Chapter one

The sensation of a bright light above me causes me to flinch as I realize I'm on a gurney with a bunch of pepole hustling around me. Shit,I passed out,that's not good,all I remember is being in that patient's room,and I started feeling woozy,seeing spots. I remember trying to excuse myself,but by then it was too late,and I went down,hitting the floor like a ton of bricks. "Easy Mike,your back,just take it easy alright kid,we're going to figure out what's going on with you alright"he says gently,it's Ethan,which is good,I'd rather it be him than someone else. "What happened"I ask in a voice that doesn't sound like my own,I sound way out of it,which is sorta scary, "you passed out kid,you've not been out too long,only about ten minutes,is there anything that hurts"he asks,knowing he needs to get an answer out of me so we can figure out this mystery,figure out what in the world is happening with me. "My back into my side,it's kinda going down into my hip and through my leg,on my left"I murmur feeling a bit of pulsing pain make it's presence known, I know something is really really wrong,and it scares me. "Alright,we're going to help you get into a gown,then I'm going to feel your stomach alright,your vitals are a little low,I think you may be losing blood somewhere"he says as the doctor in me looks at the heart monitor,I need to know,my heart rate is at 90,oxygen levels at 80,I'm holding steady for now,but I know if I'm bleeding somewhere that I don't know about things could change and fast..

"Ok,ow it hurts"I murmur feeling another wave of pain go through my lower back,into my buttock and down my leg,it hurts like hell. I can hear the machine beeping,my heart rate just spiked,at 120,my heart's racing,then the beeping stops as my heart rate goes back down. "Just take it easy kid, just breathe through it"he says gently as I feel it dissipate,and my breathing goes back to normal. I'm scared,whatever this is it's really really bad. I let them help me get changed,keeping an eye on my heart rate the whole time,then I let them get my arms above my head,it's not comfortable,and then it happens,the lights go out,and a few seconds later the generator kicks back on. We've been dealing with this shit all day,and it's been hell,making things double stressful,never knowing if it'll come back this time,our OR's are packed,a few unusable,which makes my situation worse. I let him feel my stomach,and it's not good,I feel alot of pain when he presses on my left flank. "Shit,it's not looking good Mike,I'm going to be straight with you, you're bleeding out into your abdomen,I think your Abdominal aorta ruptured,it would certainly explain the passing out and the pain,I need to operate,but there's no OR's available,do you trust me to do it in here"he asks gently,and I know I have no choice,I know I trust him,I know he'll do good by me,make sure I'm safe and OK till we can get to an OR.

"I trust you,does Angus know yet"I ask softly,he deserves to know what's happening,he's my brother after all. "Yeah,a nurse told him,he's waiting in the lounge,I'm going to give you a spinal block,make you numb,start a catheter and give you some medicine to make you sleepy alright,it won't knock you out completely it'll make you out of it,but you won't be able to feel anything"he says placing a nasal cannula under my nose,to help me breathe. "Ok"I murmur letting him get me onto my side,so he can do the spinal block. I've never had one done on me before,I'm scared,I've done it before on other patients but not on me,I know how it works,but it's unnerving. I find myself holding onto the bed rail as I feel him open my gown,wipe my back down with antiseptic,then it's time. I feel a slight pinch,a burning sensation and it's done. I can't feel anything,I sense him touch my foot to see and I can't feel the touch,so I know I'm nice and numb. Then it's time for the catheter,I let him do it,it's not comfortable,but I know why it needs to happen,it's procedure to have one during surgery. Then he injects medicine into my IV, gives me medicine that makes me sleepy,and it sorta knocks me out after that. At least makes me enough out of it,I'm not going to be aware of what's happening,which will be a good thing in this case. "It's time,your vitals are starting to drop a little bit, I'm going to lay your bed flat,let me know if you feel any discomfort alright"he asks as I nod and lays the bed down flat.

I sense him move my gown,and I try to focus on my breathing,anything to not be focused on what's happening. I do this for awhile as I see a nurse watching my vitals,then it goes to hell. I see a stream of blood hit the floor,shit,I'm really bleeding,not good. I see his gloved hand clamp onto something as I hear him tell the nurse what to do. "Go,call for blood now,check on the OR too hang in there Mike,your doing good"he says trying to help keep me calm and give directions to the nurses at the same time. I see the nurse scurry off as he continues the procedure,clamping off the abdominal aorta for the moment,so he can get thread,stitch it up for now,make a temporary fix till an OR opens up. I try to focus on the other noises I hear in the ER,in and out of sleep,and before I know it a nurse is back with blood,and news. "An Or is open ,another surgeon is there,I let them know what's going on and they're ready to finish"she says as she comes over to me. "Alright,let's get him covered up and moved asap,give him blood as well"he says as he backs up,and I see how bloody the gloves are. I let them cover me up,trying to keep things sterile, and the nurse starts me on blood. Then it's time to move me,they take the gurney off the brakes,and start to move me,along with the equipment out of the ER. My vitals start dipping again,too much blood loss,I'm lucky I'm even alive at this point,but I'm a fighter,and I can make it through,I know I can.

We get to the OR,and they get me inside,and transferred,then I see him disappear to scrub in. "Alright,I'm going to give you a sedative alright honey,it'll knock you right out,this will be over soon enough,before you know it you'll be back in recovery"she murmurs,the nurse anesthetist, "Ok"I murmur. I feel her grab my arm,and she injects me with the sedative,and I'm out. The last thing I see is the white lights fading,and all I can think is that I hope I'm going to be ok,that I'll survive this,I need to survive this,I'm young,and I have a brother who needs me,but I know bieng young is in my favor,I can come back from this,I know it.