
Zoe got up and walked to the door, and stepped outside. She nodded to the captain and followed him out. There would always be another job to do, and now she would have someone to do it for.
finit